Living for Today

by Kennedy, Brenda

  “Come on, or you’ll miss it.”

  “Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four, Three. Two. One,” we say in unison. The ball drops and the people of New York and in the Eastern Time zone kiss. I look up at Chase and stand on my tiptoes. “Happy New Year, Chase.”

  “Happy New Year, Ava.” He bends down and kisses me. After a quick kiss, he kisses me again just as quickly. “Here’s to a bigger and better year ever.”

  We clink our champagne glasses and drink. “Here’s to hoping.”

  On Saturday Chase and Drew are still here. We spent yesterday celebrating the New Year eating pork and kraut. I’m not superstitious, but I was raised eating some kind of a dinner meal with pork and cabbage every year for New Year so I have no need to change that tradition now. It’s an old German tradition. They believed that eating pork and kraut on the first day of the new year would bring blessings and wealth. Who am I to argue with the Germans?

  There’s a knock at the door and Chase leaves to answers it.

  “Babe, you’re quite the cook,” Drew says.

  “Thanks, Babe,” Skylar replies with a kiss.

  I laugh. “Did anyone ever tell you guys you shouldn’t have the same pet name for each other?”

  Skylar licks the batter spoon. “Why?”

  “Because it’s like dating someone with the same name. The phone rings and the caller wants to talk to Erin. How will the person who answers the phone know whom the caller wants to talk to? The husband Aaron, or the wife Erin? It’s very confusing.”

  Skylar looks up at Drew and says, “She’s right. Babe, you’ll need to come up with another pet name for me.”

  “Babe, ain’t gonna happen. The name ‘Babe’ has already stuck.” He kisses her again. “Sorry, Ava. ‘Babe’ is stayin’.”

  Laughing, I walk out of the room. “Just don’t name your twins Erin and Aaron.”

  “We won’t ’cause our twins will be of the same sex.” I can hear Skylar laughing all the way to the foyer.

  Chase is walking in from checking the mail. “Who was at the door?”

  “Special delivery for Ava Emerson.”

  “From whom?” I take the box from Chase.

  “I don’t know, there’s no return address on it.”

  We walk into the house and stop at the table in the foyer. He lays the mail down, and I open the box wrapped in brown paper. “It’s postmarked Lake City, Florida.”

  “Maybe it’s no-bake cookies,” he teases.

  “We could only hope.” Inside the box is a pregnancy test. It’s used, and it’s positive. I don’t touch it but show the box to Chase. He peeks inside, careful to not touch the urine-dipped stick. “I didn’t see a note or a card from anyone.”

  “Could it be from a friend of yours?”

  “I don’t have any friends.” My mind races with what this could mean and why would I be receiving this.

  He asks, “What about your mother?”

  I want to laugh. “Menopause. Maybe this is your girlfriend’s?”

  He holds up both hands feigning innocence. “What girlfriend?” He laughs.

  “Yeah, that’s what they all say. Let’s ask Skylar, maybe she’ll know.”

  We walk into the kitchen and Skylar and Drew are making out over the cake batter. I laugh. “Jesus, get a room, would ya?”

  Drew stops kissing her, sweeps her off the counter, and starts to walk into the bedroom. “Great idea.” She laughs and I know it’s a joke.

  “Not so fast, do you know what this is?”

  Drew sets her down and she walks over to where we are. I shouldn’t be surprised when she picks up the pregnancy test strip. She looks at me and then at Chase and says, “Congratulations, you’ll both make wonderful parents.”

  Chase coughs, spits, and sputters, and I can only laugh and say, “It’s not ours.”

  “Yeah, that’s what they all say.”

  She can be so funny.

  Drew walks over to join us.

  “It came in the mail from Lake City. No note or card, just a positive pregnancy test.”

  She drops the pregnancy test strip in the box and washes her hands in the sink. “Gross. Who would and why would someone send you this nasty little thing?”

  “I don’t know.” I walk to the trash can and throw it away before washing my hands. “I thought maybe it was a friend of yours.”

  “Nope, all my friends are in this house.”

