Necessary Monsters

by Richard A. Kirk

  NECESSARY

  MONSTERS

  by

  RICHARD A. KIRK

  Arche Press

  For Elaine and Emily, with love

  In memory of Allen Keith Love

  I am the black shadow

  of chaos, whose pallid face frightens

  the heavens with confusion;

  I the dark prison: I the mournful veil

  that conceals the formless nothing

  and covers its stuff with its wings.

  — Pedro Calderón De La Barca

  TADPOLE IN A JAR

  Memoria turned in her sleep. Every limb ached. She pictured Moss as a boy many years earlier. With this scrap of memory, she opened a doorway into his dreams, and stepped inside, unseen.

  Two children faced each other in the compartment of a horse-drawn coach, separated by a shaft of unexpected sunlight. Moss, just past his eleventh birthday, had been instructed to accompany Memoria to a mansion in Hellbender Fields, where she would perform that evening. They sat on threadbare seats, Moss in a black suit, Memoria in a black dress. Memoria had a fair complexion accentuated by color at the extremities of nose, chin and ears. A band held her hair back. Moss was wind-burned. His hair was uncombed and full of static. A pencil line of dirt ran beneath his ragged fingernails.

  It was late in the day on October 29. In spite of the season, they had not been provided with a blanket for their knees lest the clothing be spoiled. Memoria sat with a book closed under her gloved hands. Her eyes were also closed, but she was not asleep. Moss removed his own gloves and used them to wipe the condensation from the window to get a clear look at a dog, which had come loping across a lawn.

  "Why do you think we've stopped?" asked Memoria.

  "There's a dog blocking the road," said Moss. The tip of his nose squeaked against the glass. "It's frightening the horses." His warm skin fogged the window, obscuring the view. "It's enormous."

  "In mythology, a dog guards the entrance to the underworld," said Memoria.

  "Then what's it doing running around out here?" Moss slid across the seat to the window on the other side of the coach. "It looks mad."

  "The driver will see it off." Her breath was white when she spoke. "It will be dark soon, and I'm cold. I want a fire, some supper and a hot water bottle in a warm bed." She opened her eyes. "I don't want to perform. I hate the way I feel when they look at me. It's like being a moth on the end of a pin."

  Since August, her self-proclaimed guardian, John Machine, had arranged private gatherings in the drawing rooms of Hellbender Fields. For a fee that soon vanished into his pocketbook, Memoria was compelled to exhibit her gift. While he sat in the dim corners of high-ceilinged rooms, she levitated stones, marbles or whatever trinkets the audience might produce. Each night she had suffered John Machine flouring her face and darkening her eyes with crushed charcoal. Once he had even stained her lips with a berry juice that had made her ill. She shied from his impatient hands, coarse with freckled skin and copper hair, and especially the touch of the battered gold ring with the dark ruby. Once, mellowed by brandy, he had told her the stone was a symbol for blood and identified him as a member of the Red Lamprey, a secret society. She had seen similar rings among her patrons.

  "I despise them," she said.

  Moss sat back from the fogged glass, exasperated, and faced Memoria. "If you give them what they want, they will only want more. The answer is simple."

  "To you, maybe. Everyone expects you to be rude and disappointing. You're an uncouth boy, which means I have to work twice as hard just so they won't have a bad opinion of John." Memoria shoved her book into a pasteboard suitcase.

  "Who cares about their opinion?" said Moss. He pedaled the air with his feet. "My feet creak in these horrible boots. I might take them off."

  "Don't you dare, or you'll never get them back on."

  Moss fell back into the seat and worked the toes of his pointed black boots against Memoria's seat.

  "Behave." Memoria threw a cushion at him, but it bounced to the floor. The driver's voice came through the walls of the coach, commanding the horses. It was followed by an erratic clopping of hooves, and much snorting. The coach lurched backwards, then forwards. Moss pivoted to the window in time to see the dog loping off across a wide lawn. Memoria, looking out the opposite window, watched a brittle reef of ornamental gardens drift by the coach as it lurched over the uneven road. At a bend, the mansion they were to visit swung into her field of vision. The coach heaved, returning her attention to the gardens and trees.

