Hold on to Love

by Roberta Capizzi

  ***

  A few minutes into the kiss, Alyssa got rid of the blanket and threw it on the floor. She wasn’t cold anymore, now that Sean had lit up a bonfire inside her chest.

  Sean gently laid her down on her back, but they soon realized the couch was too small and uncomfortable; before she could realize what was happening, Sean had pulled her off the couch and onto the floor, where he laid her down on the blanket.

  His rough fingers stroked every inch of her body as gently as if he were touching a delicate flower. Every single time his hands touched her an electrical shock ran all along her spine, like tingles, lightning, and a shot of adrenaline all mixed together.

  She never wanted him to stop; she had never wanted someone so badly as she wanted Sean now, and for the first time in her life she knew she was exactly where she wanted to be and who she wanted to be with.

  Sean looked at her through hooded eyes when his fingers grabbed the hems of the hoodie she was wearing. She lifted her arms above her head without a second thought, giving him the silent permission to take it off her.

  When his eyes took her in, scanning her body thoroughly and appreciatively, she felt a little self-conscious and had to fight the urge to cover herself. Was she really ready for this? Wasn’t she going to regret giving herself completely to a man who was just a little more than a stranger?

  She looked at him and when their eyes met, the heat in his eyes melted away all of her doubts with one single stare.

  For once in her life she wanted to be reckless—she needed to be. She wanted to do something she was sure her mother wouldn’t approve of and that would most probably drive her insane. For once in her life she wanted to do something just because.

  She liked Sean, hell, she was in love with him, and if this was her one and only chance for them to be together, she would damn well take it.

  She was sick and tired of being the perfect daughter, always making the right decision, always doing the right thing. She wanted to be young and free—she was young and free, for heaven’s sakes, and she intended on making the most of this afternoon with Sean.

  Her friends did this all the time, right? They would go on holiday, meet a guy and have fun with no strings attached. Once the holiday was over they would go home and forget about the hunk of the moment, feeling totally at peace with themselves: happy and carefree.

  Although she wasn’t so sure she’d be able to get over Sean just as easily, she still wanted to give it a shot.

  She didn’t know if he felt anything at all for her, or if he were simply being a guy and taking advantage of the situation, but at that precise moment she didn’t care. If she’d have to nurse a heartbreak once she was back in New York, she’d cross that bridge when she got there—right now, all she wanted was to know how it felt to be held in those strong arms and caressed by those calloused hands; all she wanted was to be loved by Sean, even if to him it didn’t mean anything more than plain sex.

  She wanted to remember her first time with the first man who’d captured her heart in such a short time, and who’d made her feel free and careless for the first time in her life. No matter what would happen in an hour, in a day or in a month, she was sure she would never forget Sean and the way he’d brought out the best part of her, the one she’d locked away ages ago, the moment she’d understood that life wasn’t a fairytale.

  His lips were back on hers a second after she’d removed the top. As he moved down and started kissing her neck, she hugged him and stroked his back with her fingertips. She felt him shiver, and was happy to know she wasn’t the only one getting goose bumps when their skin touched.

  She felt short of air as his lips grazed her neck, moving back up to her ear and then towards her lips, his hands raking through her hair and pulling it free from the loose bun.

  Her hands moved down along his spine and grazed what she’d always known was a toned, firm behind. She pinched him playfully, eliciting a light chuckle.

  When her fingers fumbled with the zip of his jeans and he didn’t seem to oppose, she knew there would be no going back, and for the first time in her life she didn’t care about the consequences of her actions.

  This is it. This is really going to happen, she thought, realizing she’d be walking out of this cabin as a different person. This would be her first time, the turning point in her life she would remember forever. Ever the romantic one, she’d always imagined it would be like it happened in the movies: a bed of roses, slow music in the background, sexy lingerie and soft, satin sheets tangled around her body and her lover’s.

  But as Sean slowly lowered the strap of her plain, white bra, trailing hot kisses from her ear all along her neck, her body told her that, even though the floor was hard beneath them, the blanket was prickly and her lingerie was anything but sexy, this would be the most perfect first time she could ever have imagined.

  As soon as Sean’s pants were discarded beside their makeshift bed on the floor and she took in the sight of him in his boxers, Alyssa’s heart picked up and her cheeks flushed red-hot. He was perfect and so beautiful he made her body ache with a kind of longing she’d never experienced before. Sure, she’d dated in the past, but she’d never reached this level of intimacy with anyone.

  After Sean’s boxers reached her clothes somewhere on the floor, Alyssa inhaled deeply as Sean shifted away from her for just a moment, reaching for his pants. For a moment she feared he’d changed his mind again, but when she heard the rustling of a wrapper she smiled, glad at least one of them was focused enough to remember protection. She’d been so inebriated by his nearness and the heady scent of his skin that common sense had totally deserted her. She was no longer the sensible and responsible attorney from New York; she felt like a drunken teenager with her first crush, intoxicated by Sean’s very presence.

  Sean positioned himself back where she wanted and needed him, and stared at her for a moment, his ice-blue eyes now dark with desire. She teased her bottom lip with her teeth, suddenly afraid he’d notice her inexperience, and his breath caught as he fixed his eyes on her mouth.

