Loyalty and Lies

by L A Cotton

  And then he kissed me—and just for a moment, nothing else existed.

  Chapter 15

  After spending most of the morning wrapped in each other’s arms, we finally came up for air. Jackson suggested going into town to get some lunch. I picked the cutest little seafood place overlooking the beach, and we shared clam chowder with fresh bread.

  “Oh, my God, that was amazing.” I dropped my napkin onto the plate and pushed it away from me. “I don’t think that I can move.”

  Jackson laughed, cocking one eyebrow. “You sure can eat.”

  “Hey, no fair. I was hungry and it was so damn good.”

  “It’s great here.” His voice trailed off, a hint of sadness in his voice. “Listen, I have some stuff to do this afternoon, but tonight?”

  I felt myself drifting into his green gaze. “Hmm, yeah. Tonight.”

  “Come on, then, Savanah Parry.”

  Jackson settled the check while I watched the ocean until a familiar face cut into my line of sight. Shit. I swallowed hard; this was not good.

  “You ready?” Jackson joined me at the window and opened the door for us, and I nodded, taking his outstretched hand and stepping onto the street, trying my best to ignore the nervous energy building inside of me. I risked glancing back to the guys walking behind us. There were three of them, but I only recognized the heavily tattooed guy in the middle.

  “Yo, Pierce,” a voice called out and Jackson tensed beside me, dropping my hand to turn and face the guys. “What do you want, Jarrod?”

  I wrapped my arms around myself, wishing the pavement would just swallow me up. Jarrod noticed me and his pierced brow furrowed, and then his eyes darted to Jackson and he held up his hands. “Hey, man, I come in peace.”

  Jackson had morphed into the cold serious guy that he was around Braiden and the team. There was no trace of the guy who I was falling for as he met Jarrod toe-to-toe and said, “I’m listening.”

  Jarrod nodded over Jackson’s shoulder at me, and Jackson stiffened. “She’s with me. It’s all good.”

  “Okay.” Jarrod’s confused expression didn’t match his word. “It’s about what went down with Calder. He’s on a rampage for blood, dude. Things could get messy. You need to rein Braiden in before shit gets bad. Word has it that him and Roman are already planning their next move.”

  Jackson pulled off his cap and raked his hand through his hair. I watched nervously, my heart pounding in my chest as he stepped into Jarrod, moving to his ear. I couldn’t make out their words, but from the Jarrod’s strained expression and Jackson’s set jaw, it wasn’t good.

  More than once Jarrod’s eyes flickered to me, and I got the impression that I was part of the strained conversation. I guessed Jackson was telling him not to breathe a word about seeing us together. It seemed like forever, the seconds slowly ticking by, before Jackson pulled back, nodded, and turned back to me. “Let’s go.” He grabbed my hand and I followed, never looking back.

  ~

  “So, Jarrod isn’t going to tell anyone, you know, about us?”

  Jackson’s head snapped round. “Wait, you know him?”

  “He has a history with one of the girls I know from the dorm, Talia.”

  Jackson mumbled something and slammed his fist against the steering wheel. “Fuck!”

  I recoiled into the seat. He had been on edge the whole ride back to CFA but seemed to be getting wound more tightly the closer we got.

  “Is- is everything okay?”

  “Everything is so fucked up, I can’t think straight.” He focused on the road, offering me no comfort, which left an ache deep inside my chest. This wasn’t the same Jackson who had stolen a tiny piece of my heart.

  We rode the rest of the way in silence, the tension almost suffocating. I pressed my head to the glass, needing space to breathe, and I almost let out a huge sigh of relief when the gates came into view. I hadn’t expected Jackson to drop me off in plain sight of everyone, but I also didn’t think he would leave me alone outside of the gates again. Not after everything. But that was exactly what happened.

  He slowed the car at the turning circle just before the gates and cut the engine. “So, I have stuff I need to take care of.” Braiden, you mean, I wanted to scream. “I’ll catch you later?”

  I’ll fucking catch you later? I stared at him incredulously, and then pulled on the mask that I was so used to wearing. Pursing my lips, I said, “Yeah, whatever. Family first, right?” And then I walked away from him.

