Kate & Alf

by Carrie Stone

  Filled with anger and sadness, she picked up her mobile and began to prepare a response to Michael’s message. She had a feeling tonight wouldn’t be a good time to meet for dinner after all…

  Kate would undoubtedly be needing her.

  ‘Do you want a little more milk in your coffee, Hilda?’ Kate asked, watching as Hilda sipped the lukewarm liquid and grimaced. Vivian and Lillian glanced at Kate with amused expressions from the other end of the dining table. It was rare that they joined the others for afternoon tea in the main dining area, with Vivian usually preferring her afternoon Guinness in the privacy of her own room. Yet today was the exception. It was Hilda’s eighty-fourth birthday and almost all the residents of Oak Park were celebrating. Kate had even bought a special large iced cake for the occasion.

  ‘No, I’ll make do with it how it is, thank you very much.’ Hilda scowled, taking another grimacing sip – just to prove her point. ‘Anyway, you know I’m lactose- intolerant. Too much milk can send me into anaphylactic shock.’

  Vivian tutted loudly and shook her head in annoyance. ‘Shame I hadn’t discovered that a bit sooner. I’d have bought you a cow for your birthday.’

  A few of the residents suppressed their smiles at the loud outburst, as Lillian grinned none too discreetly beside Viv. ‘Don’t let her wind you up. She’ll be dead soon anyway – she’s supposed to be allergic to caffeine, too, remember.’

  Hilda ignored the chuckles that followed, instead focusing on Kate and Alan, both seated to the right side of her. ‘It’s a lovely cake and my favourite-colour icing too – pink! Back in my heyday, Kate, I used to be called the Pink Lady.’ Kate leaned in, trying to concentrate on Hilda’s story and drown out the catty remarks coming from Viv’s end of the table.

  ‘Ha, pink lady! No doubt because she ate an apple and spent three weeks in A&E complaining of it being stuck in her windpipe.’

  Hilda didn’t rise to Vivian’s bait, instead continuing to relay her tale of the pink hair rinse that everyone had remarked upon as beautiful. Kate marvelled at the way Hilda’s face lit up as she took a bite of her cake and relived her past to the other residents. It wasn’t often she saw the woman so happy and full of beans.

  ‘If you’d like, Hilda, we can do that for you as a special birthday treat – get your hair rinsed?’ She was certain that the care home’s resident hairdresser could arrange a pink dye for Hilda on her next visit. She caught fellow care worker, Tasha’s, eye and saw the nod of approval.

  Hilda brushed her off instantly. ‘Oh no, dear. I’d look a fright at my age with pink hair. Best left in the past, things like that. Anyway, you know how sensitive my eczema has become. Not to mention the terrible patches of psoriasis on my head. I couldn’t possibly allow my hair to be dyed.’

  Catching Vivian’s exasperated expression, Kate suppressed a giggle. Hilda was no more susceptible to eczema or psoriasis than she was to caffeine and lactose. In fact, Hilda was probably healthier than most of the other residents combined. Instead, she let the reply pass. ‘Yes – you’re right. Let’s dismiss that idea, then.’

  ‘Is that your phone?’ Vivian mouthed at her, pointing to a secluded corner shelf of the dining room, where Kate often stored her phone during working dining times.

  Hearing the vague sound of her ring tone, she checked that Tasha was in deep conversation before getting up to discreetly retrieve it. Alf’s name was displayed on the screen. She wondered if it was news about his proposal – it was rare of him to ever call during afternoon working hours.

  Glancing back towards the dining table, she could see that everything was under control and she stole the moment to slip into the staff room, pressing ‘answer’ as she did so.

  ‘Hey, babe.’ Alf’s voice was barely audible above the noisy bustle in the background.

  ‘Hi.’ She pressed the mobile closer to her ear, trying not to shudder as loud noises from the other end of the line jarred her thoughts. ‘Where are you? What’s that noise?’

  ‘I’m walking. It’s the traffic. I’m just coming up the underpass near home. I left work early.’

  Instantly alert, Kate was quick to reply. ‘Is everything okay? Why are you home early?’

  ‘Everything’s fine. I’ve got some good news – actually I was wondering if you could leave work early, too? Meet me at home in twenty minutes?’

