The Lies of Pride

by Lily Zante

  “It’s my job not to. Tonight, isn’t a night school night,” she continues, “in case you were thinking of following her there.”

  I change my expression to one of disappointment. “You make me sound like a stalker.”

  “But you’re not, are you?” She lifts an eyebrow.

  “Obviously I’m not.”

  “Why are you looking for her?”

  The question confuses me. “Specifically tonight, or do you mean generally?”

  “Both.”

  “I meet a lot of women, but Nina sticks out because she’s nothing like them.”

  “I care about that girl, so if you hurt her,” Frankie doesn’t need to lift her finger, or change her tone, or narrow her eyes, but I sense the warning in her words.

  “I would never do that. What you see of me on the screen is nothing like the real me.”

  Frankie chortles. “I haven’t watched a single movie of yours. I only know who you are because the waitresses here keep showing me all the magazines you keep appearing in. You’re everywhere.”

  “Because of the new film.”

  “And with different women.”

  “Because of the new film.”

  “And your co-star, too. Is that for real?”

  I put a finger to my lips. “Because of the new film.”

  “It’s not true then?”

  I put my finger to my lips again. “Because of the—”

  “Okay. Okay. I hear you. Like I said, if you ever so much as harm a hair on her head.” Frankie looks daggers at me.

  “I heard you loudly the first time.”

  “Talking of Nina, I’d like to call her but I don’t have her number,” I say. “You wouldn’t happen to have it, would you?”

  “I’m not supposed to give out the phone numbers of my employees.”

  “I shouldn’t really expect you to do such a thing, should I?”

  “Then why would you ask such a thing?” she shoots back.

  I suddenly sit up taller. The matron in Frankie comes out, and I sense her mother bear protectiveness about Nina. I wonder if I am being vetted. “I wouldn’t do anything improper. I like her, and she’s not even remotely interested in me.”

  Frankie snorts as if she finds this amusing. “That sounds about right for Nina. You’re probably not used to this.”

  “I’m not. It’s something I’ve never experienced before. I like her, and I don’t understand why she doesn’t like me back.”

  She laughs and slaps the table. “A lot of folks here like her, and many more of them seemed to like her once Elias won that belt. Word gets around, you know.”

  “I’m sure it does.”

  “I can’t complain. Elias coming here every so often helps my business. People come here hoping they’ll see him, but they also know who she is because word gets around. I have some folks who hang around here, sniffing around Nina hoping they will get some juicy gossip about him. Hoping he might come in here one day and give them something, an autograph, a photo, even a ticket to his next fight. She gets good tips out of it. It’s natural of her to be wary of people like you.”

  “I’m not hanging around her because of Elias.” Nina Cardoza doesn’t think anything of me. She doesn’t fall at my feet, she doesn’t want a photo of me, or an autograph. She’s so different to anyone I’ve met, and that is enough for me to take an interest. She’s like a fragile injured bird who is running from something, or hiding, and I can’t work out what.

  What I said to Dottie, about pursuing Nina in order to get to Elias, I said in order to get Dottie off my back, and that was the only way to do it. My pursuit of Nina now has nothing to do with getting onto Elias’s good side, and everything to do with wanting to win her over.

  “She doesn’t care much for you being an actor. She’s not into status and wealth.”

  “I know.”

  “I don’t know if she’ll ever notice you. I’ve watched countless guys try, and she hasn’t given them a look in.”

  This tallies with what her friend told me, and it further piques my interest. I pick up my milkshake to take a sip, but suddenly don’t feel like it. “I guess I shouldn’t take it too hard then, that she’s always pushing me away.”

  “I’m not doing this because you’re famous.” Frankie pulls out a pen, then leans over and grabs a clean napkin from the table. She scribbles something down. “I’ll leave this here for you. You didn’t get it from me.”

  I pull the napkin towards me and see a number on it. “Frankie, it doesn’t work like that,” I try to suppress a smile. “You’re the only one who has access to everyone’s numbers. She’ll know I got it from you.”

  “I have a feeling that girl will be so shocked to hear from you that she won’t even worry about how you got her number.”

  I disagree. “I have a feeling she quite likes her privacy, and it’s going to be the first thing she’ll ask.”

  “We’ll see.”

  I might not have known Nina properly or for as long as Frankie has but I’m certain that I’m right on this point.

  I get out my cell phone and call her.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  NINA

  * * *

  This feels good.

  At least I feel something.

  Relief mostly.

  At least I feel.

  It’s usually numbness that comes over me. Remembering the janitor and the things he did, and now the encounter with Rhys—another sexual predator I have to deal with—it sets off something inside me, dredges up the dirt.

  My insides close in, and at the same time my stomach turns to concrete. It’s a horrid sensation, not being able to breathe, or move. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to put my past behind me and have it stay there forever. This is a hellhole I cannot escape.

  I’m stuck in a vicious cycle, like Groundhog Day, only this isn’t a movie. This is my miserable life.

  The marks are ugly, sometimes gnarly, sometimes blood red. It depends how deep I’ve gone. A drop of blood oozes down my skin where I cut deeper than I intended.

