Kate & Alf

by Carrie Stone

  ‘Off out to party? You’re getting to be quite the girl about the town, now, aren’t you?’ he joked, pulling away, ruffling his hair as he did so and taking a gulp of his cider.

  Filled with disappointment, she straightened herself on the bar stool, hoping that she hadn’t made him feel uncomfortable. There’s definitely a chemistry, she silently repeated to herself, but it was natural that Marcus would want to hold back – he was Alf’s friend. She was certain that he was probably fighting his feelings as much as she was. It wasn’t a straightforward situation.

  She’d spent the last few days mulling over every detail of their contact since the split, analysing every conversation and action, and coming to the conclusion that there had to be more to it than friendship. Even today’s gesture of going out of his way to obtain her a memento from her favourite chef was proof of it. Alf had never done anything like that in all their years together.

  Just as she was about to ask Marcus on the developments with his book, her mobile vibrated on the bar top – Megan’s name flashed up. She picked up the phone and showed the screen to Marcus. ‘Sorry, I need to get this. I told Megan I’d let her know the details for meeting JoJo later.’

  He nodded vigorously. ‘Of course, go ahead.’

  Pressing the answer key, she barely had a chance to say ‘hello’ before Megan’s voice boomed loudly into her ear. ‘Kate! Guess what…’ Wincing, she tipped the phone away from her ear and grinned at Marcus, who could clearly hear every word.

  ‘Michael’s only gone and asked me to marry him!’

  Shocked into silence, Kate stared numbly ahead at the neatly stacked rows of spirits on the mirrored shelves, failing to notice the look of surprise on Marcus’s face or her friend’s voice still chattering from the handset. She was only aware of the sound of her quickened heart beating in her ears. Michael had proposed to Megan? She felt physically sick all of a sudden.

  ‘And he said he knows it’s really soon and of course that I’m probably going to say no… but I was…’ The line went silent. ‘Kate, are you still there?’

  ‘Marry him?’ Kate felt the bile rising in her throat and let out a strangled sound.

  Marcus gently reached up and removed the mobile from Kate’s white-knuckled grip. Her face was completely pale and her eyes stunned, like a rabbit caught in headlights. He saw her bottom lip beginning to tremble and before she had a chance to let out the flurry of tears that he could see building, he lifted the mobile to his mouth.

  ‘Hey Megan, it’s Marcus. I’ll have to get Kate to call you back.’ He glanced worriedly towards the still-silent and unmoving woman next to him.

  ‘Marcus? Hi, what’s going on? Is Kate okay?’

  Hearing concern in Megan’s response, Marcus was quick to reassure her. ‘Yes, don’t worry, everything’s fine. Sorry, got to go. She’ll explain later. Bye.’ He hung up the call, feeling ever so slightly guilty for the rushed words; but sensing that Kate was about to have a meltdown, drained the last of his cider and gently encouraged her off the bar stool and the short distance towards the car park and his car. He felt her arms trembling as he unlocked his car.

  ‘Five minutes.’ The first of the tears began to fall from her eyes. ‘She’s only known him five minutes!’

  Relieved that he was finally getting a reaction out of her, he steered her into the passenger seat. ‘Sit there for a bit. I can see you’ve gone a bit pale.’ Kate looked up at him – her expression doleful and sad. There was a childlike quality and vulnerability that made his heart skip a beat. He couldn’t bear to watch any woman cry – it brought back too many memories of Linzie. ‘I heard what Megan said.’

  Rubbing her eyes with the sleeve of her jumper, Kate sobbed uncontrollably, grateful that she had the privacy of the car to shield her from prying eyes. ‘I’m sorry,’ she muttered at Marcus, through hiccups. ‘You must think I’m such an awful friend reacting to Megan’s news like this.’ She wiped her wet nose with the back of her sleeve. ‘It’s just knocked me for six.’

  ‘It’s okay, I understand.’ He fiddled in his jeans pocket, pulling out a crumpled tissue and handing it to her. ‘Don’t worry, it’s clean.’

