Reluctant Gods (The Awakening Book 2)

by Keri Armstrong

  Cian went for the door. “I’ll give you some privacy. But remember your promise.” His ‘friendly reminder’ was more of a clear warning.

  I nodded. He did his part and I would honor mine.

  I worked as quickly as possible on Nathan’s restraints but it wasn’t easy, one-handed.

  Not long after, his eyes opened. He looked about, confused. His gaze latched onto me and he frowned slightly. “Phoebe?” His voice croaked.

  My knees buckled and he tried to catch me as I went down. He tumbled off the bed to land, far more gracefully than I, on the floor beside me.

  I guessed those animal reflexes came in handy.

  He embraced me, and for just a few moments, I let him. “Phoebe,” he repeated, squeezing me so tight my ribs ached. I buried my head in the crook of his neck and allowed myself one moment of peace in a storm.

  “I am so sorry, Phoebe. For everything,” he cried.

  I extracted myself from him, going cold. “Nathan how could you?”

  He covered his face with his hands and his shoulders shook.

  “I thought we were friends,” I accused.

  His head snapped back. “We were. We are!”

  “No,” I argued. “A friend wouldn’t betray me like this.”

  “I did what I had to do, but I’m sorry.”

  “Said every sociopath on the planet.”

  I felt a sharp twinge in my chest at the hurt look on his face. I knew how much he’d suffered, and I was kicking him when he was down.

  He ran his hands through his already messy hair. “You don’t understand.”

  “Then help me,” I pleaded.

  He remained silent.

  I started backing to the door. This was a mistake, I thought, suddenly exhausted again.

  “Phoebe,” he begged. “I’ll tell you everything you want to know, but please don’t go.”

  He sounded so small and defeated. I had to remind myself that this was difficult for both of us. I took a couple of deep breaths and took a few steps toward him.

  He didn’t look up but motioned his hand beside him. “Please, come sit with me.”

  I inched closer then finally sat on the edge of the bed, far away from him as possible.

  Nathan opened and closed his mouth a few times. Each time it looked like was reconsidering what he’d been about to say.

  He sighed heavily then he started to talk.

  “I know this will sound like excuses to you, but please, hear me out. I can only try to make you understand if I say it all.” He looked at me then, his eyes wide and tortured.

  I nodded for him to go on, a little pit of dread opening in my stomach. I’d already seen too much on the screen. I wasn’t sure now I could bear to hear him tell it, or to make him relive it.

  Yet deep inside, heaven help me, I was still hoping he would tell me something to make me forgive him.

  “My father never wanted us. My sister and me. He saw us as weak, unclean. He nearly killed our mother when I was born because I was a runt. He finally did kill her when my sister was born blind.”

  I gasped and his head hung in shame. I forced myself to remain calm. “Go on,” I said quietly.

  “Why he kept us in the end, is a mystery to me. Maybe he was just bored, or maybe he figured out he could get money selling our ‘services’.”

  He shrugged. The way he was speaking, matter-of-factly, clinically, was breaking my heart. As if he were talking about something far removed from him. Far removed from any emotional involvement.

  “Since I could remember, he threw these parties where pack members would challenge one another, resolve disputes and whatever, and he would force me to participate, sometimes Nadia too. We had to fight opponents twice our age, twice our size. And after, if I’d disappointed him, he would pour salt over me to have these,” he gestured to his scars. “He said everyone should see my shame.”

  I had to forcibly restrain myself from holding him then. I really wanted to hurt his father.

  “The fighting, beating, and starving were bad, but what he did to my sister was far worse.” He rubbed his thumb against a large scar on his forearm. I wasn’t even sure he was aware he was doing it.

  “I tried to shield her from a lot of his wrath when we were little, but then she grew up, and she looked exactly like my mother, or so they say. He took that as another insult to him. He’d only been with my mother in the first place because of her great beauty. He wasn’t able to resist her, and he hated that weakness.”

  His eyes started to tear up.