  ~

  I was pissed. Jackson wasn’t just awakening me, he was evoking a whole damn rainbow of emotions in me, and I wasn’t sure that I liked it. It made me feel so out of control—like how I lost all sense and reason when he touched me or kissed me. And how when he wasn't near, I ached for him.

  The door flew open and my head whipped up to find Elena and Talia laughing. “Oh, you’re here. Great. Party tonight at Fallen House. Everyone is invited. It’s going to be huge," she said, excitedly.

  “No.”

  Both of them froze, looking at me like I was a crazy person. Elena stepped forward and said, “Excuse me?”

  “I said no.” I dropped my head down and proceeded to stare blankly at my crossed legs. There was no way that I was stepping foot in that house. Tonight or ever.

  “Oh, for God’s sake, Ana, lighten up. It’s just a party,” Talia groaned.

  I glared right at her, daring her to say something else. Jackson might’ve pissed me off, but he wasn’t here to take it out on. Talia was, and the girl seemed to enjoy rubbing me the wrong way. “So, go to the party. I’m not coming.”

  Talia’s sarcastic smile turned into a scowl. Elena turned back, whispered for her to wait outside, and approached me cautiously. “Chica, is everything okay? You seem a little on edge.”

  “I’m fine.”

  Elena sat on the bed next to me and sighed, chewing on her bottom lip. “Ana, you don’t need to shut me out. What’s going on?”

  “I just don’t want to go to that house. Not tonight.”

  Her eyes were concerned, and I knew that I needed to rein myself in or risk her babysitting me all night. “But you go with the others. Have fun. I’ll be fine. I promise. I’m just tired and grouchy.”

  “Are you sure?”

  I reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. “I promise.” Physical contact seemed to be Elena’s thing, and thankfully, it worked. A half-smile graced her lips and she looked instantly reassured. “If you’re sure. I’ll stay over at Tyson’s. You get some rest and we’ll hang out tomorrow? Pancakes at Dante’s, my treat?”

  “Okay. Have fun tonight. Stay safe.”

  Elena grabbed some clothes from her wardrobe and stuffed them into her overnight bag before waving goodbye. As the door closed, I let out a frustrated cry.

  The last thing that I probably needed was to hole myself up with nothing but time to think… to remember. But the thought of even being in the same house as Braiden or Chad made me uneasy. And Jackson would be there. Watching girls throw themselves at him would be too much to bear—just thinking it all night was going to drive me insane.

  So, I made the decision there and then to keep myself busy. I showered. Let the scalding water beat down on my body, cleansing me. Once I wrapped myself in my fluffy robe, I opened up my laptop, loaded a DVD, and climbed under the comforter. My eyes didn't even register what film it was, but it didn't matter. I just needed something, anything, to keep my mind off Jackson.

  It didn't take long for my eyes to grow heavy. My whole body started to relax into the mattress, even with the actors’ voices ringing out around the room. My mind refused to switch off, conjuring up all kinds of images. Jackson in cahoots with Braiden as they took body shots off half-naked girls. Briony trying to seduce him with her perfect hair and perfect fucking body. Chad cheering them on.

  Maybe I was dreaming because my tainted thoughts were becoming one big swirl. Jackson's face no longer looked like his. Dark hair changed into blond and Jack
son's eyes closed and opened to Danny's. Briony wrapped her arms around Danny and they turned to look at me, both laughing cruelly in my direction.

  I screamed and sat up, my whole body trembling. Bed, you're in bed. It was just a dream, Ana. My eyes searched for the clock. It was only midnight. I groaned, falling back onto the cushions. My cell vibrated, and I reached for it, my gut telling me who it was going to be.

  Are you awake? J x

  I wanted to text back a big fat no. But some other part of me—the part that couldn’t forget how he made me feel—would have regretted that.

  Me: Yes.

  Be there in five. J x

  I rushed to the bathroom to rinse my mouth out and get a glass of water, and then unlatched the window, leaving it slightly ajar.

