by Carrie Stone
She’d begun to question her place in life, what it was that she really wanted. If Viv’s passing had taught her anything, it was that she had to seize the opportunities of life, follow her heart’s desire and not take a single moment for granted. Yet, ironically – as she listened to Megan’s stern words – she realised that that’s exactly what she had been doing. Taking life for granted, wallowing in self-pity and loathing and hoping that her grief, doubts and illusions would resolve themselves.
‘She knew, you know,’ Kate said, surprising Megan, who had taken the lulled silence to mean that her urgings were falling on deaf ears. ‘The letter she wrote. It was dated a week before her passing – she knew her time was near.’
Megan considered this, glancing wistfully into the garden and thinking what a remarkable and inspiring woman Vivian had been. It had been a frequent thought in the past two weeks – for had Vivian not intervened in her relationship with Marcus, then who knows whether she’d still be playing the ‘friends’ card now. The news of the letter didn’t shock her. She’d already come to learn, in a short space of time, the influence and impact Vivian had on others. The funeral alone, with its crowd of distraught mourners – way beyond a number that could comfortably fit in the church – had been evidence of that. So many lives had been touched by her.
‘Do you think she was scared about it?’ Kate asked suddenly, picking at a piece of chicken from her baguette. ‘I wouldn’t like to think so.’
‘No, Kate,’ Megan said confidently, with a certainty inside that she couldn’t explain. She reached across and squeezed her friend’s hand. ‘Vivian always looked life in the eye and I’ve no doubt that she did the same with death. The letter should prove that to you. She wasn’t scared – she was prepared.’
Kate smiled, a real smile that reached her eyes. ‘You’re so right, Megan, that’s it. That’s what I wasn’t seeing – she was prepared. Just like I need to be.’ Looking down at her pyjama bottoms and reaching up to feel her greasy hair, she was overcome with the realisation that she’d allowed herself to sink too far. ‘And, yes, it’s time for me to snap out of this grey mood.’ She jumped off the stool, reaching for the discarded lunch plates and cups on the surface, feeling a strong desire to get her life cleaned up and put back in order. Her voice was strong and clear; the grogginess that she’d been unable to shake off was beginning to dispel, leaving a sharp, stark clarity in its place.
She glanced back at Megan, who was watching, dumbstruck, this almost immediate change in her friend.
Kate shrugged apologetically, sensing the need to explain. ‘The letter had me thrown for a while, but I think I’m finally beginning to understand why. I wasn’t ready to face up to it before and I wasn’t ready to accept that she was gone. But it’s okay because I know what I have to do now and I also know that although she’s not here, I have support in other ways.’
‘Exactly, hun, we’re all here for you. We always have been.’ Walking over to where Kate stood, Megan silently wondered what the letter said. Whatever it was, it seemed to have made a profound impact on Kate.
She noticed her friend’s sombre but determined expression and tried to lift the mood. ‘So does this mean you’re going to go and have a shower, then, and finally wash that greasy hair of yours?’
‘You nasty cow!’ Kate replied laughing, before picking up the soapy dishcloth lying in the sink and whacking it against Megan’s arm. She ducked, playfully screaming as Megan picked up a tea towel and swiped her in return.
The moment provided Kate with a startling awareness that she’d been so very off-kilter for the last couple of weeks. Where had her laughter and positivity disappeared to? She’d been living inside a shell of herself, numbed down and functioning on a basic level. She mentally affirmed to herself that the moment had come to buck up; to take control again. There would be no more falling back and brooding on Vivian or the letter and the stirrings of changes it was prompting her to make. It was time to take action – starting with being happier again.
The other changes, the bigger ones that she was fearful of – well, those would come at the right moment, just as the letter had suggested.
Megan watched Kate with curiosity as she stood staring into the dishwater, lost in thought. Seconds later, looking up with a satisfied grin, Kate caught her friend’s bewildered stare.
‘So, about the shower – do you think I should make the effort to put on fresh pyjamas too?’
