What He Desires

by Violet Haze

  “Oh!” I toss my arms around his neck, sobbing into the crook of his shoulder as he envelops me with his. “H-he hit me!”

  “Shh.” He strokes my hair as I cry. “You must stop crying so we may make a plan to leave.”

  I lift my head and stare at him, eyes round. “Y-you didn’t t-take his money?”

  He removes one arm from around my body, pulling out a handkerchief and dabbing my eyes with it. After he’s finished, he holds it up for me to take.

  “Of course I did,” he says with a grin. “We shall use it to start our new life.”

  I wipe away the remnants of my despair, happy with his plan. I have no qualms about using my fathers money to start a new life with the man who loves me. If he refuses to let me be happy with Theo, while keeping him in my life, then I will happily never lay eyes upon him again.

  “Where shall we go?”

  He shrugs. “Anywhere. Everywhere. We will be free.”

  “He’ll never stop looking for me.” My lower lip wobbles as I imagine never being free of my fathers control. “I will be a runaway and you, a criminal. But I refuse to let him choose who I’m to marry.”

  “We will marry.” Theo slides his hand up my back to my neck, then brings his lips near mine. “I will never let you marry another. You belong to me.”

  His words thrill me. Just before his lips meet mine, I whisper, “And you to me.”

  The kiss is chaste; innocent in a way I know I haven’t been in an eternity. Our mouths move against one another, our bodies flush against one another, all the promises in the world between us.

  I long to undress, pressing my soft, naked form against his strength-filled one. I know from experience how he can lift me without much effort and hold me against a wall, breathing unchanged. I wonder what it would be like when I’m bared before him; how he will touch me and what words he will whisper in my ear while making love to me.

  Theo is an honorable man, for all that my father believes him not. He refuses to take me until we are wed. And in spite of the fact I don’t care either way, I still adore him all the more for it.

  I pull my mouth away from his. “Let’s go now. I cannot bear to stay here any longer.”

  He doesn’t even have a chance to reply as the door to my room flies open.

  Theo shoves me behind him as my father enters. My eyes go wide at the sight of the revolver in his hand.

  “Thought I had no idea you would try to run away with my daughter, didn’t you?” He lifts his arm, pointing the gun straight at Theo. “And now, you shall die for being foolish. You should have taken the money and left my daughter alone.”

  “Please father,“ I move out from behind Theo, trying to take the attention off of him as I take a step toward my father. “Don’t shoot him, this was my idea—“

  “QUIET!” His eyes, wild with anger, find me as he keeps the gun pointed at my love. “You stupid, witless girl. You are under age. You belong to me and you will do as I say!”

  I lift my chin, defiant until the very end. “I will not. And if you kill Theo, you shall never see me again.”

  He laughs. “Stupid! What will you do, hmm? Take up work as a maid? You have never done even so much as dress yourself.” His eyes move back to Theo, dismissing me.

  Putting his hands up in the air as a sign of surrender, Theo gives me one long, heartbreaking glance before looking back at my father. “I will go peacefully. It is not my desire to make life difficult for Josie. I love her.”

  “You think me unintelligent? I know that unless you die, you will never leave her alone. And since you are trespassing in my unwed daughters room, no one will find fault with me protecting her honor.”

  I’m frozen with fear. My father is right. Nobody will question him if Theo is shot.

  I don’t want to live without him.

  I see my father say something, but it is lost amongst the thoughts swirling in my brain. At what my life will be if the man I love is not in it.

  And when he steadies his hand and shoots to kill, I do the only thing a girl who will suffer either way would do.

  As if I’m outside my body, I watch as I scream and jump in front of Theo. He shouts ‘No!’ but it is too late.

  The bullet lodges itself in my chest as my fathers eyes go wide with horror, his face draining of all color as Theo wraps me in his arms.

  With my last breath, I stare up at Theo as he holds me, eyes filled with tears and gasp one final word.

  “Run.”

  My eyes close as the darkness approaches with one final thought.

  If I somehow end up living, I shall never love again.

  ~*~

  The morning of our wedding dawns brightly.

  And I feel like shit.

  I slept alone last night even though Tobias has returned. His mother insisted we must sleep apart the evening before because he shouldn’t see me on our wedding day until I walk down the aisle.

  I’m not happy about that.

  I’m definitely not happy with the ending to that dream.

  Nor am I thrilled with the fact I didn’t get to have sex last night after going two weeks without.

  I am ready to burst from the sexual tension running throughout me.

  Tension that not even masturbation could get rid of.

  I wanted his cock inside me more than anything else.

  And if it weren’t for the people who will hover around me all day trying to get things ready, I’d’ve already snuck off to his room for a quickie.

  Soon, I chant over and over in my head. Soon you’ll be all alone with him.

  Sighing, I toss aside the covers and make for the shower.

  It’s going to be a really long day.

  ~*~

  The moment I realize my feelings go deeper than I originally thought comes after I leave the shower.

  I’m standing in front of the mirror putting on my hose when I see it.

  A barely noticeable blemish on my chest.

  And yet, there it is.

  In the same location as the bullet hit the girl in my dream.

  I must be seeing things because surely this isn’t real.

  This isn’t logical.

  It’s not making sense in any way.

  Yet, I can’t ignore this feeling much longer.

  The dreams featuring Tobias and I in differing roles. Different names, same faces.

  A poem that I’m pretty sure is a curse upon the two lovers.

  Hearing phrases in his voice while we’re having sex, yet he’s not speaking.

  His sister, whose name is eerily similar to one from the past, lost in the woods in what appears to be a memory.

  The nightmares where we one of us — or both of us — die.

  I’m dressing robotically as I continue to stare at my face in the mirror, pondering.

