The Mill River Redemption

by Darcie Chan

  Her mother’s chin was trembling, awaiting her answer. Emily felt hot tears prick the corners of her eyes. “If you really loved us—”

  “—I’d have done what? Left you alone, to live out your completely separate, miserable lives? Maybe I should’ve, but I made a decision wanting only the best for you. It would’ve been wrong not to try.

  “Deep down, I think you know how much I love you and your sister. But I’m not perfect. No one is. And even people who love each other more than anything can make horrible, hurtful mistakes. I did it, and so did your sister.”

  Emily didn’t say anything.

  “I know how it feels to lose the love of my life, and to try to go on living after that,” her mother said in a halting voice. “But I knew your father would’ve wanted me to find happiness again, and I did that as best I could. Andy loved you so much, and he would’ve wanted the same for you. If you can’t forgive the past to find happiness for yourself, you should do it for him.”

  Her mother quietly left the room. Emily stared at her tattered work jeans and steel-toed boots as tears left dark splotches on the sawdust-coated floor. It hurt to admit that her mother was right, and it was even more excruciating to think about what Andy would have wanted for her. Even after all the time that had passed, she still had his engagement ring and a folder of his silly stick drawings, and she could still feel his blue-green eyes gazing straight into her heart.

  ———

  IN HER HOUSE NEXT TO ST. JOHN’S, CLAUDIA LAY ON THE SOFA IN front of the television. She’d spent most of the past few days there, moping, eating whatever she pleased, and ignoring the treadmill. She hadn’t seen or heard from Kyle since he’d stormed out of her house. Other than one of her teacher friends who called to tell her that Alex had been airlifted to Fletcher Allen in Burlington, she hadn’t spoken to anyone.

  Watching one show after another for most of her waking hours had proved to be a decent diversion. Now, though, as she worked her way through a box of Junior Mints and flipped through the sorry late-night offerings, everything reminded her of Kyle. Old-time romantic movies, reruns of Cops, and even the ridiculous phone sex commercials … it was as if the television were taunting her.

  Claudia turned off the television and closed her eyes. If she could only keep her mind blank and avoid thinking about him, maybe she would be able to fall asleep.

  She must have drifted off, because a soft knock at the front door startled her awake. Or, had it been a dream?

  Claudia sat up on the couch and listened. Another knock sounded at the door.

  “Claudia?”

  It was Kyle. She had no idea why he had come, but she had no desire to see him.

  “Claudia, I know you’re in there. Look, we need to talk. I don’t want to leave things the way they are, and I need to explain some things to you. This is all a huge misunderstanding. Please, could you open the door?”

  Claudia clenched her fists and jumped up. She hesitated before unlocking her front door, willing herself to keep calm, but once she was staring Kyle in the face, all the bitterness and hurt returned.

  “There’s no misunderstanding. I know what I saw. You can leave now.”

  Kyle gave an exasperated sigh. His expression was serious, but without the anger he’d shown a few days earlier. “You need to hear me out,” he said. “Once you listen to what I have to say, if you still want me to leave, I will. But not until then.”

  It was so unlike Kyle to speak to her in such a firm tone. And she was a complete mess—no makeup, stringy hair in a lopsided ponytail, and a nasty case of indigestion. But, it didn’t matter anymore what he thought of her. He’d betrayed her trust in the worst possible way. As much as she loved him, there was no way she’d take him back now.

  “Fine. The sooner we get this over with, the better.” He nodded once and pushed past her, heading toward the living room.

  “Come sit with me,” he said as he sat down on the love seat and patted the empty cushion next to him. His face was calm and devoid of anger.

  She sat down on the corner of the sofa facing him and waited.

  “I’ve been in Emily DiSanti’s house three times,” he began. “Once on that day when she moved in and we helped her carry some stuff inside. Once this past Sunday, when I spoke to her in an official capacity about the vandalism of her sister’s yard. And once on the Monday after that, the day you saw me, when I went over to pick up this.” Kyle removed a small box wrapped with a ribbon from his jacket pocket and set it on the coffee table.

