Butterfly Arising

by Landis Lain

  At 3:27 a.m. Sasha was panicked and exhausted. Ricky had been coughing for hours. It sounded like barking. She checked her phone, but it was dead. Mama was out of town anyway. Sasha had sat in the bathroom with a bathtub full of hot water nearly all-night long. If the bathroom was steamy, Ricky seemed to breathe a little easier. But as soon as the water cooled, Ricky was back to barking. She felt Ricky’s tiny head. His curls were flat to his sweaty head. He was hot to the touch and listless. She lifted his tiny fist and it dropped like a noodle. She checked his breathing and it was shallow and wheezy. She still didn’t know many people, between work and classes. She dragged a pair of jeans over her naked legs, grabbed her purse and the baby and ran from her apartment. She ran around the corner and up the lane, checking building addresses. When she reached 1416B she pounded on the door with her fist.

  “Please, please,” she whispered.

  Sasha rocked Ricky and watched a light switch on. A few seconds later, the door was snatched open.

  “What?” Suleiman Richardson stood there, shirtless, wearing a pair of dark boxer shorts and a bleary-eyed scowl.

  “My baby’s sick,” said Sasha, nearly sobbing with fear. “I need to go to the hospital and the bus isn’t running and a cab would take too long. Please? I don’t know anybody else to ask.”

  “Did you call 911?”

  “My phone is dead. I didn’t remember to charge it when I got home from school! Can I use yours?”

  Suleiman’s eyes sharpened and zoomed in to the limp baby in her arms.

  “Hospital’s close. It’s faster to just go,” he said. “We’ll call on the way. Let me grab my keys!” He turned and ran back into his apartment, leaving the door ajar and Sasha moaning in distress. Seconds later he came back wearing jeans, shoes and carrying a balled-up t-shirt and jacket in one hand. He had keys in the other. She hesitated, dubious about getting into a car with him.

  “I can still call!” said Suleiman. “But he doesn’t sound so good.” She glanced down at Ricky.

  “Let’s just go!” she pleaded. He yanked the t-shirt over his head and ushered her to the car.

  “You got a car seat?”

  “I forgot,” sobbed Sasha.

  “Suleiman looked at the baby, who lay boneless against Sasha’s shoulder. He opened the passenger door for her and she got in. Suleiman whipped the seatbelt around her and the baby.

  “You hold him tight.”

  “He’s having trouble breathing!” said Sasha. “Hurry!” Suleiman dashed around the back of the car.

  When they got to the hospital, Suleiman stopped the car and jumped out. Sasha struggled with the seatbelt. He snatched her door open and grabbed the baby out of her arms.

  “Come on!” he said, urgently grabbing her by the arm. They ran through the emergency room doors.

  The next four hours were blurred misery. The doctors and nurses asked her what felt like hundreds of questions, but she couldn’t take her eyes off Ricky to concentrate on the answers. They worked on the baby, everyone running and purposeful. Sasha stood in the hall outside the room and listened to the terse comments from the medical personnel. The baby was breathing but the doctor was concerned. At some point, Suleiman disappeared leaving Sasha cold and shuddering with fear. Suddenly, she was enveloped in warmth. She touched the flannel jacket draped over her shoulders. She looked up to see Suleiman standing next to her.

  “You were shivering,” he said simply. He looked as frightened and worried as she felt.

  “I’m so scared,” she whispered. He put his arm around her shoulder.

  “It’s going to be okay,” he whispered back.

  “Where did you go?” she asked. “I thought you left me.”

  He shook his head. “I had to go park the car.”

  He took her hand and led her over to two vacant chairs a few feet away.

  “Let’s sit down,” he said. She complied, her eyes still glued to Ricky’s room.

  “What happened?” Suleiman asked.

  “Um,” Sasha couldn’t focus. Her face contorted. “He’s so little.”

  “Sasha,” said Suleiman, stern command in his voice. “Look at me!”

  She did.

  “What happened? How long has the baby been like that?”

  “Um, he was a little hot when I got him from daycare after class,” she said. “I gave him some baby meds and we both fell asleep. When I woke up he was burning up and coughing.”

