Hold on to Love

by Roberta Capizzi

When the end credits rolled on the screen, Alyssa started gathering the leftovers and trash, and noticed Tammy had fallen asleep. Sean stood up to help her and smiled when he looked at his sister.

  Alyssa saw the loving stare he gave her, and pride filled her heart. She wasn’t used to being surrounded by loving men; most of the men she knew in the social circle she’d found herself in were too career-oriented to care about anything else. Sean was special.

  “She was wrecked,” Sean said, walking into the kitchen. “Too much excitement in one day.”

  “Let her rest, so we can have a little time for ourselves.” Alyssa smiled and reached out for his hands, pulling him close. Sean let go of her hands and encircled her waist, pulling her flush to him. He rested his chin on the top of her head and let out a sigh of contentment.

  “I’ve missed you, Alyssa. I’ve missed you so damn much.” Alyssa giggled, her face buried in his sweater. “Hey, ya laughin’ at me?”

  Sean pulled back and scowled. She grinned in response.

  “I’m laughing at the way you’ve changed; you were a rough, grumpy cowboy when I met you and now you’re a cutie.”

  “Want me to go back to being grumpy, then? I sure can do that.”

  She shook her head. “Hell, no!” Sean let out a chuckle and she took his face in her hands. “I love this soft, love-struck puppy.”

  “I don’t really like being called a love-struck puppy, but if that makes you happy . . .”

  She stood on her tiptoes and brushed his lips with hers. Upon contact, Sean pulled her up and she looped her arms around his neck for support while he deepened the kiss and carried her toward the kitchen counter. He put her on top of it and she let go for just a moment, the time it took to wrap her legs around his waist and pull him closer.

  He smirked, then claimed her lips again, his thumbs brushing her cheeks lovingly. The rough skin tickled her face but she didn’t mind; she’d never felt as good as she had when Sean stroked her. She’d never want anyone else’s touch.

  “How long do you think Tammy will be asleep?” she asked when they came up for air. He pulled slightly back, and raised an eyebrow questioningly. “Just wondering if I’d have time to show you my bedroom . . .”

  Sean grinned. “She’s not a light sleeper, and I suppose if we’re very quiet she won’t wake up for a while.”

  “I can be quiet,” she said in a low, sexy voice. Sean laughed, and scooped her up from the counter.

  “Direct the way, City Girl.”

  She nodded back toward the corridor. “First door on the right.”

  Sean stopped to check Tammy was still asleep; the soft snoring proved she wasn’t going to wake up anytime soon, so he walked toward the bedroom and let Alyssa close the door behind them.

  He gently lowered her onto the mattress and she pulled him down too, making him tumble upon her. They stifled the laughs and stared at each other for a long moment, neither of them wanting to make the first move, both too intent in memorizing each other’s features after being apart for too long.

  “Now, this is a first,” Sean said with a smirk after a couple of minutes of silence. Alyssa arched an eyebrow and he smiled, while gently stroking her hair. “You and me in a bed. We did it on the floor and in the barn, but never in a bed.”

  Alyssa giggled quietly. “I think the bed is overrated. The barn and the log cabin were much more romantic, wilder and way more exciting.”

  “Wilder?” he asked with a smirk. “Now that’s an interesting choice of words, City Girl. Didn’t take you for a wild girl.”

  “Test me,” she said in a purr. His face cracked into a naughty smile.

  “Well, if you insist . . .”

  He lowered his weight onto her and propped himself on his elbows. His hands were on either side of her face, stroking her hair, while he stared into her eyes.

  “I love you, Cowboy,” Alyssa said, breaking the silence.

  Sean smiled. “I love you, too.”

  He dipped his head and his kiss showed just how true his words were.

  ***

  “I think we should get dressed before Tammy wakes up and comes looking for us,” Alyssa said against the warm skin of his chest. The soft curly hair tickled her face but she didn’t move away.

  “I’m such a terrible big brother,” he said, placing a kiss on her temple.

