Little Bits of Sky

by S. E. Durrant

  I don’t think he’ll stay for long. I think he’s just pretending to be here. I think he’s gone already.

  We went back to school today. It felt funny writing 1990 in my book. Miss Campbell got us to think about new things that might be invented in the 1990s.

  One girl said everyone will be able to talk to each other through computers. Her dad told her about it. She said people won’t have to work in offices any more. They can just stay at home and work. They could even stay in their pyjamas and no one would know. They’d still have to get dressed to go shopping though.

  One boy said there’ll be backpacks with engines and if you pull a string you’ll be able to fly. Kaleigh said maybe everyone would be able to change the way they look just by eating a pill. I said I think we might live on the moon because it’s getting too crowded down here.

  Pip doesn’t normally say anything but she said maybe there’d be special helmets and if we put them on and shut our eyes we could go anywhere we imagined, even back to the past. It was the best idea of all.

  Martha sent us some photos. They came today! There’s one of me in the garden with Dash, one of Zac throwing a stick to Dash and one of us all on the sofa on New Year’s Day. Me and Zac are sitting on each side and Dash is in the middle. Martha’s not in it because she took the photo.

  Hortense said why don’t we put the one with all of us in our Memory Book so we did. We glued it in really carefully and I wrote Dash, New Year 1990. I tried to write neatly like Glenda but I couldn’t. All the letters went in different directions.

  Then Zac said, “Can I look at the other photo of the dog?” so we looked at the photo from when we were babies. Then we looked at the other pages and the memories seemed such a long time ago and so far away. I felt quite sad.

  Hortense said, “That was then and this is now and now’s OK isn’t it?” And she smiled and me and Zac nodded. Because it is.

  It snowed all night and now it feels like the world’s stopped turning, like nothing’s moving any more. Everything’s white and soft and the garden looks beautiful and all the cars are stuck so if you want to go anywhere you have to walk.

  Hortense and Silas took us sledging in the park. Everyone went except Mrs Clanks. Even Jimmy. Esther wanted to wear her yellow shoes but she put on wellies because she wasn’t allowed to come if she didn’t. There’s a cupboard full of wellies and someone would have to have really enormous feet like Silas’s or tiny feet like a baby’s for there not to be some that fit. There weren’t any yellow ones though. She had to wear green.

  Pip came too. She didn’t mind what she wore as long as she had her jumper. She put her Christmas jumper underneath and Zac gave her his earmuffs and Hortense put a coat on top and wrapped her in a scarf and put a hat on her head. You could hardly tell who she was. She looked like a bundle of clothes. When we were walking to the park I put my arm through hers and she didn’t mind. It was really cold and our breath was like smoke and it felt so nice.

  We went to the park early because people go crazy on sledges there. You could get killed even, because they go so fast. People make sledges out of anything. They use bits of metal and big wooden doors and canoes. Last year a girl went down on an office chair with wheels on. She was spinning round and screaming but she didn’t fall off until she got to the bottom. Then she climbed back up the hill but she left the chair and people did all sorts of things with it and when the snow melted it was still there for weeks afterwards. But I don’t think you could use it as an office chair any more. It was falling apart.

  But because we went early there was only a man with a little girl on a sledge and some people on trays and some teenagers on skateboards and us.

  We only had four sledges so we had to take turns. I went down with Pip. I sat behind her and she leaned back and looked at the sky and she had a big smile on her face. And for that minute I don’t think she was even thinking about her sister. I think the sky was just filling her head. I held her hand when we walked back up. I had to pull her but I didn’t mind. Every time I looked at her she was smiling.

  Sophia and Miles went down together. Sophia was steering and they went really fast and screamed all the way down.

  When Esther went down with Hortense I thought Esther would be thrown into the air because they were almost flying but Hortense held her all the way down. Then they lost the string and they were about to hit the tree so Hortense pulled her off the sledge and they rolled through the snow. There was so much snow stuck to their coats you couldn’t even see Esther’s was yellow.

