Love Again, Love for Them: A Novel

by R. A. Lee

  Jake held his hand where Brooke had just made her point. Feeling the indentation of her ring, he gasped. There was nothing between him and Jenny. This was his opportunity to find out if there was a future with the woman he loved, before he severed ties with the woman he called his wife.

  Jake grabbed two glasses and a bottle of wine from the refrigerator for Jenny. Taking a deep breath, Jake passed through the door and nodded to Jenny. Straightening up on the couch, Jenny smiled and Jake was very glad Brooke sent him out without guilt.

  Placing the glasses on the table, Jake pulled out the cork and poured the wine. Handing a glass to Jenny, Jake went over to the fireplace and hit the switch. The fire roared to life. It was a romantic evening and Jake wanted the moment to be perfect. Jenny stood and they toasted to seeing each other again, and drank while never losing eye contact.

  Jake asked Jenny to sit and he put down his glass. Sitting next to her, Jake showed her his ring and he could see Jenny wince in the firelight. Jake pulled it off and ceremoniously put it on the coffee table so that it was between them.

  “Tonight, I’m not married, Jenny,” he explained. “Tonight it’s just you and me. Tonight we can decide what we want to do with our future.”

  Jenny was puzzled as she looked at the ring.

  “I am willing to walk away from my marriage, Jenny,” he explained.

  “What are you doing, Jake?” she asked, looking uncomfortable. Jake had forgotten how beautiful and sexy Jenny was as he admired the hint of her breast peeking from behind her silk blouse, and her long legs shining in her black, shimmery stockings.

  “Do you love me, Jenny?” Jake asked, getting to the point.

  “Jake, you know I love you,” she stammered. “What’s gotten into you?”

  “We have this opportunity,” Jake asserted. “We’re both single. I love you. You love me. Where does that leave us, Jenny?”

  “You’re not single, Jake,” she admonished her lover. “You’ve got a wife and step-kid.”

  “Not tonight I don’t,” he said, covering her elegant hand with his own. Taking his hand, Jenny put her glass on the table.

  “What do you want me to say, Jake?” she asked. “We should run off together and live happily ever after?”

  “Yes!” Jake exclaimed. Jenny looked startled. “I want you to say that, Jenny. I want you to say we’re going to run off and live happily ever after. This is our opportunity.”

  Gathering her senses, Jenny crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Jake.

  “Fine, Jake, let’s run off and live happily ever after,” she said sarcastically.

  “Great,” Jake proclaimed, raising his arms in victory, and then moved in closer to Jenny. “Let’s you and I run off, get married, settle down, be happy,” he said softly.

  Jenny stared at him.

  “Neither one of us ever really wanted to get married, Jake,” she reminded him. “Your sham marriage to your fake wife has warped your brain. And I think she’s one of the most brilliant artists I’ve seen in a while.”

  Jenny saw the hurt in his eyes. Uncrossing her arms, she moved closer to Jake. Taking his hands in her own, she proposed their old lifestyle.

  “We could go back to your condo, and go back to the way things were, Jake,” she begged seductively. “We were happy.”

  Jake looked deep in her beautiful blue eyes and remembered what it was like. Making love in his condo when they were both in town, making love in his condo while she was married to some other guy, making love in some European city when they were in the same country. It was a million times he looked into those eyes in ecstasy, but he saw nothing else. Jenny could bring him to his knees with a look, and as he looked into her eyes in the firelight of the home he shared with his wife and step-kid, those eyes no longer had the power to sway him.

  “I wanted marriage, Jenny,” he confessed. “All that time we made love, I wanted nothing more than to marry you. I didn’t know that until now. I love you, Jenny. You’re the love of my life. I can’t go on like this though. I want everything, Jenny, and all you offer is some things. But it’s not enough anymore.”

  Jake leaned back and she released her gentle grip. A flicker of gold from his ring caught his attention and Jake realized he had more with Brooke then he would ever have with Jenny.

  “What are you saying, Jake? We’re good together you and I,” she coaxed him. “Think of all the times we made love. Do you have that with your wife?”

