Sky's the Limit

by Janie Millman

  ‘Oh, Sky, it was incredible, I’ve never seen him so happy, he was lit up from within.’

  ‘How wonderful. So what happens next?’

  ‘Tariq wants us to move to Marrakech. He owns the house next door which he will convert for us. I can help him with his business and Sonny can go to the International School.’ She paused. ‘He has it all worked out.’

  ‘Are you OK with all that?’

  ‘It’s all I’ve ever dreamed of and yet I do feel rather terrified.’

  ‘Of course you do. It’s a huge change, Gail, but a very exciting one.’

  ‘He says if I don’t go there he will come here.’

  ‘He would follow you to the ends of the earth,’ I said, but Gail remained silent. ‘You are going to go, aren’t you?’

  ‘Well, it doesn’t seem fair to ask him to swap a thriving business and a close-knit family for a three-bed semi in Chigwell and a sister-in-law who hates him.’

  I laughed. ‘Talking of which, have you spoken to Dawn?’

  ‘Not yet, she’s coming over tomorrow and I am dreading it.’

  ‘Gail, I’m so sorry, but I guess you need to clear the air.’ That was an understatement, I thought to myself.

  ‘Yes, things need saying that should have been said a long while ago.’ She paused. ‘Enough about me. How are things with you?’

  ‘I had an awkward meeting with Miles this morning. We didn’t resolve anything really, it was a bit of a nightmare, and then…’ I hesitated. ‘Then Philippe rang.’

  ‘Philippe?’ She sounded amazed. ‘What did he want?’

  ‘Well, actually he wants me to go to France.’ I heard her gasp. ‘Beatrice showed him the paintings I did of the riad and he wants me to do some for the chateau.’

  ‘Sky, how fabulous!’ There was a pause. ‘You said yes, right?’

  ‘I said I was certainly interested, but we didn’t make definite plans.’

  ‘What’s stopping you?’

  ‘I’ve only just got back here; I really need to go to Scotland and enlighten my father and grandmother who think I’ve been having the holiday of a lifetime with Miles; I need to sort out where I’m going to live. You know, there are lots of things happening.’ I felt a bit defensive.

  ‘All that’s happening is procrastination, Sky,’ Gail said firmly. ‘If you go to Scotland you will end up spending a week there, why don’t you ring them instead? They will want you to go to France, I’m sure, and you don’t need to sort out where to live right now. I doubt Miles is throwing you out on the street.’ She paused. ‘You need to strike while the iron is hot, Sky. Philippe is clearly keen. It’s a great opportunity; you can’t let it slip by.’

  ‘My God, you can be very strict.’ I smiled.

  ‘Go and pour yourself a glass of wine, ring Scotland and then call Philippe back and say you would love to come at the earliest opportunity.’ She giggled. ‘That is an order.’

  Gail was right, if I went to Scotland I would spend a week there, maybe more, lulled by the comfort and security of being back at home. I would ring them now and tell them everything, and if they sounded distraught then I would drive up there tomorrow.

  They were not distraught. They were shocked but there were no histrionics or apportioning of blame. They listened together on speaker phone without interrupting and I left nothing out, ending with Philippe’s job offer.

  ‘When do you go, Sky?’ my father asked.

  ‘When do I go where?’

  ‘To France, to the chateau.’

  ‘I’m not sure.’ I hadn’t expected the question. ‘We haven’t spoken dates yet, I mean I didn’t know if you would want me to come up.’

  ‘Why would we be wanting you to come up, cara?’ Nonna asked in her forthright manner. ‘You coming up won’t be solving anything but you going to France might be.’ I wasn’t clear what she meant but that was normal with Nonna. ‘If you don’t say yes now, cara, then your Frenchman may be changing his mind, he may be finding someone else.’

  ‘Nonna is right,’ my father replied in his gentle manner. ‘Come and see us when you get back, and we can talk over everything then and you can tell us about France.’ I could hear him puffing at his pipe. ‘Good luck, my darling, we are only a phone call away.’

