Love or Lust

by Rachael Brownell

  It’s going to take a lot of concentration and self-control not to lose focus on the bigger goal.

  I pull my hair into a messy knot off to the side of the base of my neck, then take one of the umbrellas from the drinks the other night, open it, and then stick it in the knot. Steeling my resolve, I slip into a floor-length black dress that hugs me in all the right places. I love how this gown makes me feel and can’t help but admire myself as I twirl in front of the mirror. But it’s still missing something, so I finalize my look with teardrop diamond earrings and a long gold chain that dips into the cleavage of my dress.

  It’s not until I have my heels on that I feel empowered to walk out the door and to the meeting where I’ll find out if I’m being sent packing or if I get a chance to stay and decide if I want to fall.

  The girls are waiting for me when I finally exit my villa. We’re walking together in a united front, knowing that one of us won’t be making the walk back. Kyra slips her arm through mine, and we bring up the rear of the line.

  “Thank you,” she says, leaning in close.

  “For what?”

  “For being you. For taking a stand when it would have been easier to just let them have complete control. For being my friend and helping me come out of my shell. No matter what happens tonight, I want you to know that I’ve had more fun in the last three days than I think I’ve ever had in my entire life. I may not have wanted to come here, but I’m so glad I did.”

  Pulling her to a stop after all the other girls have made their way into the main house, I wrap my arms around her and hold on tight.

  “You’re stronger than you know. Just remember that. When you get home, after you’ve hopefully had a little fun here, I want you to hold on to that strength when you take back what is rightfully yours if that’s what you still want.”

  She dabs at the tears welling in her eyes as she nods.

  “Now, let’s go show those boys what they’re missing out on. We look hot tonight,” I declare, once again looping our arms together and walking through the door with our heads held high.

  The room is abuzz with chatter. The girls are on one side, the boys on the other, just like last time we were in here. All talking ceases when Ed walks through the double doors to my left.

  “Please take your places, everyone. We have a show to do.”

  You would think he would be happy to still have a job. Not that I meant to threaten it by being non-compliant, but still. We wouldn’t have received new contracts to sign if they were going to pull the plug. I feel like screaming “you’re welcome” across the room, but I bite my tongue and take my place on the makeshift stage.

  Ten minutes later, Ed has his game face on and stares into the camera as they countdown to our first live episode.

  I feel like I’m going to vomit.

  “Welcome back to Love or Lust,” Ed begins, his back to us as he looks in the camera. Claudia is behind the cameraman holding a sign that says smile in bold letters. It’s meant for everyone, but she’s glaring at me. “Our lucky singles have spent the last week getting to know each other a little better. Let’s take a quick peek at what they’ve been up to.”

  A cameraman yells “clear” as the green light turns red, and Ed slowly moves to face us as Claudia hands him a bottle of water.

  “Okay, so here’s what’s going to happen. If you didn’t notice, none of you were given a voting card yet.”

  “Did you make the decision for us?” Jace asks from behind me. Looking over my left shoulder to where he’s positioned, I shoot him a grin of approval.

  “No. In fact—”

  “Ed, we’re back up in five,” Claudia says, cutting him off. He whips around and takes his mark as she hollers, “Smile.”

  “Looks like they had a lot of fun this week, doesn’t it? And we have more in store for them in the coming weeks. In fact, starting tomorrow, the contestants will be paired up and compete in the Love or Lust Mock Olympics. Each day, we’ll have a different competition, and the two individuals at the end of the week with the best competition record will have immunity for next week’s elimination.

  “What about this week, though? Who do you think is going to go? We’re going to take a short break and find out.”

  I anxiously wait for Ed to turn back around and continue with what he was saying, but he doesn’t. Instead, Claudia shuffles over to us and starts barking directions. We’re each being interviewed separately around the property after this. I’ll be heading to the outdoor kitchen.

  She no sooner finishes yelling than we’re told to smile again and Ed is blowing smoke up America’s ass as he talks to the camera, slowly making his way over to where we’re standing. Jace reaches for my hand, giving it a squeeze. I expect him to let go, but he doesn’t and I’m grateful.

  I can feel the impending doom about to rain down on me. The tension in the room is thick. I’m a ball of nerves, ready to crawl out of my own skin. The simple act of Jace holding my hand has calmed me in a way I can’t explain.

  That is until Ed announces who’s going home, which is followed by a sigh of relief from everyone around me.

  “You heard me correctly, they’re all getting a second chance. A second chance to get close to each other and make a lasting connection. Or at least one that will bring a smile to their face. After all, it’s not always about finding love, sometimes lust is enough. But will it be enough for the two people left standing? You’ll have to keep watching to find out.”

  My body sags as soon as the camera turns off. We’re all safe, at least for a week. My mistake didn’t cost anyone a chance to move on, and I couldn’t be more grateful.

  Chapter Nine

  Day 9

  Still in shock over how last night went down, I stare at this week’s schedule and try to figure out my next move without cringing. I’m not the most athletic person on the planet, but I’m not weak. I enjoy running, so I have stamina. I’m coordinated as long as I’m not in heels. In high school, I played a variety of sports, or at least I tried.