  Jake winced. Ever since he declared his desire to be a married couple to Brooke, she was no longer just a placeholder in his life. Jenny consumed him, but Brooke stabilized him.

  “Brooke and I know we will never love each other the way I have loved you and the way she loved her first husband,” he confessed. “We have a common goal and a mutual understanding. If you must know, we might not be making love, but it’s not boring and dutiful like you think. It’s easy to lose your inhibitions when love is not involved. I made love to you, Jenny. I have incredible sex with my wife and we make a connection on our level. I have a future with her. I don’t have anything with you but incredible moments and bursts of ecstasy. If you want more, I can give that to you. If not, I can’t go on like this.”

  Jenny considered Jake’s proposal.

  “Can we talk about this elsewhere?” she asked, trying to figure out her decision.

  “Let’s go take a walk,” he offered and stood. Jake pulled her up and they headed out the door.

  …

  After two hours, Brooke decided she needed to get back in her home. Waiting by the back door, she heard the car drive off and took the opportunity to see what was left of her marriage.

  Carefully peeking though a crack in the kitchen door, Brooke realized the room was empty. Opening the door, she saw that there were two glasses of wine and an uncorked bottle on the coffee table. The fireplace was still crackling. In the firelight, Brooke approached and her throat tightened and she gasped for breath. Sitting on the middle of the table was Jake’s wedding ring, flashing golden in the firelight.

  Brooke gasped and covered her mouth in shock. The symbol of mutual commitment was no longer on either of their hands. Staring at the ring on the table, Brooke didn’t realize how much this moment would impact her. When she gave Jake her ring, she wanted him to decide between her and the woman he loved.

  Seeing his ring placed on the table, Brooke realized he had made his choice.

  It’s not like you loved the man the way you loved Matthew, she told herself as she tried to grasp the impact of his decision. It was his message to her that he preferred to be with the woman he loved. Supporting herself against the back of the sofa, Brooke didn’t begrudge him this desire. If she could have Matthew back, she would run from Jake and into Matthew’s arms and wouldn’t look back in remorse.

  Jake had that opportunity and he took it. Brooke would still have everything she needed. A pain cut through her stomach.

  All that was left was his ring, a symbol that he no longer desired to keep up the charade.

  Leaving the room, Brooke headed upstairs to sleep. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she stared at the newly decorated room.

  When Jake proposed that they work on their marriage, he remodeled the house to prove to her that they were equal in their relationship. A new bed was brought in to symbolize a fresh start.

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, Brooke was overwhelmed by a sense of loss that was irrational. Tears turned into sobs turned into crying.

  She wasn’t sad that she would have to move or that she would be divorced. It was a deeper sense of loss she never thought she would feel if Jake ever decided to end their marriage. They didn’t love each other they way she loved Matthew, but she cared deeply for him, almost to the level of love, but it would never rise above that level. Jake needed more than that, deserved more than that and if he could be happy, Brooke would not object.

  “Brooke!” she heard and jumped up. Jake was standing at the landing to their room. Brooke wiped
her tears. Puzzled, she wondered if he was there to discuss his decision. Whatever he wanted to talk about, Brooke needed a moment.

  “I’ll be back,” she said and sniffled as she headed to the bathroom. Staring at her red eyes in the mirror, Brooke gave herself a pep talk.

  “Don’t make him feel guilty,” she told her reflection. Taking a deep breath and straightening, Brooke washed her face and combed her hair. A fresher Brooke peered back at her and she was ready to meet with Jake.

  Taking a moment, Brooke thought about being strong, then opened the door and stepped into their bedroom. Jake was sitting at the edge of the bed facing the bathroom, twirling her ring in his fingers.

  Here we go, she said to herself as she stepped toward him.

  “Why were you crying,” he asked softly as she approached.

  “Stress,” she shrugged. “Jenny is a very beautiful woman.” Jake nodded in agreement. Brooke contained her emotions.