  They really were incredible, I thought, draining the last of the Rioja into my glass. There weren’t many families who would take that sort of news so stoically. Well, it looked like I had no option but to go to France. It was daunting but also quite exciting. I looked at my watch. France were an hour ahead so I decided to leave the call to Philippe until the morning. I was tired and I had drunk nearly a whole bottle of wine. I didn’t want to give him any excuse to rethink the whole thing. I’d get up early and check out flights and appear organised and in control, which would be a novelty.

  I nestled under the duvet on the sofa where I had been sleeping since my return. I couldn’t bear to sleep in the bedroom, it felt wrong and it felt lonely. I turned the light off and the telly on.

  I woke with a stiff neck and the telly still blaring. My throat was sore and my mouth was parched. I thought back to the Chateau Fontaine wine with its blissful absence of after-effects.

  An hour later, after strong coffee and a blast in the shower, I had compiled a list of flight options for Philippe. I poured myself another coffee and glanced at the clock. It would be just after nine o’clock in France. Was that too early? Did that reek of desperation or merely come across as enthusiastic? I decided to opt for the latter.

  ‘Oui, bonjour.’ His deep voice sounded even deeper on the phone.

  ‘Philippe, it’s Sky.’

  ‘Hello, hello, Sky.’

  Was it my imagination or did he sound a little wary?

  ‘I’ve been looking at flights to Bordeaux.’

  ‘Ah. OK.’

  It definitely wasn’t my imagination, he sounded distinctly uneasy, but I ploughed on regardless.

  ‘Well I was thinking about your offer yesterday and I would love to take you up on it. I thought I should come out sooner rather than later so that you can have pictures ready for the wine weekend, in fact…’ I paused for a moment and gulped my coffee. ‘In fact, I wondered if you might like me to help design the invitations?’

  ‘How funny. Nick had the same idea.’

  ‘Nick?’ My heart started hammering. What the hell had Nick got to do with this? Why was he involved?

  ‘The thing is, Sky, Nick rang last night.’ Philippe paused but I said nothing. ‘He wanted to come over to get a feel for the place before the wine weekend, look at my kitchen, source local supplies and so on.’ He paused but once again I remained quiet. ‘He’s desperate for it to be a huge success. So am I, of course.’ I could hear him inhale his cigarette, no wonder he had sounded uncomfortable.

  ‘Well, I guess that makes sense,’ I said over-brightly, although my heart had plummeted. I was desperately disappointed. I hadn’t realised how much I wanted to go until there was a possibility I couldn’t. Bloody Nick, how had he managed to ruin things yet again? ‘I’m sure there will be another time, no worries.’ My voice had risen and tears were threatening, I was keen to end the conversation as quickly as possible.

  ‘No, Sky, wait.’ Philippe stopped me from putting the phone down. ‘I’d still really like you to come over. I just didn’t know how things were between you, I didn’t want to assume anything, I wasn’t sure, you know, what had happened after Marrakech?’

  ‘You want us both to be there?’ I wanted to make sure I understood.

  ‘Well, it would make sense, but I don’t want to put you in an awkward position.’

  Poor Philippe, we were the ones putting him in an awkward position. It wasn’t fair for him to be caught up in our drama. It had nothing to do with him, he was simply trying to run his business. I made up my mind quickly. ‘I’m happy to come out, Philippe, I can’t speak for Nick but I can’t imagine there will be a problem.’

  ‘Oh, that is great, Sky.’ He sounded very rel
ieved. ‘As long as you are sure.’

  ‘Of course I’m sure,’ I sounded sharper than intended. ‘We can all be adult and professional about this.’ I wasn’t at all sure that was true but was determined not to let Philippe think otherwise. ‘I’ll ring Nick and one of us will be in touch re flights. I imagine that it will be more convenient if we arrive together.’