Keeping her expression serious and suppressing a smile, Megan shook her head. ‘No, I wouldn’t bother. You’re rocking the grubby look pretty damn well. Besides, Alf said he’s never seen you looking so sexy.’
Kate laughed. It felt good to giggle again.
‘I’ve popped the receipt in there for you,’ the shop assistant said, handing Alf the small, red paper bag. ‘Thanks again and good luck.’
Crumpling the remainder of his wad of banknotes, Alf shoved them hastily into his jeans pocket. ‘Thanks.’ He didn’t know why, but he was surprised by the lightness of the bag, which was quite absurd since it only contained two small boxes – one being the vintage engagement ring and the other the matching earring set.
He hadn’t planned it this way; in fact it was far removed from the overblown idea he’d been formulating before… well, before ‘the incident’. He couldn’t use that phrase around Kate, of course, since she’d virtually been a walking zombie since Vivian had died. It seemed anything he said of late was offensive in one way or another; she was constantly snapping at him – when she bothered to engage in conversation at all. But talk about timing… Vivian couldn’t have chosen a worse moment. Not that she’d chosen it, but still….
He was relieved that Megan had finally managed to get through to Kate – for two weeks he’d tried his best to be there, supporting, comforting, even being playful. Yet it hadn’t worked. He’d had to watch as she grew more and more distant, building a wall around herself that made it increasingly difficult for him to reach her. But that had all changed in the past forty-eight hours. His Kate was back. Not entirely mended, for he knew her scars ran deep – he, more than anyone, knew the demons that Vivian’s death had brought with it. The reminder of other losses and the abandonment that she’d once tried to describe to him. He’d only been able to hold her and listen – not fully understanding her pain, but nonetheless trying to share it. However, he was just grateful that the veil of grief had seemed to lift a little; Kate was behaving much more like her usual self. He couldn’t suppress his delight.
He’d woken up that morning knowing it was the day – the one that he’d already had to delay by nearly two weeks and he didn’t want to waste a moment longer. In another respect, Vivian’s death had hammered it home that life was short; he didn’t have time to waste. Kate needed this engagement, something to give her hope and a new focus – a new beginning to look forward to. A new life together to plan.
With the spring back in her step, Alf was confident that she would fully understand his reasoning behind choosing tonight. He couldn’t wait to see her face; he knew how much she wanted this – and he wanted it too. Viv’s death may have put a hold on his proposal, but it had also made him appreciate the strength of his bond with Kate, of the unity that had weathered so many storms. It no longer mattered what life threw at them, he knew he’d be there to protect Kate – one way or another helping her and guiding her. Her port of call in stormy waters – the one who knew her better than anyone. She needed him now, more than ever.
Smiling to himself, he tucked the small bag into the inner pocket of his sports jacket and headed back towards the parking lot. Despite the dry summer air, the forecasters had predicted rain in the evening, but Alf desperately hoped it would hold off. If not, it could threaten to ruin everything – and he certainly wasn’t about to let that happen… not again.
Reaching the car, he suddenly remembered that he’d forgotten to buy the ice bucket that he’d hoped to present the bottle of champagne in. He hesitated for a moment, wondering
if it really mattered. After all, he’d already put the first and most important part of his plan into place – making sure that Kate was out of the house for the afternoon. All he needed to do now was head home and prepare the garden.
He rubbed his hands together, feeling energised by envisioning Kate’s reaction when she saw the array of splendour that he had planned for her. If she was expecting another night in together watching the television, then she was in for a very big surprise indeed. One that she would remember for years to come – he was sure of it.
Hardly able to contain his excitement, he unlocked the driver’s door – unable to think about anything but the life-changing evening that lay ahead.
Kate Wilson was about to agree to become Mrs Alf Stafford.
‘So he wasn’t as in love with me as he originally thought he was, was he?’ Megan relayed, raising her eyebrows with a wry smile.
Kate leaned back against the sofa, blowing out a reflective sigh at the news. ‘Well, clearly not. I mean, it’s one thing you falling for Marcus, but what are the odds of Michael getting involved again so quickly, too?’ She twirled a strand of loose hair around her finger. ‘All rather odd, if you ask me.’
