Always a Princess

by Alice Gaines

“Thank you, your lordship,” Chumley said.

  “Philip, you don’t know what you’re saying,” his mother wailed. “This is all a mistake.”

  “I’m afraid not, Mother. I’ve been terrorizing London, and it’s time I paid for it.”

  “An honorable sentiment, my lord,” Chumley said. “Now, if you and the princess will please come with me.”

  “No!” his mother shouted. “Oh, Farnham, do something.”

  His father rose from his chair, looking quite regal despite his short stature. “Chumley, I must ask you to leave my house. This instant.”

  “Not without the thieves,” Chumley said.

  “Thief, singular,” Philip corrected. “The princess had nothing to do with the robberies.”

  “She was with you whenever a jewel was stolen,” Chumley said.

  “Not every time.” He’d stolen several gems before he’d met Eve.

  “She accompanied you to Lord and Lady Harrington’s party,” Chumley said. “And she disappeared at the same time you did, as did Lady Harrington’s diamond necklace.”

  “True and true.”

  “She was with you when Lady Linwood’s tiara was almost stolen,” Chumley said.

  “But, you caught that Cathcart fellow,” his father said. “He’s the thief.”

  “Really, Father. Arthur Cathcart?” Philip said.

  “Lord Wesley’s quite right,” Chumley said. “The man’s simply not a criminal mastermind.”

  “But, I am.” Philip glanced at where Eve clutched the arm of the settee, a look of abject horror in her eyes. “So much so, in fact, that I’m responsible for the sorry state of the princess today.”

  “Philip, lad, have you lost your mind?” his father demanded.

  “The princess happened upon me as I was stealing Lady Harrington’s necklace, you see,” Philip continued. “I had no choice but to force her to escape with me across the Harringtons’ roof and into the night.”

  “But you said that the two of you had spent the night in a Greek Orthodox church,” his mother said.

  “I lied. I took the princess to an inn, and may God forgive me, I terrified her.”

  Eve let out a little yelp of a laugh at that ridiculous lie, but she didn’t utter a word, thank heaven.

  “I convinced her that if she turned me in to the authorities I’d have my henchmen kill her,” he continued.

  “Philip!” his mother exclaimed. “You have henchmen?”

  “Of course not, but the princess didn’t know that. My plan to frighten her worked too well. As you can see, I’ve driven her mad. To atone for my sins, I’ve vowed to marry her and care for her the rest of my life.”

  “Rubbish,” Chumley declared.

  “Not rubbish at all, Herr Constable,” Kleckhorn said. “Any fool can see that the woman has lost her reason.”

  “Eastern European royalty and all their inbreeding,” Philip added. “Makes them high-strung.”

  The doctor crossed his legs and studied the constable with some disdain. “As I said, I’ve just examined both the princess and Lord Wesley, and everything is as Lord Wesley says it is. The princess hasn’t uttered a word for the entire time I’ve been here. She’s quite insane. As to their characters, as measured by the bumps on their heads, there’s only one thief here. And he’s Lord Wesley.”

  “Oh, Philip, Philip,” his mother moaned. “How could you?”

  His father walked to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll hire the best barristers in England. You won’t sit in jail more than a day.”

  At that, Eve whimpered, too. Good God, but they were all playing their parts to perfection.

  He turned toward Chumley and lifted his chin. “I’m ready to go with you, sir.”

  Chumley gestured toward the doorway. “This way, if you please.”

  He walked to the settee and bent to place a kiss first on his mother’s forehead and then on Eve’s. That done, he straightened and headed toward the doorway. After a step, he paused. “There is one thing I should mention, Constable.”

  “And what might that be?” Chumley asked.

  “I’ve returned all the jewelry,” Philip said.

  Chumley’s eyebrow rose. “You have?”

  “Butlers all over London are opening mysterious packages as we speak.”

  “I’m sure that will help you with the court,” Chumley said.

  “The Lords,” Philip corrected. “As a peer of the realm, I’ll be tried in the House of Lords. Where my father sits.”