  She took the tissue, not caring that it had fibres of fluff stuck to it and blew her nose loudly. ‘Oh, God, what must Megan think?’ Taking a deep breath to calm her tears, she used the tissue to wipe what she knew would be streaky mascara from her cheeks. ‘What kind of a friend am I, going quiet on her like that and not being excited for her?’ Crestfallen, she leaned her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes.

  Marcus, who had perched himself on the small brick wall that surrounded the car park, looked past the open passenger door at Kate. ‘I’m sure she’ll understand. It’s the shock, that’s all.’

  Springing forwards suddenly from the car seat, she fumbled with her bag, which he’d placed in the foot well. ‘Where’s my phone? I need to call her.’ Her face flushed, she began to erratically and frantically search through the contents of the large bag before finally tipping it, in its entirety, into her lap. She couldn’t have Megan thinking that she wasn’t happy for her.

  ‘Kate, stop.’ Without hesitation Marcus bent down and grabbed her arm. ‘Enough. You need to calm down first.’ He reached into his pocket. ‘Your phone is here.’ Showing her the white handset, he offered it to her. ‘But I don’t think it’s the right time to be talking about proposals – do you?’

  She lowered her head in embarrassment. ‘I don’t know what happened. I just heard her say that he’d asked her to marry him. I don’t know what came over me.’ She sobbed once again, noticing tiny pieces of white cotton from the tissue covering her dark jumper.

  He rubbed her arm. ‘Shh, it’s okay. You’re bound to be upset and, to be honest, Kate, I was beginning to think you were never going to crack. It’s been a long time coming.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ She sniffled, screwing the wet tissue into a ball in her palm and looking at him expectantly.

  ‘Well, considering the situation between you and Alf.…’ He hesitated, unsure if it was wise to open wounds further. ‘I thought you were coping remarkably well. Perhaps a little too well at times – I had a suspicion you were bottling it up.’ He squeezed her hand. ‘It’s good to let it out, Kate.’

  He was right – she had been holding on to things of late and from nowhere they had erupted to the surface at the sound of Megan’s words. Yet Marcus was mistaken; it wasn’t just Alf that she was crying for, it wasn’t Alf’s lack of proposal that she was crying over and it wasn’t what she’d lost that she was grieving. It was more than that. Much more than that.

  Marcus looked at her softly and she smiled at the intimacy of the moment, searching his face as his kind eyes bore into hers with both sympathy and understanding.

  In a moment of absolute clarity and without hesitation, she leaned forwards, tilted her head and kissed him – catching him totally off-guard.

  She had been waiting so long to do it and in a blink of an eye her wish had finally been granted….

  ‘What are you doing?’ Marcus jumped back from Kate in surprise, gently pushing her away. ‘Kate, have you lost your mind?’ His eyes widened in shock. ‘I’m Alf’s friend.’

  Kate felt the blood drain from her face, the expression of horror written across Marcus’s features making her feel winded with humiliation. She stumbled for something to say, her mind going blank and her only wish being for the ground beneath her to open and swallow her whole. ‘I thought that… I…’ She couldn’t talk. An overwhelming nausea took hold of her.

  Stumped for words, Marcus blew out a long sigh, his mouth making an ‘O’ shape. ‘Wow, this is really awkward.’

  Kate could feel the pounding of her heart in her chest so aggressively that it took her breath away. Eyes lowered – for she couldn’t even bear to glance at Marcus – she switched to auto-pilot and began shoving the possessions littered in her lap hastily back into her bag. She had to go, she had to get away. Her body began t
o prickle with heat, the realisation of her actions hitting her with full force.

  ‘Hun, listen…’ Marcus stepped forwards, his expression softening. He reached out for her arm.

  Shaking him off, she picked up her bag and grabbed her mobile, scrambling from the car as fast as her legs would allow….

  What on earth had she just done?

  Chapter 16

  Kate wasn’t sure how long she’d been walking through the park, but the sun had long since faded and aside from the gentle breeze of the early evening wind, she was alone.

  Avoiding the well-worn footpath, she’d opted for a more remote route through the edge of the forest. She knew she looked an absolute fright with her puffy eyes and tear-stained face scrubbed free of make-up, but she didn’t care. The cool air felt good against her skin and had helped, in a small way, to wash away her frantic thoughts. She paused, hearing a grunting sound up ahead, at the same time stepping on an uneven rock and cursing the thin-soled pumps she was wearing for allowing her to feel every harsh texture.