  Kate’s heart skipped a beat. Good news? ‘Did you get your proposed package?’ she asked, a sinking feeling in her stomach.

  ‘Yes. I’ll explain when I see you.’ He sounded ever so slightly edgy. Or perhaps it was the background noise, Kate thought – trying to decipher if it was nerves or dread that was making her feel queasy. She glanced at the clock on the wall; she had just under an hour left of her shift. It wouldn’t be a problem to escape a bit early. ‘Okay, I’ll leave now. See you at home soon.’

  She hung up the call and went back into the dining room, thinking about the conversation.

  Vivian only needed to glance at Kate’s pale face to know that something was wrong. She nudged Lillian and they watched in unison as Kate whispered something quietly into Tasha’s ear.

  ‘Good Lord! She doesn’t half look shook up. I wonder what’s happened,’ Lillian said, noticing Kate heading across to them.

  ‘You okay, love?’ Vivian asked as Kate got closer and bent down to their level, eyes filled with unease.

  ‘I’ve got to rush off. Alf just called – he’s got news on the job. He’s waiting at home to tell me. He sounded weird.’

  ‘That’s good news, then, isn’t it?’ Vivian suggested carefully. ‘At least you’ll be able to consider things properly now.’ From the brief look of despair that passed across Kate’s face, she knew that the ‘good news’ was anything but ‘good’.

  ‘Go on now, hurry along.’ Lil said, tapping Kate’s arm and shooing her off.

  Not needing to be told twice, Kate picked up her belongings and squeezed Viv’s shoulder. ‘I’ll let you know all about it tomorrow.’ Rushing away quickly, she was nearly out of earshot as Vivian called out her parting words.

  ‘Good luck, love.’

  Kate vaguely heard her good wishes and bit down on her lip. For what she was about to do – it was going to be more than luck that she needed.

  Alf was pouring himself a glass of tomato juice as he heard Kate’s car pull up outside. He waited to hear her footsteps on the gravel and Sam’s loud whimpering from his pet carrier before going into the hallway to open the street door for her.

  ‘That was quick,’ he said nervously, noticing her slightly jumpy manner and drawn face. When had she lost weight?

  It suited her, though; her eyes looked somewhat bigger, doe-like even. She looked more mature, he realised, with a pang of guilt that he hadn’t noticed it before.

  Bending down, she released Sam from his carrier. ‘Well, it sounded important.’ She looked up to meet his eyes. ‘So I put my foot down.’

  ‘Do you want a cup of tea or a drink?’

  ‘No, I just want to know about the good news? I didn’t leave work early for a cup of tea.’ She smiled, making light of it. She felt snappy, but was trying to hide it behind casual humour. Her nerves were frayed, for she knew that this conversation was about to open a huge can of worms…

  Alf could tell she was nervous. It was the way she always got when she wasn’t certain of something. She wasn’t the only one – he felt his palm growing clammy with sweat around the small glass of juice he was holding.

  Making no move to walk towards the kitchen, Alf realised Kate was looking at him expectantly. She hadn’t even taken off her shoes yet. ‘They’ve offered me a fantastic package, Kate. It’s over double what I’m earning now, plus a commission and share scheme. On top of that, we get an accommodation budget for the first year, company car and come Christmas time, all going well – the board hinted at a large bonus on the table.’

  Kate stood transfixed, not daring to breathe, the words washing over her. Alf, face lit up in excitement, continued ba
bbling on.

  ‘The start date is a month from now and although I know it’s really short notice, I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity, Kate. Not when Clyde was sitting there waiting for me to decide.’

  What did he mean he couldn’t pass up the opportunity? Her heart started to thud in her chest.

  ‘I could hardly say no, could I?’ he implored, noticing that she wasn’t reacting in the way he’d hoped, prayed, even. ‘It was a case of biting the bullet, Kate. I just kept thinking how much we’d benefit if I signed. Hell, we can even afford a Porsche!’ He saw her face drop and her eyes narrowing furiously.

  ‘Well, any car you want really. Or holiday?’ he added quickly, back-tracking.

  Barely able to get the words out, Kate reached for the stairwell banister to support herself. ‘Signed? You’ve signed the contract?’

  An uncomfortable silence ensued between them as Alf hung his head, avoiding Kate’s searing glare.

