Don't Read in the Closet volume one

by Various Authors

  Jackson drifted one hand behind Ash to caress over his ass. “I’d like to, but I have a lunch interview to do.”

  “Alright, dinner then. We can get our guys together and hit some clubs. You can show us how to party country style, and we’ll show you how to party like rock stars.” Ash smirked at him. “But I’m telling you now, if we walk into any bar that has line dancing going on, I’m outta there.”

  Jackson chuckled. “I’m not so sure that’d be a good idea.”

  “Line dancing is never a good idea.”

  “No, I meant about all of us hanging out.”

  Ash gave him a confused look. “Why?”

  “It’s not that I wouldn’t want to, it’s just…you know…” Jackson shrugged, as if trying to give himself time to find the right words. “You’re just a little more…out there than I am.”

  The confusion fell from Ash’s face as understanding took its place. “Right. I get it.” He backed away from Jackson’s touch. “I’m good enough to get you off in private, but not to hang with in public.”

  Jackson reached for him. “That’s not exactly what I meant. It’s not an easy thing, Ash.”

  Ash ignored Jackson’s outstretched hand and stormed toward the door. “If it’s not, maybe that’s because you’re making it that way.” At the stairs, he turned to face. “You know, with what just happened, with what it felt like when we kissed, I thought…” he shook his head, “forget it. It doesn’t matter what I thought. I was obviously wrong.”

  Jackson started toward him. “Don’t leave like this. I think we both got things we need to say.”

  “You’re wrong. I’ve got nothing left to say.” Ash’s phone chimed with another text coming in. He grabbed the door handle and yanked it open. “See ya around. But don’t worry, it’ll only be from a distance. I won’t wreck your image by getting too close.”

  “Ash…”

  The door slammed closed behind Ash in response.

  Jackson dropped down in the closest seat, holding his forehead in his hand. Sparks of anger turned to passion and back again. He didn’t understand how it was possible for them to balance such contradicting emotions, but then, were they really all that contradictory? Both were powerful, encompassing, heated. Two things that seemed so different, yet could share the same energy…just like him and Ash.

  CHAPTER 5

  Jackson secured the microphone on the stand and turned away from it, heading offstage before his band finished fading out the song. He ignored their confused and questioning looks. Descending the stairs, he saw Elizabeth standing at the bottom waiting for him.

  “Well that was about as lackluster of a rehearsal as I’ve ever seen,” she said.

  Jackson shrugged as he walked by her. “I got a feel for the stage and the stadium’s acoustics. Don’t need much else.”

  Elizabeth followed after him. “Well aren’t we in a mood? Who pissed in your beer? Oh, let me guess. You pissed in your own.”

  Jackson shot her an unappreciative look.

  She returned it with a sweet smile. “And let me make another guess. This has something to do with a certain rock star, doesn’t it?”

  Jackson’s strides slowed, his head lowered. “Yeah,” he mumbled.

  Elizabeth put her arm around his waist. “Alright, let’s find a quiet place to sit and you can tell your big sister all about it.”

  Her words gave him a smile, though it was weak and faded quickly. When Ash left him earlier that day, he nearly chased him down. Once again, one wrong thing said set them both erupting, but he wasn’t so much angry at Ash as he was at himself. Yeah, Ash didn’t give him a chance to explain himself. With what he’d said about not being as “out” as Ash and how Ash had taken it to mean he didn’t want to be seen with him, he could understand why. And maybe it really was what he meant.

  Why was he worried about being seen with Ash in public? Where they could be tagged by the paparazzi together? He knew he definitely didn’t want to deal with all the media questions, and there would be a lot of media attention on them if they were seen suddenly hanging out like friends…or lovers. He didn’t even know where he’d begin to answer all the questions that would get thrown at him, especially if they turned toward the latter. It was a crazy thing how it seemed easier to talk about Ash as an adversary than as an intimate partner. There were reasons for that, though.

