The Green Beans, Volume 5: The Phantom of the Auditorium

by Gabriel Gadget

The chief’s jaw dropped as he saw what Double H was holding between her index finger and thumb. It was the pair of handcuffs, which had been unlocked and removed from her wrists. The caped weirdo was beaming at her small audience. She smiled broadly, clearly pleased with her performance.

  Chief Fresco stared in bewilderment, and his shock rendered him somewhat inarticulate. “What the-? How did you-?”

  “Here, try again!” Double H encouraged him.

  She tossed the cuffs to the chief, who caught them from reflex, as he was still trying to shake off his surprise. Muttering to himself, he once more stepped forward and applied the handcuffs to Double H’s outstretched wrists. This time, he made sure to clamp them down tight, so as to prevent any wiggle room and potential escape.

  “That should do it,” he said with satisfaction, turning back to his daughters. “As I was saying-”

  “Dad, look!” Sara exclaimed, pointing at Double H.

  The chief turned back to his captive, and saw that she had once more managed to remove her handcuffs. Not only had she slipped free of them, but she had done so in mere seconds. The metal bracelets dangled from her grasp, swaying back and forth like a pendulum, while Double H chuckled, rocking on the balls of her feet with barely contained jubilation.

  “Oh, this is wonderful!” she laughed. “It’s been so long since I’ve had an audience to work in front of!”

  “Hey! I don’t know how you keep on doing that, but you’d better knock it off!” Chief Fresco warned.

  “It is a pretty amazing trick, though, don’t you think?” Maria asked her father.

  By way of answer, Chief Fresco grumbled beneath his breath. Sara, however, grinned and nodded to her sister, and the two of them were only partially successful in stifling their giggles.

  Mumbling to himself, Chief Fresco snatched the handcuffs away from Double H. “I’ll figure out a way to detain you, just you wait and see.”

  “Maybe you should cuff my hands behind my back,” Double H suggested. “That might make it more difficult to break free.”

  “That’s not a bad idea,” the chief conceded, applying the handcuffs behind Double H’s back, instead of in front of her, as he had done the last two times.

  Once they were in place, locked down as tightly as possible, Chief Fresco stepped away, nodding with approval. “Now, then. That should hold this slippery little tomato - hey!”

  Double H was laughing, and she put her hands in front of herself, revealing them to once more be free of handcuffs.

  “Gears and sprockets! How on earth are you doing that?” Sara asked.

  “No pair of handcuffs can hold me,” Double H proclaimed. “Just the very notion of such a thing makes me chuckle!”

  Maria tapped at her chin in thought. “I see. On top of all your other tricks, you’re something of an escape artist, eh?”

  “Oh, you could say that,” Double H agreed.

  “Who are you? Who are you, really?” Maria asked.

  “We know you go by ‘The Phantom’ and ‘Double H’, but those aren’t real names,” Sara said.

  “Well, I suppose you’ve earned the right to learn my true identity, after all we’ve been through this afternoon.” Double H took a deep bow. “My name, young ladies – and gentleman – is Harriet. Harriet Houdini.”

  The only response was silence, as Maria, Sara, and Chief Fresco tried to digest this odd bit of information.

  “Uh… I’m sorry to say this, ma’am,” Sara apologized, “but I don’t think any of us has ever heard of you, though your name bears a striking resemblance to Harry Houdini, and we certainly know who that famous escape artist was.”

  “I’m the great-great granddaughter of Harry Houdini’s brother. I idolized my great uncle, and wished for nothing more than to follow in his footsteps as a master of escape and illusion. Unfortunately, I haven’t lived up to those goals... I’ve let my anxieties and fears hold me back, and I sought a safe, quiet life, where I wouldn’t be exposed to the harsh criticism of the audience. But to quote William Shakespeare – ‘all the world’s a stage’. And I’ve been hiding from it all these years, squirreled away from sunlight in my workshop. But now… now I feel I just might be ready to take on the world!”

  “Well, that’s great!” Sara exclaimed.

  “We’re really happy for you, Harriet,” Maria added. “Hanging out in a basement is no way to spend your life. You gotta get out here and really live!”

  “Oh, I’m going to, believe me,” Double H promised. “I’m going to take on the world, and everything it has to offer!”

  “Hang on! Before anybody goes ‘taking on the world’ and whatnot, you need to answer for your misdeeds,” Chief Fresco reminded her. “I’m not sure exactly what the charges will be… I mean, I’ve never apprehended an illusionist masquerading as a Phantom before… but there will be charges, of that you can be sure!”

  Double H sighed. “Very well. Obeying the law is part of life out here in the real world, and I suppose I had best start playing by the rules. But the worst of this whole affair is all Jasper’s doing, I hope you realize. It’s like your daughters say – he’s a – what was it, girls?”

