Learning Lessons: A Losing His Wife Novel

by KT Morrison

  He slipped in across from her, the bed still warm from Tyler. He watched her peaceful face nestled into her pillow. He wasn’t sure she was sleeping, he said, “Did you like laying with him?”

  She nodded for him, her gentle sweet mouth showing a slight sleepy smile.

  “Well?”

  “Well, what?”

  “Tell me what it was like?”

  “Sleeping with him?”

  “Everything.”

  “Pete, it’s three in the morning.”

  “We don’t work tomorrow.”

  She snorted, smiled again, but didn’t open her eyes.

  “Did he put his arms around you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Did he spoon you?”

  “Yeah. Come on, Pete.”

  “I want to know,” he said and he put his palm on her warm cheek.

  Her hand came to his wrist and held him. She said, “After we made love he...he put his arms around me and I pressed my back into his chest.”

  “Was he naked too?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Come on, Jess.”

  She groaned, “Oh, Pete, I’m so tired.”

  He stroked her cheek with his thumb.

  She said, “He was naked, we both were. His body was so warm. We made love and he really did make me come, like, four times. Then...I don’t know...Pete, he put his arms around me, I could feel his hard body against my back. He’s so big, he makes me feel so small and safe. It was so nice, Pete. It really was.”

  “Did he come inside you?”

  “Mm. Yeah. Once.”

  “Is that a good idea? Should you still be doing that?”

  She didn’t answer. Just lay with her eyes closed his thumb stroking her soft cheek.

  “Jess?”

  “I don’t know, Pete. Maybe not. We’ll stop, okay?”

  “No, I just mean, you’ve been doing that for a while now. It seems...”

  “Yeah, I know. He only did once.”

  “How many times did he come?”

  “Jesus. Twice, Pete.”

  “Okay.” He didn’t want to ask about the second time. Probably in her mouth, he figured, given the hostility.

  He let his hand slide down her thin neck, over her shoulder and slip in under her arm. His heart thudded, waiting to be told to stop. Knew she didn’t want him like that right now, but he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he didn’t try.

  His hand went over her breast and he coddled her soft familiar flesh. “Jess, show me your eyes, please, baby.”

  She groaned and frowned, kind of chuckled. Her eyelids fluttered, and slowly they struggled to open the slightest sliver, enough to light up a white spot in there from the moonlight coming in their bedroom window. She sighed.

  “Take it out,” she said, closed her eyes back up.

  He slid his pyjama pants down his thighs and then put his hand back on her pretty breast.

  Her lazy hand fumbled around his belly, scratched his hip, then her fingers bumped his erection. He was so hard he ached.

  She laughed.

  “Are you laughing at my size.”

  “No, how hard you are.”

  She stroked him sleepily for a bit, then said, “Do it for me,” and her hand left him. He took over for her, stroking himself and watching her placid face, her bare shoulder. Her fingertips went over his tight scrotum.

  “Your balls are so small compared to Tyler.”

  “I know.”

  “They don’t hang at all. I just want to put my arm down.”

  “You like his balls better?”

  “I like his balls better. I like his cock better. His body. Petey, I like everything about him better than you.”

  “Oh, Jess.”

  Her other hand came up to support her elbow while she tickled his balls. Her eyes were still closed.

  “Petey? I’m going to marry Tyler and we’re going to move somewhere fun. Somewhere warm. We can start a Charter School. We could really do that. Maybe go to Mexico. Help underprivileged kids. We can live by the water, be in the sun. Get out of this snowy dump. I can see my new husband with his shirt off every day and then ride that perfect cock every night.”

  “Ah, Jess...” He was so close.

  “Petey, Petey?”

  “Ah...yes?”

  “Stop, baby, stop.”

  “What—why?”

  “Don’t come. I don’t want you to mess up my sheets. Can we finish this up in the morning?”

  “Jess, seriously?”

  “Yeah, put it away. I just want to sleep, okay? I’m exhausted”

  “You promise?”

  “Promise what?”