  Chumley glanced at Lord Farnham, and Lord Farnham glared back at him.

  Chumley cleared his throat. “Quite. Shall we go now?”

  “Of course.” Philip paused again. “I don’t suppose I’ll strike the Lords as exceedingly dangerous, having returned the spoils of my thievery.”

  Chumley didn’t look at all impressed by that statement but only gestured toward the door again. “A thief’s a thief, my lord.”

  “A very repentant thief with a sick wife to care for,” Philip replied.

  “I’m sure they’ll think you a capital fellow,” Chumley said. “Now, if you please.”

  “And I don’t suppose Her Majesty will be too very upset at the turn of affairs.”

  “The queen?” Chumley asked.

  “Nor Mr. Gladstone, either, I imagine.”

  “What do the Queen and the prime minister have to do with this?” Chumley demanded.

  “Well, you see, Constable, it just happens that Valdastok is England’s staunchest ally in that troublesome part of the world. I’ve already had the bad taste to drive their princess mad, and now you plan to imprison me, her husband, before I can make her well again.” Philip sighed loudly. “I don’t think they’ll take that very well at all.”

  “It’s a simple case of jewel theft,” Chumley said. “I don’t see how it can become an international incident.”

  “More like war, I’d say,” Philip replied.

  “War?”

  “The Valdastokians are a very fierce and proud people.”

  “Oh dear,” Chumley mumbled.

  “They could never defeat the Empire, of course. It will probably only take five or six regiments to prevail over them. Minimal loss of English life.”

  “Ten regiments at the minimum,” his father added, bless him. “And a long and bloody winter campaign.”

  “So, you see,” Philip said cheerily, “all you have to do is get me convicted in the House of Lords and then explain to your superiors why you’ve started a war over some jewels that have already been returned.”

  Chumley didn’t answer that. In fact, he didn’t look at all well—as though someone had punched him in the stomach when he wasn’t looking.

  “I’m ready to go now, Constable,” Philip said.

  “Perhaps that won’t be necessary, my lord,” Chumley said after a moment. “It does appear that you’ve learned your lesson.”

  “No truer words were ever spoken,” Philip said. And he meant that with all his heart.

  “If I have your assurance that you won’t steal anything…or anyone…else, I’ll be going.”

  “You have it.”

  “And mine, too,” his father added.

  “Good day to you, then.” Chumley turned and left the room, and Philip took his first real breath since he’d thought up this desperate scheme.

  “I’ll be on my way, too, then,” Kleckhorn said, rising from his chair. He walked up to Philip and leaned toward him in an almost intimate manner. “I’d very much like to examine your betrothed further. I have quite an interest in the nervous disorders, and she’s an interesting case.”

  “No doubt,” Philip replied. “If we need you, Doctor, we’ll send for you.”

  He also exited, leaving Philip alone with his family. And his intended. And only one more obstacle to overcome—his parents’ approval to marry.

  His father walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder again. The grip was very strong. “Lad, at that expensive public school
we sent you to, did they ever cane you?”

  “More than once.”

  “Then, by God, I’d like to send you back for another thrashing. What in bloody hell was that all about?”

  Philip laughed. With the main danger gone, he couldn’t help himself. “Father, some night when we’re both in our cups, I’ll explain it to you.”

  “Philip,” his mother asked, “was there any truth to that preposterous story?”

  “Some. I really am the Orchid Thief, and I really did return all the jewels.”

  “Then that only leaves one mystery.” His mother turned to Eve. “Who is this young lady?”

  “Mother, Father, allow me to present Miss Eve Stanhope.”

  At the sound of her name, Eve emerged from the nightmare she’d been living for the last hour. All three Rosemonts were staring at her. Dear God in heaven, they all appeared to find her a vision of something very pleasant if she could judge from the expressions on their faces.

  “How do you do, Lady Farnham. Lord Farnham,” she said.

  “How do you do, Miss Stanhope,” Lady Farnham replied. “Eve. What a lovely name. It is lovely, isn’t it, Reginald?”

  “Lovely,” Lord Farnham repeated.