  “Nadia looked just like her, so he started to share her around, to gain favors and loyalty from other pack members. And they did unspeakable things to her. And that bastard allowed it, as long as they didn’t damage her too much. He wanted her beauty unmarred.”

  At that point, I was screaming inside my head. What kind of monster does that to his own child? How could you condemn your own flesh and blood to such a life of misery?

  “So I had to find a way to get her out of there. He was killing her, don’t you see?”

  And I did see, but still wasn’t entirely sure of the connection. How did Sara and I fit into it? Before I asked, he started speaking again.

  “And then you came along and I had a way out.” He looked even more ashamed now.

  “How is that?” I asked quietly. “Because he would be happy you found me?”

  He nodded. “My father had been searching for so long and always ended up empty handed. The pressure was high thanks to all these new awakenings. That only made his moods worse.

  “He was hoping to curry favor with Ammon, with the awakened ones, and to be lifted to a higher position. He thought if he could give Ammon what he wanted, then Ammon would reward him greatly, which was probably true.

  “And then you practically fell into my lap.” He laughed without humor. “He’d gotten some lead that your family might be in the area, and given our ages, he sent me to search the schools. But life is a bitch, or in my case a sadistic bastard. I found you, and got to know you. And you were different.”

  Yeah, I get that a lot. My mouth twisted to the side.

  “No, not because of that,” he replied, guessing my thoughts. “You were kind to me, without reason to be. You were decent and kind, like my sister is. I knew I couldn’t let my father, have you.”

  Even as my heart ached for him, I was still angry. “But you had no problem delivering us to Ammon,” I snapped. “And what about Sara?”

  “No, no, I tried to keep you away from this place, but then Caleb showed up.”

  “What? What does he have to do with it?”

  His mouth turned down, tight with anger. “Yeah, that stupid witch is the reason we were detected in the first place, so I had to warn Ammon about him to save you.”

  I shook my head in confusion. “He planned to sacrifice him, Nathan.”

  “I know, but I wouldn’t allow that. I did save him, didn’t I?”

  “And what about Sara? You threw her under the so bus easily,” I yelled at him.

  My own cousin, who was everything to me.

  Just like Nadia was to Nathan, a small voice inside my head reminded me.

  “I did it to save you,” he yelled back. “I knew Tsamiti hated Ammon. That is why I told him Sara was the one, knowing he would try to kill her. I knew about the ceremony Ammon had planned. The ‘butterflies and goats’ – for resurrection and sacrifice. I told Ammon that Sara loved Caleb so that he would use him for the sacrifice and not you.”

  “My God!” I burst out in disbelief. “You were willing to kill two innocent people. Two people that I care about, and you think you were doing me a favor?”

  “No, Phoebe, no. It wasn’t like that, really.” He spoke quickly, desperately. “When Caleb first tried to rescue you two, I managed to bribe the guard, Nikoru to not tell Ammon he’d seen Caleb on the monitor. But then the rescue didn’t go as planned and Caleb was captured. When Ammon started making preparations for the butterflies and goats
ceremony, I had to keep him from sacrificing you, and I was hoping that Tsamiti and Ammon would eliminate each other when Tsamiti went for Sara. I was planning on freeing Caleb so he could rescue Sara while I got you out of there. As a reward for my service, I had asked Ammon to use the Pillar of Life on both you and Sara. It was easy to convince him of that, since it meant Sara would stay forever with him and it would make her happy to have you with her.”

  My head spun. So many lies. “Then why did Tsamiti try to kill me? Why was Sara drugged, and why did Ammon try to kill her?” I spat out each accusation.

  He closed his eyes and moaned. “Tsamiti was more crafty than I’d given him credit for. He’d convinced Ammon long ago that he could return Izzara’s soul to her original body whenever she returned. Before the ritual, he also convinced him that it would require her new body to be sacrificed. Ammon knew neither you nor Sara would be happy about that, so he tricked you.