Megan nodded in agreement. ‘It’s done me a favour, though. I don’t feel half as bad about the situation now. I was dreading having to say to Michael that I’d met someone else.’
Kate grinned. ‘You don’t have to now. He’s probably too caught up with Rachel to care.’
‘Well, from where I was standing it certainly seemed that way,’ Megan replied, recalling the moment she’d spotted Michael and Rachel kissing passionately in a bar two days previous. ‘It was strange seeing them together, though, especially since I remember him telling me that he’d never even contemplate the idea of dating his secretary – so it just goes to show.’ Pouting her lips, she applied a thin layer of clear gloss. ‘And it’s made me realise how we can think someone is right for us and be so very wrong. I can’t believe we were engaged.’
Considering this, Kate stopped flicking the pages of magazine on her lap, glancing up at Megan, who was applying the last of her barely-there make-up. ‘You honestly don’t feel anything for Michael at all now? Those feelings have gone?’
Megan replaced the lid on her lip-liner and set it down on the table beside her, looking at Kate earnestly. ‘In all honesty, the moment Marcus opened up to me, it was as if any feelings for Michael just floated out of the window. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true. What I have with Marcus is something totally different to what I had with Michael.’
Kate tilted her head, intrigued. ‘How so? What’s different about it?’
‘It’s hard to explain, but it’s a sort of peacefulness inside – an inner knowing, if you like. There’s absolutely no doubt in my mind that Marcus is the one I’m meant to be with. It’s so comfortable and right, I guess…’ She stopped talking for a moment, noticing Kate looking at her intently. She carried on, trying to find the words to express what she could hardly get her head around herself. ‘I suppose comparing it to what I had with Michael, it’s not so much based on chemistry or lust, it’s just more… hmm…what’s the word?…natural. That’s what it is, natural.’
‘So you think Marcus is the one?’ Kate questioned, raising an eyebrow, a small smirk on her face at Megan’s enthusiasm.
Without missing a beat, Megan nodded fiercely. ‘I’ve absolutely no doubt.’ She smiled at Kate. ‘It’s true what they say, isn’t it? When you find the right one – you just know.’
Something in those words made Kate feel suddenly uncomfortable and picking up the magazine from her lap, she flipped it onto the floor, changing the subject. ‘‘Where are you guys off to tonight, then?’
‘Liberalisi,’ Megan replied, carefully smudging the light line of eye-shadow across the top of her right eyelid. ‘It’s a new wine bar in Smithfield. Marcus knows someone who knows the owner. It’s guest list only – there’s meant to be a lot of press coverage, too.’
Kate sat up straighter, contemplating the excitement in Megan’s tone. ‘You know what?’ she began, thinking about how awestruck Marcus appeared to be since the pair had become an item. ‘You guys suit one another so much – you’re very alike in a lot of ways. I think I saw it before, if I’m honest – but I was a bit jealous.’ She cringed shyly and felt herself blushing at the admission, noticing Megan’s intrigue as she glanced up from her make-up mirror.
‘Jealous? How do you mean?’
‘Well, you know – you and Marcus, the connection. I noticed it that day I came home from work and you two had already introduced yourselves to one another. I was a bit miffed. I wanted him for myself.’ She giggled, shrinking in embarrassment as Megan’s expression changed to incredulity. ‘I know, I know.’ she held her hands up in mock surrender. ‘It was very childish of me.’
Megan threw a pencil sharpener at her, smiling as it hit Kate squarely on the forehead. ‘All I can say is that it’s a good job we’ve been friends forever. And a good job that you were quite clearly on the rebound and not meant for Marcus. Otherwise who knows how it might have ended?’
Kate felt the sofa beginning to vibrate and a loud chiming interrupted the conversation.
‘Goodness, that’s a loud ringtone.’ Megan said, wincing and chucking her make-up carelessly back into her purple floral toiletries bag. ‘Alf?’
