Hard love - Love, belonging, differences

by Edit Torma

  - When is she going to come?

  - Can’t I help you? – Laurence got out of the answer.

  - I can’t reach my doll on my shelf.

  - I’ll take it down – they were going into the children’s room – Here you are… - he was handing it to her with a forced smile.

  - But who will I playing with if mother’s not at home?

  - Would you like me to call Allie here?

  - OK – Laurence went back to the living-room where he left his phone and called the parents of the little girl’s friend and they took Allie there a half an hour later.

  Laurence payesd the bail off so Heni could go home for the time being.

  - I think you already should go back to filming. Maybe they still can shoot your scenes subsequently too – Heni said after she calmed down a little bit.

  - OK but I’ll go back only because I’m sure that it’s going to turn out that you’re innocent – the man was stroking Heni’s arm.

  - I’ll miss you so much – she was embracing Laurence.

  - Do you want me to stay? – he was stroking his wife’s hair.

  - You’re going to arrive back to the hearing, aren’t you?

  - I hope.

  Next day he travelled back to filming. Although he was one of the co-stars in the movie, they shooted the other actor’s scenes on purpose till then, with leaving Laurence’s scenes out of the filming, maybe he will come back in time to get ready to the announced date. Heni preached a sermon in the future too but she didn’t dare to go into any stranger’s flat anymore, there were some of them who called her in to no avail. She wasn’t happy about these occassions anymore but it took place in her mentally then again what that man did to her and that she almost killed him. Although he already began recover and it was almost completely sure that he’s going to surivive his injury, it stayed to be sure that there is going to be a hearing, because of the grivous bodily harm. But she decided to that man won’t get away either with something cheap what he meaned to do to her. At least because Heni would be afraid of live that way that he could attack her whenever again.

  When he could leave the hospital, the police department didn’t interrogate him only as a plaintiff. But anybody haven’t know till when he will be at large. It was also possible that they won’t comprehend this court case as an attempted rabe but only as a simple sexual harassment. Or what would be even worse, that they will believe that she was who attacked him. In the end there was only one witness the man tried to rape her.

  She called Laurence.

  - Your voice is such an alarmed. There’s something problem?

  - They let him out of the hospital, and he can whenever attack me. I’m afaraid so much!

  - He surely will get benind bars. Everybody knows it was just self-deence.

  - And what will be till then?

  - If it calms you down, I’ll engade some bodyguards to the house.

  - There’s something too.

  - What?

  - I’m expectant.

  - What? – the man was shocked.

  - Not from that man, I’ve said he didn’t succeed to reach a stage when he would rape me.

  - But why did you tell me only now?

  - I believed til now that it’s signs was just by being nervous but I already know this.

  - And what will we do with one more child? We already hardly can manage to look after these three children. As an addition, it will be already the seventh to me. Or are you happy about this now?

  - Our children are one of the most wonderful things what has happened to me in my life. But this is already really much. Jenny can’t bring them up instead of us.

  - So what will be now?

  - I don’t know. I not have an idea. What to do now? I not have the heart to offer it for adoption in order to it grow up at other people.

  - There is another solution too.

  - Don’t even say this! I felt so much relief when I got to know that man survived that head injury I caused to him. I couldn’t live with knowing I killed somebody. Mainly our child! And also, my religion forbids it.

  - I have been afread already in advence of you will force your religion down my throat. I even found it strange that oyu didn’t do it till now.

  - While you can say anything, I won’t have an abortion! If you won’t bring me by force to the doctor and pay them off to hold me down, I will keep this child!

  - But how do you want to bring it up with the other three ones? And how can I have enough time to look after everybody of my seven children???

  - I don’t know. Later it already won’t be necessary to look after them so much. As an addition, Lantsgon and Montana are already adults. And your better not to even consider her your daughter…

  - Thank you about you remembered me this too! – the man shouted.

  - What???

  - That how much problem can be with a child.

  - What do you think, how much chance is there to my religious educating will let this???

  - You’re just hinting at I badly educated Montana?!

  - No! But I’m going to be less pliant with the children in some things! – his wife was already shouting too.

  - Now I have to go back to filming. We’ll talk to each other later more. Bye.

  - Bye… - they finished the conversation.

  27

  The bodyguards arrived. But Heni and Laurence couldn’t agree with each other on undertaking the child, they’ve talked the subject over more times in vain. She sometimes hasn’t got vigour to look after the already existing Heni and the little ones in this mood, sometimes she found comfort in looking after them, in she could spend her time with thw who she loved so much and they made her forget her problems even if for a little time but the children saw the tension on her every occasions so they felt good only with Jenny nowadays so mainly she looked after them.

  When Laurence arrived in home, heni was sobbing on the living room’s foa. She hasn’t even noticed that the man arrived.