  Suleiman continued to ask questions, keeping Sasha’s attention engaged. She was concentrating so hard on answering the questions that she didn’t see the doctor approaching until she was almost upon them.

  “Are you mama?”

  Sasha nodded and jumped up. “Is he going to be okay?”

  The doctor nodded. Sasha was so relieved that her knees buckled. Suleiman grabbed her arm and steadied her.

  Dr. Evans, according to her nametag, looked weary but triumphant. “I’d say so. We gave him a breathing treatment and oxygen. We’d like to keep him for a few more hours to make certain he doesn’t go south on us again, but he is looking much better. I’ve got some prescriptions for you to fill.”

  “Did I do something wrong?”

  “Little Mr. Ricky has the croup, but you did everything right,” soothed Dr. Evans. She reached out and touched

  Sasha’s shoulder. “My guess is Ricky just started a new daycare and has caught the cooties from one of the other children, eh?”

  Sasha nodded, so relieved that she was numb. She sat in a chair with her head between her legs for a long time. Suleiman roused her, got her insurance card and went to fill the prescriptions for cough medicine and a steroid to decrease the swelling in Ricky’s throat while Sasha went into the room with Ricky, who was breathing easily and sleeping soundly.

  Suleiman came back into the room just as the doctor gave discharge instructions.

  “Keep him hydrated and around moist air,” said Dr. Evans. She glanced at Suleiman as he tucked the covers around the baby and caressed his tiny head. “You and Daddy might have to take shifts, so that you don’t get sick, too.”

  Sasha glanced at Suleiman.

  “Oh, but-”

  “That’s what we will do,” interrupted Suleiman. “Thank you.”

  Sasha nodded. The doctor bustled off. Sasha looked at Suleiman.

  “Why?”

  “Doesn’t matter,” said Suleiman. “Take too much time to set her straight.”

  “Thank you,” she said, softly.

  “It’s not a problem,” he said. “Why don’t you give me your keys?”

  “Why?” asked Sasha.

  “I’m going to go and grab us some breakfast,” he said. “After I run to your apartment and get the baby’s car seat. They won’t let us take him home without a car seat.”

  He dug in his pocket and pulled out a phone charger.

  “Plug your phone in and I’ll program my number in after you get some juice in it. Don’t steal my charger. I’ve gotta let work know I’m gonna be late. Then, I’ll come grab you two and take you home.”

  “Oh,” Sasha sighed. “You don’t have to do that. I’ll get the bus.”

  Suleiman scowled. “You trying to p- uh, tick me straight off?”

  “No,” said Sasha. “You’ve done so much, and I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

  “Whatever,” said Suleiman, rolling his eyes. “If you think I’m gonna let that sick baby or you, for that matter, ride on the bus…” he stopped.

  “What?”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “Then you don’t know me very well, at all.”

  “You are right,” she replied softly. “I don’t.”

  “Well,” he said. “For the record, I don’t bite girls or babies. Only my friends can wake me up at three in the morning for a quick run to the hospital and get away with it. So, that makes us friends. Friends don’t let friends ride the bus after a night in the hospital. You got that?”

  Sasha nodded.

  Suleiman smiled and
held out his hand. “Well. Then, give up the keys.”

  She fished them out of his jacket pocket and handed them to him.

  INVITED

  October 1,

  Dr. Michelle said not to go into every situation thinking the worst. That shadows don’t annihilate the sun. So, I said that I would try to make a friend. How scary is that?

  “Hi!”

  It was Saturday afternoon, two weeks after Ricky’s visit to the hospital. Suleiman had stopped by several times to check on the baby between classes and work. He’d even brought pizza one night and begged Sasha to critique his Freshman Composition essay, as he stank at writing. He played with the baby by the hour. As a result, Ricky and Suleiman had bonded. He and Sasha had developed a mutual, slightly wary, respect. She was pathetically grateful for his help but afraid of what she might have to offer in return.

  “Hi,” she said. Sasha opened her screen door to let Suleiman in.

  “Hey,” he said. “Let’s go over to the river and feed the ducks.”