  Cut from the basketball team because I missed more shots than I made.

  Cut from volleyball because I couldn’t seem to direct the ball anywhere close to where I needed to.

  I played two years of soccer but never on the varsity team. I wasn’t good enough.

  Softball was my favorite. As long as I wasn’t up to bat, I was having a good time. When it came to the hand-eye coordination you need for the bat to hit the ball . . . well, I didn’t exactly possess that skill.

  So, with the mock Olympics this week, I’m going to have to figure out a strategy of how I plan to win so I’m not eliminated.

  Today’s event: the three-legged race.

  My partner: Milo.

  We’re given two hours before the “games begin” to strategize with our team member. It’s a date, of sorts. At least that’s how they make it sound.

  Spend two hours together, practice for the event, and get to know each other. I get it. The more I know about him, his strengths and weaknesses, the better our chances of working well together.

  Which means he’s going to have to get to know me as well. So I’m pulling out all the stops. Nothing is off the table. I’m about to make reality TV even more interesting.

  By the end of the week, I’m going to have every single one of those guys eating out of the palm of my hand, right along with viewers. No one’s going to want to vote me off.

  Glancing at the time on my phone, I smile to myself. It’s time to put my plan in motion.

  Milo’s waiting for me in the garden when I step through the gates. He’s pacing back and forth, shifting his weight, staring at the ground. He looks ridiculous, but I get what he’s trying to do. He’s focusing on weight distribution for the race.

  “Practicing without me I see,” I holler as I approach.

  “Something like that,” he says without looking up. “When I was in middle school, we went to my dad’s company picnic, and I remember there being a three-legged rac
e. Half the people fell down within ten feet of the starting line. I’m trying to decide if we can lean into each other to help keep our balance.”

  Without asking permission, I slip my arm around his waist, pressing our thighs together, and lean into him. I steal a glance at Milo. His smirk slowly grows as he wraps his arm around me and tugs me closer.

  “I think I’m going to like this race.”

  “Oh yeah?” I tease. “Why’s that?”

  “If you keep rubbing your body against mine, I’ll show you.”

  Playfully slapping him on his firm chest, Milo lets out a low growl. With my hand still over his heart, Milo dips me in his arms and hovers his lips close to mine.

  “Do that again and I’m going to attack you the same way Gage did, only you’ll enjoy it,” he threatens with a glimmer in his eyes before righting me.

  We spent an hour practicing walking around the garden, our legs tied together. Counting each step. Our arms wrapped around each other. We fell, a lot. A few of those times, I made sure to roll on top of him. Others, it happened naturally. The last time we fell, I called time out.

  “What’s wrong?” Milo asks as he attempts to catch his breath.

  We had decided to run the last lap in case we needed to catch up to anyone. We were doing well until we tried to turn too sharply.

  “Nothing, I just need a break. Plus, I think we’re ready. We’ve got this. Unless someone tries to cheat and carry their partner, there’s no way anyone is going to beat us.”

  “I swear if I see anyone lifted off the ground, I’m calling them out. That’s bullshit. I read the rules.”

  “Oh, I didn’t know you could read,” I joke as I untie our legs.

  Leaning back on my elbows, I enjoy the feel of the grass against my bare legs. It’s cool to the touch even though it’s close to ninety degrees outside today.

  “Ha, ha,” he retorts, mimicking my actions. “I know I come off as kind of dumb sometimes, but if I gave away all my secrets too soon, I’d feel bad for the other guys.”

  “Oh, yeah? Like what? Are you a super genius or something?”

  “You know it. I’m the complete package. Underneath all this muscle is a giant heart and even bigger brain. Ask me anything.”

  At first I think he’s teasing. Until he stares at me waiting for me to give him a pop quiz. Either he’s completely full of himself or he’s smart enough to back up his statement. Only one way to find out.

  I shoot off a couple of random questions I know the correct answer to, and he answers without pause. Pulling out my phone, I do a quick search for harder ones and listen in awe as he spouts off the right answers without much thought.

  “Holy shit! You are really smart.”

  “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” He smirks, leaning in close. “Well, unless you like the cover. Go ahead and judge away.”

  Cocky.

  Smart.

  Handsome.

  I have a feeling the book he wants me to judge is him.

  Not a bad combination if you can overlook the fact he’s aware of how amazing he is. To each their own.

  Unsure what to say, I steer the conversation back to a safer topic.

  “So what do you do with all that knowledge up there?”

  “Electrical engineer.”

  “And you like it?”

  “Yeah. It keeps me thinking, hones my skills.”

  “What made you want to do that?”

  Milo lets out a chuckle before launching into his story. Changing his major. Stealing textbooks so he could read them, on the toilet of all places because he knew no one would barge in on him and call him out. Until one day someone did. “So if I hadn’t met my roommate my freshman year, I’d be wasting all this talent by working some office job with a general business degree.”

  I laugh because even though he’s still full of himself, he has a point and the story was funny.