  “Last chance to pull back,” he whispered, his husky tone making her insides twist and shake. All of her fears dissipated like morning mist.

  “Ah, I don’t think so, Cowboy,” she said with an impish grin, placing her hands on the back of his neck and pulling his face down to hers.

  When their lips met again, the force of his kiss set Alyssa’s body ablaze, and suddenly the temperature in the room spiked to a hundred degrees, making her fear she would either turn to ash or melt into a puddle.

  Maybe it was the atmosphere, maybe it was the sound of the rain falling outside, or maybe it was just something that had been sparking in the air for too long, but when their bodies connected, Alyssa thought she was going to combust, and she never wanted it to end.

  When they were finally able to separate, after what had felt like forever, they stared at each other in silence for a couple of minutes. The lust and passion she’d previously seen in his eyes had now been replaced by something that looked like joy and bliss. She hoped those were the same feelings he could see in her own eyes, because it was exactly how she felt.

  Sean kissed the tip of her nose and lay down beside her, wrapping his strong arm around her. She rested her head on his chest, his heart rate mirroring her own. As she waited for her heart to slow, she felt as if her life had just started at that very moment.

  Chapter Twenty-six

  They lay on the blanket in silence for a few minutes, slowly recovering their breathing. She was enjoying lying in his arms, with the only sounds being the logs crackling in the fireplace and his strong heartbeat.

  Although she wanted to know what he was thinking and how he was feeling, she didn’t want to spoil the moment with words. The inexperienced and unsure part of herself couldn’t help wondering what this had meant to him; she knew sex was different for men, that it didn’t go hand in hand with love like it did for most women. Deep down, though, the romantic part of h
erself hoped this had meant more to him than just sex; she knew Sean was special, but he was still a man, after all. She couldn’t expect him to declare eternal love to her just because they’d let their hormones take control.

  “You okay?” Sean asked softly, interrupting her musing.

  “I’ve never felt better,” she said in all honesty, pushing away the nasty thoughts and doubts that had just troubled her. She snuggled close to him and stroked his chest, teasing the soft tuft of hair.

  She had never felt so happy and totally relaxed. She’d just done something that would give her mother a stroke if she only found out, but she couldn’t bring herself to regret it.

  “You went all quiet; you sort of had me worried. You’ve never been this quiet,” he said in a cheeky tone. She chuckled and hugged him, kissing his cheek.

  She wished she could tell him the only reason she was quiet was because she couldn’t find the words to express all the amazing feelings that were exploding inside her chest after the way he’d loved her.

  “I’m simply enjoying this moment with you. Why, is that a problem, Cowboy?”

  “Not at all. I don’t mind you keeping quiet every now and then.” He laughed, and the low rumble reverberated in his chest, stirring a flock of butterflies low in her belly.

  Everything was perfect, and she wished they could just lock themselves up in that log cabin and never go back to the ranch, that she didn’t have to go back to her old boring life, far away from Sean.

  Something clicked inside her brain then. They had been away since that morning, and his family would probably be wondering where they were. What if they came to the cabin and found them there, naked on the floor? What would they think of her?

  She stiffened in panic, and he turned to look at her with an arched eyebrow.

  “I was thinking . . . um . . . shouldn’t we go back now?” she asked in the most unaffected, panic-free tone she could muster. “Your family is probably starting to worry about us. We’ve been away for hours now, they’ll wonder if we’re still alive.”

  “Why? Are you afraid they’d think you’d try to steal my virtue?” he asked with a smirk, squeezing her to his chest. “I’m a little too old for them to worry about that.”

  Alyssa let out a sigh, and the words left her mouth of their own volition, carried by the breath she’d just released. “Well, you did steal mine after all . . .” she admitted, her fingertip casually tracing circles on his chest. Sean flinched and pushed her slightly away, staring wide-eyed at her.

  “Are you kidding me?”

  Alyssa blushed and looked away, unable to hold his gaze and feeling stupid for even admitting that to him.

  Why had she said that? What had she been hoping to achieve? She should have pretended he had been only another name on a long list—that it hadn’t meant that much to her. He would probably start laughing at her now, thinking she was an old-fashioned silly girl, and then they would start fighting again, and the fairytale would be over.

  “You tricked me into this, didn’t you?” he asked after a moment, propping his head up on his hand and staring at her from under his lashes, narrowing his eyes in a suspicious look. “All that ‘dancing in the rain’ nonsense was just so that you could take your clothes off and seduce me, right?”

  She laughed feeling the tension disappear. Damn, she loved this amazing man.

  “Guilty,” she said with a mock look of contrition and a coy smile.

  Sean smiled and grabbed the blanket, pulling her closer to him. He kissed the tip of her nose and looked her straight in the eye. His baby blues were now as dark as a stormy ocean, and she felt she could get lost in their depths.

  “Seriously, though, why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve done something to make it special, you know? Light some candles, sing you a song, all that shit girls dream of, instead of ending up rolling in an old blanket on a wooden floor. It makes me feel bad that you should remember your first time like this.”

