Love or Lust

by Rachael Brownell

  “That wasn’t my intention. I was coming to find you when you ran into me.”

  “Yeah, well, you walk quietly,” I said in protest of his half-assed apology.

  Reaching out and placing his hands on my shoulders, he gave them a light squeeze before pulling me back to him, pressing me as tightly against his chest as possible. I fit perfectly beneath his chin, and for the first time all day, I let myself relax. We were hidden in the shadows. There were no cameras or prying eyes. No competition.

  It was just me and Lennon. Alone.

  Kissing me on the top of the head, he once again held me at arm’s length. I could feel his gaze rake over me. The nearest light was at least thirty feet behind him, and it wasn’t even close to reaching where we were standing.

  “We should probably go,” I said, attempting to turn away before I confused myself any further, but Lennon held me still.

  “Tomorrow,” he began, releasing me, his arms falling to his sides as he stared at the ground. “If one of us goes home, I’d like to stay in contact if that’s okay with you.”

  If one of us goes home . . .

  What if that happens? What if he stays and falls in love with one of the other girls? What if he goes home and I fall in love with Jace? It’s not a fair competition unless they’re both here.

  “I’d like that,” I said before I can stop myself. Because he deserved a chance to fight as much as Jace does. It was then I realized exactly how much I was fighting as well. Not against them, for them. For me. For a chance at something greater. Something more than what I expected to find when I first arrived.

  I don’t want lust. I want love, and one of these gorgeous, sweet, sexy men could be the one I’ve been looking for all my life.

  Then again, what do I know? I thought I was in love with Wren and look how that turned out.

  The memory of my conversation with Jace last night has me thinking back over the entire week. How much fun I had with each of the guys. I know I’m going to have to vote and even though I already know who I’m voting to go home, that’s not how the game works.

  I have to rank them. One through six. One being my first choice to stay. The one I connected with the most. The one I want to get to know better. And six . . . the opposite of one. The person who I have no interest in spending more time with.

  Gage would be my number six, but who is my one?

  I had so much fun with each of them. They all brought out my smile, made me laugh, and I genuinely enjoyed their company. I know that won’t always be the case, so this week’s vote feels like the hardest. The better I get to know each of them, the easier this decision will be to make, right?

  Ugh.

  Probably not. That’s a big fat lie I’m trying to convince myself of. Still, one week at a time. And that’s if I’m not voted off.

  Even after sleeping on it, I’m no closer to deciding how to rank the guys than I was when I started thinking about it last night. The last thing I want is to send the wrong person home. The only thing I do know is that Jace will be my number one this week and Lennon my number two.

  Why?

  Because I flipped a coin. Yep, a fucking coin that took me twenty minutes to find at the bottom of my purse. It was the only way to decide. I know I want them to stay, and in order for them to have a fighting chance, they have to be one and two.

  This would be a whole hell of a lot easier if I knew who had immunity.

  After slipping into a dark-red floor-length dress, I curl my hair and then tie it off to the side, leaving a couple tendrils to frame each side of my face. I apply a little bit of makeup, then coat my lips in dark-red lipstick to match my dress and give myself a once over. That’s when I realize I need to put on my shoes.

  Heels.

  The same pair I fell in yesterday.

  I contemplate going barefoot. No one would be able to see my feet with my dress as long as it is, but I like my profile better when I have the heels on. They make my legs appear longer, and I’m closer to being eye level with the guys with them on. Perfect kissing height as Naomi would say.

  Why else would girls torture themselves with these shoes?

  So I put them on, then slowly make my way toward the main house. I’m lost in thought when Kyra calls my name. Turning around, I see her running toward me, her heels clicking against the pavement.

  “I’m so nervous,” she admits, falling in step with me as the house comes into view.

  “Me, too.” My confession surprises me. I mean, I am nervous, but I wasn’t planning on telling anyone that. I want to appear confident.

  “You have nothing to worry about. Even if you don’t get granted immunity, those guys love you. All of them. Well—” she pauses as Gage and Drake come around the corner “—maybe not all of them, but then again, you don’t need all of them to want you, do you?”

  Ha! Girl has a point. The last thing I want is Gage’s attention. That guy can go—

  “Ladies,” Drake coos as he opens the door and holds it for us.

  “You look dashing,” I say, reaching up and adjusting his navy-blue tie for him.

  “All for you.” He winks.