  - What happened? – Laurence was surprised.

  - The hearing is going to be soon, as an addition, I’m expecting a baby won’t have father practically – his wife began to speak. Her voice was mechanical.

  - We’ve talked it over already more times. I think you have something else problem now – the man said rudely and set to the children’s room to greet the children but Heni’s hysteric shout stopped him.

  - You’re right! – she was sobbing.

  - So what?

  - I can frequent to all sorts of people’s falt to save them, also these swnies like that man! But what about you?!

  - What do you mean??? And what saving are you talking about???

  - This is what I mean, you don’t even know what I’m talking about! In spite of fact that we sometimes discuss, I love you and It’s hard to live with being conscious that on one day I will lose you.

  - I will get old sooner than you. So what?

  - This shows that you don’t even know anything about this all thing! I endured it somehow till now but when you saw that thing on phone, it rudely awakened to that this can’t stay this way. Now I would say more in vain, you would think I’m complete stupid because you haven’t knew this religion. While it’s so reasonable.

  - I really don’t understand what you are talking about.

  - We’d better to revert to this subject when this court case and this children’s pledge will be solved… - Laurence went to the children, he was talking to the little Heni, feeded the little ones and put them to bed, and Heni was watching TV display, she didn’t even comprehend what was on TV, even if she was trying to concentrate on this so much.

  In the law courts, Heni faced again that she was a potential criminal. That she was a defendant. She was who almost killed a man while she met him only to save him. What will be with the chld if she will get to penitentiary and it won’t can count on even its mother??? Jenny will be who mainly will bring the others up?! She felt giddly then everyting went black.


  She found herself in the hospital, with flat belly. Some days ago she has noticed that the baby was visible from outside too. And now it wasn’t. When they realized that she regained consciousness, they called Laurence in who sat down next to her bed.

  - You lost very much blood. But you will recover soon – he was stroking her face and hair.

  - Are you happy about this now? Or did you maybe utilized that I fainted and took me in to abortion?! – Heni began to speak while her tears were flowing.

  - If you choosed that, you were completely well now.

  - So it’s my fault?! That I didn’t kill our child?!

  - Now don’t deal with this. You have to recover before it.

  - I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. Just this all thing is so much now to me!

  - I know. This is much also to me. But I know it’s not your fault either that you became expectant. I mean it’s only as much your fault as much mine. We’re going to more take care of this not to happen again.

  - You wouldn’T even love this child? I mean at least after it was born.

  - I surely would love it. The problem would be excatly that I wouldn’T have enough time for my every children.

  - And who will have enough time for them if I’ll get into prison?

  - You certainly won’t get into prison – then the man noticed that Heni fainted again during the sentence. Or did she only fel asleep? But during talking??? He called the doctors who sended him out of the ward and he didn’t know what they were doing to Heni while he had to be waiting outside.

  Later, when it came into his mind, he took measures not to they let the press into the hospital. At least it occupied his attention somehow or other instead of idler waiting.

  28

  - Her heart stopped for a little bit of time because of the much loss of blood but we did revive her. She is surely going to can manage stay alive for some hours, then this may repeat more times – one of the doctors said after he came out.

  - Why don’t you give normal blood to her at last instead of this damned supplementary blood?! You don’T see this doesen’t work?!

  - But this also hepls a lot.

  - It’s more important for you wich cure is to the patient’s liking than she will stay alive or not?! – Laurence shouted when the other doctors already also have came out.

  - I regret this but we have to obey the patient’s wish.

  When Laurence went into the ward again, Heni was as white as a sheet, her body seemed to be even smaller and fragiler than usual between the even more machines what were connected to her.

  He sat back next to her bed and took her hand.

  - Hi.

  - Hi. But we’ve met not long ago, haven’t we?

  - Not too long ago. But you were somewhere else through a little time.

  - I was here till the end. I know you’re fed up with my religion but I said it in religious meaning too – she was smiling.

  - If you’re going to continue it this way, there really won’T be anybody to bring the children up with me.

  - So you don’t understand? God knows everything much more than people so He understands medical science too more than people do! You think he said us not to use blood because he wants to kill us?

  - Well, it really seemed to be like this not long ago to me…

  - Even if the present medical science hasn’t can use supplementary blood, still this is what saves my life if I don’t accept blood! This present life can be over if we throw it away because of the lows but we have to do it in exchange for the eternal life after the end of the world.

  - I hadn’t got any problem with your religion through five years but it seems like this already has driven you completely mad.

  - I’ve said it’s going to sound queer for the time being. The problem is you haven’t knew anything yet.

  - I have endured somehow that we haven’t observe almost any holiday but I refuse if you will leave me here with the kids.

  - I know. You wouldn’t have enough time for them…

  - Do oyu remember when I was in hospital and I said you would be who I would miss the most of the whole world? You think I could live without you? – he was stroking his wife’s face and hair and kissed her.