  She smiled at his thoughtfulness. It was so different and in contrast with his usual rough cowboy attitude. Maybe it had been more than some impromptu romp with a guest, after all.

  “It was special, Sean; in fact, it was perfect. The rain, the fire crackling, a handsome cowboy; everything was just as perfect as it could be. I will never forget this, as long as I live.”

  She stroked his cheek, the stubble of his five o’clock shadow tickling her fingertips, and rested her head on his chest again.

  They remained silent for a while, listening to the rain letting up outside and to the sound of their own breathing. She couldn’t imagine having to leave him; she couldn’t bring herself to consider the option of living her life without him. She had fallen hard and fast, in quite an inexplicable way that she was still trying to make sense of, but even though she was well aware that things wouldn’t be easy from now on, she was also sure that she didn’t want to leave him. She would never find another man who could make her feel half as good as she felt when they were together.

  Her grandmother used to tell her that whenever things got complicated, there was only one thing worth holding on to: love.

  And that was exactly what she wanted to do.

  She wanted to hold on to love, to the strong and completely unexpected feeling that burned in her heart whenever she was with Sean, and let everything else slide off her like raindrops over a windbreaker.

  Nothing could take that feeling away from her.

  ***

  Sean had his arm wrapped securely around Alyssa, and nothing else mattered. She snuggled into him without saying a word, and all the pieces fit right into place. The rain had stopped but he didn’t want to leave their love nest; not even an earthquake could move him from that blanket on the hard wooden floor.

  It had been totally unlike him, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it; Alyssa was a guest and maybe it hadn’t been professional of him to surrender to the attraction, but deep down he knew it had been right. The chemistry between them was too strong to be ignored. When she’d teased him with that innocent peck he’d lost control. He was only human, after all, and he’d been dreaming of kissing her for days.

  Her lips felt even more amazing than he’d imagined, her skin silkier than he’d fantasized, and she fit so perfectly tucked inside his embrace that he couldn’t help thinking they were simply meant to be together. They were like two halves of the same apple, made to match only the other half.

  The thought made him smile; funny he should think of Alyssa as his other half when all he’d wanted only a few days ago was for her to be on her way home A.S.A.P.

  “What’s that smirk about?” she asked, staring at him from underneath her long lashes. He pecked her lips and gave her a gentle squeeze. Her body was so soft he could spend the rest of his life touching and squeezing and worshiping it.

  “I was just thinking about how surreal today has been. I mean, if a couple of weeks ago someone had told me we would end up making love or even falling for each other, I would have laughed in their face.”

  “I know, right?” she said in an amused tone. “The first few days I was here I wanted to change my flight and go home, away from you. And here we are now, unable to keep our hands off each other.”

  “Speak for yourself; I was perfectly able to control my hormones before you went all Catwoman on me.”

  Alyssa let out a gasp and pushed herself up from his chest, leaning on her elbow. She narrowed her eyes at him and he shrugged, playing with a loose strand of hair that had fallen in her face.

  “You were the one purring, not me. I was okay with chatting and waiting for the rain to let up. Making love to you was the last thing on my mind, but you couldn’t keep your hands off me so I had to surrender.”

  “Well, I didn’t really put a gun to your head, did I?”

  “Nope, but I was afraid you actually would, so I had to humor you just to save my life.”

  He grinned and she smacked his chest, making him laugh. He loved her when she got all upset b
ecause of something he’d said. “See? You’re a bad, bad girl.”

  She opened her mouth to say something but he surprised her by wrapping her up in the blanket and hoisting her on top of him.

  “But I happen to love dangerous women, you know . . .” He trailed off and kissed her, feeling her body quiver.

  “And I happen to love dumb countrymen, so it must be my lucky day!”

  She smiled cheekily, and he rolled over, making her end up flat on her back. He leant on his elbows to look her in the eye. She was so beautiful he could hardly breathe. He wanted her, forever.

  She intertwined her fingers behind his neck and gently pulled him down towards her. He didn’t even try to resist, and when her face was only a few inches from his, she closed her eyes and kissed him with so much love and passion that he had never thought he would ever feel.

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  “I came here to run away from a guy, someone my mother was dying to set me up with.” Alyssa whispered once their wild kissing had slowed down. “He’s this VIP attorney all women swoon after, and my mother thought he’d be a perfect catch for me.”

  Sean turned to look at her with a worried frown and she turned her head away. She didn’t know whether he wanted to hear this, but she needed to say it, to tell him the reasons why she’d run away and ended up in Wind Creek. Opening up with him in the barn that night had been the first step toward her newfound resolution of finding herself; if she could get this other rock off her chest, she was sure she’d be one step closer to feeling at peace.

  “Well, somehow she made him think I was interested in him, and he invited me out to dinner. He’s just about to become an associate in the legal company where he works, and in my career it’s always good to have connections, you know. Besides, it was only dinner; it wasn’t as if I had to declare eternal love for him.”

  She turned her head to place a soft kiss on Sean’s left pec, rubbing her hand in circles on his chest. In the short time they’d been lying in each other’s arms she’d understood it was something he loved. He closed his eyes, proving she was right.