  “No, you’re not. I’m the one who tempted you, and you couldn’t resist because you’re just a man. Men don’t have much self-control, it’s a known fact.”

  He laughed quietly. “I’m really tempted to pin you down on this mattress and start all over again, you know.”

  “Mmm . . .sounds inviting. But we’ve really got to get out of this bed, now.”

  She sat up and pulled the sheet to cover her body. Sean smirked.

  “Are you playing coy? I’ve seen it all a few times now, there’s no need to be ashamed.” He sat up and placed a soft kiss on her right shoulder. “And I quite liked what I saw.”

  Alyssa giggled and grabbed a sweater off the armchair close to the bed, pulled it over her head and picked up her underwear from the floor.

  Sean got off the bed and picked up his clothes. She couldn’t help sneaking a naughty glance. When he turned back and caught her staring, he gave her an impish grin.

  “Like what you see?”

  Her cheeks flushed, and she fumbled with the string of her yoga pants. He took a step closer, and tugged at it playfully, then went back to getting dressed.

  Alyssa let out a light chuckle as she pulled up the duvet and resisted the urge to get those clothes off him again.

  Chapter Forty

  Tammy was wide awake and watching TV when they walked back into the living room. Sean froze, and Alyssa stopped short, only a step away from bumping into his back.

  “Hey guys,” Tammy said nonchalantly, without looking away from the screen. Sean shifted his weight to his right foot and tucked his hands in his pockets.

  “Um . . .We . . .We were just . . .um . . .”

  Tammy giggled and looked at her brother with a raised eyebrow. “There’s no need to make up excuses, Sean. I can guess what you were doing. I already had the birds-and-bees talk, I know how these things work. And as much as I love you, I’m not going to have a sex talk with you.”

  Sean gasped and Alyssa couldn’t help laughing at the way his cheeks and neck flushed; so much for the rough cowboy who didn’t fear a thing. A cheeky comment from his little sister and he was at a loss for words.

  “What do you mean, you know how these things work?” His tone changed when Tammy’s words sank in. He was back to protective big brother mode.

  Tammy rolled her eyes and looked back to the TV. “Sean, we’re not in the eighties anymore. Some of my school friends have boyfriends, and girls talk with one another, you know.”

  Sean’s face went pale and Alyssa linked her arm through his, pulling him close to her. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek softly. She felt the hard muscles in his arm relax, and it was enough to shake him out of whatever thought he’d been lost in.

  “That doesn’t mean I did anything of the sort, but I’m not five anymore. And I surely don’t expect you guys to wait until you’re married, you know. I won’t go blabbing to Mom and Dad about what you two were doing while I was asleep, don’t worry.”

  Alyssa laughed out loud, squeezing Sean’s arm a little tighter.

  “Thank you, Tammy. I appreciate your tact,” she said with a wink that Tammy returned. “How about a cup of tea before I call a taxi to take you back to the hotel? Or maybe hot chocolate?”

  Tammy sprang up from the couch. “Definitely hot chocolate, if you ask me.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure Alyssa has managed to discover your sweet tooth, after you slurped all that chocolate at the café today.”

  Tammy turned to her brother and stuck out her tongue. “Mind your mouth, brother, or I’ll go have a talk with Mommy when we get home.”

  Sean rolled his eyes and Alyssa laughed. Sh
e would miss all this once they were gone. The thought caused her a pang of sadness and she decided to push it to the back of her mind until they were actually gone. She was going to enjoy their company without any thoughts of the future; once she was alone, she’d make plans and find a way to be part of all this again.

  ***

  They spent Saturday touring other parts of the city. They took the ferry and went to visit the Statue of Liberty, and then caught a cab further north in Manhattan and visited some of the museums. The day passed too quickly and after a quiet dinner at the hotel restaurant, Alyssa knew she wouldn’t be able to spend her last night with Sean the way she was hoping to. As much as she wanted to have the hotel room all to themselves, she wasn’t going to ask Tammy to hang around in one of the hotel facilities so she and her brother could roll over in the sheets. It was Tammy’s birthday, and it just wouldn’t be fair on her.

