Loyalty and Lies

by L A Cotton

  My head nodded, but my stomach had me wanting to run to the nearest trashcan and hurl.

  Elena walked me right to the steps of Carver Hall and I had taken a deep breath. “I’m not sure I can do this.” My voice croaked and I had felt myself losing what little control I still had.

  “You have to do this. Plaster on that fake smile you’ve perfected so well, get in there, and show those fuckers that you have nothing to hide. Jackson wants you. You, Ana. I’ve seen the way that he looks at you. I don’t know how you did it, but that guy has fallen completely in love with you.”

  He has? had been the only thought I could form.

  So, when Elena knocked my open mouth shut with her palm and waved me inside, my feet had managed to carry me inside, but my mind was left at the door, still reeling from her words.

  Jackson was in love with me? Me.

  It couldn’t be true.

  Could it?

  ~

  After Elena’s intervention, I managed to get up and go to class every morning. Every day, I survived the stares and whispers, letting them roll off me. I wore my fake smile and answered whenever someone spoke to me, but it was all a front. Because behind all the fakeness, I was back to where I was a year ago. Lost.

  I had just endured another two hours of Gardner’s class, spending most of the time staring at Jackson’s empty seat. Briony was there, but she ignored me. In fact, she acted as if I didn’t even exist. It was weird. Although everyone still glanced at me when I entered the room, Briony didn’t. It had been the same when I had seen Chad around campus, too. He didn’t as much as look in my direction. There was no devious smirk or threat in his eyes. Nothing. I wanted to believe it had something to do with Jackson—that since they all knew about us, he must have talked to them, but I knew that was unlikely. I still didn’t even know how he was.

  “Ana, wait up,” a low voice called out as I crossed the path toward the student center. I turned to see Jarrod strolling toward me, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

  “Can we talk? In private?”

  Alarm bells started to ring. He was from Reibeckitt. He knew—like everyone else now knew—that I was involved in Jackson. And Jackson was Fallen. But my inquisitive nature needed to know what he wanted, and before I could second guess myself, I nodded for him to lead the way.

  We walked in silence, until he disappeared into the edge of the forest and called over his shoulder, “Have you heard how he is?” before moving deeper, and I followed him to the wooden bench, dropping down onto it. “No. No one will tell me a goddamn thing.”

  “You should get out while you can, Ana. Things are only going to get worse and you don’t want to be caught in the crossfire. Braiden holds a grudge. I know; I’ve seen it. But mess with his family and it becomes a whole other playing field. The Donohues don’t play well with others. Never have, never will.”

  “Jackson isn’t a Donohue.” I clasped a hand over my mouth, shocked by how unwavering my voice sounded.

  Jarrod let out a bemused laugh. “Do you really believe that? He’s one of them, Ana. He will always be one of them. You’re a friend of Talia’s, an innocent. I don’t want to see you end up hurt. What went down at the beach is just the start of something that’s been a long time coming.”

  I dropped my head, running my fingers through my hair, trying to work out how I had ended up at this point—being warned to stay away from my own boyfriend by one of his own enemies. I blew out an exasperated breath. “I don’t know how I got here.”

  Jarrod reached out to comfort me but changed his mind at the last minute and thrust his hand behind him. “Break it off. When… if he gets in touch, tell him it’s over. You don’t want to cross paths with them. Trust me. It won’t end well.”

  “I- I don’t understand. Why are you telling me all of this?”

  He ran a hand across his stubbled jaw, the tattoos on his neck pulsating as the muscles worked overtime. “I might be Reibeckitt, but this shit is getting old. People are going to get hurt. Your boy already got hurt. That knife was meant for Braiden. Cole won’t quit there.”

  The words lingered in the icy air. Was he right? Were things really going to get worse? Jackson had already been hurt bad. How much worse could it get?

  Jarrod’s cargos vibrated and he fumbled to reach his cell. “Shit, I need to go. Just think about what I said. Look out for yourself, Ana.”

  And just like that, he was gone.