  “We’ll finish in the morning.”

  She giggled, whispered, “Maybe.”

  “You’re torturing me.”

  She smiled from her pillow, said, “You love it.”

  27

  Parade

  Sunday, December 4th

  The Hudsonville Shriners were out in full force. Russ said to Jacob, “That means Santa must be close.” The kids went wide-eyed as the men passed with their red fez hats; older guys with white hair, suits and overcoats, handing out candy canes to all the kids standing along the edge of the main street watching the parade.

  “Merry Christmas,” one of them boomed. Guy had to be six-foot-five and he knelt down like he was forty years younger. “Here you go, boys,” and he gave handfuls—guy had big hands—of candy canes to Andy, Petey, and Jacob, “and for you little lady,” he said, and on top of candy canes he gave Tammy a Hershey's Kiss from out of his shirt pocket.

  “Thank you,” Tammy said and her tiny face beamed.

  Patty and Pete, Russ and all their kids were on the snowy brick sidewalk on a sunny winter Sunday, watching the Hudsonville Santa Claus Parade. They had got a great spot right up at the edge of the street, but earlier he had Andy up on his shoulders walking around the shops with Russ while Patty poked around inside some of them, doing some pre-parade shopping. Now Pete's neck and shoulders were sore. Jaw too. Three weeks since that heavyset woman he thought was a guy hit him and sometimes his jaw would still ache and click.

  It had got him two days off work and what seemed like some legitimate sympathy from Corporate. Store sold its ass off that day, total gangbusters. Plus Save-Mart had a sales associate go down hard, hospitalized in Omaha, and the lawyers had everyone in full sensitivity mode which was great because that had been just about the most horrible day he'd ever endured.

  It was cold and crisp out, the snow on the street had been ploughed and the sidewalks too, but there was white in all the town’s creases and somehow it made their little village seem quaint and homely. It put his heart in a good place. West Hudson GMC was going past now pulling a trailer behind a new Sierra. He waved with the kids to the people on its Nativity scene; pretty young woman holding the baby Jesus was the daughter-in-law of the owner Bobby West who played in the NHL for two years back in the eighties.

  “Here he comes, guys,” Pete said and he crouched down, excited to get their little boy viewpoint, though his days of such simple excitement were long gone.

  Andy whispered, “Santa,” and his eyes were peeled way back, mouth hanging open.

  Then it was over in a minute. His boys fifth and seventh real live viewing of Santa. They were buzzing. They all waved as he passed, ten feet above them, his sleigh on a tall flatbed trailer pulled behind another West Hudson Sierra, this one a glossy Christmas red.

  Even Petey said, “Whoa,” as he passed, Pete frowning that Petey didn't seem to have any sign of suspicion over Santa’s incredible logistics yet.

  When it was done, Russ clapped his big leather mitts together, yelled, “Who wants hot chocolate?” There was resounding affirmation and Tammy got ahead of them, skipping. Patty walked behind Russ and she touched his elbow. She said, “You take them for a minute,” and Russ looked to Pete and then nodded to his wife. Seemed like this was something they had previously discussed. Pete knew what it was going to

be and his heart pounded and he could feel his pulse in his neck.

  Patty said, “Come here, Petey,” and she stepped up into the alcove of an old Victorian storefront. The windows were bare, the tenant giving it up before they could make it to Christmas. Pete glanced out and saw Russ leading the kids into a coffee shop.

  “What's up?” he said positively, but he knew he was about to have a heart to heart. At least Patty looked pleasant. Sometimes his sister could get a little mean.

  “Petey, we need to talk about this man that's living in your house.”

  “I know,” he shrugged.

  “What are we doing about this?”

  “He still needs our help, Patty.”

  “No, he doesn’t,” she laughed. “He’s not even a nice guy. He doesn’t seem grateful for your help. He’s taking advantage of you.”

  Pete said, “We like having him around.”

  “No, you don’t. You can’t. Pete, don’t be so fucking blind. Can’t you see what a bad idea this is?”