  She frowned, as the moan, belonging to a huskily voiced woman, was halted by a softly spoken man chiding her, his voice carrying an Irish lilt. Hesitating, Kate stopped and considered her options. It was obvious that the couple were potentially enjoying a secluded moment together – not expecting anyone to be passing through this part of the forest. Looking behind her, she saw how dark the route through the trees had become and knowing that the night was fast approaching she couldn’t risk backtracking on herself. The only way back onto the public footpath and closer to home would be heading directly towards the sound of voices. The couple were now giggling and whispering in low murmurs.

  ‘Oh, what am I worried about? Who gives a damn?’ she chastised herself under her breath. She had more important matters on her mind than the embarrassment of disturbing a couple at it. She pressed on, deliberately treading heavily into the ground, hoping that the crunching of leaves and twigs would be enough to alert them.

  As the trees opened into the clearing, she saw the couple ahead, sitting together on the hand-carved wooden bench that few knew about. She let out a sigh of relief at the sight of them fully clothed. Trying to quicken her pace, she kept her distance as much as possible, keeping her head down, suddenly conscious of her bloodshot eyes and blotchy face. Hurrying past them, without looking up, she failed to notice both of them turn to stare at her. She also failed to see the foot-deep burrow that had been covered over with twigs and rockery. In her haste to exit the clearing as quickly as her legs would carry her, she didn’t realise that her flimsy pump had lodged at an awkward angle into the rabbit burrow – until it was rather too late. Before she knew what was happening, a sharp pain seared through her ankle and she found herself face down on the rough ground.

  ‘Crikey, are you okay?’ a voice called out to her. The crunching sound of leaves was enough to cause her to try and scramble back onto her feet, despite the stinging sensation in her cheek and hands. She made it as far as sitting up by the time the woman and man appeared in front of her.

  ‘Here, let me give you a hand.’ A tall man with ginger hair reached out his hand to her and gratefully accepting it, she hoisted herself up, trying to ignore the throbbing in her ankle and the fact that the man was rearranging his unbuttoned shirt in embarrassment. ‘You took quite a tumble there.’

  Mortified, Kate tried a feeble smile as she glanced from the pretty brunette, who was looking at her with a face full of concern, back to the man, who was reaching down to retrieve her mobile from the dirt. ‘Thanks, I’m fine. I guess I wasn’t paying enough attention to where I was stepping. Sorry to disturb you.’ She reached out and took her mobile from his extended hand and couldn’t help thinking that both of them looked vaguely familiar.

  ‘As long as you’re okay?’ the woman repeated, her arm snaking itself around the man’s waist. She watched as the man reciprocated, putting his arm around the woman’s shoulder, and she felt all the more awkward for intruding.

  ‘I’m fine. Thanks.’ She dusted down her trousers, aware of the heavy dirt stains but pretending it wasn’t an issue. ‘Anyway.’ She gestured ahead self-consciously as the couple watched her, both with a clear expression of pity. ‘Best get going. Getting dark.’ She started to walk away, trying not to wince with each step. ‘Thanks again.’

  ‘Go carefully.’ The man called out with a smile, before turning back and kissing the top of the woman’s head.

  The small and loving gesture made her instinctively think of Alf and she suddenly remembered where she recognised the couple from – Swoonies. The very same loved-up couple who had also made her think of what she’d been missing out on over the last seven years. Swallowing the lump that appeared in her throat, she put it down to a culmination of the day’s events.

  A full five minutes later she finally felt she’d gained enough distance from the couple to let the first words of pain escape from her lips. ‘Ouch’ she whimpered, hobbling slowly, yet relieved that the park’s green metal exit railings were in sight in the distance. She would have cried, but for the emptiness behind her eyes – for she felt that she’d already drained herself of every tear possible.

  Her mobile vibrated in her pocket. Stopping, she pulled it out and glanced at the screen. Megan again. Rejecting the call, she returned the mobile to her pocket, wanting more than ever to be home and in her bed, hidden from the world and left alone with her thoughts. She couldn’t make sense of anything.