  I wipe away the blood with my finger, letting it spread out thinly until it almost disappears.

  Joni hasn’t called. I’m relieved. I don’t want to deal with her questioning about why I wimped out and refused to go to the movies with them. The thought of Rhys makes me sick to my stomach. I decide that I can never be in the same room as Rhys. The guy is a snake. I can’t even tell Joni how evil he is, because she won’t believe me.

  My cell phone rings, pulling me out of my dark thoughts, and I stare at the number. It’s one I don’t recognize, so I don’t answer it, in case it’s Rhys or Scott, in case Joni has asked them to call me. I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone, and I’m definitely not in the mood for hanging out with any of them.

  I’ve also decided not to go to the event at City hall that Elias told me about last week. Harper reminded me about it a few days ago. She wants me to come. It’s not a fight, which she knows I can’t handle, but a party, so I need to come up with a good excuse for missing it. I’ll call her tomorrow.

  My cell phone beeps, and whoever called me has left a message. I hit the voicemail button along with the loudspeaker button.

  ‘Nina?’

  * * *

  It’s Callum. Why’s he calling me?

  * * *

  ‘I … uh … I uh … I didn’t see you today at lunchtime. Dottie said you had to rush off’

  His voice reverberates inside me, filling me with something warm and comforting. I don’t answer straightaway. Instead I close my eyes, and allow this one sliver of goodness to sink in. And then I remember what he said to Dottie, and my eyes fly wide open. Now I’m caught in a dilemma between wanting to listen to him and cutting the message dead. Sometimes Callum seems genuine, and nice and caring. These are words I never thought I would use to describe him. But maybe my guard is starting to come down. When you’ve been battered and bruised by the bad things, you’ll take any grain of good.
/>
  Remember what he said.

  And so I harden myself again.

  How and from where did he get my number? It’s either Harper or Frankie, because they’re the only two people both he and I know who might do such a thing.

  He coughs, and in the silence it sounds as if he’s uncomfortable. Then I hear a slight laugh. He comes across as clumsy and inarticulate, which is nothing like how he is in real life, but more than the clumsiness, I wonder why he’s calling me when he surely must have an address book as big as his ego.

  ‘I was hoping you would pick up. I um ... I ... ‘I’ll try again some other time’

  Try again another time?

  I think not.

  I heard him loud and clear today.

  I make a face and replay the message, putting down my blade and wiping the new trickle of blood away again.

  It’s as if the universe wanted to leave me in no doubt of who I am and why no one will ever be attracted to me. I seem only to draw the cockroaches. Men like the janitor and Rhys.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  CALLUM

  * * *

  I get out of the car and start to walk towards the entrance to City Hall. This is a private event, and I’m attending as a private guest. I hope Rudy doesn’t find out about this otherwise he’s going to be pissed at me again. He screens the events I attend, and no doubt he will have something to say if he finds out I’ve been here.

  A low roar erupts and ripples around the crowd outside. People are lined up about ten deep and they’re all waiting for Elias, but then I hear something which takes me by surprise.

  “Callum! Callum!” I turn and stare and the roar grows louder. Maybe I should have turned up in disguise. I don’t want to steal Elias’s limelight. It’s too late now, so I lift my hand and wave, and another loud roar starts up. A couple of guys come to the door, and I catch sight of Harper who quickly motions for me to get inside.

  She kisses me on both cheeks. “You’ve caused quite a commotion.” She looks over my shoulder at the crowd outside. “Not that I’m surprised.”

  “You look stunning.” I marvel at her choice of outfit and her figure.

  “She sure does.” A heavy hand lands firmly against my back. The thick voice, full of confidence, and laced with a hint of possession, warns me off.

  “It was a compliment,” I say quickly, turning to face Elias, while hoping that my face doesn’t turn bright red.

  “Relax,” says Elias, grinning. I look at Harper, then back at Elias. He unnerves me and that in itself is something else I’m not used to. My ego is huge. Nobody unnerves me, but Cardoza seems to have made an art of it. It could be his physique. He is the epitome of strength. A powerhouse of muscle. There’s something else about him that surprises me tonight; he’s wearing something that could easily pass for a smile. It’s the most relaxed I’ve ever seen him.

  I can’t relax as easily, but I smile, because he is.

  “You don’t have to be scared of Elias,” Harper says. “Despite what he’d like you to believe, he does have a heart, buried somewhere beneath all that muscle.”

  Elias turns to me. “Harper said I have to be nice to you.”

  I raise an eyebrow at Harper. “You did?”

  “I want you to have a nice time here. Anyway, how’s your filming going?”

  “It’s going.” I reach for a glass of juice when a server goes past, as does Elias. Harper reaches for a glass of champagne.

  “Yeah?” Elias asks. “How much filming is left?”

  “About a month. It depends.” I wonder if he’s eager for me to leave town.

  “Need some tips and pointers?”

  Did this guy ask me that? Now I grin. “If you have any time to spare, I’d appreciate it. I have a boxing coach, and I’ve been watching fights of all the legends, but I still don’t know if I have it right, you know?” My eyes laser in on Nina as she walks through the door. “Nina’s here,” I say out loud, when I should have kept that to myself. At least then so that I could have carried on checking her out from afar.