  “I know, but it’s okay.”

  “It doesn’t look okay.”

  “Patty it is. It’s complicated.”

  His sister shook her head, said, “It’s complicated is the millennial version of saying, I don’t know how to deal with something so I’m just going to leave it be. It’s bullshit.”

  “Patty, sometimes things really are complicated.”

  Shaking her head at him again, she said, “And sometimes it’s bullshit.”

  That was fair enough.

  “Where is Jess today again?”

  Pete said, “She's doing our Christmas shopping, I told you.”

  “Missing her boys watching the Santa Claus Parade?”

  Pete looked down.

  “Tyler with her? Helping her?” She said helping sarcastically, like it had air quotes around it.

  “Yeah, I think he is.”

  “Petey, my baby brother,” her wool mittens went up on to his shoulders. “Petey, that's a warning sign. I don't want to say something to upset you but you need to wake up, honey. You need to get control.”

  Pete adjusted his scarf, felt it scratching and itching out of the blue. “I know, but...”

  “No buts, Petey.”

  “It’s not...it's not...everything is not entirely how you see it, Patty.”

  “You have another man living in your house and he’s getting very comfortable. I don't like the looks of it. What else is there to see? What am I missing, Petey?”

  “I mean, I know what you’re saying...but there’s more to it...I see it differently, and I’m on the inside.”

  “That's right. I’m on the outside. I have the big picture, Petey. Trust me.”

  Pete shuffled uncomfortably, rolled his head on his shoulders. “Patty—”

  “Tell me why you can't go right now, make him leave? What is it?”

  Pete looked out at the street, traffic resuming, families still milling about but starting to disperse. “I don't know.”

  “Is it Jess? Is Jess the one that's stopping you?”

  “No. Maybe. She's part of it...I don't know what to tell you. It's just not so straightforward.”

  Patty was unconvinced. As far as she could see nothing could be more straightforward ever. She couldn’t comprehend what would stop her brother, what could allow for this to go on. She said, “Have you ever thought about the blonde that he got fired for messing around with?”

  Pete stared at her, his head felt very heavy. “What do you mean?”

  Patty shrugged her shoulders, her eyes looked sad and tired. He knew what she was saying and that she just didn’t want to say it. It would be a horrible thing to say about the wife of someone you love.

  He said, “You mean Jess?”

  She said, “Well?”

  Pete had gone over this so many times that he’d lost the conviction. He just shrugged his shoulders now too and said, “It wasn’t Jess.” He stared at her Santa Claus broach pinned to her wool coat. Couldn’t look her in the eye. He added, “She was with me that day, I saw her at the Save-Mart.”

  Patty watched a big family pass by, kids hopping and jumping instead of walking. She nodded. She believed him. She had to. But she wasn’t convinced. Pete could tell she still believed Jess had been unfaithful to him.

  Finally she said, “You know what, it's your life.” Her hands went up and she closed her eyes. She was resigned. Like she just couldn't deal with this anymore and she was right about that—she was banging her head against the wall. If somebody wasn't going to listen you were just gonna knock yourself out and that's what she was doing because Pete didn't want to hear all the logic she had for him.

  She turned to step down out of the alcove and stopped. She linked her arm through his, held him close to her. She looked at him, said, “I’m turning forty in a few months, Petey. I won’t take any more shit in my life. I have no more tolerance for it. Your fucking wife better get that meathead out of your home or I’ll come in there and do it for her. For you.”

  28

  Good Boy

  Wednesday, December 7th

  Andy had fallen asleep during ‘Frosty the Snowman,’ Pete's favourite Christmas show to watch with the boys. That was big in the Mapplethorpe household when he and Patty and Michael were little. They had a late dinner and it was pushing the boys bedtime but Pete put the DVD in anyway and he and Tyler and Jess and the boys had sat in the family room and watched it.