  After they finished eating the birthday cake Alyssa had asked the hotel staff to make especially for Tammy, they spent some time in the hotel lounge sofas, chatting and having a cup of tea. Every minute that ticked away was a minute closer to Sean leaving, and her heart was slowly emptying like an hourglass with every passing second. By the time Sean and Tammy would be on the plane tomorrow, her heart would be nothing but an empty shell.

  It was close to midnight when they finally decided to call it a night. Tammy was just about to fall asleep on the plush, fabric couch and she squeezed Alyssa in a bear hug before taking the lift to their room. Sean said he’d wait for her taxi and while they were waiting outside on the street, he squeezed her in his arms.

  The feeling of dread returned in full force and Alyssa’s legs buckled a little.

  “I don’t want you to go,” she said. Her voice trembled but she didn’t care. “I don’t want to be lonely and miserable again.”

  He bent down a little so that his mouth was on her ear. “You’ll never be alone, as long as I love you. I’ll leave my heart with you, Alyssa, and I’ll be with you, always.”

  He kissed her temple and she shuddered. She wished he would trace his lips all over her. It was the only way he’d be able to soothe the pain she was feeling at having to say goodbye again. She didn’t like goodbyes.

  “Give me a little time to work this through, Alyssa. It won’t be forever. There must be a way for us to be together, here or in Wind Creek, or even on another planet, I don’t care. I just . . . it takes time to turn a life upside-down, and it’s not so easy when you live in the countryside. Just trust that I’m not going to let go of you. If anything, this weekend proved that I simply can’t contemplate being away from you and that, even though I pretty much hate your world, I love you so much that I could force myself to like it, just for you.”

  Her heart fluttered and she looked over her shoulder at him. “Are you serious?” she asked, hopeful that this wasn’t just a way of patronizing her.

  He smiled. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too, Sean,” she said, as a tear rolled down her cheek.

  Her taxi arrived just then and the valet went to open the door for her. She smiled and thanked him; Sean stole one last kiss before he closed the door and, as the taxi drove away, she felt the hourglass running close to empty.

  Chapter Forty-one

  November

  Sean closed the door of his bedroom and plopped facedown onto his bed. It had been another tough day, but it wasn’t because he’d worked harder than usual. It was the way his father had looked at dinner, old and tired, that had Sean’s heart writhing with guilt. In spite of what his father kept saying, ever the stubborn countryman, Sean could see he was no longer the strong, unbreakable man he’d been all his life. He was getting old and the farm life he’d been living since he was a young kid was finally taking its toll on him.

  Sean had been so close to telling everyone his secret, plagued by the remorse of wanting another life for himself away from his family and close to Alyssa, but then he’d realized it would only be a cause of further grief and worry for his father. No; until he was sure he had a job somewhere near Alyssa he wasn’t going to drop the bomb on them. No reason to hurt his family if he wasn’t even sure there was a chance for him to actually make it away from Wind Creek.

  He pulled himself up and went to his desk, switched on his computer, and while he waited for it to boot, he imagined what it would be like if he found the e-mail he’d been waiting for, the e-mail saying he had an interview and a possible job waiting for him in New Jersey.

  Ever since he and Tammy had come back from their trip to New York two weeks before, he’d been researching farms, stables and any other agricultural-related business in rural New Jersey, hoping he’d manage to land a job there and he’d finally be only a few miles away from Alyssa. He was sure he’d never be able to live in New York, but New Jersey was a compromise he was willing to accept; besides, the commute from New Jersey to New York, even if only at the weekends, would be much easier and definitely more feasible than flying from Wyoming.

  Problem was, seeing his father like that tonight had unloaded a truckload of guilt on him, so even if he found a positive reply in his emails, Sean was pretty sure he wouldn’t be quite as happy as he’d imagined.

  He logged into his account and saw two emails. His heart thudded in his chest as he clicked on the first one with a trembling hand. This was the moment of truth, the moment that could change his life forever.