Reaching for the phone balanced precariously on the edge of the sofa’s arm, Kate nodded. ‘Hey, babe, I’m still at Megan’s.’
Megan glanced at the clock, noticing that Marcus would be arriving soon to collect her. She watched as Kate fiddled with the hem of her top, looking disinterested in whatever Alf was saying.
‘Yeah, okay, then. I’m leaving in a minute anyway.’ Kate glanced at Megan, rolling her eyes at the handset. ‘Right, okay, yep, won’t be long. See you soon. Bye.’
‘Everything alright?’ Megan asked, suddenly catching sight of the AA information leaflet that she’d meant to give to Jonnie tucked under the fruit bowl. ‘Oh, there it is.’
Kate stood up, stretching her arms above her head. ‘Everything’s fine. Alf was just wondering what time I’ll be back. He wants to order a takeaway so I’d better go home.’ She walked across to where her friend was standing. ‘What’s that, then?’
‘Marcus picked it up for me. It’s a local AA group. He thought it could be good for Jonnie.’ It was on the tip of her tongue to say how relieved she was to have Marcus’s understanding and own personal experience of the matter when she remembered that neither Kate nor Alf knew the full extent of his history with Linzie, she knew he’d only told them an edited version. She stopped herself in the nick of time. As much as Marcus was close to the couple, he’d told Megan he didn’t want to rake over the past by sharing every detail with others. And she understood that completely.
‘Well – it’s worth a try. Why not?’ Kate said sympathetically.
Megan nodded. ‘It is.’ She also knew that Jonnie still had a long way to go, but any attempt at trying to push him in the right direction and help him was worthwhile. She saw Kate reach for her padded jacket. ‘Anyway – I know you need to head off. Thanks for coming over. I’m pleased you’re feeling a bit better about everything.’ She reached out and rubbed Kate’s arm. ‘And listen, all that stuff you were saying earlier about the changes…’ Tailing off, she looked at Kate with a serious expression. ‘If that’s how you’re truly feeling, then you should follow it through. Vivian’s letter was right. Don’t be scared. It’ll be okay, hun.’
Kate leant in and hugged Megan. ‘Thanks. I know it will.’ And she did. ‘Enjoy your night with Marcus, and make sure you get some of that press coverage!’
‘As long as it’s not for the wrong reasons,’ Megan joked, walking behind Kate to the front door. ‘Bye, then. Catch up tomorrow, no doubt?’
Kate stepped into the cool, early-evening air, the beginnings of a drizzle of rain lightly falling around her. ‘Yes, I’ll give you a call – if you don’t answer I�
��ll know you’ve got a hangover. And then I might pop around with a nice warm tuna milkshake…’
Megan laughed, waving as Kate hurried the short distance to her car. ‘Oh, and… Kate?’ she called out, a thought striking her. ‘You did the right thing by saying yes to Daniel and the exhibit.’ She made a thumbs-up sign, smiling.
Kate unlocked the car with her fob, shielding her eyes from the droplets of rain that were now turning heavier. ‘Thanks, I think so, too.’ Grinning, she waved a final goodbye and opened the driver-side door.
Little did she know it, but the changes had already begun.
‘It would have been better if we wasn’t sitting here in the pissing-down rain,’ Alf said, trying to be light-hearted but feeling altogether disillusioned. This was not at all how he’d envisioned the evening. Four hours of DIY, stapling vines to the gazebo frame, littering the garden with tea-light candles – not to mention the MDF small dining table he’d erected specifically for the purpose. And it had all been in vain. Thirty minutes before he’d anticipated serving his home-made prawn cocktail starter, the heavens had opened and shit on his parade.
Kate took in Alf’s deflated expression and glanced up at the makeshift covered gazebo. The heavy-duty polythene plastic was crackling noisily above them as rain pelted down onto its surface. She desperately wanted to make light of it, but refrained from doing so. Alf had clearly gone to a great effort for her – despite not factoring in the forecasted rain – hence the plastic tenting. Sensing he wasn’t in the mood for jokes, she silently bit down on her lip, reluctant to make his misfortune appear all the more dire.