  - I couldn’t live without you either. If you knew how much bigger danger you are in than me…

  Laurence fleed into memorizing the scripts and going to rehearsals from that thing that Heni lied in hospital in grave condition. Sometimes he tried to take his attention up with the children and he tryied to find some happines in spending his time with them but they didn’t bring his high spirits for long time. They had to revive Heni two more times, at one occasion it took a long time while her heart wasn’t beating but she didn’t get any lasting damage. She recovered fast but while they haven’t let her home, Laurence called Jenny Jenny to look after the children oftener than usual because he didn’t have enough time to this without Heni.

  Heni sooner recovered than they believed, even if not somuch sooner than Laurence then. They let her out of the hospital soon. The man was happy about he could be with her more than before and about she was already well but he was afraid in advance of she was already really going to be convincing him about her religion. He had not got enough time, he didn’t feel like dealing with this eather. They would just discussing again.

  It seemed like Laurence was mistaken. Heni speded a lot of time with her children, and mostly with him, to make up for the time she spended in hospital and it seemed like everybody was a member of a happy family. Heni was happy about she could be with them again and she would like to have her swing every minute he spended with Laurence till the rest of time. Sometimes it came into her mind that if she won’t do anything, she will lose the man but she succeeded to divert her thoughts from this every occasion. The kids were already older and also, Heni took after them more than it was necessary because she liked to be with them so much and because she didn’t want to take chances. Then, when they needed already less time, she disctracted her thoughts by she went to shopping to the mall every weekends with Jenny and her friends who Heni also became friends with. The paparazzos found her. They already followed her to since she had been that movie star-wife who they accused of grievous bodily harm what she commited allegedly by self-devence because they wanted to rape her. They took some photos of them while she were walking in the mall with the teenage girls and she didn’t seem to be much older than them either. There wouldn’t be any problem that way but this way that she was the wife of the fifty-three-year-old Laurence, amy people thank she already shouldn’t conduct herself like a teen girl, being twenty-four years old. This remarks were the last drops that made the cup run over to Heni.

  Some days later Laurence noticed that his wife was reflecting with glassy look during sitting on the sofa.

  - Why did you reflected so much? – Heni’s tears came out of her eyes by the question.

  - I did try to keep it in myself because I didn’t want to nag you with this. I also know we would only discussing if I negged you with my religion again – she answered and the man sat down next to her.

  - You still didn’t ignore that I’m not as religious as you? – he was surprised.

  - You can’t even imagine how it feels like when it comes to my mind that I will have to live without you.

  - Did you get into this mood before too and you kept it in yourself only for my sake? – he took Heni’s hand and he dried Heni’s tears with his other hand.

  - It sometimes came into my mind but I succeeded to ignore this woon, till now.

  - If it’s so important for you like this, I’ll try to understand your religion – he embraced Heni.

  - Really? – Heni laughed by joy through her tears.

  - Although, I still hardly believe that my wife is a Jehova’s witness – Laurence was laughing too.

  - While you’re a world-famous movie star! – Heni was laughing again but already cheerfully – You were who reminded me that I also got something from
my mother – she turned serious again – This is why I began more deal with this religion. But you got this fame from yours. You began that conversation exactly with this then… If you also have to give up a lot of things. I mean you give up by yourself if it will be important for you. I feel like I have to call your attention about if you really want this religion-thing, you are going to have to rejuse many casts in movies – she was sadly holding Laurence’s hand – You may have to refuse every casts… I regret this so much…

  - You don’t have to regret this. I would stop it excatly at the height. I won the Oscar exactly last year… It would be much harer to oyu to live forever that way like you lived in the past weeks than me to stop it. And I’ve already thanked my Mom for the things she did for my career in my childhood. And always you have been who had to look after the children when I’m on filming. Only you and the babysitter have bringed them up then.

  - But you’re still gaoing to have some duty if you’ll adopt this religion. Although, this is going to be much less than a filming lasts.

  - For the time being, I don’T know what will be about me in connection with religion. It remains to be seen if how much tis all thing will be convincig to me.

  - I know. But it’s so good that already there are some hope!

  29

  At the heraing, it was still disturbing Heni that they were considering her a defendant there but she was already much more bearing this than for the first time because already everything else was back to normal in her life. Laurence was completely sure of Heni was going to be innocent so he let the press in the hall too. But Heni was very exciting also because of this. The man embraced and was trying to calm her down before the hearing.

  - Everything is going to be OK. Be clever! I love you – they kissed each other and went int othe courtroom.

  They interrogated the defendant’s and the paintiff’s some close relatives too because of the few witnesses, in order to tell what like people they know them. In the end, it was necessary to be proved that man attacked her and she just defended herself from him.