  Yeah, not so much. He knows where my attention is drawn, and even though he would be a great catch, he’s not the one I’m trying to get on the end of my line.

  Did I just make a really horrible fishing reference?

  What is wrong with me?

  I really need to get lai—

  Nope. Stop. Rewind. Erase that thought. That’s the last thing I need right now. Especially when two willing participants are staring at me from across the room. Both eating me alive with their stare.

  Damn. They look sexy as fuck tonight. And Lennon is wearing my favorite tie. The same tie he wore the first time I saw him that matches my eyes. If I haven’t already told him I like it, I will tonight.

  I’m handed a ballot and pen as I pass Claudia. “Fill it out and give it back to me. I need it as soon as possible.”

  The irritation in her voice is palpable. I’m not late, yet Kyra and I are the last two to walk in, meaning she’s waiting on us so she can tally the votes.

  Okay, here I go. I quickly fill in the ballot, assigning random numbers to everyone except Lennon, Jace, and Gage, praying I don’t accidentally screw someone over in the process.

  “Who was your number six?” Kyra asks as we walk away from Claudia.

  “Isn’t it obvious?” I ask, my eyes landing on Gage’s back as he talks with Callen and Milo.

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure all the girls voted that way. At least that was what they were saying last night. Natasha was the only one that sounded uncertain.”

  She probably slept with him or wants to.

  Where did that thought come from? Am I that much of a bitch? I mean, she is sleeping with Milo. Or she was. Who really knows after what was heard the other night. I haven’t seen them near each other much this week. With the exception of when they were partners for volleyball. Not that they did more than high five and celebrate their ultimate victory.

  Once we’re all standing in our assigned spots, my legs begin to shake, my nerves kicking into overdrive. Jace tries to grab my hand, but I pull away, clasping them in front of me. I can’t right now. I can’t let him hold my hand if I’m going home. It would be leading him on, and I already feel guilty of that enough.

  Three. Two. One.

  “Welcome back to Love or Lust,” Ed begins, his fake smile in place as he focuses his attention on the camera. “After a long week of competition, tonight we have to say goodbye to two of our participants. But before we announce who has to leave the ranch, let’s take a look at some of the highlights from this week’s events.”

  Clear.

  Turning to us, Ed’s smile falls before he starts talking. “After we come back, I’ll announce the winners of immunity. I’ll need both of those people to step off the stage and stand to the side. Then we’ll move on to the elimination. I’ll ask all the girls to step forward, and you’ll each
receive an envelope. In that envelope will be your fate. If you have a golden ticket in your envelope, you are safe, and you can step back on the stage. If your envelope doesn’t have a ticket in it, you’ve been voted out. I’ll need for you to step over by Claudia. She’ll take you to your exit interview and then to pack your things.

  “We’ll take another break,” he continues, “then we’ll repeat the process with the guys. Golden ticket means you’re safe. No ticket and you’ll be asked to leave. Claudia will be busy so Jim”—he points to a scrawny guy standing next to Claudia—“will take you to your interview and to gather your things. Are we clear?”

  Everyone nods in unison as Ed turns back to the camera and starts talking again, moving us into commercials. It’s the longest sixty seconds of my life before we’re back. I’m starting to feel faint, the pressure in my chest rising. A panic attack? Anxiety? I’m not sure. Not until I hear him call my name.

  “Will you please step over here, Presley,” Ed says through gritted teeth. You’d never know he was agitated by the sound of his voice, but the look on his face . . . Yup, I spaced out.

  Once I walk off the stage and stand on the taped X on the floor, Ed continues. “In the guy’s competition, the winner of immunity this week is Lennon. Congratulations, Lennon. You can join Presley as you are also safe from elimination.”

  Safe.

  Shit. I won immunity. It hits me as Lennon slides up next to me and takes my hand, giving it a light squeeze and whispers in my ear, “Just breathe.”

  Was I holding my breath? Shit! I was.

  Letting out a sigh, I focus my attention on the rest of the girls. They’re standing at the front of the stage, all holding hands until they’re handed their envelopes. When they’re told to open them, Bella, Natasha, and Teegan rip into theirs, holding up their golden ticket in victory. Courtney and Kyra stare at each other for a brief second before slowly opening the flap. When Courtney holds up her golden ticket, my heart drops.

