Loyalty and Lies

by L A Cotton

  "... Ana. Savanah. ANA."

  I bolted upright, my head thick with confusion. Elena eyed me, concern in her soft features. "Dios mio, I thought something was wrong. You must have been dreaming or having a nightmare. You were thrashing around like a wild animal."

  Crap. I lifted a hand to my head, careful not to let the sleeve of my shirt roll up past my wrist. "Really? I can't remember a thing. I came back and must have nodded off. Oops." My eyes scanned the wall for the clock. "Shit, I'm late. Again."

  Lucky for me, time seemed to be on my side, and although being late for my second class wasn't quite the impression that I wanted to make, it was better than having to stick around and explain my sleep episode to Elena.

  “I’ll see you back here later,” I called out to Elena as I hurried out of the room.

  After she had woken me, I had played dumb and rushed to brush my teeth and freshen up. Her eyes questioned me all the way to the door, but she didn’t need to know what haunted me in my sleep. Not yet.

  Pulling the scrap of paper out of my jacket pocket, I scanned the schedule to double check the building. When I reached the Pauling Building, I headed straight for the correct room. The hallways were empty, which could mean only one thing—I was late. I quietly pushed open the door. This time it didn't let out a loud creak, but the room was much smaller than the auditorium from earlier, and all heads turned in my direction. I muttered a sorry under my breath and dropped into the first available seat.

  "Ahh, Miss Parry, I assume. Thank you for deciding to join us. Welcome to Shakespeare."

  I nodded, trying to ignore the eyes watching me. The professor was an older lady, with deep creases around her eyes and greying hair, but a warm smile that lit up her whole face.

  "So, as I was saying. The first play we will be studying is Othello, one of my personal favorites. We are a fairly small group so there will be lots of opportunity for discussion, small group work, and even a paired assignment. Now, in the spirit of freshmen orientation, I would like you all to turn to the person next to you and spend a few minutes sharing why you opted for this course. Go."

  The desk to my right was empty, so I turned to the one on my left...and almost choked. Toggle guy was staring back at me, an indecipherable expression on his face.

  He spoke first. "Hi. Miss Parry, was it? Or should I call you Miss Tardy?"

  "You can call me Ana," I replied, refusing to acknowledge the soft flutters in my stomach.

  "Okay, Ana. Well, I'm Jackson, in case you wanted to know. And it would seem we have at least two classes together." He smiled and I noticed how the color of his eyes changed with his expression. They pulled me in—giving me no choice but to meet his gaze.

  "Nice to meet you, Jackson."

  "I'll start?" He seemed to be asking my permission.

  I nodded.

  "Okay, well, I guess I picked this course because I love the depth to Shakespeare. The possibilities, the tragedy, the realness of it all. Today, Romeo and Juliet would have sailed into the sunset and lived their happily ever after, but we all know that life isn't really like that."

  We do?

  I did.

  I hadn't realized, but I had leaned into Jackson. Those eyes and that voice were a bewitching combination. Righting myself, I swallowed the breath I had been holding—I was literally hanging on his every word. What is with you, Ana?

  Jackson watched me expectantly, and I took a deep breath. You can do this. "I’ve always loved Shakespeare, ever since we studied A Midsummer Night’s Dream in high school. I love the escapism, the drama, and the characters. The everlasting love," I hesitated "...despite the tragedy."

  "So, you're a romantic?"

  I used to be, my heart cried.

  The professor’s voice called time, and I silently thanked her. There was something about Jackson; I could feel myself wanting to open up to him. I hadn't opened up to anyone in the last year, except Dr. Simmonds, and even then, it had taken almost six months for me to utter a single word.

  Professor Shacks was enigmatic. The way that she talked about Shakespeare, you could see that she had a love for his works, and I knew that I was going to enjoy this class. Focused on her writing on the board, I caught something in my peripheral vision. There was a folded note on my desk. I glanced sideways at Jackson, but he remained focused on the front of the room, giving nothing away.

  Coffee?