  Jake held out his hand and Brooke hesitated but put her hand in his. Jake pulled her to him and onto his lap.

  Gazing into her eyes, Jake looked confused and puzzled and sad.

  “I wanted to give this back to you,” he said, handing her the ring. Brooke was puzzled. She took the ring and shrugged.

  “Thank you?” she said, unsure of what it meant. “You shouldn’t feel guilty about your decision, Jake. If I were in your place, I’d be out of here as well,” she explained.

  “Put the ring on, Brooke,” he whispered hoarsely. He looked away in pain as if she had said something to hurt him.

  Brooke slipped the ring on her finger.

  Startled as Jake hugged her tightly, Brooke started shaking uncontrollably. This was going to be hard for them both.

  Brooke put her arms around Jake and hugged him back.

  “I proposed to Jenny tonight,” Jake whispered in her ear. Brooke waited for an explanation.

  “I love Jenny,” Jake sobbed and Brooke sighed.

  “I know, baby,” she whispered, holding onto him as he rocked her.

  “I will never love you the way I love her,” he confessed and Brooke nodded.

  “I know, Jake,” she whispered. Brooke just wanted to curl up in the dark and melt away from all the pain.

  Jake pulled her away, held her head in his hands and looked deep within her soul. Brooke tried to turn away from the anguish in his intense green eyes, but he held her steady.

  “I can only promise you that I will care for you very deeply, Brooke,” he declared and Brooke was confused. Was this a breakup?

  Sensing her confusion, he clarified.

  “Will that be enough for you?” he asked insistently.

  “I’m confused, Jake,” she whispered. “You’re going to be with Jenny, you don’t have to care for me anymore.”

  Realizing Brooke didn’t understand, Jake kissed her deeply and Brooke tried to catch her breath as he made his point.

  Gasping, they parted and met each other’s gaze. Brooke grabbed his arms and realized he wasn’t breaking up with her.

  “I will never love you the way I love Matthew, but I will never care for anyone the way I care for you,” she declared, finally realizing his intentions. Jake kissed her again and Brooke could no longer contain her tears. Sobbing and gasping for breath, Jake released her and held her tight as they cried together.

  When they finally exhausted themselves, Jake collapsed on the bed and brought her with him. Intertwined in each other’s arms, Brooke gazed into Jake’s eyes and saw relief.

  “Why didn’t you go with her, Jake?” she pleaded for an answer. “I would have been out of here, I don’t expect anything less from you. I don’t want to think you felt some sort of obligation.”

  Jake brushed a strand of hair from her cheek and sighed.

  “I offered her everything I had, Brooke,” he confided. “She turned it down. All this time I hoped she would love me enough to finally settle down, not here, but somewhere. She just didn’t want to. I can’t live like that, Brooke.”

  “That’s my concern, Jake,” Brooke said, propping herself up on her elbow to look down on Jake. “Someday you’re going to realize what you’re missing and you’re going to take off. I’d rather you do it now rather than later. We’ve discussed the possibility of having a child of our own someday. What do I do then?”

  “Is that a real possibility?” he asked. Brooke noticed a hopeful spark in his eyes.

  “I can’t think about that as long as you’re thinking about Jenny,” she asserted. “I’m not looking for love, and I know there are no guarantees, but I need commitment, Jake. I need something that’s going to keep me around once my son leaves home.”

  Jake winced. Lifting himself up to meet Brooke’s glare, Jake reassured her that he was committed to her.

  “I want a family with you,” he said. “I have a family with you.” Jake showed her his ring finger. He had been wearing his wedding ring and she hadn’t noticed.

  Brooke closed her eyes and moaned.

  “I can’t ask for more,” she shrugged and sighed.

  “We can start trying,” he said, caressing her face and pleading with his eyes.

  “We’re not ready, Jake,” she said.

  “Soon?” he asked.

  Brooke gritted her teeth and closed her eyes to block out his gaze. She was not ready to start a family with Jake.