  If the girl in the most recent dream is me, is that why I avoid relationships? Is that the reason I don’t feel as if I can love anyone, ever?

  And if it was me, if it had actually happened — and Tobias is the Thomas, and Theo, and Þórsteinn — does that mean there is no one else for me?

  These notions torture me as I finish donning my lingerie.

  One sticks out most of all.

  Does he know? Has he known all along?

  A knock at my door distracts me.

  But that thought clings to the back of my mind, waiting for the perfect moment to seek an answer.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Dexter and I wait, hidden from the rest of the party by trees, outside the door that led me into the garden my first morning here.

  My life, I decide.

  I’m definitely afraid for my life more than my heart.

  If I am who I think, and he is who I think, then there isn’t any control over my heart.

  Not where he is concerned.

  It appears that loving him is inevitable; time, places, and circumstances irrelevant.

  But my life?

  Simply being around him appears to have
deadly consequences.

  And here I stand in a strapless ivory wedding dress about to hitch myself to what could possibly be a one way ticket to doom.

  I start to tremble.

  “You can always back out,” he murmurs, bending low so only I can hear him. “Turn around and go right back up those steps.”

  “The door doesn’t open from the outside,” I retort, my voice cracking. “Besides, I have to marry him.”

  He pulls me further away and uses a finger to tilt my chin up so he can look me in the face.

  “You don’t have to do anything. Would it suck to lose your diner? Yes. But it wouldn’t be the end of the world.”

  “It’s not about the diner.” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m not sure you’d believe what is it about even if I told you.”

  He looks at his watch. “You’ve got two minutes until that music cues the beginning of the next year of your life at the very least. Try me.”

  Two minutes.

  I can’t possibly sum up everything in that amount of time.

  So I say something I know he will not interpret the way I mean it, for my comfort of knowing I voiced my thoughts when it all comes crashing around my head.

  “What if loving him kills me?”

  He laughs, leaning in to give me a kiss on the cheek under my veil, stating, “Oh hon, if you do end up loving him, I can assure you that it will not kill you. And if anyone has ever claimed such a thing as true, they were turning a blind eye to the reality around them.”

  With that, the wedding march begins.

  “Ready?” He holds his arm out and I take it. “Smile sweetheart. This is your day, no matter how it came about.”

  I force myself to relax.

  And think about the surprise I have planned for Tobias when we’re all alone.

  The grin on my face is one-hundred percent real as I take the first step forward to what I now feel is my fate.

  ~*~

  Moving down the aisle feels surreal.

  I never dreamed of getting married. I never had a fantasy wedding I kept in mind. Not when I was young child, nor a young adult.

  Yet, I think if I had, this would’ve been it.

  Perfect weather, a beautiful dress, beaming faces on either side, and a completely fuckable groom standing at the altar.

  Yep, definitely.

  The only thing that could’ve made it better was if my father and I had made amends, and he’d lived to attend the wedding.

  But a girl can’t have it all.

  Nearing Tobias, I start to feel the excitement I should’ve been feeling all along.

  Tobias is wearing the light grey suit with the red tie at my request. The simple sight of him in the suit where this all began sets my body on fire.

  I can’t wait to be alone with him later.

  The men wear the same, while the women wear red dresses.

  To match, I wore a red sash around the waist, giving me the same pop of color as my groom.

  Dexter ‘gives me’ to Tobias.

  As he holds my hands, I try to focus on the ceremony.

  I fail.

  All I can think about is how naked we’ll be in a very short time from now. I can’t help but smile from behind the veil, which Tobias reciprocates along with a wink.

  “Please repeat after me. I, Jocelyn Lunabella Bates, take thee, Tobias Alexander Giles-Blackburn…”

  His eyes twinkle at the reminder of our first encounter, as if the suit wasn’t enough, while I promise to love and cherish him.

  Then, it’s his turn.

  “I, Tobias Alexander Giles-Blackburn, take thee, Jocelyn Lunabella Bates…”

  Even though I expect the words, my heart still squeezes in my chest as his eyes burn with desire into mine.

  Because out of all the men in the world, this one is mine, whether I like it or not.

  And as he slips the ring on my finger, I can’t prevent a tear from escaping and sliding down my cheek.

  Another one falls as we’re pronounced husband and wife, Tobias lifting my veil to finalize it with a kiss.

  His smile softens as he uses the pad of his thumb to brush the tear away. His lips are gentle upon mine at first, almost admiring. When I wrap my arms around his neck, everyone starts to cheer and his mouth becomes firm, demanding.

  He releases me and takes my hand to walk back down the aisle.

  I keep a smile on my face even as the tears continue to stream, knowing everyone will assume they are tears of joy.

  But I know we will end up loving each other.

  And that the very act of doing so may be our ruin.

  Perhaps even our deaths.

  TO BE CONTINUED…

  Look for “All Our Lives (Luna, #3)” on March 28th, 2014!

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  Violet Haze is a pseudonym of contemporary romance author C.S. Janey, who simply desired to keep her erotic romance stories separate.

  She hopes you enjoy the glimpse into the naughtier parts of her mind.

  Feel free to contact her as Violet Haze at any of the below links.

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  Also, if you enjoy this, perhaps you’d enjoy my contemporary romances under C.S. Janey, titled Surrender To You and Love Renewed.

  Thanks again for reading!

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Thanks to all of you below for your encouragement, feedback, laughter, support and enthusiasm for my work. I love all of you!

  Crystal Blue

  Danielle Taylor

  Christa Simpson

  Jasmine Castaneda

  Dasarae DiBella

  Jennifer Luckett Mooney

  Jennifer Howard

  Felicia Tatum

  Christina Turner

  …And anyone else I missed because I typed this up in a hurry!

  Hugs and Kisses!

  xoxoxo