  Wonderful, Claudia thought. He’s going to try the presents-and-groveling approach.

  “She told me that the heavy box that she and I carried into her house on the day she moved in was full of glass. To my knowledge, you’ve never seen the studio she has set up in there. If you had, you’d know that Emily is a stained glass artist, a very talented one. I asked her when she came to the police station, the day you brought the surprise lunch for me, whether she could make something special, for you, for our six-month anniversary. I had something very specific in mind, and she agreed to try to create it for me.

  “She finished it Sunday evening, and I had just gone to get it when you saw me coming out of her house. You should know that Emily wasn’t even home at the time—she was still at the hospital with Ivy. The package was waiting for me on her dining room table. She called my cell to tell me that she’d left the door unlocked for me.”

  Claudia stared at Kyle. Nothing he’d said so far had been remotely what she’d expected.

  “When Allison died,” Kyle continued, “I really didn’t think I’d ever fall in love again. At least, not in the same way I loved her. I always thought I’d raise Rowen myself and maybe date a few women, casually, once she was older and I felt like I was ready. I never expected to find anyone else I’d want to spend the rest of my life with. But then I met you, and all those thoughts of myself as a single father went out the window.” He paused and looked at the wrapped box. “Before I say anything else, I think you should open that.”

  She looked down at the box on the table and then up into his brown eyes. The little gift was rectangular, a bit larger than a deck of cards, but it was far heavier than she’d expected.

  “Go ahead,” he urged. “Open it.”

  Wordlessly, Claudia untied the ribbon around the box and pushed back the lid. She stared for a moment, then reached inside and lifted out a tiny dark-blue stained-glass box framed in silver. The lid, though, was what truly took her breath away. It depicted a wintery scene, with a thin thread of silver wire separating white iridescent glass in the foreground from the deep blue glass of the background. Tiny, brilliant, heart-shaped crystals were embedded in the blue glass. It’s a snowstorm, Claudia thought, and she had to blink back tears as she suddenly realized why Kyle had chosen this particular image.

  “The blizzard we had on Valentine’s Day,” she started to say, but she stopped speaking as Kyle slowly moved forward, off the love seat and onto his knees in front of her.

  “Look inside,” he said in a low voice, and Claudia knew now what she was about to see and what was happening. She was crying again, and her nose was running, and she couldn’t even imagine how red and swollen her face must look. She did her best not to think about that as she lifted the beautiful glass lid.

  The box was lined with blue velvet in the same shade as the glass, with a sparkling diamond solitaire nestled in the very center of it.

  Claudia gasped and tried to cover her mouth, but Kyle grabbed her free hand and trapped it within his own.

  “Claudia, look at me,” he said. She sniffed loudly and squinted into his face, and it made her cry harder when she saw how moist his own eyes looked. “I love you. I love the person that you are on the inside—your sense of humor and kindness, your intelligence, your dedication to children, and your love for my daughter. I love that even though you’re so beautiful on the outside, you don’t act stuck up or feel the need to flaunt it. I love your determination and creativity an
d sense of adventure. I really love your wild imagination, even though it gets you into trouble sometimes.”

  Her little laugh acknowledging the truth in his last statement came out sounding like a strangled gasp. She also realized that all of the other wonderful things he had just said about her were true as well, and that she was proud of the person she now was. What was it that Daisy had told her—that if you love yourself just the way you are, what other people think of you won’t matter? That once she had started loving herself, she was happy most of the time? Remembering Daisy’s advice only made the tears come faster. For the first time in her life, Claudia began to believe that she was worthy and deserving of love—Kyle’s and her own. Was it possible that this whole horrible misconstruction on her part had happened to convince her of that?

