Learning Lessons: A Losing His Wife Novel

by KT Morrison

  Pete never really talked to her about Michael. Which was strange since she knew he suffered over it at times. One night when they were dating, just beginning to get to know each other, he’d told her when it came up in a natural conversation about siblings. He was matter of fact and the story was very sad, but he had seemed like he’d come to terms with it a long time ago. And he’d never talked about it since, never told her any details about his illness or fun stories about him when he was well. He would reference him occasionally and they had this wonderful memorial once a year, but he never discussed with her his feelings, his emotions on the loss. Sometimes she thought her Sweet-Pete kept things way too bottled up. She sometimes worried that there was a lot more pain in there that she didn’t know about, that even Pete didn’t realize.

  Coming out of school and then turning out to the main road she got stuck in traffic, dwarfed in an armada of school buses. There were kids on her left trying to get her attention, waving their small hands in wide swaths. She smiled for them and waved back while they all waited for the light to change. She saw Kevin Campbell there, shy, behind Florencia Torres who drew her little finger across the glass in the shape of a heart. Fitting, she was going to be a real heart-breaker in a few years. Jess drew a heart for her as well then waved to them all as their bus pulled ahead a few lengths.

  Pete was right. Everything he said that day he’d found her with Tyler was right. She actually couldn’t be more sorry about that whole afternoon. Petey could have come home early, been a witness to something he wouldn’t ever understand.

  She’d sworn off Tyler. She had to. Fifteen days now without him. She’d seen him out and about, around the school, but she’d had no contact with him. She absolutely ached for him.

  She knew she would fuck him again. She knew Pete would want to sit and watch them together again. No date had been set, they’d just been too busy. She was hoping for this weekend, or maybe even a day during the week. God, that could be horrible though. Having to stand and teach the following day, sit in her hard classroom chair, her little vagina throbbing. That last session had really left her hurting. It was all she could think about the next day, the pounding Tyler had given her when Pete wasn’t watching, puttering around the house in soft sweatpants, her battered mound pulsing. Pete heard about it every chance she got. She had to hover over the toilet that day, couldn’t put her tush down on it, and urinating was like passing liquid paper cuts. That kid fucked like a horse.

  Jess went to the Kroger Marketplace on Sycamore and it was busy, she had to park near the back. She walked past Patty’s Honda Odyssey, knew it by the stick figure family in the corner of the back window. There was a hold-up at the door as an elderly man backed up with an empty cart, struggling to pull it free from the long line of other carts it was filed into. His wife was in a scooter and she was blocking the way, the automatic doors still held open by her weight on the sensor. Young guy in a baseball hat in front of her was mad, looking up into the high roof, at the white metal girders, shaking his head because he couldn't believe his luck.

  Jess laughed and stepped around him and she tried to help the older man pull the cart free but it was really stuck. The younger guy helped out now, seeing someone else's simple kindness, and he pulled a rock out of the cart’s wheel well that had been stopping it. Jess thanked him and touched his arm and she could tell he felt better about his day now. She picked up a basket, then turned, put it back down and took a cart for herself. She might as well grab some more items while she was here. Maybe put off a big shopping for a few more days.

  There had been that one and only time after school that she and Tyler had got together, made love after work. She fibbed to Pete, and she was delighted that the opportunity had fallen in her lap. She hadn’t planned on fabricating other times, lying to Pete and telling him that they’d done it before, but she couldn’t help it. Pete looked so weak on the stairs. So vulnerable. She got such an incredible thrill from insinuating that she and Tyler had been doing this for a while. The hurt was a palpable force in the stairwell that day. Seeing his physical reaction, the horror in him as he tried to control his emotions, made her flutter. He loved her so much, she was everything to him. She had all the power. Enough power to take on a lover. Quiet, demure Mrs. Mapplethorpe had a lover.