  “Maybe it was supposed to be a pregnancy announcement, but the parents got overly excited and forgot to attach the written announcement to the fake pregnancy test strip thingy,” Drew says.

  “That’s a good possibility. I doubt someone would actually send you an actual pregnancy test strip.”

  “I’m sure you’re right. You guys wanna wash your hands?” I ask.

  “Yeah, totally,” Drew says, turning the water on high.

  Later that night, I fall asleep on the couch and Chase wakes me up to go to bed. I stagger into the bedroom and climb under the heavy blankets. He tucks me in before turning off the lamp on the nightstand. Bending down, he kisses me on my forehead.

  Chase

  When I kiss Ava goodnight, I say, “Sweet dreams, Ava.”

  She mumbles something that I can hardly hear. “Connor’s coming.”

  It sounded like she said, “Connor’s coming.” He’s dead. What is she talking about? I stand over her bed and watch her. The muted light from the other room gives off just enough glow that I can see she’s sleeping. I kiss her again. “Good night, Ava.”

  She whispers, “He’s mad.”

  My eye twitches at her words. Instead of sleeping upstairs in the bed and breakfast, I get a pillow and blanket from her bedroom closet and make a bed on her floor. If she thinks Connor’s coming for her, I plan to be here to intercept him. Every time I think about what Connor may have done to her, guilt creeps into my soul and takes over every emotion I have. I have so much guilt over not protecting Ava while she was married. I didn’t know what was happening to her, but I should have been a better friend. I should have insisted on seeing her weekly. I should have insisted on talking to her. If I had, I would have known something was wrong. Connor always made it sound like he was doing great and wonderful things with her. He always made it sound like she was happy and they had this great and terrific life. The guilt still creeps into my soul and reminds me I was not a friend. I suspected something was wrong, and yet I turned a blind eye. I will never forgive myself for what I let him do to her. I want her to get her memory back, but in a way, I don’t. I think her amnesia is protecting her from her real-life nightmares. If her dreams are anything like the nightmare she lived, I’m not sure she can survive them again, even in a memory.

  When she moans in her sleep, I rush over to her. That bastard doesn’t stand a chance of getting close to her tonight. Not with me here with her. “I’m here, Ava.” I touch her dark hair. “It’s just me.”

  When she calms I know that her dream is a thing of the past. I return to my makeshift bed and stare at the white ceiling. My mind plays over my relationship with Connor. If I had told Ava my true feelings for her before Connor met her, maybe all of this could have been avoided. Maybe she would have been with me and not him. I want to tell her now, but it’s so soon after Xander’s death. It’s not the right time. It’s never the right time with Ava. I want it to be perfect. When I finally tell her how I feel, I want everything to be perfect. I want her mind to be on me, not on the passing of Xander. Or the abuse she’s suffered. Or the… I could come up with a million reasons why the timing isn’t right. I need to tell her. She needs to know. If she reciprocates my feelings, then I’ll plan an engagement, if not… it could ruin our friendship. Is it worth that? Could I live everyday and not be friends with her or have a strained friendship with her? I listen to the faint sound of Ava sleeping peacefully and the answer is no, I can’t. If this is all I get for the rest of my life, then I’ll take it over a strained relationship any day.

  Whe
n the sun comes up, I stow my bedding in the closet, and I return to my own room.

  Skylar

  “I think you should tell her how you feel. She should know. She has a right to know.” I stand there with my hands on my hips, trying to talk some sense into the ever-so-smart attorney. I’ve never met a stupider man in my entire life. Well, that might be a lie. But he’s an attorney, so he should be smarter than that.

  “Skylar, I’m not going to tell her.”

  “Tell her what?” Ava walks into the room.

  “Chase has something to tell you.” There I said it. “He’s been keeping a secret from you for a while now.” I feel better already. It may not have been the smartest thing to say, but it needed to be said.

  She looks serious. “Oh, what is it?”

  He glares at me before looking at Ava. His look softens. Of course it does. He takes a deep breath. My heart beats faster now with excitement. Because now, he’s going to tell her he loves her, she’s going to say it back and they’ll live happily-ever-after with lots and lots of cute little babies. “I don’t know how to say this.”