  It was all too confusing.

  ‘Finally,’ Megan exclaimed, throwing her arms around the worse-for-wear-looking Kate who stood on her doorstep. ‘I was beginning to think I should send out a search party. Do you know how worried I’ve been?’

  Kate pulled her old and comfortable cable-knit cardigan tightly around her, feeling sheepish. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to avoid your calls. So much happened today Meg…’

  ‘Well, don’t just stand there. Come in – I’ll make us a cup of tea.’ She let Kate past her and followed her into the kitchen. ‘You look bloody awful, by the way.’

  Looking down at her blue-and-white floral pyjama bottoms, partially covered by the grey cardigan, Kate shrugged. ‘You should have seen me earlier if you think this is bad.’ She took a seat in her usual spot at the centre island. ‘Firstly, before anything else – I want to apologise.’

  Megan filled the kettle. ‘What the hell’s happened? You’ve obviously been crying – your face looks a mess and what are you apologising for, you daft cow?’

  ‘Well, for starters I’m apologising for going quiet on you when you told me the potentially biggest news of your life earlier.’

  Megan chuckled, replacing the kettle back onto its base. ‘Seriously, Kate, you’re killing me here. You know I like Michael a lot, but it’s hardly as if I’ve said yes. It was more of a joke than anything.’ Picking up the tea towel she patted her hands dry and took a seat opposite Kate at the island. ‘Anyway, more of that later. What’s gone on with you? Did you drive here in your pyjamas?’

  Kate looked at her in confusion. ‘So, you’re not going to say “yes” to him?’ She held her breath, waiting for the answer.

  ‘Well, not at the moment, that’s for sure.’ Megan narrowed her eyes, sensing her friend’s sudden alarm. ‘Oh, God! This isn’t all about me and Michael, is it?’

  Unable to look her directly in the eyes, Kate stared at the counter top and fiddled with a tissue she’d tucked into her sleeve. Megan felt her smile vanish, her happy feelings plummeting to be replaced with guilt, as the realisation sank in. ‘Oh, Kate… surely you didn’t think? God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think…’ She slapped her hand against her forehead at her thoughtlessness. ‘I’m so stupid. I just assumed you’d know I found the whole thing highly amusing. It wasn’t real.’ She bit down on her bottom lip, hoping she’d not made things worse. ‘Well, it was real, but what I mean is, it wasn’t…’

  ‘I know what you mean, Megan.’ Kate smiled sadly. ‘You don’t have to say sorry,
you didn’t do anything wrong.’ She blew out a long sigh. ‘It’s me, you see…’

  ‘You’re upset because it brought back the situation with you and Alf?’

  Taking a deep breath, she took her time to answer. ‘Partly. When you told me, I felt blank. Sort of numb and overwhelmed. I was shocked, I guess; not in a bad way – I want you to be happy and nothing would please me more than you getting engaged – but I think it unexpectedly brought up a lot of issues I’ve been squashing. It caught me off-guard.’

  ‘Why didn’t you mention that you’ve been struggling? You know I’m here for you, hun.’ Seeing that Kate was feeling teary, Megan went over and pulled her into a hug. ‘You’re allowed to fall apart sometimes, you know.’

  Kate nodded into her shoulder, feeling reassured. ‘I know. I think I’ve just been trying to hold it together too much and probably focusing my attention on the wrong things.’

  Pulling away, Megan noticed Kate was about to say something and then seemed to think better of it, closing her mouth again. She sensed there was something she was holding back on. ‘So, what happened today then? Where’ve you been all this time?’ She walked across to the kettle, allowing Kate the space to feel at ease. ‘JoJo told me you’d texted and cancelled. But neither of us knew where you’d got to instead.’

  ‘Walking in the park. I needed to clear my head.’

  ‘Oh, I see.’ Taking two cups from the rack, Megan dropped a teabag into each one. ‘You saw Marcus earlier, too, no?’

  Kate avoided looking up, simply nodding her head in confirmation. Megan caught the shift in her body language.

  ‘It’s only because I tried calling him when you didn’t answer earlier. I thought you might still be with him. I got his number from Lee. He didn’t answer, though.’