  Kyle paused a moment, waiting for her to collect herself a bit. “You’ve brought such warmth and passion into my life,” he continued. “I want nothing more than to spend the rest of it with you. I can see how my actions might’ve looked to you. But, it about killed me when you accused me of cheating and then wouldn’t even listen to my explanation. I’ve never lied to you about anything, Claudia, I don’t want anybody else, and I’d never do anything to knowingly hurt you. What I need to know is whether you trust me, whether you respect me and love me enough to become my wife?”

  “Kyle,” Claudia choked. “I’m such an idiot. I’m sorry, so sorry.” Those were the only words she could get out before she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.

  After a minute, Kyle put a hand up to her face and used his thumb to wipe the tears from one of her cheeks. He smiled a little. “You’ve been eating bonbons.”

  “Yeah,” Claudia admitted. “Among other things.”

  Kyle laughed. His brown eyes were watery as they searched her face. “So, about my question?”

  “Yes,” she said, with a teary smile. She was visibly shaking. “I love you so much. Yes.”

  “I love you, too.” Kyle squeezed her hand, reached over to the glass box, and removed the ring. Carefully, he slid it onto her finger and stood up, pulling her with him. Together, they examined her hand as she extended it and moved it from side to side so that the diamond caught and reflected the light.

  Claudia smiled down at the ring. “I don’t ever want to take it off.”

  “Good,” Kyle replied, and he didn’t give her a chance to say anything more. He put his hands under her jaw and lifted her face to kiss her again.

  This kiss was different, more urgent, and Claudia was more than willing. She led him by the hand from the living room, into the bathroom, and turned on the shower. “Let’s start here,” she whispered as steam began to fill the air. “I’ve had a rough few days.”

  Kyle nodded and laughed softly. “So beautiful,” he murmured in her ear as they undressed each other. He had that look in his eyes again, the expression that made her heart race and caused her to completely lose her train of thought.

  With every movement of her hand, she felt the strange, wonderful sensation of the engagement ring on her finger. Claudia opened the shower door, stepped in, and reached out to Kyle for him to join her. Goose bumps rose up on her skin as she felt the warmth of his hands and the torrents of hot water rushing down her back.

  “Closer,” she said, but he was already drawing her to him and bending to kiss her neck. She shivered as he moved his hands lower, gasped and leaned against him as he touched her. The steam of the shower enveloped them, surrounded their embrace with its own. In that moment, as happiness washed away her misery of the past few days, they were the only two people in the world.

  NEARLY TWO WEEKS AFTER ALEX’S ACCIDENT, IN THE LITTLE HOUSE across from The Bookstop, Rose quietly closed the door to his room and came downstairs.

  Sheldon looked up from the sofa. “How is he?”

  “Fine. He’s sleeping,” Rose said. She sat down next to her husband. “I stayed with him until he dozed off.”

  “That’s good. The more rest he gets, the faster he’ll heal.”

  Rose nodded and looked around the room. It was still a shock, seeing how the excess furniture had been cleared out and their belongings unpacked and organized. “I still can’t believe what Mom managed to do in just a few weeks. It seems so much bigger now, and the décor is … well, it could’ve been professionally done.”

  “Your mom did it, so it was professionally done,” Sheldon said. “But it is nice. Small, but inviting.”

  Rose nodded and yawned as she rubbed the back of her neck.

  “Why don’t you take a nap yourself?” Sheldon asked. “It’ll feel good, after a week of sleeping in chairs and strange beds.”

  “Maybe in a little while,” Rose said, “but first, I think I’d like to get some fresh air.”

  Even with Sheldon there, especially with Sheldon there, she couldn’t bring herself to stretch out on the sofa. The last time she’d done that …

  “I’ll stay here, keep an eye on Alex,” Sheldon said. “It’s nice outside. Get some sunshine.”

  Rose looked at her husband, really looked at him, for the first time in a long while. His temples were grayer and the creases in his forehead were more pronounced. The dark circles under his eyes matched those under hers. He knew everything that had happened, including the reason why Alex had been outside alone and unsupervised. There was still much they had to work through as a couple, and that she had to do alone, if she wanted their marriage to survive. But despite his disgust and frustration with her drinking problem and horror over Alex’s injury, here he was, looking back at her with eyes that were still full of love.