  Chase clasps his hands together. I squeeze Drew’s hand too tightly and he moans. “Oh, sorry.” I loosen my hold slightly as I watch this historic moment.

  Ava looks at him nervously “Just say it. Whatever it is, I can take it.”

  He swallows hard. I lean forward almost falling over. He says, “Your tires on your car all need replaced. I was outside and noticed they’re in pretty bad shape.”

  I wanna beat my head against the door. I opened the door for you. I gave you an opportunity and you blow it on some bad tires. I can’t take it.

  “Oh, I can take care of that this week. But Skylar said you’ve been keeping a secret from me for a while.”

  “Yeah, she’s right. I’ve known about it since before Thanksgiving. I just didn’t want to tell you then. Not when you had so much going on with Xander and the holidays, and all.” He looks at me before looking back at Ava. “I can take the car to the tire shop today.”

  “Great, thanks. I’d appreciate that.”

  “Chase, can I see you outside for a minute?” I don’t wait for an answer. I storm past him and Ava and right out the door. He follows me, as he should. As soon as the door closes, I say, “What in the hell was that?”

  “What? Her tires are bald. She should be aware of it before she gets a flat.”

  I growl and storm back into the house. It’s useless trying to talk to him. Drew and Chase take Ava’s car into town to get new tires, while we stay behind and run the afternoon tea. Lou Ann and Steve are right, things are slower in the winter months here. I thought it would have been busier in the winter. I guess people want to see the gardens and parks of Savannah in full bloom.

  “Maybe next year if we can afford it, we could close down for the month of January,” I suggest.

  “Skylar, if you and Drew want to do something, I can stay here and run the inn. We have been pretty slow.”

  “No, I was thinking maybe next year, we could close down and all of us could actually go and do something together. Go skiing in Colorado, or surfing in Hawaii.”

  “That would be nice, but I don’t have a we and Chase may be in a relationship by next year.”

  I highly doubt that. “Well, if we’re all still single or dating each other, maybe we could think about it for next January.”

  “Sound like a very unlikely plan. But okay, it sounds good to me.”

  On Sunday, Chase leaves to go home and Drew works from his computer. Ava and I prepare food and bake for the meals served at the inn. I once thought I would dread doing this every Sunday, but I actually look forward to it. We always try new recipes and for the day, we eat whatever we make. So, it’s breakfast all day long. Ava seems happier and I give Chase the credit for that. He’s so stubborn. I wish he would just finally tell her how he feels.

  I walk into the bedroom where Drew is working on his computer. “What are you working on?”

  He smiles and it lights up his entire face. “I have this idea of how I can honor my brother’s legacy.”

  “Xander’s or Jami’s?”

  “I’m not sure yet. But look at what I’ve come up with.” He angles his computer around for me to see. “It’s not done yet and it’s still just a rough draft, but I hope you can see my vision through the mess.”

  I study the draft that’s pulled up on his computer. “Babe, that’s incredible.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. I think this is more Xander than Jami, but yeah, I can totally see this being a hit.”

  “Do you have a location?”

  “Tybee Island.”

  “Perfect. It’s my favorite place. Let me know if I can help you do anything.”

  “I will. Thanks, babe.”

  Later that night, Ava has another dream. She wakes up crying and in a cold sweat. She refuses to tell me what this dream is about, and she gets out of bed and showers at 3:00 am. I wanna help her, but how? What did that bastard do to her? Deciding I won’t be able to sleep, I make some coffee and also shower.

  Just before the noon tea, a man comes into the inn looking for Ava. He’s dressed in jeans and a blue jean button-up shirt. He’s older, tall, and extremely good looking, with silvering just at his temples. He waits in the foyer while I get Ava from the back.

  “Hi, I’m Ava.” She greets him warmly. She’s always so sweet and happy with everyone. No one who doesn’t know her would know about the demons that haunt her. “This is my friend, Skylar.”