  "Is he trying to kill us?" Moss gripped the seat. Memoria did not answer. She had felt off all day. Her vision seethed with the onset of a migraine. Unlike Moss she found the confinement of the coach soothing. Moss's chatter was ceaseless. She held her tongue, understanding that he was frightened by the prospect of the performance and the presence of refined people. During the slow coach ride through the City of Steps she had tried to read, discovering that although she loved to read when relaxed, it did not follow that reading would ease her into that desirable state. Her eyes had skipped around the lines of print, forcing her to re-start sentences, which Moss interrupted with random comments. She had tried to sleep but the frantic parade of images behind her eyes further eroded her mood. She longed to escape the performance and be sent to her room so that she could take her headache medicine without notice.

  "One of these days I am going to paint your portrait," said Moss. "It will be a great unsmiling thing with squinty eyes so everyone will know what I had to put up with."

  "One of these days I'm going to tell you a secret that will put you in the madhouse," hissed Memoria. Moss looked at his companion with wounded eyes, until he could no longer bear her gaze and turned away. She took his hand.

  Memoria held the jam jar up to the June sunlight. They were behind the old house called Fleurent Drain. John Machine had brought her to live there a year earlier, with Moss and his mother. Tadpoles wriggled in the green water, much fatter than even two days ago.

  "It's like they think that one of these days, if they keep trying, they'll be able to swim right through the glass. They don't understand glass. To them it's magic."

  Moss, who was watching Memoria, and was not at that moment interested in tadpoles, nodded. Memoria's face was still thin from a bout of fever, but the bruising had gone from around her eyes. Her hair hung about her sunburned shoulders and over the straps of her swimsuit.

  "Well," said Memoria. She lowered the jar.

  "Well?"

  Memoria made a face as she tried to twist the lid off the jar. "It's a big day in Tadpoleland." Her wet hand slipped on the tight lid, sloshing the water, and panicking the tadpoles. She thrust the jar at Moss. "Here, can you?" Moss took the jar and twisted the lid. It came off with a loud pop.

  "Let them go," said Moss, his face betraying his anxiety that Memoria was about to do something horrible. She took the jar and lay belly-down on the warm dock. She lowered it into the canal, letting the water slip over the rim. Moss lay down beside her. She saw him look at the healed scars that encircled her arms. Moss switched his attention to the jar. He had never summoned the courage to ask her about them. The tadpoles continued to wriggle against the glass until a large one made its way to the rim and slipped into the canal.

  "That's the clever one," said Memoria. In a few seconds the jar was empty.

  It was October again. John Machine and Memoria had argued. She had run away and John had chased her to the edge of the city where it met the sea. Moss followed, angry with John and afraid for Memoria. Memoria had reached the end of the path near the Irridian Sea and climbed onto a seawall. She fought the wind to pull herself upright, keeping a hand on the wall as long as possible while gulls swept aroun
d her. A gust caused her to stagger. She shrieked. Moss's breath caught in his throat. She regained her footing. The ocean crashed at the bottom of the fifty-foot drop behind her. Watching John approach, she stood in that strange, slightly k-legged way of hers, hands on hips. John bellowed. Memoria shouted back, gesturing with her arms. Despite the danger, Moss half smiled. He knew what was coming next; he had been on the receiving end of it many times. A handful of stones lying loose on the seawall popped into the air, like the click beetles he kept in a jar under the house.

  "Don't," said John, walking forward. "I'm warning you." The stones rose into the air. "Memoria, you'll be sorry." The stones flew at him, as if in retort.

  "God dammit." John stopped less than twenty feet from her, his skin raw. He raised his arms to cover his face and twisted away. The stones bounced off his upper body and scattered around his feet. Moss felt a twinge of pity. John was ill dressed for the elements. His worn overcoat flapped around his limbs. His socks had drooped to expose bare ankles. A fresh haircut had left a band of raw skin on the back of his neck. It struck Moss as poignant.

  "I'm not going with you," shouted Memoria. "I don't want to live with that monster."

  "Come on," John said. "Nobody is asking you to do anything but your share. Do you think your food is free, your clothes? That man is our benefactor."