  “You want me to put the boys to bed?” Tyler said to Jess, sitting next to him on the couch. The scene made his scalp tingle and he heard his sister’s voice in his head repeating those things she said to him standing in that snowy shop doorway. Andy asleep on the couch, laying with his head on a pillow, Jess sitting next to him, and Petey sitting on the other side of Tyler, his eyes too heavy for him to focus. Jess was in her loose PJs, barefoot, her hair tied back and her glasses on. Comfortable. She looked very comfortable next to the guy who'd she'd struggled to prepare her looks for when he first moved in. Patty was right, wasn't she? In a way he knew all along, but it was like he was really seeing it for the first time.

  “Yeah,” Jess beamed, “Aw, would you?”

  “Let's go guys,” he said. Andy was asleep and Tyler picked him up like he was as light as a sandwich and he carried him upstairs, Petey stumbling along behind. Jess watched them go, she was smiling.

  He didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say. Jess flipped through her phone. He didn't even feel like he was in the room, and for a moment he shook his head thought maybe he was dreaming or something. He wasn't. This was real. He was witnessing what it was going to be like around here when he was gone.

  “Jess?” he said.

  “Yeah?”

  He was happy just to hear her voice. Even if she didn't look up.

  “Nothing.”

  She looked up. She said, “You okay?”

  “Yeah, just feel a little funny.”

  He went and poured himself a Dewars and puttered around the kitchen. When he came back Tyler was sitting on the couch with his legs up, and Jess was sitting in the V between them, her back against his chest. Tyler had the remote and he was flicking through to find something to watch. Pete sat back down in his recliner.

  “Should you be sitting like that?”

  Jess said, “Come on, Pete, why not?”

  Pete looked at her, shrugged, shook his head at her, like, isn’t it obvious?

  “Pete, all this worry about the boys; when have they ever come down here?”

  “But they could.”

  “Just relax for once.”

  Tyler said, “Yeah, man, try and be cool.”

  They watched TV for an hour at Tyler’s whim. Jess lay the whole time nestled in the crook of his legs, her eyes getting sleepy, her head resting on his big chest. It was almost 9 P.M. when Pete saw Jess’ head go back and her mouth open. He thought it was a yawn and, when it went on too long, there was a scary split second where he thought it was a medical emergency.<br />
  That was stupid. They had a blanket over them and underneath that he could see Tyler's hand was moving between her legs. It was horrible and in the same instant that his eyes felt swollen and his sad breath caught in his chest he was also somehow sexually aroused.

  He sat and watched them under the light of a floor lamp behind the couch casting a sixty-watt spotlight on their dirty action. Jess was letting him do it, letting him touch her between her legs, her eyes were closed and her head rocked slowly on his chest. She smiled, said, “I can feel you growing.”

  “Hey, okay. Guys?” Pete said. “Maybe you could go to a bedroom?”

  Jess kept her eyes closed, said, “Pete wants us to go to bed, Tyler,” and she laughed.

  “You know what I'm saying,” Pete said.

  Jess sat forward and her hand stroked at Tyler’s thighs. “If he wants us to...I could go for a real good one now. If you're up to it.” Her hand drifted up higher, right between his legs. “Wow, I think you are.”

  Tyler told her to lay back against him, said, “Get back here.” His hand went between Jess’s legs again and she gasped. The blanket was pulled back now and Pete watched Tyler’s hand push down under the front of the waistband of her pyjama pants. “This dirty girl isn't wearing her panties.”

  Pete realized Tyler was watching Pete, saying it to him.

  “You get me so wet,” Jess said, “let's go upstairs.”

  “Unh-unh,” Tyler said. His big hands went around her trim waist and he lifted her off him, pushed her forward and her arms went out to support herself. She was almost on all fours, one leg out, her bare foot on the carpet.

  “Tyler,” she exclaimed with a big smile.

  He grabbed her pyjamas and swiftly pulled them down over her rump, down to her bent knees, made the smooth flesh of her thighs jiggle.

  “Tyler!” she cried out again, not moving away from him at all.

  Then Tyler's tongue was in her backside, Pete could hear him breathing, hear his tongue working between her cheeks.

  -->