  He reaches his hand out for hers. “Hi, I’m Luke Tanner. I’m the recipient of this dinner card you sent me.” He pulls out an Olive Garden gift card from his front pocket. I’m clueless. Is Ava randomly sending good-looking men dinner gift cards? Mmm, that might be a great idea. They come to thank her and bam, she has a dinner date! What a genius idea!

  “Oh. My. God.” Ava looks excited. “The girl you helped with the children, they were here a few weeks ago.”

  “Olivia. Yes, we met. She said they’re moving back home to Texas.”

  Ava asks, “Do you want to stay for tea?”

  He pokes his head into the tearoom. “No, thanks. I can’t stay. I just wanted to return the gift card back to you, and to thank you for the sweet card you sent me.”

  “You’re welcome, but why are you giving me back the gift card?” He hands it to her, but she doesn’t take it. “I bought it for you as a thank you for helping them.”

  “I know and I appreciate that.”

  “So why are you trying to give it back?”

  He laughs. “It’s kind of embarrassing.” Then please tell, I think to myself. He’s gay and he’s still in the closet? No, that’s not it. People don’t care about that anymore. One thing this generation has learned to do is to accept other people. Love is love, no matter the gender. This generation has learned to love one another. We’ve made progress! Just compare now with, say, fifty or a hundred years ago. Or maybe he’s married and he was here visiting his girlfriend? That could be it. People will always frown on cheaters. “I’m single and I don’t like eating out alone,” he admits. Wow, I didn’t see that coming. Hi, I’m Skylar. I’ll be more than happy to have dinner with you. Drew! I’m seeing Drew. Damnit!

  “Oh,” Ava says, surprised. “Then you should save it for when you’re seeing someone.”

  “That may be awhile. I’m not looking for anyone and I think this has an expiration date on it.” He turns it over too quickly to read what’s written in fine print. “Here, you should use it. It was very sweet of you to send it to me, and I do appreciate it.”

  Ava starts to take it from him when I get an idea. “We know a friend who’s moving into the area.”

  Ava retracts her hand. “We do?”

  “Yes, her name’s Nichole and she’s single.” Sort of. Well she will be. “She just bought the old bakery over on Magnolia Street.”

  “A blind date?” He laughs. “No, thank you. Been on too many of those a
nd they’ve never worked out.”

  I take a step forward. “But you haven’t met this one.”

  “Let me guess. She’s stunning, and beautiful, and smart, and she’s educated.”

  He looks at me and I stare back. “Yes, she’s all those things.”

  “So were all of the other ones.” He doesn’t wait for Ava to take the card from him. He places it on the foyer table and says, “Thank you, Ava. It’s very sweet, but you and your husband should enjoy a nice dinner out this evening.”

  “You’re welcome. It was wonderful what you did for Olivia and her daughters.”

  “I would do it again for anyone. No one, male or female, should have to be treated like that.”

  Ava walks him to the door and opens it for him. “Thank you for stopping by, Luke. It was nice meeting you.”

  “You, too, Ava. Skylar, it was my pleasure.”

  “See ya.”

  She closes the door and looks at me. “A blind date, really. You don’t even know him.”

  “If he’s rescuing woman from assholes who beat on them, he’s perfect for Nichole. I don’t have to know anything else about him to see that he’s a great guy.”

  “Well, you might be right, but I think you scared him off.”

  “Nah, I just piqued his interest. I’m pretty sure we’ll be seeing Luke Tanner again.”

  That night, Ava has another nightmare. Each one is becoming worse than the last one, and they are coming more and more frequently. I tell her to call Doctor Adams. Something needs to be done. She agrees to call, but I don’t believe her. When I know she’ll be okay, I return to my bedroom where Drew is sitting up in bed waiting for me. “He did a real number on her, didn’t he?”

  “He did.” I climb into bed. “I think her amnesia is protecting her, but I also think that if she remembers, there won’t be anything left to haunt her.”

  “Is she strong enough to handle the truth? I mean, when or if she remembers her past, can she deal with the things that her husband did to her?”