  “We will,” she confided and that was all she could guarantee. Trying to read her eyes, Jake finally relented as he lowered Brooke to the bed and kissed her. Brooke knew he wanted more. Pulling him down onto her, Brooke let him know she wanted more as well.

  “We’re alone,” she whispered.

  “We’re doing it with the lights on,” he whispered in her ear, and Brooke moaned in anticipation. Separating, they both quickly started pulling their clothes off and tossing them. Down to their underwear, they stopped and grasped each other and fell to the bed in a tight embrace.

  “I was so scared,” Brooke admitted. “I didn’t think I would be, but I was.”

  Jake kissed her forehead and held her close.

  “I didn’t think I would be either,” he admitted. “We can turn the lights off if you want,” he whispered, looking into her eyes. Brooke saw such tenderness in them and she just wanted to come as close to making love as she could offer.

  “We need the light,” she asserted.

  Showing each other how much they cared for the other, they came up to the level of love and hovered just below its embrace.

  Chapter 37

  Newly inspired, Brooke spent all her time in the studio, and Jake watched her work until she told him to leave.

  “I can’t work when you’re staring at me,” she groaned. “I’m not painting your portrait.”

  “You should, it might be prettier,” he joked and she threw a paint soaked sponge at him.

  “You almost got my sweatpants,” he said indignantly.

  Smiling, Jake loved it when he received her “you’ve got to be kidding me” stare.

  “I’m going to make lunch,” he said.

  “Make me a sandwich,” she yelled.

  “I might,” he said.

  Beaming, Brooke put the final touches on her last piece. Her agent had already found her an exhibitor.

  Even if it wasn’t as successful as the other installation, it didn’t matter to her. Failure was always an option.

  When Jake had said his final good-bye to Jenny, Brooke felt relief for once.

  That relief led to inspiration, and inspiration led to another exhibition. More was at stake financially and professionally, but Brooke had already lived an incredible fantasy and it would satisfy her for the rest of her life.

  Success wasn’t her goal. Finding a balance between the losses she had endured and the life she had to lead was the only thing that mattered. Now that Jake had said good-bye to the love of his life, they could build a life of their own from the rubble of their shared goals and experiences.

  Returning with a sandwich, J
ake stood back and looked at her piece.

  “That’s different from the others,” he noted and she admired the fact he knew it was not part of the collection.

  “Very good,” she said, taking a sandwich half from the plate. It was just the way she liked it, lots of meat and tomatoes, dripping with mayo.

  “It’s a special gift,” she said.

  “It seems like it means something but I can’t make it out,” he said, trying to understand the symbolism.

  “It’s not meant for you to understand,” she said. “You forgot the mustard,” she said as they walked out of the studio.

  “If someone spent more time with the housekeeping …” he joked and she gave him her “you’ve got to be kidding me” glare. Running up the stairs, Brooke stuffed the last bite in her mouth and chased him.

  Falling in bed together, Brooke let Jake clear her mind. The exhibition was in a week, and even though she wasn’t concerned about its success or failure, it was another matter that she feared might backfire. It was a risk she was willing to take, no matter the consequence.

  Jake left for the city, and kissed her before leaving.

  “I’ll meet you at the gallery,” he said and then hugged her tightly. “Good luck,” he said and kissed her again.

  Closing the kitchen door, Brooke busied herself with housework. Ever since Mrs. Hurligan retired, Brooke decided she could take care of the house herself, even though she didn’t do a very good job. She just didn’t want to hire another person. Mrs. Hurligan was too perfect to replace, she was more like family.

  Folding clothes, vacuuming, and scrubbing the showers, Brooke normally would have put it off, but she was nervous. Busy work settled her and for days she cleaned the house until it was a model home. Finishing, she sat down and wondered what would happen if her plan backfired.

  This was now becoming her home every day. It was already home for MJ, but it was slowly going from house to home for her. Although she wanted to make it her home, the transition into her new life was proving more difficult than she thought it would be. Part of her feared that if she fully gave into her new life, she would lose Matthew forever. She wasn’t ready to lose him. She never wanted to lose him.