  When Milap and Harit went down, Milap kept his heels on the ground the whole way so they couldn’t go too fast. He didn’t want to risk losing his brother because he’s already lost his mum and dad. It didn’t look any fun.

  Then Harit went down with Zac and neither of them put their feet down. They just went as fast as they could and everyone had to jump out of the way. When they stopped they were laughing so much they couldn’t stand up.

  Jimmy found a tray someone left behind. He didn’t want to share. First he went down facing forwards, then he went down backwards so he couldn’t see what was happening. Then he went down standing up. Everyone had to watch out in case he hit them because he didn’t care. He was smiling a great big smile but he didn’t look exactly happy. He looked a bit mad.

  Then Esther got cold and wanted to go back and Zac said he couldn’t feel his fingers so he wanted to go too. Harit just kept going up and down and up and down with anyone who wanted a go, but he never makes a fuss so he just came.

  Jimmy had one last go standing up but this time he crashed into the man with the little girl. They weren’t hurt but the little girl got frightened and started to cry. Jimmy swore at the man even though it wasn’t the man’s fault, it was Jimmy’s. Silas had to run down and check they were OK and apologise, and Hortense said we had to go NOW.

  On the way back Pip’s boot came off and her sock got wet so Silas put her on his shoulders so she was up in the sky. As we walked the snow crunched under our feet and Silas kept pretending to slip and Esther was dancing around and Pip was laughing. It was so lovely.

  When we got back to Skilly I saw Glenda playing in the garden. She was picking up handfuls of snow and throwing them into the air. When she saw me she waved.

  Pip’s social worker came today. She’s called Sharon. She ties her hair up with a scarf and she always wears a woolly jacket and brown shoes or wellies. When she was waiting for Pip she was standing really still with a smile on her face like she was on top of a hill looking at a beautiful view.

  She took Pip to meet a family and when they came back Pip was all muddled up. She was sort of smiling, sort of sad. She didn’t say anything about the family but she told me about the games she used to play with Alice when she was younger. They especially liked dressing up and I said, “Do you want to dress up now?” and she said, “Yes.” So we got all the funny clothes we could find and some things from Hortense like tinfoil and sticks and swords and we dressed up as soldiers and had a big fight. We all raced around screaming and shouting.

  Everyone joined in except for Jimmy – even Sophia and Miles, and they’re teenagers. Esther put on a fairy dress and pretended she was a princess. In the end I had to rescue her because Zac wouldn’t. But it was still really fun.

  February is the worst month of all. Christmas feels like ages ago and Easter’s so far away I can’t believe it will ever come. Jimmy’s angry all the time and Hortense has a cold and Zac got into a fight at school and now he can’t go out for break for two weeks. He has to stay in his classroom.

  Me and Zac are going to Martha’s for Easter. Martha sent a letter to Mrs Clanks so now it’s official. We’re going for the whole holiday. I’ve drawn a calendar with the dates on and every day we tick off another one.

  Zac’s got a little notebook and he’s making up tricks for Dash. He’s going to make her an obstacle course in the garden and teach her to go over jumps and through tunnels. I’m going to do a painting of her
when she’s sleeping as long as she’s not on my lap.

  Jimmy’s not coming back. He’s been missing for four days and now he’s not coming back to Skilly at all. Silas has been looking for him every day and then the police came last night and this morning Mrs Clanks said, “Jimmy’s not coming back.”

  Zac said, “Is he dead?” and Mrs Clanks said, “No. I can’t say any more except that he will be moving to a new home.” She didn’t make it sound good. I don’t think someone nice wants to adopt him. I think he’s in trouble.

  I asked Silas what happened but all he said was Jimmy’s OK. But he couldn’t smile so Jimmy’s not very OK.

  Hortense and Silas had to take the stuff out of Jimmy’s room and put it in boxes. Usually they laugh when they do things together but they weren’t laughing at all. At tea Hortense looked like she was crying. She said she’d been peeling onions but we didn’t have onions for tea. We had baked potatoes and beans.