  ‘I had no choice, Kate. Clyde asked me to make a decision there and then.’ He looked up defensively, just in time to catch the look of absolute horror that was plastered across her face.

  ‘You selfish bastard,’ she sneered, feeling a rage so strong that her legs were trembling. ‘How could you? You absolute selfish bastard!’ She ran her hands through her hair, her fingers shaking with fury.

  ‘For fuck’s sake, Kate, there wasn’t a phone-a-friend option,’ he replied, exasperated. ‘I had five minutes to make a decision on our future and I took the option that I thought would benefit us.’ His voice cracked with frustration. ‘I took the option that I thought you would want me to take.’

  Quick as a flash, she pointed her finger angrily into his face. ‘Benefit us or benefit you, you mean? And the option I would want you to take?’ She looked at him wild- eyed. ‘How the fuck do you know what I want without asking me first?’ She practically spat the last word at him.

  Feeling herself sinking back against the staircase, she couldn’t believe what she’d heard. It was bad enough that she’d been expecting to come home to news that he’d had an offer he wouldn’t want to turn down. But to find out that he’d willingly accepted something that would change both of their lives before so much as consulting her…

  The knowledge was too much to bear.

  ‘I’m sorry, Kate. I just honestly thought I was doing the right thing.’

  He was hovering over her, looking down with pity in his eyes. Pity for her or pity for himself? She couldn’t tell and she suddenly didn’t even care. Straightening up slowly, she knew what she had to do. In an instant, everything had become so much clearer.

  ‘You have no idea, Alf, no idea about what I want. Do you really think that Scotland is going to be the answer to all of my prayers?’ She looked at him fiercely, her eyes now brimming with tears. ‘All I want is for us to be more of a couple, have some sort of future in mind.’ She felt her throat tightening with tears. ‘Do you never think about the baby we lost?’

  Alf, shocked into silence, felt his breath catch momentarily. The question was so sudden and off-topic that it caught him unawares. He stared at Kate, his arms instantly going out to her. She never brought up the miscarriage. Never. He’d assumed that she’d dealt with it and moved on, but one look at the pain written across her face told him he’d been wrong to assume anything.

  ‘Come here.’ He pulled her towards him, despite her strong resistance. ‘Of course I do. How can I not? Has this Scotland move brought up things about the baby?’ He stared at her, clueless. Where was all this coming from? She was looking at him strangely, her face contorted and confused.

  Stepping out of Alf’s embrace, Kate felt her heart pierce with pain. He didn’t get it. He didn’t understand. At all. She couldn’t breathe. She had to get away. Away from him…. Fast.

  Fumbling for her bag, she found it on the stairwell behind her and grabbed it tightly with her right hand, feeling around for her car keys with the other hand. ‘I’m sorry, Alf. I’m not sure I can do this any more.’ The words sounded strangled, her voice disconnected.

  Alf looked at her oddly and moved forward, his expression both crestfallen and flummoxed. ‘What do you mean? Why’ve you got your car keys?’ He tried to reach for them, but Kate snatched her hand away and took a step backwards.

  ‘Us. I mean us, Alf.’ She stared at him grief-stricken. ‘I’m leaving. I have to leave.’

  Turning around before he could say another word, she walked towards the front door and opened it – walking out into the cool mid-afternoon air.

  She felt sick to her stomach.

  Chapter 12

  Thankful that Jonnie was on an evening shift at the builder’s merchants, Megan took two large wine glasses from her high-gloss cream kitchen cupboard, placing them on the flecked worktop.

  ‘Look, I think the sensible thing to do is to stay here tonight,’ she said firmly, taking a chilled bottle of white wine from the fridge. ‘I agree there are things you need to discuss, but you’re both angry and arguing is not going to solve anything.’

  Once again, the chirpy ringtone blasted out from the speakers of Kate’s mobile as a picture of Alf filled the screen. ‘It’s him. This is the sixth time now.’ She rubbed one puffy, tear-stained eye and looked at Megan. ‘Do you think I should answer it?’

  ‘I think you need to decide that for yourself,’ Megan said carefully, aware that she was treading on thin ice by playing agony aunt after such a colossal disagreement. ‘Maybe text him later and just let him know you’re fine and you’re here. Otherwise he’s not going to quit calling. He might be worried about where you’ve got to.’