  Two minutes later, Jackson climbed through the small space. His number thirteen jersey hung over his jeans and my eyes drank in the sight of him.

  There was a torn expression on his face, as he said, "I'm sorry, for earlier."

  I pulled the comforter closer to me. "I didn't deserve that. The way that you treated me."

  His eyes dropped to the floor, but I caught the look of shame in them. "I know. Fuck, I know. I'm sorry that I hurt you. But this is hard... I've always been loyal to him. To Uncle Marcus. This could tear us all apart for good."

  I didn't know how to respond to that. I never asked to be the girl who came between them. I never asked for anything of this, but it was what I got, and no one could take any of it away. If Braiden had never pushed me up against that wall, Jackson might never have entered my life. I could be at CFA existing instead of living.

  "So, walk away. You have a choice."

  Jackson was beside me in a second, kneeling by the bed, reaching for my hand. "You think I have a choice? You have no idea, do you? No idea how I feel about you?"

  His eyes watched me, waiting for my response, and I gulped down the breath that I had been holding. "No." It came out as a whisper.

  "I'm falling for you, Savanah Parry. You're the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I close my eyes. You are all I think about."

  Oh my, the ache in my core started to spread, and I swallowed hard. Jackson was looking at me like he wanted to devour me. His eyes dropped to my fluffy robe and widened. “Please tell me that you have something on under there?”

  My lips tugged up in a smile. “That’s for me to know, and you to find out.”

  “Ana...” his voice warned.

  I pushed up off the bed, careful to hold the robe to my body, and grabbed some pajamas out of the drawers. “I’ll be right back.”

  Jackson dropped onto my bed and watched me through hooded eyes as I walked toward the bathroom. I closed the door but didn’t lock it. Leaning my hands on the counter, I stared at the girl in the mirror. Her eyes were glassy and full of want, with a pink tint to her cheeks. For the girl who had spent a year hiding away, I wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding my feelings for Jackson. My desire for him was written all over my face. I ran the faucet and dipped my hands under the cool water. They were shaking, trembling with nerves. After splashing some water on my face, I closed my eyes and tried to even my breathing. But when I opened my eyes, my heart soared.

  “Wha-what are you doing in here?”

  Jackson stood poised behind me, his eyes lingering on my shoulder, where the robe had fallen slightly. He swallowed hard. “You were taking too long. I wanted to check that you were okay.”

  “But I didn’t hear you come in.”

  His eyes didn’t move, as he said, “I can be stealthy when I need to be.”

  I ignored the hidden meaning in his words, too focused on the mirror and the way he was watching me, my skin. He stalked forward, brushing my hair out of the way, revealing even more of my bare skin. “Do you realize how beautiful you are?”

  This time I was the one who gulped.

  “The things you do to me, Ana.” He leaned down to press a kiss to my shoulder, my eyes transfixed on the mirror. There was something hot about being able to watch him and longing pooled low in my stomach as his lips connected with my skin.

  My body shuddered in anticipation as Jackson’s hand found the tie inside my robe. He tugged it gently and the soft fluffy material fell open. Usually, I would have cringed at the sight of my body, the scars marring my skin, but with Jackson’s mouth tracing kisses along my shoulder, my head fell back and I was lost.

  “Let me show you how much you mean to me, Ana. Please.” I looked at him through the mirror and Jackson’s hand came up to palm my cheek. He turned my face to the side, kissing the corner of my lips.

  It wasn’t enough.

  I needed more.

  Spinning around to stand face-to-face with Jackson, I looked up at him through my lashes and nodded. It was all the permission he needed. In one swift movement, he picked me up, wrapped my legs around his waist, and sat me on the counter.

  I let out a little squeal, as his hands skimmed my bare sides. It tickled, turning me on even more. Jackson yanked his jersey and shirt over his head in one go, revealing his perfect torso, and my tongue swiped across my bottom lip. I hadn’t noticed it before but he had a tattoo over his left pectoral. It was script, but I couldn’t make out what it said.

  Jackson’s voice cut through my intrigue. “What do you want, Ana?”

  “I want you to make me feel.”