  Ash’s sexuality was no secret to anyone, he’d always been open about it. But his own, well, Ash hadn’t been far off with his last media taunt when he said everyone wanted him for a son-in-law. Other than his family and a few close friends, the only person who knew he was gay was Elizabeth. He met her not long after he started recording his first album at a party held by their mutual record label. Almost instantly, she became like an older sister to him and the only one he could go to when things got rough.

  It wasn’t easy, keeping his true self hidden. There were times when he stood on stage, women screaming for him, men applauding him, that he wanted to stop the music, take up the mic, and say, “I have something I need to tell y’all…” But he never did, and he didn’t know if he ever would. It would take something huge, something special, for him to do it. Rock and pop artists might be able to get away with being open about their sexuality, and even then sometimes they failed, though that was usually because they didn’t have the talent to last, anyhow. For him, his demographic was a little different, and he was afraid how people would react.

  More than once he wished he’d never entered the contest that brought him his fame, or if he had, when he was approached by the talent scout, he would’ve just given him a polite “No thank you” and turned away. His success had become a blessing and a curse at the same time.

  One thing he did know, Ash had already left a void inside him. They’d only spent a handful of moments together, but it felt so much longer. He knew it was probably because of their media history, but it also felt like there was something more. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him.

  During his interview at lunch, he kept asking the reporter to repeat questions, as his mind refused to let go of Ash. Afterward, he returned to the stadium and looked for him, but if Ash was somewhere in the huge facility, he couldn’t find him. It could be Ash was purposely avoiding the place so as to not run into him. At least he knew Ash would have to show up for his band’s set during the concert, but he really didn’t want to wait that long to talk to him. Other than lurking around From Ashes’s tour bus, there had to be a way for him to track Ash down.

  Jackson glanced up and realized Elizabeth had led him to her trailer. He followed her in and dropped down at the table.

  Elizabeth went to the refrigerator. “What do you want to drink?”

  “Nothing. Thanks.”

  She returned to the table, set a bottle of water in front of him, and took a seat across from him.

  He grinned at her ignoring his request and opened the water, taking a long drink.

  “Well,” she said, “better get to spilling your story. You know how I love dirty details, and considering how woeful you’re looking there has to be some, especially if Ash is involved, so get to it and don’t leave those out.”

  Jackson couldn’t muster even a flicker for a smile as his mind became filled with what had happened between him and Ash. He started the story at the night before right after Elizabeth had left them and took it up to Ash storming out of his trailer. As he finished, Elizabeth was quiet for a few moments before speaking.

  “You really like him a lot, don’t you?”

  Jackson exhaled a heavy sigh. “I don’t know. Everything inside of me screams ‘yes’, but…”

  “But what?”

  “He’s not easy to get along with. When I’m with him, half the time I don’t know if I want to choke him or fuck him.”

  Elizabeth laughed. “Well, honey, you could always do both. Get a little air play going on.”

  Jackson broke into laughter with her. She was so sweet, with such a generous and ki
nd heart, and that was how all her fans knew her. Behind the scenes, though, she was a wild woman. Sometimes he was still shocked at the things she’d say. “I’m not sure he’d go for that.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. I have a feeling there’s not much he wouldn’t go for.”

  Jackson nodded slowly, his mind filled with the image of Ash standing between his legs, pumping his cock to finish himself off after having made him come. He looked so beautiful and confident, unashamed and uninhibited in his pleasure. It gave him an all new admiration for Ash.

  “Let me ask you something,” Elizabeth said, her voice serious again. “What is it that you want?”

  Jackson’s eyebrows drew closer in confusion. “What do you mean?”

  “Life, baby. What do you want out of life? This?” She waved her hand at the trailer. “Spending months at a time on the road, living in things like this and hotels, alone? A new city everyday? A new person in your bed every night? Is that what you want?”

  “I don’t know,” he said.

  “And that’s a problem, because I think you do. You’ve said it before, more than once, how you wonder what your life would be like without your fame. What it would be like to just live as a regular guy, dating and falling in love without worrying about people getting in your business. And you could walk away from the success you have, you’ve talked about it before, but we both know you never will because you truly love bringing your music to people. So what you want is to have the best of both worlds, love and music.”