  “I was studying,” she said.

  “Take a break,” he said. “It’s too pretty to stay inside and I know you’re not studying. You’re probably looking out the window!”

  Sasha looked at him and tilted her head to the side. He looked like a mischievous little boy. He clasped his hands in front of him.

  “Pleeeze?”

  She laughed.

  “Okay,” she said. “You got me. I was looking out the window.”

  “So,” he said, “The ducks?”

  “We could do that. Let’s just get Ricky’s stroller.”

  Suleiman shook his head.

  “We’ll just slam dunk him in the back seat and drive over and park. That way we can walk up and down the river walk and then feed the ducks. We don’t have to schlep a tired baby all the way back to Spartan Village. It might get chilly pretty quickly later.”

  Sasha nodded. “That sounds like a plan. Let’s do that.

  Suleiman said, “I got the bread.”

  Five minutes later they were piled into Suleiman’s candy apple red Dodge Challenger. The vehicle looked like it should be on a race track, down to the hemi engine and big black stripes which decorated the hood. He revved the engine and slid the car backward out of the parking spot. Suleiman turn the wheel, shifted gears and turned to Sasha with a grin.

  “It’s a really sick car isn’t it?”

  She laughed and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, it is.”

  Ricky babbled in the back seat from his car seat as Suleiman kept up a steady stream of chatter on the two-mile drive about how he bought the car when he first signed up for the marines and then had to put it in the garage for two years while he was deployed.

  “So,” he concluded. “I’ve only really driven the car about two years. The rest of the time it’s been sitting in a garage. When I was in the desert I was dreaming about driving it.”

  Sasha laughed, “Just as long as you don’t crash the car with us in it. It’s kind of like a race car.”

  Suleiman nodded his head like an eager child and said with a grin, “Yeah, she sure is!”

  “She?”

  “Yeah,” said Suleiman. “Name’s Desiree.” He patted the dashboard with his free hand.

  “Oh, wow,” said Sasha. “What they say about big boys and their toys is true, huh?”

  “No doubt.” Suleiman grinned happily.

  “You are such a dude!”

  When they got to the library Suleiman put the car in park and walked around to the passenger side of the car to open the door for Sasha.

  “Thanks,” she said and got out. She reached for the lever to allow the seat to slide forward, so she could get to the back seat to pull Ricky out of his car seat. Suleiman put a hand on her shoulder.

  “Naw,” he said. “I got him. It’s cool. You grab the bread and stuff.

  He reached in and grabbed the baby. Ricky babbled his approval. Sasha grabbed the bread and diaper bag and followed them across the grass to the river where the ducks swam at a leisurely pace through the water.

  “The trees on campus are so beautiful!” said Sasha, enjoying the breathtaking scenery. The leaves were a mixture of reds, golds, browns and oranges, with just a tiny bit of green remaining in the mid-autumn sunlight. Because the football game was at Notre Dame, the campus was quiet. There were just a few people lazing around the riverbanks. Everyone else was resting up for the upcoming party night. It was sixty-five degrees; just cool enough to need a jacket. A few students milled around. The late Indian summer day was one of the most perfect that Sasha had ever experienced.

  They walked across the grass and Suleiman led the way to the stone bench by the water. He sat down with Ricky in his arms. The baby squirmed to get down. Suleiman obliged him but kept hold of his shirt to make certain Ricky didn’t crawl off to the water. The small waterfall in the center of the Red Cedar River moved the water in desultory fashion, ducks swimming about lazily.

  Sasha dropped the diaper bag.

  “Open the bag,” said Suleiman. “Just throw one piece of bread on the ground and the ducks come running straight to you.”

  Sasha did as she was told and suddenly the leisurely swimming grey, green and brown ducks were barreling her way and jumping on the shore.

  “Tear up the bread in little pieces,” instructed Suleiman. “We don’t want them to choke.” Ricky screamed in delight as the ducks milled around Sasha, vying with each other for a piece of bread. Sasha laughed and flung more bread to the ducks. Suleiman watched her with a slight smile. Then, he shook himself slightly and said, “Give me some bread, Sash! Dudes like to feed ducks, too.”