  “What about you? What do you do with your beauty and brains when you’re not trying to fall in love on TV?”

  Rolling my eyes at his comment, because I could say the same about him, I explain what I had hoped to do with my degree when I graduated, the epic failure of my plan, downplaying Wren’s part in fucking me over.

  “So, what now? You just give up? No more plans to take over a hotel empire?”

  “Not at the moment. I mean, once this is over, I’ll start looking again.” Even I can hear the sadness in my voice at losing the perfect job. The job I had been dreaming of since I started pursuing my degree. The same job Wren dangled in front of my face only months after meeting him.

  God, I was stupid.

  I should have known better. I mean, hell, I met Wren at the hotel, during a conference for school. He was there with his father, presenting the material. His father was the CEO of the worldwide chain, but the host hotel was his home base, so he obliged the university by hosting the conference.

  When I saw Wren across the room, my heart skipped a beat. So attractive, he stood out in his perfectly tailored suit. A head taller than most of the students he was talking to, his presence commanded respect. Then our eyes met, and I stumbled in my heels. After I righted myself, I spotted him walking in my direction.

  I’d like to think the rest is history. A perfect love story of him sweeping me off my feet, treating me like a princess. Planning our future together as we celebrated our one-year anniversary. If we had a happily ever after, it may have been the most romantic book I’d ever read.

  Nope. He had to go and fuck that up. Literally.

  “Tell me about him,” Milo encourages, shattering the horrible memories of Wren in bed with another woman.

  “Huh?”

  “The guy. He was obviously special. You’re tearing the grass out of the ground.”

  Looking down, I notice I am, in fact, ripping apart the lawn around me. I have a fistful in each hand, and it appears those are not the first.

  “He was, but he’s not anymore,” I state, releasing the grass and watching as it floats back to the ground.

  “I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it was recent and it wasn’t a mutual decision.”

  Ha! Mutual. Nope. Not even close. In fact, I had no say in it. He may have tried to explain his infidelity away and apologize, but he never once asked me to come home. He knew it was over the moment our eyes met while he was still inside her.

  “That sucks,” Milo says.

  Closing my eyes and shaking my head slightly, I realize I said it all out loud, and now he knows more than I was wanting to tell anyone. So will the rest of America.

  It hasn’t been lost on me that there’s a cameraman following us around. However, I did forget about him a few times today, which tells me I’m getting used to them being there. That could cause problems down the line if I’m not careful. There are things I don’t want the world to know.

  “We should get going,” I suggest, pushing myself off the ground and brushing off my ass with my hands.

  Before I can register what’s happening, Milo grabs my hand and pulls me against his body, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me on the cheek.

  “He’s an idiot, but I kind of want to shake his hand. His loss could be my gain.”

  His words were whispered soft enough there’s no way the cameras would have picked them up. They weren’t meant to. What he said was only for me to hear.

  “Let the games begin!” Ed announces as we all make our way to the starting line.

  He spends the next twenty minutes going over the rules and how the game is played. His attention remains focused on the camera the entire time, though you would have thought he was talking to us. It takes him four takes to get it right.

  This place is starting to confuse me.

  We were on live TV Sunday night during the elimination ceremony, yet every other time has been taped. Edited. I don’t even know what’s going on anymore.

  Turning my attention back to the race, I give Milo a slight squeeze. Lined up to our left is Lennon
and Teegan. On the other side of them are Gage and Courtney followed by Drake and Bella. To our right is Callen and Natasha and after them are Jace and Kyra.

  Everyone looks ready to race with the exception of Gage and Courtney. His eyes are trained forward, his smile flat as Courtney says something to him.

  “On your marks,” Ed says, directing my attention back to where he’s standing at the other end of the field. “Get set.” He lifts his left hand toward the sky, a white flag between his fingers. “Go!” he hollers as the flag falls to the ground.

  Milo and I start out strong. We prepared for this. We’re moving in sync until the first obstacle.

  Yup.

  They couldn’t make the games too easy. They had to throw a few kinks in our plans and place obstacles across the course right before we were allowed to take the field. Our first obstacle, a tightly strung rope. It reminds me of what we used to use in gym class when we’d play tug of war. It’s at least a foot off the ground, and the one rule for today’s competition . . . not lifting your partner off the ground.

  “Turn sideways, I’ll walk first, step over, and you follow. Sound good?” Milo asks as we approach.

  “Let’s do it.”

  We easily maneuver the rope, lifting our tied-together legs without an issue. We’re leading after the first obstacle, but the next is not going to be as easy. There are large tarps side by side, and they appear to be wet. Wet means slippery, so we’re going to have to slow our pace down to avoid falling.

  Never mind.

  One step on the tarp and we’re both flat on our ass.

  “Is that soap?” I ask, sniffing my hands.

  “Crawl,” Milo states firmly. “They didn’t say anything about having to be on our feet, right?”

  I like the way he thinks. So does everyone else because, as soon as they see us flip over onto our knees and begin crawling as quickly as we can, they all follow suit. My hands and knees are covered in thick soap bubbles by the time we push to our feet again.