  Jackson sagged in his chair. “It doesn’t seem like it’s that much to ask for.”

  Elizabeth shook her head at him. “Just finding someone to love you as much as you love them is a lot to ask for, sweetie. It is for all of us. We spend years wanting it, searching for it, dreaming about it. For some, it comes to them easy. For others, they may never find it. So, if you have someone who you think can give it, you should give them a chance to. You already have music, so all you need is the other one. And I’m not saying it could be just around the corner, but you never know. It might be.”

  Jackson stared at her, fully understanding what she was implying.

  She sat back in her chair, a satisfied smile on her lips as she lifted her bottle of water for a sip. “And somewhat on that same topic, I happened to hear some little birdies chirping a while ago about how a bunch of the artists are hitting a big dance club downtown called Envy. I do believe I picked up the name From Ashes in all the twittering.”

  Words didn’t seem enough to Jackson for him to express how grateful he felt toward her. He stood up and went to her side, bending down and hugging her. “Thank you,” he whispered, placing a kiss on her cheek.

  “Oh no. Thank you, because you supplied me with your dirty details. This is all self-serving in me sending you off to go make some more to tell me about.”

  Jackson smiled at her. “Then I guess I better go.”

  “Yes you should.” Elizabeth flipped her hands at him in a shooing motion. “Hurry along now.”

  Jackson went to the door, giving her another smile of thanks before stepping out. He wasn’t sure how Ash would react to him, but he would take any reaction just to see him again.

  CHAPTER 6

  Jackson stepped inside the club door, his ears rebelling against the jumbled beat, that in his opinion, was a sad imitation of music. Looking at the dance floor packed with churning bodies, it seemed he was the only one who thought so. He was also pretty sure he was the only one in the entire place wearing a cowboy hat. But not matching everyone in dress and taste in music was the least of his problems. How the hell was he going to find Ash?

  He decided the bar was as good a place to start as any. He really hoped he wouldn’t have to push his way around on the dance floor searching for him. He saw the club had an upper level, and decided if he didn’t have luck at the bar, he’d try going up there to see if he could spy him.

  Jackson reached one end of the bar and started down it. A little less than halfway, he spotted two familiar faces, drummer, Devin Hayes, and guitarist, Jeremy Shimoda. Jackson moved toward them as quick as he could with people bumping into him and veering in his way. He kept his eyes locked on them, determined to not lose them in the crowd.

  Jackson reached them as they were collecting fresh beers. They turned, and he saw the surprise on both their faces. He decided he wouldn’t bother with niceties since he was certain they knew why he was there. “Where’s Ash?”

  Devin shrugged. “Damned if I know. This is a big club.”

  Jackson gave him an exasperated look. “Don’t play games. If anyone knows where he is, you guys do.”

  Jeremy spoke over the music. “I saw him a few minutes ago, but I don’t think you want to see him right now.”

  Jackson turned his attention to Jeremy. “I know he’s mad at me, but I need to talk to him.”

  Devin jumped into the conversation again. “Yeah, I don’t think him being pissed at you has anything to do with why you shouldn’t bother him.”

  “What do you mean?” Jackson asked.

  “Last I saw, he wasn’t alone.”

  Jackson’s stomach twisted, his heart clenched. Ash wasn’t alone. He was already working on getting someone new in his bed. And why not? He hadn’t even gotten to Ash’s bed. It’s not like his spot was going to get taken away.

  Jeremy laid a hand on Jackson’s shoulder. “He hasn’t done anything yet except dance. But if he’s sticking to his usual pattern, once he comes off the floor, he doesn’t hang around long, so you might want to haul ass. He was by the restrooms when I saw him.”

  “Thanks,” Jackson said, turning at the same moment to find the restrooms. He spotted a blue neon sign on one wall indicating where they were and rushed toward it.