  Elias raises his chin. “Well there’s a surprise. I didn’t think she’d come.”

  “She had to,” says Harper, taking a sip of her champagne. “I insisted. Nina can be hard work sometimes.”

  “Funny how you noticed her right away, huh?” Elias asks me. His comment makes me stop instantly. Standing next to her protective brother I suddenly feel wary.

  “I uh, …yeah.” Because I have no excuse. She’s on my radar now, the way something of interest suddenly becomes. Like when you buy a red sports car and suddenly everyone is driving red sports cars. I can suddenly sense when Nina is around. What’s telling is that I usually only get this when I’m sufficiently interested in someone, in a romantic way, in a get-you-in-my-bed kind of way. I don’t think of Nina like that, which is new for me. There is something, an interest, but I don’t know yet how much of an interest because she gives nothing back. I don’t even get the slightest signal from her, much less the chance of any flirtation. She’s hard to read, impossible to gauge, tough to pigeonhole. What confuses things further is that I’m drawn to women who are tall, and voluptuous, and she is neither.

  She disappears, then re-appears a few seconds later without her jacket. She’s wearing a long sleeved black top, and wide legged trousers, which only someone super slim like her could carry off.

  It’s so her.

  I’ve only ever seen her in a waitressing uniform, and this first time of seeing her in something else, seeing her all done up, takes my breath way. When she stands around, looking a little unsure, a little hesitant, I’m tempted to break away and go to her—and not care what Elias thinks—but Harper beats me to it. She excuses herself and walks over to her.

  “She was silly for getting involved that day, and coming to your rescue,” Elias remarks.

  “Are you still holding that against me?”

  “It’s not your fault. It’s Nina all over. She doesn’t look at her size or the risk she could be in, she just wants to protect people.”

  “She was very protective of you, back in that children’s home,” Reading his biography has been enlightening. With his kind of difficult past, I can see why he and Nina are so close. Coming up through the foster care system, they only had one another. Their childhood is so different from mine, and what surprises me is how different they are. Elias is strong and self-assured, and wild; he has that air about him. Nina is so much the opposite.

  He moves his glass, and the one quarter full amount of juice swirls around. He stares at it and nods, but doesn’t say a word. Then, “I love my sister. We’ve been through a lot. I would hate to see her get hurt.”

  My heart jolts unexpectedly, and when Elias looks up, his brown eyes flash a warning to me. I’m not sure what he means. Is it that obvious that I have some interest in Nina?

  “How about you come over, say maybe tomorrow, and we can talk about things?”

  The invite suddenly sounds ominous. “Tomorrow?”

  “I don’t have many free days left. The fight is coming up fast, but Harper’s been on at me to be nice to you.”

  “So you’re doing this because Harper asked you, and not because you want to?”

  “I can spare you an evening. Do you want it or not?”

  “Yes, sure, I mean, of course. That would be great. Thanks.”

  That explains it. Harper has been the architect behind everything, me coming here tonight, and Elias suddenly changing his stance towards me. I had felt honored because I thought he liked me enough that he’s invited me to his place, and that he’s willing to give me some of his precious time. But I have what I wanted from the start, though it now it feels slightly hollow.

  It’s also too late to use anything I glean from him towards my role, though I’ve watched as many of his interviews as I can, and I’ve watched and re-watched the Cardoza vs Garrison fight. And I’m almost finished with his book.

  I try to look upon it as something positive becaus
e if Harper’s behind all of this, chances are that she’ll invite Nina over at the same time.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  NINA

  * * *

  I’m only here because Harper didn’t stop hounding me until I agreed to come. She knows how to get me to do things. ‘Do it for Elias. Think how much he’d like you to be there,’ and of course, when she puts it like that, what choice did I have?

  It took me ages to find something to wear. What do you wear to such an event? After much deliberation I settled on some wide palazzo pants and a long sleeved top.

  I look around at the large room full of people all dressed up. There was a huge crowd outside, and it scares me, that all of these people are here for Elias. He seems to have taken to the limelight so easily; doing interviews on TV and for the papers and magazines. He’s in the papers or on TV almost every week, and with his next fight with Garrison looming on the horizon there seems to be a sense of growing hysteria.

  I couldn’t do this.

  I could never.

  Anxiety twists in my belly as I scan the room, desperately trying to find Elias or Harper.

  “You came.” Harper appears out of nowhere and kisses me on the cheeks. She’s wearing a short cocktail dress with her hair in a slick updo, and I suddenly feel like a boy standing next to her feminine gorgeousness.

  “You didn’t really give me a choice.” A sneaky thought flickers across my mind. I wonder why Callum called and left me that message.

  She grins. “Isn’t this nice? Getting out in the evening instead of working at the diner or going to night school? You need to live a little, Nina.”

  “I do live a little.” I counter, not pleased with the preconceived ideas she has about me, even if she is mostly right.

  “You look lovely.” She stares at my trousers in admiration.