  Kate continued to watch the flashing screen, making no move to answer it. Mercifully, the ringtone soon died away. She knew that Alf was worried about her. She hadn’t told Megan the full story – she’d left out the part about the miscarriage. It wasn’t something she wanted to face just yet and she knew her friend’s sympathy and anger at Alf would only make things worse. ‘You know the ironic part of it is that I spent all day plucking up the courage to bring up the marriage conversation tonight. Typical that all of this had to happen today, of all days.’

  Megan finished pouring a generous amount of wine and turned to face Kate in surprise. ‘You were going to bring it up?’

  ‘Don’t look so shocked,’ Kate stated touchily. ‘I’ve been thinking about it since my lunch with Marcus the other day and it makes sense.’ She sniffed, her nose stuffy from crying.

  Megan sat down on a high-backed stool opposite Kate, pushing a glass in her friend’s direction. ‘I agree.’ She considered her for a moment in stunned silence. ‘I’m just shocked, that’s all. I didn’t think you’d ever be the one to bring it up.’

  Kate took a sip of wine, even though her head was pounding and alcohol was the last thing that she wanted. ‘It’s everything, Megan – Alf, the move, the party, work. At times, I feel like I’m on a road to nowhere and it scares me.’ She fingered the stem of her glass. ‘I love Alf and I want our future to be together, but I need more than just a hope. I need a commitment.’

  ‘If ever there’s a time for needing to know where you stand, then, yes, it’s now.’ Megan replied thoughtfully, wondering how Alf would have reacted had Kate broached the subject.

  ‘I just cannot get my head around the fact that he agreed to the contract straight off, knowing full well that I had my reservations. I don’t know any boss that expects a decision instantly. I mean, surely he could easily have asked for a few hours to consider?’

  Megan had already covered this matter countless times since she’d arrived home to find an angry and tearful Kate on her doorstep a few hours previously, but instead of pointing it out, she solemnly nodded.

  ‘And if he can give an answer to Clyde concerning a major life decision – within five minutes of being asked – then why shouldn’t he be able to give that to me, too?’

  Pondering on Kate’s logic, Megan found herself heartily agreeing. She knew full well that Clyde was a persuasive
man, especially when he had reason to be. But it didn’t let Alf off the hook for dragging his feet on the most important relationship decision that was required of him.

  ‘Because he’s a selfish, inconsiderate asshole. That’s why,’ Kate fumed, ignoring the uncomfortable pulsing ache in her temples and taking another sip of wine.

  ‘So what are you going to do?’ Megan asked tentatively, wondering when she’d last seen Kate so riled up. It didn’t suit her usually placid demeanour, but in her opinion it was about time that her friend stood her ground.

  ‘I’m going to be honest with him.’ She stared at the work surface in front of her, feeling a strong confirmation and conviction in her thoughts. ‘Tell him how blown away I am by his decision and lay everything on the table.’ Turning to Megan, she shook her head at her own stupidity, with a sudden and apparent realisation of just how easy-going she’d been over the last few months, especially given the circumstances. His reaction to her raising the topic of the miscarriage had been the icing on the cake. ‘I’m not going to move to Scotland with him unless he’s willing to show me he’s as committed to me as he is to Hamilton’s. It’s as simple as that.’

  For the first time in a long time, Megan saw a flash of the Kate she’d once known. The steely, independent and stronger-minded person that had slowly ebbed away over the years as she’d matured in her relationship with Alf.

  She had no doubt that Kate would stand by her decision – she had seen the look on her face before – the determined eyes and set jaw spoke volumes. She was finally ready for answers and she couldn’t be dissuaded.

  ‘I have to say, I think it’s about time you did put your foot down.’ She pursed her lips, noticing Kate suddenly looking at her curiously. ‘You know I’m always supportive of what you want, but I can’t stand by any longer and watch you throw your life away. I’ve had to do that with Jonnie and it tears me apart. I can’t do that with you too.’

  Kate looked at her in surprise. ‘What do you mean throw my life away?’

  ‘It’s Alf, Kate. You’re not happy and you haven’t been for a long while. It’s not healthy to fix your focus on this marriage obsession that you have.’