  I walked back to McGinley in a daze. My head was swimming with questions. Questions that only one person could answer. My phone vibrated, giving me a momentary break from my thoughts. I expected it was Elena checking in. She was still like my personal bodyguard, always texting and calling. She wouldn’t leave me alone for longer than an hour, apart from classes, and I was pretty sure that was only because I was in public and couldn’t do anything too stupid.

  My eyes skimmed the message, and my heart lurched, stopping me dead in my tracks.

  I miss you. I’m sorry. J x

  ~

  “So, he’s okay?” Elena handed me a spoon and we sat crossed-legged eating from the tub. I licked it clean and nodded. “Yeah, he had a pretty bad cut. Got treated in Tillamook County. He said he was there for a week before going back to their house…” I couldn’t bring myself to say their names, the words lodging in my throat. “He’s been on bed rest all this time but says he’s better.”

  “But why is he only getting in touch now?”

  I swirled the vanilla ice cream round my mouth, mumbling, “He said he’ll explain everything when he sees me.”

  I wanted more than just an explanation. I wanted details. Every last one.

  Elena’s head snapped up. “Which will be when exactly?”

  “Hmm, tonight?”

  “Tonight,” she shrieked. “Why didn’t you say something? We need to make you irresistible. He needs to suffer a little for leaving you hanging all these weeks.”

  I groaned, rolling my eyes. Elena wasn’t wrong; Jackson did deserve to know how it felt. I had almost slipped into oblivion over the last four weeks—if it hadn’t been for Elena, I probably would have ended up back in the hospital. It wasn’t something that I could just forget.

  So, why was I ready to throw myself at him the minute he climbed through the window?

  An hour later, I sat nervously on the edge of my bed. My legs kept twitching underneath the tight pants Elena had forced me into. She had been busy planning our hot make-up sex, and I was busy obsessing over Jarrod’s words. Would Jackson’s explanation change anything? Or would it only confirm what I already knew deep down… that as long as Braiden had it out for me, we couldn’t be together. Tears formed behind my eyes at the thought, but I swallowed hard and blinked them away. I almost jumped out of my skin when the door banged.

  As I turned the handle, I wondered who could possibly be on the other side of it. I wasn’t prepared for the sight before me. Jackson stood in his dark jeans and a light grey shirt, rolled up at the sleeves. His hair was shorter, buzzed at the sides, a short faux hawk styled to perfection on top. His eyes roamed down my body, lingering on my curves and causing me to shiver.

  Jackson’s lips curled up in a slight smile. “Hi.” He stepped into the room, walking right past me.

  I frowned at his back. “Hi.”

  He nodded toward the bed. “Let’s sit?”

  My heart slammed against my chest, over and over. I wanted to scream at him and demand answers, but the tenderness in his eyes made my resolve crumble, so I followed his lead and climbed up onto the bed and shuffled back against the headboard—figuring I might need it for support.

  “How are you?”

  “Really? That’s what you want to know?”

  He brought a hand up and scrubbed his face, his jaw clenching. “Sorry, that was a stupid question…” Silence, and then he added, “I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed you, too.” My voice was quiet. “I’ve been going out of my damn mind. No one would tell me a thin
g, Jackson. No one. I didn’t know how badly you were hurt. Do you know what that feels like? It’s been nearly a whole month, Jackson, and I haven’t heard a single thing from you!”

  The question hung in the air between us, and Jackson dropped his head. “I’m sorry… fuck. That first week I was out of it, drugged up because of all the pain. Then Marcus came and collected me and pretty much put me under lock and key…” He reached out for my hand, his eyes searching mine for permission. I answered by inching my fingers toward to his. Relief swept through me as our skin collided and my eyes fluttered shut. I wanted to leap into his arms, needed to feel for myself that he was okay, but something held me back.

  “What happened at the beach, Jackson, is that going to be your life? Is that your life?”