  Sasha strolled over to the bench and handed several pieces of bread to Suleiman. Suleiman ripped the bread and threw a piece out to one of the ducks. Another duck snapped a piece of bread out of his hand. Suleiman snatched his hand back and laughed.

  “Whoa,” he said. “That was sweet.”

  A few minutes later, larger birds came waddling over.

  “Dang,” said Sasha, looking at the closest one, whose white head was waist high. “Those are some big old ducks!”

  Suleiman laughed. “I think those are geese, babe.”

  “Oh,” said Sasha, with an embarrassed laugh. “You know, as long as I’ve lived in Lansing, I don’t think I’ve ever come to see the ducks.”

  “Really?” said Suleiman. He shooed the baby back toward the bench with his hand. “Then you have missed out. MSU is one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve ever seen. When I first got out of the Marines, I used to come over here and just look at the water. I’d walk up and down the river trail for hours and at the end of the day, I’d feed the ducks. It soothes me, you know?”

  Sasha nodded her head. “I can see that. I feel calm and peaceful looking at the water and the trees. It feels good. I really do love this campus. Mama wouldn’t let me hang out here in high school.”

  She was silent for a full minute. The only sounds were Ricky babbling to the ducks and the water rushing over the small waterfall. After a while Suleiman asked her a question. She answered, and they chatted about everything and nothing, just getting to know each other better.

  “You know what?”

  “What?” Suleiman asked.

  “I’m really glad now that my mom made me come to college,” said Sasha, surprising herself. “I was so mad at her when she told me that I had to move out and take Ricky with me. I felt kicked out. But, I would never have had this experience if I’d stayed home.”

  “So,” said Suleiman. “Your mom might not be the witch you think she is?”

  Sasha wrinkled her nose and said, “No, she loves me. We just can’t seem to get along. She’s always angry at me. She was out of control when I got pregnant with Ricky. It was like I stabbed her in the heart.” She looked over at the baby as he put his tiny hands on the stone bench and pulled himself up.

  Her eyes got big. “Oh, LOOK!” She was whispering loudly. “He’s standing! He’s only nine months old!�
��

  “I see him,” said Suleiman, with the same wonder in his voice. “He’s going to be walking around soon.” He sounded proud, as though he had something to do with it.

  They tossed bread. Ricky, still holding on to the bench, leaned over to grab a piece of bread that fell near him and one of the ducks pecked him on the hand. Ricky screamed his outrage and plunked down on his bottom. The ducks scattered in panic. Before Sasha could react, Suleiman snatched the baby up.

  “Oh, no,” said Suleiman, panicked. He grabbed the baby’s hand and peered at it closely. He rubbed the tiny hand. Ricky quieted, tears hovering on his long eyelashes. “Is he hurt?”

  “He’s okay,” said Sasha, hand to her chest. She eyed the ducks with malevolent eyes. “But we might have a duck dinner.”

  She leaned over to kiss Ricky’s hand. Ricky whimpered and reached out for his mother. Suleiman handed him over.

  “It’s okay, baby,” she soothed, rubbing his back. Ricky quieted and then rubbed his eyes with his little fist. Suleiman still looked stricken. “He’s fine!”

  “That’s a relief,” said Suleiman.

  The baby sniffled, and his lip quivered.

  “Oops!” said Suleiman. “Spoke too soon. Cloudburst time.”

  Sasha laughed and cuddled the baby to her chest.

  “Don’t cry. Did that bad duck bite you?” said Sasha, nuzzling the baby.” “You know you are my handsome little man.”

  “Thanks,” said Suleiman.

  “I wasn’t talking to you!”

  “I know, but it sounded good,” said Suleiman. The ducks came closer, waiting for more bread. Suleiman tore up the remaining bread and threw it to the ducks as Ricky eyed the birds with distrust. After a while, they ran out of bread. Ricky whined and banged his head on Sasha’s shoulder. He sucked his thumb into his mouth, eyes at half-mast.

  “Time to go,” she said, with a sigh. “He’s got to have his nap, or he will be a raging terror.”