  It was one thing that hadn’t changed. On the night when she’d first spotted him in the audience of her ill-fated stage début, he’d stared at her in the very same way. She hadn’t appreciated it until now, of course she hadn’t. But she was beginning to understand how alcohol obscured so many truths. How she had ended up with a husband like Sheldon, one who loved her despite her many problems and imperfections, was a miracle she would never understand.

  Rose touched her hand to Sheldon’s cheek, holding it there a moment. “Maybe I’ll go see Ivy for a little while. I’ll just be across the street, if Alex wakes up.” He caught her hand and squeezed it as she kissed his forehead.

  When she reached The Bookstop, the door was open, but no one was in the front room. She knocked on the door that led back into Ivy’s living quarters.

  “Aunt Ivy?”

  “I’m in the little girls’ room, kid,” her great-aunt called. “Sit tight, I’ll be right out.”

  Rose looked around the room. The Bookstop was another thing that hadn’t changed. The towers of books still rose atop the shelves, and the brightly colored beanbags were still in the Kids’ Corner. On a whim, Rose flopped down onto one of them. She remembered the photo from the Shakespeare book, which had been taken while she and Emily had sat in the very same place.

  “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you in that corner.” Ivy had reappeared in the front room.

  “Too long, I think.”

  “How’s Alex doing?”

  “Really well. He’s sleeping now, but he’d probably love it if you’d come by later.”

  “I’ll do that, sure thing.” Ivy smiled. “Do you remember how you used to beat the heck out of the beanbags?”

  “What?” Rose said. A faint, distant recollection was triggered by Ivy’s question, but she couldn’t quite bring it to the forefront of her mind.

  “When you first came here, to Mill River,” Ivy said, “you were so little, and so torn up over your dad’s death. For the first few months, your mom and I didn’t know what to do for you. You screamed at everybody, had problems sleeping, and you didn’t always accept what she told you about the fire. We finally decided you needed a harmless way to vent your feelings, and I told you to come over and pound on a beanbag when you felt sad or angry. We even moved one of ’em into your mom’s house for a while so you could get to it anytime.”

 
; “Huh. I sure could’ve used one when Mom showed up at the hospital.”

  “I’ll bet,” Ivy said. Her great-aunt set her cane against her desk and lowered herself into a chair. “Have you talked to her since you’ve been home?”

  “Not yet. I don’t know if she even knows we’re back. And frankly, I don’t know if I want to see her yet, not after what she did.” Rose struggled to keep her composure.

  “I’m just as thankful as you are that Alex is gonna be okay, and so is your mom. She was only trying to do what she thought would help you and your sister finally move past everything, that’s all. She did it because she loves you both. Think about it … if Alex were miserable for some reason, if you’d watched him fall apart slowly, year after year, wouldn’t you do pretty much anything in your power to help him? Your mom just wants you both to be happy.”

  “I know that. I know Mom would never do anything to hurt us, not consciously, anyway.” She snorted and brushed the tears from her cheeks. “You know, the last time I remember feeling really happy for any length of time was when I was really young, growing up here with Mom and Em and you right next door. I never thought I’d say that about Mill River—never. But it’s the truth. I’d give almost anything to be able to feel that way again.”

  “You will, honey,” Ivy said softly. “You will. It’ll take getting some help for the drinking, and you’ll need to make your recovery, and Sheldon and Alex, your priorities. It’ll be easier if you forgive your mother and can earn Emily’s trust and forgiveness, if she’s willing to give it. All of that will take time, but you have time. And you have people who love you.”

  Rose heaved a sob into her hands just as the screen door to The Bookstop swung open. Before she could jump to her feet and hide her tears from whomever had come in, her mother was bending down to her, smoothing her blond hair under a gentle hand, pulling her into her arms.