  Eve blinked several times. The world, this room, hardly seemed real. The whole matter of the thefts had cleared without any chance she’d go to prison. Both the constable and the doctor had gone away and were no longer a threat to her. Perhaps most amazing, the earl and his wife seem to have accepted her. For heaven’s sake, they’d known they had an imposter in their house, but they didn’t seem to care. And, Philip stood, adoring her with his eyes.

  He’d said he planned to marry her, and his parents appeared to be agreeing with him.

  “…my dear?”

  Eve shifted her gaze to Lady Farnham. “I’m sorry?”

  “I wondered if you’re one of the Somerset Stanhopes,” Lady Farnham said. “Are there Stanhopes in Somerset, Reginald?”

  “I wouldn’t know, my dear,” Lord Farnham said.

  “I’m not,” Eve said, the fog still clouding her brain. “My mother…”

  She let her voice trail off and looked up at Philip. He didn’t nod, grimace or do anything to hint at what he wanted her to say. He just smiled at her evenly, as if he’d happily accept anything that came out of her mouth.

  “You couldn’t have known my parents,” she said finally.

  Lady Farnham patted her hand. “Well, no matter. I’m sure we’ll sort everything out before the wedding.”

  Philip stopped staring at Eve and finally had the good sense to look confused and rather embarrassed. “Do you mean to say that you’ve known all along that Eve wasn’t a princess, Mother?”

  “Not all along,” Lady Farnham said. “But we couldn’t help suspecting something wasn’t as it seemed when the two of you disappeared on the very night Chumley almost caught the Orchid Thief.”

  Philip rubbed the back of his neck and turned a bright shade of pink. “It appears I’m not as clever as I thought.”

  “We’re your parents, dear, but we’re not stupid,” Lady Farnham said.

  “After that, we sent word to Valdastok to inquire after the princess,” Lord Farnham added.

  “So, you knew,” Eve said. For a moment, her voice failed her. “You knew I’d been deceiving you?”

  “Yes, dear. We knew,” Lady Farnham said.

  “You knew,” Eve repeated mindlessly. “You knew I wasn’t a princess, and still you showed me such kindness.”

  “You’re always a princess to us, Eve,” Philip said.

  Neither of the elder Rosemonts said anything. They just smiled at her the way they’d been smiling at her ever since she moved into their house. They truly did care for her. Another impossibility come true.

  “We decided to play along with whatever game you and Philip had dreamed up,” Lady Farnham said. “It seemed the only way to settle things so that the two of you could be together.”

  “Well, I’ll be damned,” Philip said. “You two have been almost as duplicitous as I have.”

  “This whole affair has taken a few years off my life,” Lord Farnham added. “I hope you meant it when you told Chumley you were done with stealing.”

  “You have my word as a gentleman,” Philip said.

  Lord Farnham gave his son a very stern look.

  “You have my word, in any case,” Philip said.

  “Now, that’s settled,” Lady Farnham said. “Philip, you’ll marry the princess and take her abroad for a cure.”

  “Splendid,” Philip said. “China. She can stare at the Great Wall and eat spicy food. That ought to fix her nerves.”

  “You’ll do no such thing. You have obligations now.” Lady Farnham looked at her son as if he were the lunatic.

  “You’re right, of course,” Philip said. “We’ll go to Geneva. Lots of doctors there.”

  “Then she can return here, go into seclusion for a time and emerge a proper English lady,” Lady Farnham said. “Yes, that should work.”

  “By then everyone will have forgotten about Valdastok,” his father added. “Even if Chumley should investigate in Europe, the whole affair will be over and done with.”

  “Mother, Father, you’re perfectly devious,” Philip said.

  “Yes, we know, dear,” Lady Farnham said.

  “Lady Farnham,” Eve said. “You truly want me to marry your son?”

  Lady Farnham touched Eve’s cheek and smiled at her. “Yes, I do.”

  “But why?”

  “You make him happy, my dear. All his life, he’s been such a restless soul. Forever gone here and there. We always understood. But then, Andrew died, and we were so lonely for our children.” Lady Farnham’s eyes misted over, even as she continued smiling. “You’ll keep him here with us.”