  Everyone’s sad because everyone knows Jimmy’s not OK but nobody’s saying it out loud. We know because if he was OK he wouldn’t have run away. He would at least say goodbye.

  If I had a placard now it would say WHAT HAPPENED TO JIMMY? and JIMMY, COME BACK. It would have one message on one side and one on the other and I would walk around the streets with it and maybe someone would help or maybe he would even see it.

  But I can’t do that because I’m just a kid. I can’t do anything. I’m so sad because Jimmy’s one of my favourite people and he was the old hand and now he’s gone me and Zac have to be the old hands.

  I think Zac was right. Jimmy was kidnapped, only he was kidnapped by aliens who made him into someone different. Zac says he doesn’t want to be a teenager because it’s even worse than being a child. I hadn’t thought of it before but now I wonder what happens if we grow up and we still haven’t got a family. What happens then?

  Silas is going on a big poll tax march in London. He’s taking his placard. He says there’ll be thousands of people there. He might even be on TV.

  Me and Zac will be at Martha’s but we’re going to look on the news in case we see him because then we can show Martha. I think she’d like him.

  Zac’s going to teach Dash to count. He’s drawn a chart. First he’ll show her two sticks and teach her to bark two times and then he’ll go up to ten. He’s going to teach her to count to one hundred if he can find enough sticks.

  Pip’s gone! Sharon took her away this afternoon. Sharon was smiling like they were going on a lovely picnic on a beautiful hill but Pip wasn’t smiling. She looked like I felt when my class went on a boat on the Thames and even though the boat was slow I felt really sick and dizzy and kept putting my head down. My teacher said it was because of the different movements. And that’s how Pip looked. She looked as though she was seasick and she couldn’t keep her head up and she just wished everything would stop still.

  When I said goodbye I hugged her really tight so the hug would last forever. Everyone hugged her or waved but we didn’t say things like “See you soon” or “See you at Christmas” because probably we’ll never see her again and if we do it’ll be because things have gone wrong and she has to come back. We just waved. As she walked to the car she curled her fingers up and I knew she was holding Alice’s hand because she wouldn’t leave without her.

  I hope Pip’s OK. She was trying not to cry because she doesn’t know what’s going to happen next but she managed because she’s spent a lot of time trying not to cry. I was trying not to cry too.

  When I went to my room there was a bit of paper pushed under the door. It said:

  Dear Ira

  Thank you for being my friend. When we went sledging it was really good, wasn’t it? And the dressing up too.

  Pip x

  My favourite kids are all leaving Skilly – Ashani then Jimmy and now Pip. I haven’t even seen Glenda since the snow. Everything’s horrible.

  Something happened today. I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s stuck in my head and it just keeps going round and round.

  Zac was watching Newsround and I was drawing and then Zac shouted, “Look, Ira, look! She looks just like you!”

  He was pointing at a woman on TV who was holding a NO POLL TAX placard. She was standing with other protesters and she did look just like me and Zac. Her eyes and nose were the same shape as mine and she was angry and her face was exactly like Zac’s when he’s angry. She was saying things like “It’s not fair” and the protestors were nodding. Then she ran her fingers through her hair and a curl flopped right in front of her face.

  “That’s our mum,” said Zac.

  I shook my head. “She’s too young.”

  The woman said, “We hope as many people as possible will join us at Trafalgar Square for the march. We need to make our voices heard.”

  Then the reporter said, “This is Bill Jenkins with the poll tax protestors” and the camera moved back and as it did I saw a dog at the woman’s feet. A black dog!

  Zac shouted. “Ira, Ira, did you see the dog?”

  “Yes.”

  “That was Mum.”

  “No it wasn’t.”

  “It was!”

  He pestered me so much I had to walk away but he grabbed me in the hall.

  “That was Mum. That was the dog from the photo.”