  I stared at the single word like it was written in a foreign language. He wanted coffee? With me? Logic and reason told me that this was a normal college experience, being asked to coffee by the gorgeous guy in your class, but my heart, my loyalties...my conscience were screaming at me to do the right thing.

  But I wanted to move on. I had to try to move on, didn't I? Maybe this was my chance. It's just coffee, my mind reasoned.

  Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I shut it all out. After scribbling my response, my fingers placed the note back on Jackson's table. Then I refocused on the professor.

  Two minutes later, I was reading his reply.

  What if I say it's coffee with Shakespeare? Well, not with him, that'd just be weird considering the dude is dead. But we can drink coffee and talk Shakespeare. Please. Don't make me beg.

  A small smile tugged at my lips as I stared at Jackson’s message. My reply had simply been I don't know... but it was a step in the right direction. Or at least, that was what Dr. Simmonds would say. I quickly added maybe to the note and held it out for him. I caught the grin cracking his face as he read my reply and tucked the small square of paper into the front page of his notebook.

  It was going to be a long two hours.

  "Ana, wait up," Jackson called as I filed out into the hallway with the rest of the class. The professor had requested to see him after the lecture, and unsure of whether coffee was such a good idea, I decided to leave him to it.

  “Something came up. Rain check on the coffee?” His eyes darted from me toward the door as if he was looking for someone or maybe trying to avoid them.

  “Sure.” Most of me felt relieved, but I couldn’t ignore that a tiny part felt disappointed.

  “Cool, I’ll see you in class. Laters.”

  My eyes followed as he exited the building and headed over to a group of students, which included the redhead from earlier. A feeling of dejection replaced the tiny seed of excitement that I’d felt. Karma is a bitch. You’ll never deserve someone like Jackson, my conscience reminded me.

  I all but ran out of building, not knowing where I was going. Unwilling to risk having a meltdown in the dorm, in front of Elena, I turned off the main path and headed for the only place that offered any privacy.

  Chapter 3

  “Miss Parry, please answer the question.” The officer regarded me with suspicious eyes.

  “I- I don’t know what happened.” I reached for my throat, to relieve some of the pain, but the wires disappearing into my hand restricted me. “I’m tired; can we do this later?”

  “It’s been a whole week, Miss Parry. You’re awake and we need answers.”

  A whole week?

  My body sagged against the sterile bed, agony radiating through my bones. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks and onto the white sheet drawn up around my body.

  And my heart?

  My heart felt broken into an irreparable state.

  The stone bounced off the thick trunk and landed in a pile of fallen fir needles. I had been sitting on an up grown root for a little while. Although eerie, the forest brought me a kind of peace that I hadn't felt since arriving at CFA. Other than the sound of the wind whipping through the trees, the leaves rustling, and the occasional bird song, it was silent. Peaceful.

  But with that kind of solace came the memories. Like an unstoppable river, they rushed into my mind, dragging me under with their strong current. Some comforted me, some terrified me...but every single one of them made my heart shatter. Over and over, the grief was unrelenting. Lying back on the spongy forest bed, I gave myself over, a
llowing the pain to pulsate through me. Letting the ugly tears rip from deep within me and into the damp air, I rubbed at the scar on my right wrist, the reminder that would never let me forget.

  A loud crunch startled me and I slowly pulled myself into a sitting position. Footsteps. I could hear footsteps. They didn't sound like they were headed in my direction, but they were near.

  "Travis, would you hurry the fuck up."

  I caught the voice traveling across the wind.

  "Dude, what are we even doing out here? We never exchange out here."

  I pushed my back further against a trunk in an attempt to remain hidden, and my eyes squinted hard to try to see through the thick.

  "Yeah, well, shit changes. Now that we're at CFA, we needed somewhere closer."

  "Anyway, where's Pierce? He usually makes the drop with you."

  The other guy grunted. "Yeah, well, Pierce had other shit to take care of. Come on, we're late and the cabin is still a mile out."

  Cabin?