  I poured myself yet another mug of coffee and then decided against it. I couldn’t bear the silence of the flat anymore. I needed noise and bustle. Grabbing my bag and jacket I made my way to a café we seldom frequented. It was dark and shabby but it suited my mood right now. Despite the slight chill I chose an outdoor table. I needed the air. Pulling my mobile out of my bag I noticed I had a missed call from Gail. I’d give her a quick buzz before phoning Nick.

  ‘Hello?’

  She sounded strained. ‘Gail, is this a bad time to ring?’

  ‘Sky, hello, no I’m just waiting for Dawn to arrive.’

  ‘Ah, no wonder you sound tense.’ I felt so sorry for her. ‘I saw I had a missed call from you.’

  ‘I just wanted to know if you had followed my orders and how you got on with Scotland and France.’

  ‘Scotland were incredible, France is slightly more complicated.’

  ‘In what way?’

  ‘Nick is going.’

  ‘Nick? Really?’

  ‘Really.’ I grimaced. ‘Apparently he rang Philippe last night wanting to go and suss out the place before the wine weekend.’

  ‘Well, that is understandable – but where does it leave you?’

  ‘It leaves me being adult and professional.’ I laughed. ‘At least that’s what I told Philippe, I’m about to phone Nick right now.’

  ‘Well done you. Sky, I’ve got to go, I can hear Dawn’s car.’

  ‘Good luck,’ I yelled down the phone.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  ‘It was just one or two friends.’ Dawn was looking mutinous. She’d marched in with a face like thunder, barely stopping to give her nephew a hug before he scuttled over to play next door.

  ‘Dawn, please don’t lie to me, Margaret said there was a whole group of you.’

  ‘Interfering bloody cow.’

  ‘Dawn, just listen to yourself. This is Margaret you’re talking about, Margaret who has been so kind and generous to us both over the years and who, I might add, cleaned the whole house after you left it looking like a tip.’

  ‘If you hadn’t thrown us out then we’d have tidied up and you’d never have known.’

  Gail stared at her sister in astonishment. ‘I’d never have known? Six of your mates came into my house while I was away, drank my wine, slept in my room, raided my cupboards for food and you think it would have been OK not to have told me?’

  ‘You’re my sister, for Christ’s sake,’ Dawn retaliated. ‘It’s hardly like breaking and entering is it?’

  ‘Well, as my sister, wouldn’t you think of asking beforehand?’ Gail demanded. ‘Your friends have always been made welcome here. So why suddenly all the secrecy? Why on earth couldn’t you have asked me instead of skulking behind my back?’

  Dawn shrugged. ‘It was a spur of the moment thing, seemed like a good idea, I didn’t realise bloody World War Three would break out.’

  ‘You just don’t get it, do you, Dawn? You honestly believe you have nothing to apologise about,’ Gail fumed. ‘You’re one of life’s takers, you take everything and give nothing back in return.’

  ‘Look, if you’re going to hurl insults at me then I’m out of here.’

  ‘No you don’t.’ Gail stood firmly by the door. She looked her sister straight in the eye. The sister she had given up everything for. The sister she had devoted most of her life to. ‘We’ve a few things to sort out, Dawn, not least of which is why you stole five years of my life?’ Tears sprang into her eyes. ‘Why, Dawn? Why did you tell such lies? You knew how much I loved Tariq so why would you not want me to be happy?’

  Dawn remained silent.

  ‘Please, Dawn, I need to know. I don’t understand why you would do such a terrible thing.’

  ‘Jesus, Gail, there’s no need to be so bloody dramatic.’ Dawn scowled at her sister. ‘You had a good life here, Simon was a nice guy, he had a huge house, he was rich, why would you want to throw all that away on some greasy Arab?’

  Gail stared open-mouthed. Dawn continued. ‘Besides, what would have happened to me?’ She forced a tremble into her voice. ‘I’d already lost a mother, I didn’t want to lose a sister too.’ She felt rather pleased with that tack. That should shut Gail up. It usually worked.

  But this time the ploy didn’t have the desired effect.

