The Green Beans, Volume 5: The Phantom of the Auditorium
Page 5
“Did that guy just say that he was the, uh... Phantom of the Auditorium?” Sara asked in a tone of mild disbelief.
“Uh... yes. Yes, I believe he did,” Maria answered, unsure if she should be disturbed or amused by the mysterious speaker’s proclamation.
Though they were somewhat unnerved by the outing of the lights, the locking of the auditorium doors, and the ominous voice of the unknown speaker, the sisters were actually smiling in the dark. Perhaps Neil and Jack wouldn’t be the only ones to get to participate in some excitement today, they thought. Maria and Sara loved adventure, and they had only grown more fond of it in recent weeks, as they had journeyed into realms of supreme weirdness and unparalleled oddities.
“Why do you suppose it is that strange things like this are always happening to us?” Maria asked.
“I don’t know. But I’m sure glad they do,” Sara admitted.
“Now hear this,” the Phantom boomed. “For many years, I have haunted the hallways of this school, drifting behind the walls, lingering among the rafters of the auditorium - seeing all, and hearing all.”
“Well, that’s just creepy,” Maria said. “I hope this Phantom guy has the decency to stay out of the bathrooms!”
Sara shuddered at the thought. “He ‘sees all’? Just thinking about some ghost - or a guy who’s trying to pass himself off as a ghost, more likely - creeping around, spying on us? It’s enough to give me the willies!”
“I demand you release us at once!” Principal Funkmeyer shouted into the darkness. To his credit, he seemed utterly fearless in the face of this strange emergency, and he was doing an admirable job of holding his ground.
In response to the principal’s demand, the Phantom once more broke into laughter. The booming noise of it rolled through the auditorium, and it was impossible to pinpoint its source. It seemed to be coming from the front, the back, the left, and the right, as if it were on all sides and none.
Distortion, achieved electronically (or by other, lesser known means), gave the noise a strange warble. The Phantom’s voice had an unsettling effect, and it very much seemed that he was in control of the auditorium - the place he apparently called home.
“What is it that you want?” Principal Funkmeyer asked, shouting to be heard over the laughter.
“I simply want that which is rightfully mine. You are long past due in the payment of my salary, and I am not pleased with your tardiness.”
“Salary? Why would I pay you a salary? I don’t even know who you are!” Principal Funkmeyer protested.
“Are you not listening? I told you - I am the Phantom of the Auditorium! And if you are having trouble retaining what you’ve been told, perhaps a more definitive exclamation point will help you commit this to memory... there now, little principal... let us provide you with some illumination!”
At the moment the Phantom finished speaking, there was a great flash of light, so sudden and powerful, it temporarily blinded the students. It was accompanied by a sharp crack of noise that startled the children, making them jump halfway from their seats.
The flash of light seemed to have originated from some of the gear that was mounted to the auditorium’s ceiling. It had been a brilliant surge, but it had only lasted a moment at its full intensity. Now, it was slowly fading, and tendrils of colorful vapor were seen drifting about the ceiling, a consequence of the pyrotechnic display.
This bout of showmanship resulted in gasps of surprise, shouts of alarm, and even a few high-pitched screams of outright terror. The students began talking among themselves animatedly, and the scene was quickly becoming one of panic. The Phantom was attempting to assert his position as the master of the auditorium, and so far, he was doing a convincing job.
“DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION NOW?” the Phantom boomed, his voice amplified to even greater heights, sending vibrations through the bones of his audience.
“What do you want? What is this salary you’re talking about?” Principal Funkmeyer asked.
The principal was now eager to satisfy the Phantom. Though he was reluctant to bend to some madman’s demands, his primary objective was to ensure the safety of his students. It seemed the quickest way to remove the children from this scenario might be to please the Phantom.
“I am one of the school’s most tenured staff members, for I have been here many a year. Yet, I have been insulted and ignored, my salary going by the wayside.”
“How much are you owed?” Principal Funkmeyer asked.
“I am owed... I am owed, uh...”
For the first time, the Phantom seemed unsure of himself. No longer was his voice resolute and commanding. Now, he was faltering and stammering.
“Maybe he didn’t actually expect the principal to give in to his demands,” Sara said to her sister, leaning close so they could hear one another over the commotion.
“And now he’s been caught off guard, and he has to think on the fly,” Maria finished the thought. “He doesn’t even really know what he wants, does he?”
“Maybe what he truly wants is some simple recognition. He seems to have a real passion for showmanship,” Sara pointed out. “Remind you of anybody?”
“Of course… it could very well be Ebenezer Widget-Bocker up there in the rafters, putting on a show to boost his ego,” Maria said.
“That’s what I was thinking… sure, he’s been missing for a few days, but he was never actually found. This has his fingerprints all over it, as well as those of Jasper, if you ask me,” Sara said.
“I wish to be paid in macaroni and cheese!” the Phantom boomed.
The menace in his voice was a strange contrast to the peculiarity of his request. Giggles could be heard rippling through the assembled students as they tried to comprehend what was going on.
Clearly bewildered, Principal Funkmeyer asked, “What?”
“There’s nothing funny about this matter! Even phantoms require sustenance!”
To emphasize his point, the Phantom triggered another bright flash of light and crack of sound, equal to the first in size and volume. Once more, the auditorium was illuminated for a brief moment, and colorful vapor danced about the rafters. The students were startled, and the giggles abruptly ceased.
In the split second when the surge of light had filled the auditorium, Sara thought she may have seen something. The curtains on the stage seemed to have rippled, and as they had narrowly parted, she could have sworn she saw something behind them, darting past in a quick blur of shadowy movement.
Or had it simply been a trick of the light? Sara had to admit it was very hard to see what was currently going on in the auditorium, and she might have imagined what she thought she saw.
“You have more than enough to feed these students every day, but the food is always delivered in the morning. What little is left over is removed from the building when the school is closed. The result? An empty cafeteria every evening! What am I to eat, I ask you?”
“Well, what’s he been eating?” Maria asked.
“Yeah, he claims he’s been here for a long time. If he needs food to survive, what’s he been relying on?” Sara wondered.
“So, uh, if I understand you correctly, you wish to be paid in a salary that consists of, uh... macaroni and cheese?” Principal Funkmeyer asked, as he sought clarity on the matter.
“That’s right! Also, I want pizza! And pudding! And lots of chocolate milk!”
“Okay... that can all be arranged without difficulty,” the principal promised.
“Also, I want some of those packages of snack crackers and cookies that I can save for later.”
“If you ask me, the Phantom might have gone off his rocker a bit,” Maria opined.
“That’s probably a safe assumption,” Sara agreed.
“Consider it done!” Funkmeyer shouted, in answer to the Phantom’s strange demands.
“You will deliver the food each afternoon, when school is over for the day and the students have been dismissed. You will leave it in this auditorium, upon the stage. Do n
ot attempt to spy upon me when I claim my salary, and do not tamper with the food in any way. I will detect such treachery at once, for I have the upper hand in all matters pertaining to this school. Remember, I see all and I hear all. I warn you, Funkmeyer... Do not betray me, or your students will be the ones who pay the price!”
Chapter Six
To Catch a Phantom