  Despite the sadness lingering in me, my ears perked up, straining to hear more. I couldn't help it. I had always been inquisitive, ever since our dog went missing when I was six. I spent two days looking for that damn furball—investigating clues, talking to the neighbors, tacking up lost posters. We never did find Max, but I never gave up looking.

  The voices drifted further away, and I looked up at the leafy canopy, trying to weigh my options. Through the thick, green canvas, I could see grey. Swirls of dark, angry clouds. Dammit. There was no way that I wanted to end up stuck out here when a storm came, and although the detective in me wanted to follow the voices, the lost lonely girl who was holding on by a thread just wanted to go home.

  Home.

  I didn't even know where that was anymore.

  ~

  When I arrived back at the dorm, Elena was pacing the room. Her head whipped up as I entered and she scowled. "Where have you been, chica? I've been worried. It's past six."

  It was? I must have stayed out longer than I thought. "Hmm, I went to the library to study. Got carried away, I guess."

  Her face softened, but her eyes still questioned me. "Well, text next time. Are you okay now? You know, after earlier? The nightmare?"

  My body tensed, but the lies rolled off me without hesitation. "Yeah, I can't even remember what it was about. Strange."

  She muttered something in Spanish and then approached me until she was standing right in front of me. Reaching out, she took my hand in hers, looked me straight in the eye, and said, "Ana, you can trust me. If you ever want to talk, I'm here." She dropped my hand as quickly as she had taken it and went back to her side of the room.

  I shrugged out of my jacket, hung it up, and replied, "Thanks, Elena. I'm fine. I promise," before heading into our small, shared bathroom.

  Closing the door behind me, my body sagged against the counter. My hands found the marbled top and gripped onto the edge as I stared at the girl in the mirror. Her skin was sallow, not how skin should look from someone born and raised in the Sunshine state. Her once sparkling blue eyes no longer sparkled; instead, they were dull and lifeless. Long, wavy brown hair framed a face that I no longer recognized.

  This wasn't supposed to be your life, my mind whispered. I was supposed to be at Brown with Danny. But I wasn't. I was at one of the smallest private academies in the country trying to pick up the pieces of my decimated life.

  Unsure if I would ever succeed.

  ~

  Lying to Elena was hard. After returning from the forest and having a momentary meltdown in the bathroom, I slept. For fourteen whole hours. Elena didn't say a word the next morning, but her eyes were growing more and more concerned. I had to make a better effort, had to stop letting the memories creep in through the cracks of my carefully constructed exterior. I had to throw her off the scent.

  "So, are you seeing Tyson tonight? He seems nice."

  Elena dropped her pen and spun in her chair to face me. "He's more than nice. He es muy caliente. But he's busy tonight. We’re going out tomorrow, though." Her eyes watched me intently.

  "Well, that's good for me, then. I thought we could go explore our new town." I had almost said our new home, but the word lodged in my throat.

  Elena's eyes lit up; in fact, her whole face did. "I thought you'd never ask. Should we invite Talia and the girls?"

  Definitely not.

  "Sure. The more the merrier."

  Elena jumped out of the chair and headed straight for her closet. "You can borrow my black pants and that top you liked. And I have the perfect dress for me."

  She continued to get ready, while I finished some notes from my classes. "So, Paul was asking about you at lunch," she called over her shoulder.

  I continued writing, hoping that she would take the hint.

  "He's a real sweetheart. And hello hotness. We should all go out, the four of us. It'd be fun."

  "I'm sure he is nice, but I'm not looking to get involved with anyone right now."

  Elena smoothed down the navy dress and scratched her head. Her eyes narrowed and I could tell that she was deciding whether to push the matter or not. I really hoped that she wouldn't.

  "Just as friends? Four friends going out for a drink, maybe some dancing. This town only has two bars, and apparently, one is full of old, grey-haired men." She pouted and then dropped her bottom lip. "Pleaaaase, chica, for me."

  I groaned. She wasn't going to let it drop. Maybe it'll be better to rip off the Band-Aid in one quick swoop than pull it off gently, I thought to myself.