  Lord Farnham wiped at his nose and cleared his throat. “Well, I’m glad we have all that settled finally.”

  “A very small ceremony under the circumstances,” Lady Farnham said. “The vicar here and just a few friends. Reginald, you can give the bride away, and we can pick some flowers from the garden.”

  “You’re only forgetting one thing, Mother,” Philip said. “Eve hasn’t agreed to marry me.”

  “Have you asked her?” Lord Farnham said.

  “Of course I have,” Philip said.

  “Well, ask her again, you fool,” Lord Farnham said.

  Philip got a very sheepish look on his face, the very mischievous smile she’d come to love. He walked to her and dropped to one knee, finally taking her hand in his.

  “Miss Stanhope,” he began and then cleared his throat. “I’ve admired you greatly since first we met. In the past months, that admiration has grown into very tender feelings. Feelings I hardly dare hope you can return.”

  “I can, Lord Wesley,” Eve said.

  “I find that life without you by my side would be intolerable, and it’s my greatest wish that you think me worthy to spend the rest of your days with me.”

  “I do.”

  “Then, dear lady, I ask that you do me the honor of becoming my wife.”

  She looked into his handsome face—the face that had deviled her and cherished her and stolen her heart—and she could scarcely find her voice.

  “I will,” she said. “I will marry you.”

  The bracing wind and tang of salt in the air almost convinced Philip that he’d headed for the Orient again. But this was only a channel crossing and their destination merely Switzerland. Still, it felt good to be moving.

  More than anything else, it felt good to stare at his wife where she stood gazing over the rail of the ship as France grew larger and larger in the distance. A small bundle of fire and beauty—a jewel in her own right—Eve would provide all the adventure he’d need for years and years to come. He could have her in his bed whenever he wanted now. And in the garden. And in the wine cellar, although keeping warm there had proved a bit of a challenge. He could have her on a rooftop, if he wanted, and he migh
t just want that one of these days. Whenever he wanted excitement now, he only needed to seek out his wife.

  Right this moment, he only wanted her in his embrace. So he walked to where she stood and slid his arms around her from behind.

  “Careful how you do that,” she said, still looking out over the channel. “My husband may catch us.”

  “Minx,” he said and bit her earlobe.

  She laughed and wiggled her pretty, little rear against him. After the night before—all the nights before—he really ought to be too spent to entertain any lustful ideas. But for this woman and her pretty little rear, Priapus could perform superhuman feats. In fact, he might perform one right now.

  Philip nibbled on Eve’s earlobe a moment more and then placed a kiss under her jaw.

  Her breath caught and then came out on a sigh. “Why, Lord Wesley, what will the rest of the passengers think if you continue behaving so lewdly?”

  “They’ll think that I’m hopelessly, perversely, eternally besotted with my wife, Lady Wesley.”

  “Then please continue.”

  He laughed at that. All the joy inside him wouldn’t quite fit, it seemed, and it kept bubbling out in laughter. He was beginning to look rather odd to the rest of the passengers. But he wouldn’t change a thing. Except perhaps just one.

  “I say, what would you think if we slipped our tether and went on to China?” he said.

  She glanced over her shoulder at him. “It would break your mother’s heart. She’s my mother now, too, so don’t you dare do anything to hurt her.”

  “You’re right, of course.”

  “Are you terribly sorry that we can’t go on?” she asked.

  “No,” he said, and amazingly, that was true. “We’ll go later, when our children are grown.”

  “Children?” she repeated.

  “My mother—our mother—will insist on grandchildren and an heir for me. You wouldn’t want to hurt her.”

  She sighed happily. “It all seems like a fantasy, as if I went to sleep a peasant girl and woke up a princess.”

  He turned her in his arms. “I’m afraid I can only make you a countess.”

  “That’s far better, I think, as long as you can make it last for a long, long time.”

  “For the rest of our lives.” He bent and kissed her, savoring the sweetness of her mouth and enjoying the pressure of her body against him much more than was wise.