  Kyra’s out. She’s going home. Not that I would have wished elimination on anyone, but I was hoping she would be here with me. We’ve grown close. I know her situation and was hoping I would be able to help her. Not to mention, she deserves this as much as any of us, maybe more after what she’s been through.

  She glances in my direction, a weak smile on her face and tears threatening to fall, as she walks over to Claudia, who whisks her away. I at least hope I get the chance to say goodbye to her.

  Another commercial and we’re back. All the guys are standing in front of the stage. My eyes are focused on Jace, silently praying he’s not the one voted off. The only positive thought I have is that the coin landed on heads. If it had landed on tails, Jace would have been my number two this week. Hopefully having that number one slot helps. And I really hope the girls were honest with Kyra last night about wanting to get rid of Gage.

  They’re each handed an envelope and when told to open them, they take their time, unlike the girls. As they begin to pull out golden tickets, I let out a sigh of relief. There’s only one person not holding a ticket, and he seems to be shocked by the outcome.

  “Gage, you have been eliminated. Thank you for being here and best of luck to you,” Ed says when Gage doesn’t move. The rest of the guys are back up on the stage and he’s standing there, looking like someone just slapped him across the face.

  Because we kind of did. We voted him off. Me, personally, for the way he treated people this week. For being a poor sport. For ruining everyone’s fun. For making my friends cry. That’s not the kind of person I want to spend more time with. I imagine at least a few of the girls feel the same way I do.

  Finally storming off, he brushes past poor Jim and out the doors we came in. I have a feeling he won’t be giving an exit interview.

  “We’re down to ten, and things are just heating up. This week is Tourist Week. There will be day and nightly dates. What better way to get to know someone than a little one-on-one time, right?” Ed asks the camera as if it’s going to answer him. “I guess we’ll have to wait to find out if it’s love or lust next week. Goodnight.”

  Clear.

  Dropping Lennon’s hand, I rush out the door and head straight to Kyra’s villa. The front door is open, and Claudia is standing just inside, hands on her hips. Kyra’s sniffling in the other room, but when I try to go in, I’m blocked.

  “I’m sorry, Presley, but you need to go to your villa and stay there,” Claudia says, her apology not matching the look on her face or the tone of her voice.

  “I can’t even say goodbye?” I ask in protest, throwing my hands in the air.

  She shakes her head and closes the door in my face. I’m left standing there with my mouth open and a tear in my eye. I never gave any thought as to how it would feel when people were eliminated. How I will feel when it’s my turn and I’m not able to say goodbye to anyone. To the girls. To Lennon or Jace.

  And at that moment, I make a vow to myself to say all those things before the ceremony. Because I just lost a friend. I may have only known Kyra for two weeks, but when this is all over, I’ll find a way to get in touch with her.

  “Let’s go,” Jace says from behind me. When I turn, everyone is waiting, and they all look as upset as I am.

  I take his outstretched hand, and we all make our way back toward the main house and stand in solitude outside the doors.

  “What are we doing?” I ask as we line up side by side.

  Lennon takes my free hand. “We’re waiting to say goodbye the only way we can. They have to go back through this way, and the least we can do is send them off with a smile and a wave. If that’s all we get, we’re going to embrace it.”

  His answer is simply put, but the emotion and meaning behind his words are anything but simple. With Jace on my right and Lennon on my left, holding both of their hands, I lift my head high and wait for Kyra to come around the corner. When she does, we all stand strong, hand in hand, and send her off with warm smiles and I love yous, much to Claudia’s dismay.

  The line parts, and as everyone begins walking back to their respective villas, I stand my ground.

  “I’m glad it wasn’t one of you,” I finally say when I think everyone’s out of earshot.

  Looking back at me, they each nod once but don’t say anything. They don’t have to. I can see the relief in their eyes. It mirrors my own.

  We’ve been given another week together. We’re going to make the most of it. No more rules. No more holding back.

  * * *

  Want to know more about Kyra? Click HERE to read her story.

  Continue the Love or Lust series!

  About the Author

  Rachael Brownell is an award-winning author of young-adult and new-adult romance. She resides in the midwest with her husband and son. To learn more about Rachael and her books, follow her on social media, join her reader group on Facebook, Brownell’s Book Lovers, or sign up for her monthly newsletter.

  For more information…

  www.AuthorRachaelBrownell.com

  rachael@authorrachaelbrownell.com

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*

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