  Jess saw Patty standing over by the hot dogs and lunch meats. Patty looked lost, staring at the rows of processed meat, unmoving. Pete and Patty’s brother Michael had died of leukaemia when he was sixteen. That was twenty-three years ago, but right now it looked like the weight of that loss was across her shoulders. It could have been something else, it could have been nothing, but Jess thought she would leave her alone, she had a lot of weird thoughts of her own on her mind. She looked down into her cart, pretended she had never seen her. They’d all be together in a few hours anyway.

  Brown sugar was on sale so she grabbed a second bag. She found the cocoa and then got some more milk and cereal for the boys, some toiletries for Pete. She was pretty sure they needed lunch meat so she headed for the butcher. There was a line up there and she thought to just grab some generic pre-packs but Pete really liked his black forest ham.

  Pete inspecting her that day, sitting on the stairs and having her bare legs spread open, looking for traces of Tyler’s semen in her—it turned her on like she hadn’t expected. She was a very naughty girl. She was being inspected for badness.

  It backfired on Pete because now at night when she lay thinking about all this, she couldn’t shake that idea out of her head. She wanted Tyler to come inside her. Now more than ever. Hadn’t really been a thing to her until she saw Pete’s sweet face, his worried brow, inspecting the injured sex of the woman he loved, hoping, praying, her big-dick lover didn’t ejaculate inside her. Another man coming inside her had to be the biggest violation. What could be more forbidden than Tyler planting his seed inside Pete’s wife? It would crush Pete. Tyler’s young, healthy seed swimming around in his wife’s belly, sprayed so deeply inside her by his incredible penis. She was obsessed with the idea—thinking of what it would feel like to have his big cock go off inside her, feel it splashing her cervix with his hot sperm. It made her weak in the knees.

  She left her cart at the butcher counter, followed an arrow to the ladies’ room. She got past the swinging door without touching it with her bare hands and she closed herself in the stall that was farthest from the door. There had been a woman washing her hands, she’d be gone in a minute, but there were feet on the floor in the stall next to her. She couldn’t wait. She slipped her panties down and sat on the toilet seat. She tinkled, fumbled through her purse and brought out her phone. She swiped through the menus with her thumb. Her hand was shaking. She found the image she was looking for. Tyler on his knees hovering over her in her own bedroom. She’d laid on the bed, admiring his beautiful body, and then without asking she’d reached to the bedside table lifted her phone and snapped a picture. Tyler had let her, she could see him flexing a little. He had looked so good in that afternoon light. The sun streaming through their bedroom window and lighting up all the edges of his muscle.

  She dabbed herself with toilet paper, dropped it into the water. She rested the phone on her knee, pinched it with her left hand, tilted it so she could see it. Her right hand brushed her thigh, teased herself coming up the inside of it now, she waited to feel her own touch. She trembled when she found it. She was so wet. Her finger stroked up the centre, teasing it, making all her warm surfaces slippery with her excitement. She gasped, inhaled softly as she sunk her middle finger inside herself slowly. She let it go deep, felt herself kiss her own finger, swallow it up until her knuckle bumped her. She curved it forward, stroked her soft insides, listened to the squishing. How could she have got herself so wet on a weekday, 4 P.M. in the grocery store, hours before a memorial for her husband’s deceased brother? When did she get so awful?

  Her finger worked inside her, she knew how to please herself. She swivelled her hips in circles, working around her plu
nging and tickling finger. She gasped again, let it out slow and quiet. She bored a hole into the picture of her lover. His big, hard body lit up in yellow from the window, bright white painted along his shining edges; his hard ridged abdomen, his slabs of chest muscle, his dark tight nipples. Then down, looking down where a married woman with two kids shouldn’t be looking, his young, rock hard cock. It was raging, seconds before he stretched a condom over it and fucked her with it. It was bare naked, crossed with thick veins that gave it life. The head of it plump, the skin pulled tight on it, aching to push into her.