  Jackson pushed up off the bed and leant onto his knees. He nudged my legs open so that he could crawl between them until he was resting in front of me, his eyes locked on mine. “Ana, shit has always been fucked-up but nothing like that. Calder is out of control. Braiden is on a revenge mission, out for blood. Shit is getting bad. And I don’t know what to do. Uncle Marcus nearly smashed up the house when he found out about what happened. Things are changing, everyone’s on edge…”

  “You jumped in front of him. That knife was meant for Braiden and you shoved him out of the way to protect him. You could have died, Jackson.” The dam burst and a torrent of ugly tears ripped from me and Jackson wrapped me in his arms, his hands buried in my hair. I sobbed into his shirt. He was right. Everything was so totally and utterly fucked-up, I couldn’t see through to what was right or wrong anymore.

  “Ssh, I’ve got you, Ana. I’m not going anywhere.” He untangled me from his chest and pulled me back, looking down at me. “Uncle Marcus gave his blessing.”

  Blessing?

  “Wha-what do you mean?”

  “He said that as long as I explain everything to you, how things have to be, and that as long as I trust you, he trusts my judgment. We can be together, Ana, no questions asked. No more secrets, no more lies. That’s if you still want me, if you want in this fucked-up life?”

  I flung myself forward wrapping arms around him. He wasn’t leaving me. We could be together… officially. Publicly. For the first time in almost four weeks, I felt like I could breathe. Jackson’s lips came down on mine hard, as he scooped me up and wrapped my legs around my waist. I was sure there were more questions that I had wanted to ask; questions that I needed answers to, but at that moment all I could think was… you didn’t lose him. Not this time.

  ~

  Jackson’s fingers glided across my skin, leaving a trail of tingles in their wake. My body felt alive. I felt alive. We had spent hours lost in each other, using our bodies to reassure one another that we were both okay. Jackson had tenderly kissed my scar while making love to me. It had been perfect. But now, as the morning light seeped through the roller blind, things seemed more tense.

  “What are you thinking?” Jackson whispered against the skin on my shoulder.

  I pulled his arm tighter around my waist and said, “That we still have things to talk about.”

  He stilled behind me, and then sighed. “You’re right. I guess we both just needed last night…” He paused and I could hear the steady beat of his heart. “Do you have any idea how much I’m in love with you.” Jackson pressed a soft kiss to my shoulder. Warmth spread through my body, and I rolled in his arms so that I was facing up, looking up at him through my lashes. “You’re in love with me?” My voice matched the disbelief that I was feeling inside.

  His nose had brushed against mine before he pressed a chaste kiss on my lips. “You have to know that I am. Do you really think that I would risk my loyalty to them, risk everything, for just anyone? I know it was selfish of me to bring you into my shit, but I saw you, you know, the day you arrived. Saw how lost you looked. Something in me connected with that, and I was intrigued. Intrigued about the girl arriving at college with just one bag slung over her shoulder.” He laughed. “What girl arrives at college with just one bag? But then you looked up with those eyes of yours and I saw it. The pain there, and somehow, I just knew. Knew that you were running from something.” Jackson feathered kisses along my slightly ajar mouth. “What are you running from?”

  I swallowed the breath that I had been holding. Jackson was looking at me with such tenderness in his eyes that a storm of guilt washed over me. I had never experienced this with Danny. And I thought he was the love of my life. Maybe first love was different, or maybe it was because Jackson and I shared a connection—we had both lost people that we loved. I didn’t have the answer. I knew part of my heart still belonged to Danny, it probably always would, and I didn’t know how to explain that to the loyal, complicated, and completely gorgeous guy looking back at me, waiting for my answer. And I didn’t know how to tell him that he had stolen my heart the second he had started to repair some of the brokenness in me.

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, counting down from five. Finding my center before trying to find words. No more secrets.

  “I already told you that I was in an accident, right?” Jackson nodded but didn’t say anything, giving me the space that I needed to continue. “We’d been out to celebrate Mom’s big promotion. Dad drove us along the coast to a fancy restaurant. Just the four of us; Mom, Dad, me and… and Danny.” Jackson’s eyes narrowed at the mention of a guy’s name, but he flicked his head slightly telling me to go on. “Danny was my boyfriend. No, that isn’t really a fair label. He wasn’t just my boyfriend. He was my future. My everything.”