  "One date. And it's not a date, more like a group of friends going out. Got it?" I said with an emotional tug-of-war raging inside me.

  I would swear that she actually jumped, letting out a shriek of excitement. "I'll set it up. It'll be great if we end up dating friends. But no pressure, promise."

  Half an hour later, Elena, Talia, the other two blondes—I couldn't for the life of me remember their names—and I were seated in a booth in the only student bar in town. Dante's. When we left McGinley, it was raining so heavy that it was impossible to see, so we called a cab. So much for exploring the town.

  "Oooh, hot guys two o'clock," the smaller blonde said through a grin.

  "Cassie, you are so bad. Didn't you go home with Michael last night?" Talia frowned at her, and Cassie snickered. "So? It's college. And I spent the last three years of high school going steady with Max. I need to sow my wild oats."

  I followed her doe-eyed gaze to a group of guys. "Anyone take your fancy, Ana?" Talia asked.

  Fighting the urge to make a run for the door, I choked out, "Hmm, nope. Not my type."

  The three blondes turned to me. They looked like triplets, with their perfectly styled hair and fake lashes. "So, what is your type?"

  I glared at them, not liking the accusatory tone of Talia’s voice. Sensing my rising irritation, Elena interrupted. "So, Tyson invited me to a party this weekend at the beach. Apparently, it’s an annual thing after freshmen orientation-"

  Talia cut her off. "The party down at Dead Man's Cove? You have to trek down to it, no way am I doing that in heels. They don't call it Dead Man's Cove for nothing. And besides, I heard it usually gets rained out."

  Her friends nodded in agreement, and Elena turned to me. "You'll come, right Ana?"

  No. Absolutely not.

  "Of course. What's college without a little adventure?" My voice dripped with sarcasm, but no one seemed to notice. Elena was too busy thanking me and the triplets were too busy eye-fucking guys to notice. I sank back into my seat and sipped on my soda, wishing it were something stronger. But nothing more than ginger ale passed my lips these days.

  After listening to the girls drone on about guys for the last half hour, I was present in the physical sense, but mentally, I had checked out. It was all they talked about. So, when the door opened and a new group of guys walked in, I expected more of the same. Except the opposite happened. Instead of dishing out pretentious ratings of their clothes, the
ir bodies, and their looks, the girls fell silent.

  The whole damn bar did.

  There were five of them. All huge, muscled, and hot—or at least, that was how I imagined the triplets describing them. I scanned the bar, watching with interest—and confusion—at people's reaction to the newcomers. It was as if God himself had entered the building. People sat wide-eyed, watching the guys move toward the bar, who seemed immune to the stares and the hushed comments.

  "Who-"

  Words left me, replaced by a sinking feeling as my eyes fell on the fifth guy. It was a guy who I had managed to avoid for a whole week. A guy who I'd managed to push to the back of my mind. A guy who I never wanted to see again… Ice eyes.

  As they reached the bar, Ice eyes leaned over to shoulder check the bartender. Whatever spell had been cast by their appearance ended, and people returned to their conversations.

  I, however, couldn't take my eyes off them.

  "Ana, you're staring." Talia snapped her fingers under my nose, causing me to jump.

  "Isn't he hot? Like a-whole-other-league hot?" Cassie whispered, obviously still a little affected by their presence.

  "Be specific, Cass. They're all freaking hot."

  "Braiden, obviously."

  Braiden—why did that name sound familiar? "Which one is Braiden?"

  Four heads snapped in my direction. "Please tell me that you're joking. Braiden Donohue, son of Marcus Donohue, Chastity Falls equivalent to the Godfather."

  I sprayed soda into the air. "Are you kidding me?"

  "For Christ's sake, do you want them to hear us, Ana? Keep it down."

  Talia leaned forward and the other girls followed suit, until our heads formed a tight circle across the table. "Braiden is the blond with the blue eyes..." A chill zipped up my spine. Ice eyes has a name, and Talia continued, "...one and only heir to the Donohue fortune and family business, if you get my gist."

  I didn't.