  "Liar. You've never asked me what I wanted."

  "What do you say we go get a cup of cocoa and talk about this reasonably?" John worked his way closer. He lifted his hands, palms out.

  "I don't want to. You'll say anything to get your way."

  "We've all got to do our part, Dove. You're no different. You have to earn your keep like the rest of us." John's voice had grown calm.

  Moss was now within a few feet of them. "Don't listen," he shouted. Memoria looked at him. He had always been in awe of her unusual, pale-blue eyes. The corners of her mouth dropped. Time slowed. Moss's face burned with embarrassment at the thought that she understood the feelings he had never dared to reveal.

  "What?" he whispered. It was as if just the two of them stood there. "Memoria, what?" She shook her head in wonderment. She had guessed his secret. He was sure of it.

  "Get off the seawall," said John, in a voice wrecked from too many hand-rolled cigarettes. He pointed an ochre-stained finger at her. "If you don't get off that wall I'll knock you into the middle of next week."

  The spell was broken. Another stone flew from Memoria's side. Moss winced at the sharp crack against John's head. The hand with the ruby ring pressed a whitened patch on his brow. When he pulled it away blood dribbled down a crease in his face.

  "You little bitch," he said. He lunged toward her. Moss cried out when Memoria skipped backward on one foot, close to the outer edge of the wall. She was quick, but John was strong. He grabbed her ankle, causing her to fall on her side with a shrill yelp. John pulled against a welter of blows from her other foot. Moss threw himself at John's back. He flailed his fists at the man's head and shoulders.

  "Let me go. Let me go," screamed Memoria.

  John turned, grabbed Moss's hair with his free hand and sent him sprawling.

  "Stay out of this." John returned his attention to Memoria. He slapped her face and told her to shut up. In return she windmilled her legs. A booted heel drove into John's face. He staggered back with a hand over his eye, releasing Memoria's leg. She screamed, and then she was gone. Moss felt a sensation that he had never experienced before. It was black and unyielding, plunging under his ribs into his organs. His scalp prickled as the blood rushed from his head. He wanted to be sick. John sprawled across the seawall, hands grasping as though Memoria had somehow become invisible. Moss rose to his feet, but he could do no more than stand with his fists clenched.

  "No, no, no," John yelled. He ran up and down the seawall looking over in disbelief every few steps. At the spot where Memoria had fallen, John picked something off the wall and clutched it in his fist. He turned to Moss. His bloodless lips quivered. "You see what you've done? This is your fault, you little bastard. Yours." John grabbed Moss by the upper arm and shook him. Moss thought his teeth would shatter. "What have you been telling her?" John struck him, making his head ring. "Do you know what you've done to me? Do you? You've ruined me."

  "We have to find her." Moss tried to pull away.

  "I'm finished," John bellowed. "That should be you down there." John's face was inches away. The reddish-grey stubble congealed with blood, his teeth, ivory but for one that was grey, the reddened eyes, these things would be etched in Moss's memory forever. A thought took hold in the one quiet spot in his mind as he fought John's grip. I should have done more. I killed her.

  John Machine was right. Moss had been telling Memoria things. This morning, Moss had woken to find Memoria staring at him from under the cowl of her blanket. He learned that the previous night she had been taken to see a strange man who had spoken to her from behind a screen. After seeing a demonstration of her gift, the stranger asked if she would like to come and live with him in his mansion in Hellbender Fields. He had said that she deserved an education, a better life, and promised to give her both. As Memoria lay propped on a pile of stained pillows drinking tea, Moss told her that this was what came from demonstrating her abilities too readily. The stranger's offer was a snare. The more she accommodated him, the sooner his curiosity would turn to boredom or worse, brutality. She would be miserable. Moss's warning was well-intentioned, but he had set a tragic chain of events in motion. When John arrived in the late afternoon, hung over and foul-tempered, Memoria had refused to go with him. He had grabbed her hand in anger, but Memoria had slipped away and run from the house.