  “I found out about this when I snuck in to check on Caleb and tried to free him. He’d overheard Tsamiti telling Ammon what was going to happen. Things just got a bit out of hand after that. I swear to you, Phoebe, I was never intending for any of you to get hurt.”

  I folded my arms around my chest. “But one thing I don’t understand, Nathan. How did doing any of this benefit you as far as your father was concerned?”

  He scrubbed a hand over his eyes. “Because, there were others besides Tsamiti who wanted Ammon out of the picture. I made another deal with them—and I can’t tell you who right now—” he said quickly, seeing my mouth open to ask him just that.

  “But they promised to get Nadia to safety and to eliminate the pack leader.”

  The pack leader? My eye widened. “Your mean your father?”

  He nodded shortly. “Yes. He’s the only one, apart from Ammon and Tsamiti, who was supposed to die. Never you or Sara.”

  I took in a long shaky breath and let it out slowly. My hands trembled.

  I really never knew this person beside me.

  “You should have been more honest with me, Nathan.”

  “How could I have been, Phoebe? Would you really have believed any of it? Did you really believe any of it before you started out for Arizona?”

  He had me there.

  “Even so…” I started to argue, but his look cut me off. He was right. I probably wouldn’t have believed it. Not unless he showed me proof.

  “You could have done something to prove it to me,” I accused.

  He shook his head. “First of all, our kind usually doesn’t start coming into any power until after their eighteenth birthday. Some don’t get it until after turning twenty-one. I’d been watching you, Phoebe, for a couple of years. You and Sara, as had Caleb. We were both waiting to see what would happen before we could act. There was still always some chance that you wouldn’t have any power. That you would have continued to live out your life, oblivious to this world.”

  “That could hardly happen when our family legacy gets passed down to every generation!”

  His face took on a stubborn set. “Your grandmother seemed like she wasn’t going to carry on that tradition. I still didn’t know for sure what might happen.”

  Another sigh escaped my lungs. Gran had written that she considered not giving it to us.

  A shiver passed over my skin. He’d been watching us all this time? And Caleb?

  “What do you mean that Caleb was watching us, too? Did he know about this beforehand?”

  He nodded and my heart sank. I didn’t think I could stand another betrayal. And Sara. How would she feel when she found out?

  If she found out. Who knew what my future held at this point. And if Caleb had kept us in the dark this long, he probably wasn’t about to start confessing now.

  My head just bobbled back and forth, trying to deny it all.

  “Everything I did, I did for Nadia, and for you,” he repeated.

  ‘I didn’t ask you to,’ went through my head but my mouth still didn’t open. It was too much to process. It was all I could do just to breathe.

  “Tell me you understand, Phoebe,” he begged when I remained silent. “Please say you can forgive me. I swear, I never meant things to turn out this way.”

  I wasn’t ready. I just couldn’t say what he wanted to hear. He lied and schemed, no matter the reasons why, and almost got us all killed. Including himself.

  But right now, we needed to escape. “Nathan, listen,” I whispered urgently. “I can’t seem to draw any power right now, but can you shift?”

  He shook his head. “It’s standard procedure for the Awakened to give Mutts something to suppress their abilities when they come here for the first time, or any time they don’t trust them.”

  “What can we do then?” I whispered urgently. “Do you think you can help me take down—”

  My words died out as the door opened.

  Cian smirked. “Time’s up, lovebirds. Ready to hear your verdicts?”

  Twenty-Two

  “Get dressed.” Cian threw pants and shirts similar to his own at Nathan and me.

  We turned our backs on each other, and I pulled the pants on under the gown. I pulled the stretchy shirt on over the gown, then did a contortionist act to remove the nightgown from underneath it. No way was I getting naked in this room. Lastly, came the jacket. I could say I was glad to be in actual clothes again, but I had a problem with the jacket’s zipper. It constantly slipped from my hand.

  Nathan stepped in front of me. “Here, let me help you.”

  I swatted him away. “I can do it.”