  He stopped outside the restrooms, looking left and right, his eyes quickly scanning faces. Even knowing the general area where Ash should be, with all the people crammed around, it seemed an impossible task to find him. He found himself wishing Ash still had his yellow and red mohawk. No way he could miss him with that.

  Wondering if Ash was in the restroom, Jackson started toward it. Out the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of Ash’s profile, Ash smiling as he put his arm around the shoulders of young man and steered him toward the club’s exit. Jackson froze, the hurt at seeing Ash getting ready to leave with the guy made it so he couldn’t move, could hardly breathe.

  The crowd shifted around Ash. Jackson lost sight of him, and it spurred him to move. He shouldered between bodies, ignoring the angry protests and glares. He spotted Ash again. The guy with Ash pressed in closer to him and kissed his cheek.

  Desperate, Jackson found his voice. “Ash!”

  Ash stopped and turned, but not toward him. He faced the other guy, looking as though he was about to return the kiss.

  Jackson rushed a few steps forward. “Ashton!”

  Ash snapped his head around, his gaze locking with Jackson’s.

  Jackson pushed through the crowd, finally reaching him. He flicked his gaze to the guy beside Ash, and while Ash didn’t bother to hide his surprise, the guy didn’t worry about hiding his annoyance as he stood glaring at Jackson.

  “What are you doing here?” Ash asked.

  Jackson brought his gaze back to Ash. “Looking for you.” His voiced shifted to a sharper tone as he looked at the guy again. “You don’t waste much time, do you?”

  Holding a beer bottle in one hand, Ash placed his other on his hip. “I didn’t realize there was something I was supposed to be saving my time for.”

  The sting of Ash’s words silenced Jackson. It seemed since he’d met Ash in person, he’d made mistake after mistake, said one wrong thing after another, and at this moment, he’d surpassed all of them together. He wanted to turn away, leave the club, and pretend none of this ever happened. But even more, as he looked at Ash before him, his dark hair perfectly styled, his blue eyes shadowed in make-up, dressed in a tight black shirt and black leather pants, he wanted to pul
l Ash into his arms. He wanted to lie down with Ash on top of him and feel what he did earlier that day when they were together; warmth, passion, affection. He felt trapped. Not wanting to walk away, but not sure if he was welcomed to move forward.

  The young guy let out a loud, derisive snort. “Well, since bumpkin boy doesn’t seem to have anything else to say, let’s get out of here.”

  “Hey!” Ash snapped. “Watch it. He’s a friend.”

  The guy wrapped his arms around Ash’s waist, bringing his lips close to him. “Sorry, I didn’t know. But let’s still get out of here.” His voice lowered, but Jackson still heard him. “I want you to do what you said you would, fuck me until I’m screaming your name as I come.”

  Ash lowered his head and turned it away from the guy, and also from Jackson.

  Jackson dropped his gaze, feeling as though Ash had moved beyond his reach, even though he still stood so close.

  The guy took Ash’s hand, giving it a tug. “Let’s go.”

  Ash stood still.

  Jackson waited, his heart pounding, not wanting to see Ash walk away from him.

  Slowly, Ash pulled his hand from the other guy’s. He stepped forward to Jackson’s side, not looking back at the guy as he spoke to him. “Go ahead and take off. I’m hanging with him tonight.”

  Letting out a loud huff, the guy whirled away. “Fine. I don’t even like your music, anyway.”

  His back to the retreating young man, Ash flung up both hands in disbelief. “Are you freakin’ kidding me? You know, with the shit people say, it really doesn’t pay to be famous.”

  A smile slipped onto Jackson’s lips. Ash had chosen him. He looked at him, meeting Ash’s gaze direct and unwavering.

  Ash shook his head at him. “Look at you, all smiles and so proud of yourself for scaring him away.”

  “I hate to break it to you, but you’re smiling, too. And I think you’re the one who scared him off.”

  “Yeah, I guess I was.” Ash laid his hand on Jackson’s back. “Come on. I’ll buy you a beer.”

  “I was kind of hoping we could talk.”