  “No it wasn’t. That dog’s dead.”

  “It isn’t! How do you know?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “But the woman’s too young.”

  “How old do you think she is? How old?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Go on,” he said. “Tell me! How old?”

  “Twenty-six?”

  “Well, you’re eleven so that makes her fifteen when she had you. Lots of people have babies when they’re fifteen.”

  I know it’s true. Some kids at Skilly, their mums were fifteen when they had them, even fourteen sometimes. And the woman had a black dog. I didn’t know what to say so I shouted, “Don’t be an idiot!”

  Zac’s face went really angry. And now he keeps going on about it. And I can’t stop thinking about it too. The woman looked like us and she seemed so nice. She’s got a black dog. It might not be the same dog but she likes black dogs. She wants everyone to go to Trafalgar Square on Saturday but we’ll be at Martha’s. Zac says we can’t go to Martha’s, we have to go and find Mum. He’d even rather do that than see Dash because he says we can see Dash another time.

  Zac asked Silas if he could go to the poll tax march and Silas didn’t even think about it. He just said, “Nope.”

  Zac’s really upset. He says it might be our only chance to find our mum. I don’t know what to think. I wish he hadn’t watched the programme.

  Before I went to bed tonight I kept looking in the garden for Glenda. I stood at the window for ages but she wasn’t there. I was just about to give up when I saw her running along the top of the tree. She had her arms stretched out like she was on a tightrope. I hoped she’d look up and see me but she didn’t.

  Zac was trying not to cry on the train to Martha’s today. I was too because the train was taking us miles away from where our mum might be but it was also taking me to the place I want to be most. I didn’t know how to think about the two things at the same time. It made me feel sick. Mrs Clanks asked us what was wrong but we didn’t say anything. She’d think we’re stupid.

  Martha and Dash were waiting for us at the station. Dash isn’t tiny any more. She’s bigger and stronger. She jumped up and kept licking us and barking and then she tripped Zac over, even though Martha had her on a lead. Zac couldn’t be sad after that. He just lay there and let Dash climb all over him. He couldn’t help smiling.

  “I think she remembers you,” Martha said.

  And now we’re back at Appleton House and I feel really happy again. Martha’s got the photo of me and Zac and Dash on her mantelpiece. She’s got my painting on the wall too, and it looks just right with all the other paintings. It reminds me of when we came at New Year. The gar
den isn’t wintry any more and Dash doesn’t need a coat. Crocuses are poking through the grass. I’m going to paint them.

  Before we went to sleep I said to Zac, “It’s OK here, isn’t it?” and he said, “Mmm” and his eyes were watery. He’s still a bit sad.

  Today was the worst day of my life. It’s the last day of March 1990. I’ll never forget that date because it was worse even than when Mum couldn’t look after us any more because I was too little to remember that.

  After breakfast we walked to the market in Wellsbury. It was sunny and we were all smiling. Dash was running along beside Zac’s ankles, looking up at him all the time like a pony in a circus. When we got to the market we looked at a stall with shapes dogs can chew. There were mice and balls and little rabbits but in the end we got Dash a rubber bone. I thought she might be disappointed to have a rubber bone instead of a real one with meat on it but she liked it. She kept chewing it and dropping it on the ground and then chewing it again. It was covered in spit.

  Then we went to the cattle market. A little black calf was poking his nose through his pen. He kept sucking our fingers. He didn’t want to let go. Our fingers got really wet and slimy. He was happy too. He didn’t know he was going to be sold and eaten. Dash started yapping and Martha had to take her away so it was just me and Zac and the calf.

  I said to Zac, “If I had loads of money I’d buy him and put him in a field and let him live forever.”

  And Zac said, “Is he going to die?”

  I wished I hadn’t said anything.

  After that we went to the market square. Three coaches were parked next to the square and people were waiting to get on them. They were holding NO POLL TAX placards like Silas’s and they were happy and smiling too.