  “I know you can.” He flashed a small smile while he did my zipper.

  I sighed, irritated and something else. The something else made my heart race and made it difficult for me to look him in the eyes.

  His fingers lingered at the collar of the jacket when he finished. “We’re gonna be okay,” he whispered. It sounded more like a promise to himself than to me.

  Cian cleared his throat and I stepped back. “Come on,” he said.

  He led us into the corridor then through the vast laboratories that were all empty.

  “Where is Ammon?” I asked Cian. If we were to be judged, I was certain he was on that short list with us.

  “Dead.”

  He’d said it as easily as if he’d said ‘sleeping’ or ‘in the shower.’

  I stopped so fast my borrowed boots squeaked on the floor and Nathan put a hand to steady me.

  “What? How? Why?” I rambled.

  Cian stopped now and looked back, seeming a little annoyed. “His transgressions were too big to be forgiven, so he had to pay the price.” His suddenly cleared and he chuckled. “Besides, you fried him pretty good. It would take too much effort to try to piece him back together.”

  He turned and started walking again, motioning for us to follow.

  I glanced at Nathan. His expression was one of concerned regret. Was he sorry Ammon was dead? Was he worried about me?

  I didn’t know.

  Ammon was dead. The thought echoed in brain, searching for a place to stay, as I walked behind Cian.

  I really didn’t know how I felt about it. Yes, I’d thought he was dead before—at my own hand, no less—but this? I kept trying the notion on for size. Yes, his actions were crazy, and I did (and would again) defend myself and the ones I loved but, did he deserved to be put down like that now? His memory had been erased. Could he have been rehabilitated to just live like a normal human being?

  I was so wrapped inside my head that it came as surprise when we stopped in front of the elevator, transport, whatever they might call it.

  A quick descent through the bowels of Hell is what I would say.

  Without a word, Cian opened it and set it to a meadow view before we ascended.

  Nathan brooded beside me, and I wondered if he was thinking about Ammon as well, or whether he was more concerned about our own predicament.

  Which was probably the smarter thing to do.

  I dreaded the thou
ght of returning to that courtyard. The fighting, fear, and pain were still too fresh inside my head.

  But I could only gape when we finally arrived. Everything looked pristine, transformed. There were no traces of the earlier devastation. The bodies were gone, all the tables removed and the columns were gone as well, and replaced with trees.

  The only things that remained the same were the dais and two pits.

  The other four Awakened were waiting for us beside them.

  My throat moved in a dry swallow. I reached out and grabbed Nathan’s hand without thinking. I started to pull back, but he held on tight. He didn’t even look down at me. He just squeezed my hand tighter as he looked forward at what awaited us.

  Cian guided us to the center of the courtyard and then joined his people. “Here they are, Azkuran,” he said to the blond creep that jabbed my ear.

  So that’s Azkuran. I hid a smirk. It fit that his name started with ‘ass’.

  Cian moved between Azkuran and Kiya and sat on the dais with his elbows propped on his knees as if settling in for some entertainment.

  A matter of perspective, I suppose.

  Azkuran stood in the middle. His features were impassive but I was certain his sharp eyes noticed everything.

  “What say you?” Azkuran asked his brethren.

  Here we go.

  “They can’t be trusted. Kill them both,” said the darker man, whom by process of elimination, I’d deduced was Nassir.

  He reminded me so much of Ammon that my chest constricted a little. Had he also pronounced Ammon’s death sentence, or had he argued in his favor? I doubted very much it was the latter.

  “The mutt betrayed his family and everyone else, so he cannot be trusted. The girl is of no significance to us, so I agree, kill them,” said Kiya.

  My heart increased a couple of beats with her almost-bored delivery about our deaths, then decided to double the effort. Triple it.

  I was starting to sense a pattern here.

  “Liang?” Azkuran prompted.

  She shrugged. “I don’t care. They don’t matter. They can live.”

  He craned his neck to Cian who was still smiling. “And you? Do you ask for blood also?”