  “Doorknob,” Maria offered helpfully.

  “Yes, that’s it. That doorknob built those mecha-monkeys, and then let them run rampant throughout the school when he lost control,” Double H said. “I hope I won’t be held responsible for all of their vandalism and… you know… your, uh, kidnapping, and all that stuff.”

  “Jasper? Do you expect me to believe that? You are talking about the school janitor, right?” the chief asked incredulously. “Those robots were something straight out of a science fiction movie. I hardly think Jasper could have masterminded such a production.”

  “It’s true, Dad,” Sara told him. “Jasper’s a mechanical genius! He might be morally bankrupt, but he’s awful handy with a wrench.”

  The chief looked puzzled beyond all reckoning by his daughter’s claim. “And how exactly would you know that?”

  “We’ve, uh… we’ve seen his handiwork before,” Maria admitted. Lowering her voice, she added, “Sorry we failed to mention that.”

  Chief Fresco rubbed at his temple with one hand. He was mumbling to himself and trying to come to terms with this new information. “Jasper, of all people…” he muttered. “I have really got to stop underestimating that oaf.”

  “Would you feel better if I put the handcuffs back on?” Double H asked. “I promise not to escape from them.”

  Chief Fresco sighed. “Nah. What’s the point? Just get in the backseat of my cruiser, would you? And you had better not pull a disappearing act when you’re in there!”

  The chief pointed to his police car, which was parked in the lot at the side of the school, in one of the spots closest to the building.

  “Sure, I can do that. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a car ride… this should be fun!” Double H began skipping toward the cruiser, swiveling her head to take in her surroundings and enjoy the sunlight and fresh air. Before opening the car’s door, she giggled and turned back toward Chief Fresco and his daughters. “Besides… if things should turn out poorly and I find myself incarcerated, you should realize… no prison can hold a master of escape!”

  With that declaration, Double H stepped into the backseat of the car, pulled her cape in behind herself, and slammed the door shut.

  Epilogue

  “Okay, then,” Chief Fresco said slowly, shaking his head as he kept a close eye on his cruiser. “That is one darned peculiar lady.”

  Chief Fresco sat behind the wheel of his police car. He was parked in the lot of a convenience store, and the engine was idling with the radio softly playing music.

  His prisoner, Harriett, sat in the backseat, happy beyond words. The sounds of munches and crunches filled the car, as she gobbled the delicious snacks and sandwiches the chief had purchased for her at the store.

  Every now and then, she would occasionally pause long enough to utter a sigh of conte
ntment or slurp down some chocolate milk, but for the most part it was relentless chewing and swallowing.

  She was making a mess of the car with all the crumbs and discarded wrappers, but Chief Fresco didn’t mind. Seeing how as Harriet hadn’t eaten anything in a few days and therefore had a ravenous appetite, he could forgive her lack of manners.

  The chief leaned over and opened the glove box, revealing a neatly organized compartment of documents and small tools. He ran his fingers over a stack of folders, selecting a manila one which he pulled out and placed on his lap.

  For long moments, he reviewed the sole paper that was inside, reading its contents, just as he had done many times before. There was not very much writing on the document, and it didn’t take long to digest, but he couldn’t help himself from pulling it out and reviewing it from time to time. It was as if he still couldn’t believe what was inked there upon the page, as plain as day.

  “Miss Houdini,” the chief said to his backseat passenger.

  “Yes?” Harriet answered, crumbs of chips spilling from the corners of her mouth.

  “You, uh... you said no prison can hold you. Isn’t that right?”

  Harriet chuckled. “Of course! No master of escape can be bound by steel!”

  Chief Fresco grunted in response, slowly nodding his head. His eyes had returned to the folder in his lap.

  Munching her way through a mouthful of pretzels, Harriett said, “Why do you ask?”

  The chief answered her with a quiet, distracted voice. “I suppose I’m just thinking aloud.”

  He closed the folder and slowly returned it to the glove box, as his mind wandered and ideas began to take shape in his head.

  Harriet, being a sharp eyed and observant sort, noticed the folder, and she leaned forward to see the label that had been applied to its exterior, before the chief once more stashed it in the glove box.

  Written upon the label was the following: Prisoner File for Leo Murphy, Former Vice President of the Hollow Oak Sneaker Factory.

  ***

  Dear Reader,

  Thank you for adventuring in the world of the Green Beans. I had a lot of fun writing this story, and I hope you had just as much fun reading it. If you enjoyed this book, please consider leaving a brief customer review at the website of the retailer where you acquired it. As an independent author, customer reviews are very important for building a readership, and I greatly appreciate your feedback. Thanks for your support, and I’m looking forward to our next adventure with the Beans!

  -Gabriel Gadget