  “Aunghm,” she blurted and then seized up, her heels dragged on the polished floor, making a loud squeak. Oh, no, she was going to come in here, a woman right next to her dropping a number two.

  “Awaahh,” she warbled, then pulled her lips into her mouth trying to shut herself up. She came hard on her finger, thrusting it into her wet mound now in a frenzy. She shut her eyes, using her mind to recall that moment he’d taken it, pushed it into place with his thumb and then drove it inside her. Her toes scrunched up in her flats, the left one falling right off her foot, she hunched forward, seized so hard her stomach muscles cramped and she winced in pain. She had come three times that afternoon before Pete had come home. Three incredible orgasms after a long day of work. Tyler made her so happy. She needed him, needed to be with him and she didn’t know if she could even make it another day without having him inside her.

  9

  Teacher’s Lounge

  Wednesday, October 19th

  Jess drove past the high school secretly hoping she’d see Tyler out in the field and then wished she hadn’t. He was there, he saw her, and he waved. She felt busted. And compelled.

  She was on her way home from her school at 1 P.M. and thought she might take the way around past Brady Byron, Geez, you never know, you could just catch a glimpse of someone special. She had a half day, her kids went to a Spanish event with another class, some festival in Columbus and a lunch serving some authentic cuisine. She was going to catch up on some paperwork and thought she might as well do it at home.

  Now she felt like this was going to be a big mistake. The turn signal was on before she knew it and she pulled into the parking lot. Tyler was running some boys, dressed in sweatshirts and sweatpants, but running with their football helmets on. It was pretty crisp out and she could see the clouds of their breath. She nosed the minivan into a parking spot right up against the chain link, the grassy field just on the other side.

  Tyler stood and watched her, his arms folded across his broad chest. He was smiling. She smiled back for him, sitting in her car, watching. The boys ran past him again, their young bodies steaming in the cold. He encouraged them, slapped some shoulders. He was bundled up, looking massive in a tight sweatshirt with the Brady Byron Cougar, the hood bunched up around his thick neck. Still wearing shorts, even though it was late October.

  The sun was shining but it wasn’t warm out there. It was one of the most beautiful autumns she could remember. So many sunny days, it was hard to believe winter was just around the corner.

  Tyler nodded his head to the side, towards the building. Come inside, come see me.

  She knew she shouldn’t. She shouldn’t be seen with him. But she wanted to talk to him. She wanted to be near him. Frankly, she wanted to fuck him. She wouldn’t of course, not here. She should make a date. She should go in and find out when they can meet again. With Pete. Let’s do it this weekend. We will make it happen.

  Now she was excited. This wasn’t some infatuated stalking incident. She was here with a purpose. She wasn’t messing around behind Pete’s back, she was here to arrange something. A time where Tyler could do it to her while Pete watches. Her life had become quite strange. She laughed as she undid her seatbelt and got out of the van.

  The boys were running back into the gym, heading for the locker room. Tyler marched along behind them writing something down on his clipboard.

  Jess crossed the lot, went to the front doors, meant to pass through the admin offices like a visitor was supposed to then stopped short, her hand on the glass door ready to enter. The place was quiet, everyone in class at the moment. She changed her mind, walked down to the end of the building and came in through the side, into the double doors that lead to the stairwell. No one saw her. The halls were quiet, the only noises coming from the classrooms on either side of her. She felt suddenly very wicked. She tried to shake it off. She’d walked into this school a hundred times. She wasn’t here for anything dirty. Just here to talk to a friend. Something within her, however, wanted her to keep this a secret.

  Tyler was at the end of the hall now, he held a hand up to her, watched her come to him. She looked down at what she was wearing. Conscious of her demure garb. Was she attractive to him like this? Her hair was up in a bun, she was wearing her big, black-framed glasses. Her skirt was long, almost right to the floor. She had a cotton shirt with a Victorian collar, buttoned right up. God, she was wearing a cardigan. He watched her the whole way down the long hall.