  Moss perched on the edge of the seawall until dawn, numb from the cold and the shock of what had happened. When the waves struck the wall, spray rose before him as though a bomb had detonated on the sea floor. Whirlpools sucked at the foundations and smooth patches of water suggested broken masonry in the depths. Moss's heart ached at the thought of Memoria's body at the mercy of the cold water. Nobody had come. Moss knew that John's involvement meant that there would be no police or rescuers searching the dark water with arcs of torchlight. Moss tried to summon the courage to slide off the wall. He imagined what it would feel like to drop into the sea. One thing stopped him from doing it: the thought that maybe Memoria had survived. He remembered the tadpole. Maybe she had managed to slip away. The more he thought about it, the more certain he became. She was, after all, the clever one.

  SMOKE

  A piebald crow looked down on Nightjar Island. It would be winter soon. The clouds would close in for days at a time, and the forest below would be limned in frost. For now, the air was warm, and he meant to enjoy every moment.

  Two days earlier, the wind had stripped the trees. This morning, sunlight patterned the forest floor. A line of white-tailed deer moved along a trail, rooting for apples and mushrooms. The ground was covered in leaves, from staghorn sumacs, white birches, oaks, trembling aspens and maples. The crow recalled their names like lines of poetry. The evergreen trees had names as well, tamarack, jack pine, black spruce, balsam fir, red and white pine. The boy, the one that the women of the order called the Monster, had once spoken these names out loud as he stood in the deepening snow in a courtyard. At the time, he had been drawing in a book with a sharpened nib made from one of the crow's feathers. Ink had fanned in the fallen snowflakes. The deaf Attendant, a special role conferred by the order, had stood nearby, shivering and holding the bottle of ink in a cold, spattered hand. The crow had listened and remembered the names, because he had a remarkable memory, but he did not know which name belonged to which tree. The line of deer became untidy as they nuzzled dried stalks and seedpods. Names. Words. They fell easily from the mouths of men and monsters. Their meanings gave them agency over all things.

  The crow soared higher, angling his wings to take advantage of the thermal. The air pressed the feathers against his skull. He cawed for no reason but to celebrate the glorious
morning, and reasserted his grip on a twitching mouse. The crow was missing a toe on his left foot, and the adjustment gave the mouse a fortunate opportunity. It flattened its body and fell, as though it had turned to sand. Watching the plummeting rodent, the crow followed the rising air in a lazy arc. He was neither irritated by the loss, nor inclined to follow. Mice were plentiful.

  In the north end of the island, the forest dwindled, becoming meadow and then hardpan where little grew except lichen. Past the barren land, the empty city of Absentia was visible as overlapping shades of blue. The city appeared lifeless, but the crow had flown among the wind-sculpted domes and towers and seen the choking ivy, honeysuckle and nightshade. He had also seen survivors of the Purge, fewer every year, searching for anything useful in the ruins. Absentia, abandoned and ruinous, did not suit his mood this morning. He was light of heart and more than happy to turn his gaze to the west.

  In this direction, a turbulent body of water divided Nightjar Island from the mainland. Along the coast, the forest broke into copses and scrub, and ended in prominences of limestone. At the foot of the cliffs, pitched slabs of rock were home to seals and cormorants. Testing the limits of his vision, the crow could make out the landscape across the channel and felt a familiar longing to fly there. His reverie was interrupted. There was something unexpected in the air, a trace of smoke. The crow swiveled his head, scanning the forest. He was flying over the low-lying center of the island, the great crater, where the rains had collected on the clay-rich soil and flooded acres of land. Curious, he angled his wings and spread his tail feathers.

  He dropped through the trees into a different world. Here, the air was heavy with fungal damp. Tangled branches and the glitter of sunlight on pooled water obscured visibility. He skimmed over a horse carriage, its wheels and axles caked in mud. A second later it was lost behind him. As the crow flew through the forest, the taint of smoke became pronounced. It was the crow's fifteenth autumn. He was still agile on the wing and proud of it. He moved with grace through a maze of branches that would have confounded a younger bird, ignoring the rodents scattering among the roots, and the warnings of a blue jay. Now the smoke was all around him, a layer of blue, acrid and warm. He dipped under it. Seeing movement ahead, he alighted on a tree limb with a soft slap of feathers against the air.