  Dear Mr. Maclaine,

  We received your application and résumé and we appreciate your interest in our company.

  However we are sorry to inform you that we aren’t in the process of hiring additional staff for the time being. We will be pleased to keep your contact details in our database, should there be an opening in the future.

  We wish you success in your career.

  Sincerely,

  Paul Girardi

  Manager at The Rainbow Farmhouse

  Sean’s little bubble of hope burst in his face. This was the one he’d been hoping for the most; it was closer to New York than any of the other places he’d applied for, and it looked like one of the nicest too. It was bigger than the others and included so much more than a few cows and horses. Sean had actually imagined himself there, building a career as more than a simple farmer.

  Trying to be a little optimistic, he clicked on the other email and slammed his fist on the wooden desk when he read a reply very similar to the previous one.

  He’d applied to at least ten different places and these were the first two replies he’d received so far; maybe there was still hope some of the others would be happy to have him working for them. He had to think positive and never give up hope. He was doing it for Alyssa; he’d promised her he’d do anything for them to be together. He couldn’t give up after the first rejection.

  He closed his email account and checked the time; it was still too early for their usual night chat, so he decided to browse the Internet and see if he could find any information on Alyssa’s past. He was her boyfriend so it wasn’t as if he was stalking her or anything. He was simply curious to see what her life had been like before he’d met her.

  He Googled her name and, to his surprise, he was rewarded with several different results. Her name was linked to her legal office, obviously, but also to charity events and parties, next to chief of police William O’Riordan or Judge Jane O’Riordan.

  Curiosity got the best of him and he clicked on a link mentioning Alyssa’s father. The article was about an event organized by the NYPD, and when he scrolled down, he saw a picture of Alyssa, her arm linked through that of a middle-aged man, with graying hair and eyes as green as Alyssa’s. He was tall and dressed in a navy tailored suit, with pins on the lapel of his jacket.

  After a brief scan of her father, Sean’s eyes settled on Alyssa and he never wanted to look anywhere else. She was wearing a long, dark-blue dress, with a neckline showing just enough cleavage to be sexy and innocent at the same time, just like her personality. He was sure she had teased the ey
es of all the men at that event without even realizing.

  He went back to the Google page and clicked on another few links, staring at her in different attires, always standing out with her sophisticated yet fresh beauty. His heart sank a little with every different image he saw; even though she kept saying she didn’t like her world, she had the kind of beauty and personality that fit in perfectly in the glittery New York high-end society. How could he even think she’d be happy to be the girlfriend of a farmer?

  He clicked on another link, a more recent one. The date stamp read November seventh, only a week ago. More pictures came up, images of strangers all dressed in tuxedoes and sophisticated gowns; he cringed at the sight of the world Alyssa was part of and that he’d never in a million years want to get to know. He scrolled down, his eyes skittering over the pictures, barely registering the carefully styled hairdos and fake smiles, until a beautiful pair of green eyes made his middle finger freeze on the mouse wheel. There she was, as beautiful as ever, in a burgundy sheath dress and a matching satin shawl draped around her bare shoulders, her hair pulled up in a bun with only a few loose waves framing her face. She was holding a clutch in her right hand and a glass of some sparkling white wine in her other hand.

  He was so captivated by her beauty that he hadn’t noticed the man standing by her side wasn’t her father, like it had been in the previous picture. He was much younger, tall and clean-shaven; his dark hair was sleeked back and he was wearing what looked like a very expensive two-piece suit. His arm was around Alyssa’s waist although, much to Sean’s relief, she wasn’t leaning into him.

  He read the caption and his heart skipped a beat.

  Attorney Julian Davidson and attorney Alyssa O’Riordan, daughter of Chief of Police William O’Riordan, attended the event together. Are they more than just colleagues?

  So this was Julian? The slimy bastard who’d caused her so much trouble of mind she’d had to escape to Wyoming to get rid of him? And in spite of all that, she was standing right next to him, letting him snake his arm around her as if he had every right to?