  ‘Don’t play that card, Dawn.’ Gail’s voice was icy. ‘I lost my mother too. At the age of twenty-one I lost my mother. I gave up university to look after you. I gave up everything. I have looked after you all your life and you have never wanted for a thing.’

  Dawn opened her mouth to speak but the floodgates had opened and Gail was in no mood for stopping the tide. ‘At the age of twenty-one I suddenly had a child to look after and a mortgage and bills to pay. At a time when I should have been studying, partying and getting drunk I was working in the bank you are so keen to mock. I worked my way up in the bank through hard graft and determination and I am proud of it. Whereas you hop carelessly from one job to the next no, Dawn, you just hear me out,’ she yelled as her sister once more tried to stem the flow.

  ‘These are things I need to say and things you need to hear. First it was a florist, grand ideas of society weddings, I found you a job in the local florist where you lasted about four months. Next it was catering, again images of elite private dinners for the wealthy, so I enrolled you in a college, I can’t remember how long you lasted there, and now you’re a personal shopper but how long will that last? The list is endless, Dawn, you have never stuck at anything in your life.’

  Dawn was stunned into silence, amazed by the ferocity and intensity of her sister’s speech.

  ‘All I wanted was for Mum to be proud of the way I’d brought you up, I only ever wanted the best for you, but Mum wouldn’t be proud, she’d be horrified.’ Once again the tears started to flow. ‘It’s my fault, I’m to blame, I’ve spoilt you. I have made you the selfish, shallow woman you are today.’

  Dawn stood up. She was shaking with rage. ‘How dare you speak to me like that, how dare you?’

  ‘I dare, Dawn, because it’s true. I sacrificed so much for you, I sacrificed it willingly because I love you. But how do you repay me? You lied to me, you lied to Tariq and you nearly denied Sonny the chance to know his father. I’ll find it very hard to forgive you for that.’ She paused and took a deep breath. ‘I’m not sure you even realise what you have done wrong.’ She looked at her sister as if seeing her for the first time. ‘You haven’t apologised and you show no remorse.’

  There was a short silence as Gail struggled to find the next words and Dawn remained mutinously quiet. ‘I’ll never stop loving you, Dawn,’ Gail said very softly. ‘You are my sister and I very much hope that one day we can be friends, but for now it’s time for us to make our own ways in the world.’

  In stony silence Dawn spun on her heel and marching out of the house slammed the front door. Gail sank onto the sofa and putting her head into her hands wept as if her heart would break. She wept for her mother, she wept for her sister and she wept for the years lost to her and Tariq.

  She was vaguely aware of footsteps, was aware of someone sitting beside her and then felt herself pulled into a comforting embrace.

  ‘Let it all out, sweetheart.’ Margaret held her tight. ‘Let it all out.’

  ‘Sonny…?’

  ‘Is busy in the garden with Jeff.’

  ‘I said such terrible things to her.’

  ‘And not before time, sweetheart.’ Margaret stroked her hair. ‘She’s had everything handed to her on a plate, it’s time she stood on her own two feet.’

  ‘Mum would be heartbroken,’ Gail sob
bed. ‘I’ve made such a mess of bringing her up.’

  ‘Far from it, your mum would have been so very proud. If you were my daughter, Gail, then I would be immensely proud of you.’

  ‘But Dawn…’

  ‘Is smart and bright,’ Margaret interrupted, she could have added a few more adjectives but wisely decided that now was not the time. ‘You can only do so much, Gail, then they have to take responsibility for their own lives.’ She continued to rock Gail gently in her arms until she gradually felt the sobs begin to subside. ‘It’s your turn now, it’s your turn to live.’ She handed Gail a tissue. ‘You have to let your own life take shape now, sweetheart.’

  ‘I’ve a feeling it will be shaped like Morocco,’ Gail sniffed.

  ‘That’s an interesting shape.’ Margaret smiled.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  ‘Hello, I’m Philippe.’

  ‘Hello, I’m short.’

  Philippe stared at the small lad in front of him. ‘How can I help you?’