  “Hi,” he said as she stepped up to him, not too close.

  “Hi,” she said back, she couldn’t help her smile spreading wide.

  Tyler held the door for her, and she walked into the teacher’s lounge. He followed her in. The place was empty, they were the only ones in there. She had her back to him, bit her lower lip, this felt like a big mistake.

  “How do you take your coffee?” he asked her.

  “Black, one cream,” she said, getting the nerve to turn to him.

  He poured two mugs full of black coffee, added a splash of cream to one. He was smiling, confident. Looking over at her then back down as he put the cream back.

  “I’ve missed you,” he said.

  She looked around, felt nervous even though she knew they were alone.

  Tyler leaned back against the counter the coffee maker sat on. He looked really good. Too good. A cartoon ghost loomed over his shoulder, its big sad black eyes watching Jess. Reminding everyone else that there was a Halloween Dance this weekend.

  She said, “I’ve missed you too.”

  He brought the coffees over, set them on the table. She sat down in a swivelling chair, looped a finger through the handle.

  Tyler sat next to her, the chair squeaking under his weight. “I’ve been thinking about you.”

  He made her blush and she smiled, looked away. Looked into her coffee cup. “I’ve been thinking about you too.”

  “You have?”

  “A lot,” she said. She looked up at him, she was trembling. How honest should she be? Should she tell him she masturbated in a grocery store bathroom yesterday? That she had to run in there and get it done after thinking about what it would be like to feel him come inside her. She couldn’t—that was too embarrassing.

  He sipped his coffee while he watched her play with her cup. There was a bowl of molasses candy in the centre of the table and she pulled it over, took one out and fiddled with the orange wrapper.

  “Were you in trouble?” he asked her.

  “Yes.”

  “It’s okay?”

  “Yeah, it’s fine now. We can have sex,” she said, looked up at him, reassuring him, “he was...we made him feel left out. He didn’t like that.”

  She could sense him nodding next to her.

  “I’d like to see you again,” she said.

  “Yeah?”

  “You know, have you over for dinner.”

  He nodded some more. “I’d like that.”

  “Can we do it this weekend?”

  “I don’t know—”

  “I need it this weekend,” she said, seriously, hoping to sound sexy, but she could hear desperation in her own voice. Maybe he found desperation sexy.

  “Saturday?”

  “I’ll make it work,” she said. She felt relieved. Relieved and then instantly anxious. Like a countdown had just been set. Happy it was going to be done but now she had to watch the seconds click dreadfully past while she was
driven out of her mind waiting.

  “Pete’ll be there, right?”

  “Oh, yeah. He wants to keep an eye on me now. Keep an eye on us.” She smirked, still fiddling with the candy, watching it in her fingers. “You’re still okay with that?”

  He looked at her over his coffee, inhaled deeply. “I’ll take you whatever way I can.”

  She blushed again, looked away. She tossed the candy back in the bowl, didn’t want him to think she was a fidget. She sipped the hot coffee, swivelled her chair to face him.

  Tyler was leaning back in his chair his legs stretched out in front of him, one over the other. His big tattooed fingers circled his mug, and he looked over it at her with his light blue eyes.

  He got her fidgeting again, spinning her chair in circles, back and forth in tiny movements, making it creak.

  “How do you hide that thing in those shorts?” she asked him. She thought his bulge would be huge the way he was sitting.

  “It’s not always hard you know.”

  She laughed, covered her mouth with her hand.

  Tyler pulled his shorts up tight, spread his legs a bit for her. He got the front of his shorts up against his package, presented it to her, showing her his impressive shape under the fabric.

  “Okay,” she said, “I’ve just never seen it when it’s not hard.”

  “It’s smaller,” he said. Then he thought about it a moment, rolled his chair next to hers so that their elbows were touching, both of them with their backs to the door. He stretched out the waistband, pushed the shorts out so she could see inside.