  Jackson’s whole body tensed; his chest rising and falling as if he was struggling to keep control. I lifted my hand to his cheek and rested against his warm skin. “They died, Jackson. I didn't just lose my future with Danny. I lost my parents. My future. I lost everything.”

  His eyes darted to my wrist, the marred skin just visible along the edge of my sleeve. He wanted me to say the words, to admit the worst of all my secrets. But I couldn’t. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to. Sensing my silence, Jackson nuzzled into my neck and just held me.

  We both had war wounds; mine self-inflicted, his a reminder of his loyalty to the Donohues. But we also had each other.

  Chapter 22

  Things were too good to be true. Jackson healed and was back at CFA, and I felt like the old me was slowly returning. And we were finally public. There was no more hiding in my dorm room and sneaking around behind everyone’s backs. No more lies. No more veiled threats from Briony or Chad. Everything was perfect.

  Almost.

  I still wasn't used to the attention being with someone like Jackson attracted. I had remained in the background before—blending. Now guys watched me, mentally undressing me with their eyes wondering what special attribute made their hero, Pierce, pick me. And girls scowled in my direction, trying to figure out what a guy like Jackson was doing with a nobody like me.

  Elena lapped it all up, hanging on my arm like she was friends with a freaking celebrity. Jackson and Tyson hit it off surprisingly well. Paul, not so much. He had been as shocked as everyone else when I’d had my breakdown at the beach over one of CFA’s most well-known students, and although he still acted his usual goofy self when it was just me, Elena, and the guys, the few times Jackson came to sit with us, he would excuse himself and leave. It made me a little sad. I considered Paul a friend and the weeks that Jackson was MIA, he had been there for me, no questions asked. But Jackson was who I wanted—it would always be Jackson.

  ~

  “What are you doing?” Jackson came up behind me, sweeping my hair to one side to give him access to my neck. His lips imprinted on me and tingles zipped through me. I doubted that I would ever get used to his touch.

  “Just waiting for Elena. She should be out any second. How was your morning?”

  His arms came around my waist, planting me firmly against him, and he murmured against my skin, “Better now that I’ve seen you.”

  Tell him. T
ell him, now.

  It had been two weeks since Jackson met me at the steps of McGinley and walked me to Carver Hall for Classics. He had wrapped his arm around me protectively, half shielding me from the stares. Some people even pointed. But he wanted people to know that it was official. Jackson Pierce was off the market. I just about survived the short walk, my heart pounding so hard that I felt a little giddy. But when he had pulled us to halt just before the steps, spun me in his arms and taken my face gently in his hands, covering my lips with his, my chest nearly exploded. Jackson Pierce was making a statement—and there was no going back from it.

  After he pulled back and smiled his dazzling smile at me, I had almost said the words. They were right there, on the tip of my tongue. But something held me back. Just like it had when he’d said them to me. I still had questions. Questions that I was determined to get answers to, one way or another. Some things still didn’t add up.

  I shook my head clear of everything, forming the words ready to say, but just as I was about to say ‘I’, Elena burst through the door to our right and shouted over, “If it isn’t CFA’s favorite couple. How are my pájaros del amor?”

  My insides cringed. The girl didn’t know when to quit. Thankfully, Jackson seemed unaffected as he smiled, even managing a laugh. “We’re good. Although I hear you want to steal my girl for the rest of the day?”

  Elena’s face scrunched up, and she mumbled quickly, “Hmm, change of plan. Ty wants to take me out. He says he’s got to fit in as much time with me as possible before classes break for the summer.”

  “Elena,” I groaned. “We’ve had this planned for days.”

  Her trademark pout spread over her face. “I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you, promise.” She air kissed my cheek and headed off in the direction of Tyson’s house.

  “Great, my plans are ruined.”