  His lips came down on mine, firm and demanding. I moaned against his tongue as it filled my mouth, and he pressed into me at the perfect angle. My body didn’t just respond to him, it ached for him. I heard him unbuckle, and I used my foot to help him push off his jeans, allowing him to step out of them.

  “Come here.” Before I could protest, Jackson scooped me up and carried me back into the bedroom, placing me gently on the bed.

  He had already switched off the main light, leaving only the table lamp on, creating a soft flicker of light around the room. I was thankful. Being caught up at the moment was one thing, but now, lying almost naked on my bed, I suddenly felt very conscious. My arms wound their way around my midriff.

  Jackson frowned. “Don’t you dare.”

  “My scars...” It came out a whisper.

  “Are beautiful. Every. Single. One.” He knelt before me on the edge of the bed, tracing his hand across my stomach. Touching each scar, each reminder of what I had survived... and what I had lost. “What happened?”

  I folded my tongue between my teeth in an attempt to swallow down the tears threatening to spill out. Five, four, three, two, one… Just breathe. Taking a deep breath, I managed to say, “I was in an accident. The bad kind. The kind you shouldn’t survive.” I noticed him flinch. “These are my souvenirs.” My fingers laid gently on top of his, copying the patterns he continued to draw on my skin.

  “When?” His voice sounded thick with emotion.

  “A little over nineteen months ago.”

  He watched me intently, his eyes searching. The seconds ticked by, and eventually he said, “There’s more to it, isn’t there?”

  I nodded.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  I shook my head.

  He moved up the bed until he was hovering over me, his elbows taking his weight. “Okay, but Ana, we are going to talk about it soon.” He didn't give me a chance to reply. His lips nipped along my jaw while his hand teased me where I needed him most.

  "Ahhh. More, I need more."

  He smiled against my mouth and then pulled back. I frowned, wondering why he had stopped, but then I realized that he was removing the last bit of clothing separating us.

  I reached out for him as he lowered himself back over me, but he didn't give me a chance to say what I wanted to, as he rocked into me with no warning.

  ~

  My whole body hummed with pleasure. Jackson had kept me up most of the night. He was insatiable, but the perfect guy, taking care of me and constantly checking that I was okay. I think it was backlash from finding out
about the accident.

  "Morning, you." His nose rubbed across my shoulders and my body shuddered. Even after making me feel three times, I still wanted more. And by the feel of Jackson's hardness pressed into my thigh, the feeling was mutual.

  "Morning to you, too. Hmm..." I stretched my legs, tangling them with Jackson's. "I think you broke me."

  Jackson's soft laughter filled the room. He was such a complex guy; mister serious one minute, mister playful the next. "I would never hurt you, Savanah Parry." His voice sounded a little off, and alarm bells started ringing.

  "So, umm, I have to go out of town this weekend. I'll be gone until Monday night."

  I rolled over to face him, trying hard to rein in the meltdown happening inside me. "Why? Where do you have to go?" I knew he wouldn't tell me, but I had to ask.

  "You know that I can't tell you." He shifted onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. "If we are going to do this, it doesn't change anything. No one can know about us, Ana. Especially not Braiden. And you can't ask questions. I know it's a lot to ask, but that's the way it has to be..." he paused, before adding, "for now."

  The thought of Jackson ignoring me in class, of acting like I meant nothing to him, made me physically sick. But the idea of him being out of my life completely sent my head spinning. We had crossed the line, and I wasn't sure that I could ever go back. Not now. Even if it meant keeping up the facade.

  I pressed into Jackson's side, tracing lazy circles on his chest, and his arm came around me, holding me close.

  "Okay."

  "Okay?" He leaned up a little to look down at me.

  "Okay, no questions, no going public. Just promise me that you'll keep out of anything dangerous." I still wasn't entirely sure what dangerous activities the Donohues were involved in, but the healing bruises and cuts on Jackson's otherwise perfect face were a good indicator.

  His fingers stroked down my spine causing my eyes to flutter shut. "I can't promise that, but I promise that I won't go looking for trouble."

  I nodded. It was all that I could do.