Impostor

by Winnacker, Susanne

  Holly lifted her head, a flicker of her usual self springing into her eyes. She wiped her hand over her nose. “Well, maybe we can do something about the kissing thing. I mean, you’ll totally live, but the never-been-kissed part is pathetic enough to fix anyway.” The corners of her lips pulled up and I forced myself to smile back at her.

  “Sheesh, thanks! Since when are you so experienced?”

  “Since I kissed Tanner.”

  “Um, that was four months ago and you were both drunk on cough syrup, so it hardly counts.”

  “Whatever.” Holly sat up. “This isn’t about me. It’s about you losing your kissing virginity.”

  “Wow, that doesn’t make me sound like a loser or anything.” Engaging in our usual banter felt so good, even if it was only temporary.

  Holly ignored me. “If we’re being honest, there’s only one person worthy of the job of kissing virginity thief.” I cringed, knowing exactly who she’d suggest. “Alec. It’s either him or no one. I mean, come on, he’s the reason you’ve been holding off.” She shrugged. “That and we’re a bit short of guys our age around here.”

  I bit my lip because it was true. Alec was the reason it had never happened before. I’d wanted him to be my first kiss since the day we met. “I don’t know,” I wavered.

  “You do want to kiss him, right?”

  I threw my arms up in the air. “I want to kiss him so badly,” I whispered through the palms now covering my face.

  “Maybe we can do something about that.”

  I lowered my hands. “What? Tie him up and force a kiss on him?”

  Holly rolled her eyes. “No, but that sounds kind of hot.”

  I nudged her with my toes.

  “How about something more inconspicuous,” she ventured. “We could use your talent. Why let it go to waste?”

  “It’s not going to waste.” An unwanted image of Madison’s face flashed in my mind, and the fear I’d banished for a moment came rushing back to me with full force. “So what’s your plan?”

  “You could change into Kate.”

  “Oh no, not that again.”

  She clapped her hand over my mouth. “Don’t interrupt me.”

  I glared at her.

  “And once you’re Kate, you meet with Alec and play sucky-face with him. He won’t ever know it’s you. Unless you want him to. Maybe your kissing skills are so badass that he dumps the real Kate.”

  I opened my mouth and she removed her hand.

  “Yeah, right. I’ve never kissed anyone, so it’s pretty much a given that I’ll suck at it.”

  She leaned closer, her face hovering above me. She was back to her sunny self and for that reason alone, I was willing to consider her insane plan. “So what do you say?”

  “You’re crazy, Holly. We’ve had this talk before. It’s not okay to change into someone and kiss their boyfriend.”

  Holly snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous. We’re not talking about someone, we’re talking about Kate. She treats us like dirt.”

  Pity that you don’t have any real breasts to speak of. The words she’d said to me at my first training session started running a loop in my brain. It was true: Kate didn’t mind hurting me. She actually enjoyed it, just like she enjoyed rubbing her relationship with Alec right in my face.

  “But still. What about Alec? It’s not fair to him either.”

  “Nobody gets hurt. They won’t ever find out and you get what you’ve always wanted: Your first kiss from Alec.”

  “But it would be fake.”

  “Why are you being so difficult? I’ve been listening to your gushing for two years. It’s time we do something about it and you get kissed. Besides, maybe he’s a horrible kisser and the kiss will cure you of your crush.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “Oh come on.” Holly’s whine made me cringe.

  “Kate would kill me with her bare hands if she ever found out.”

  “She won’t find out. You’re too good for her. She’ll never catch you.”

  “Yeah, unless you’re not careful and stare into her eyes.” I tried to sound light but the words tasted false.

  “So will you do it?”

  The truth was, I wanted it—wanted Alec to be my first kiss—more than ever. And just as much, I wanted to hold that secret over Kate. I wanted to be able to smile inwardly, knowing something she didn’t, whenever she sneered in my direction.

  I thought of the rules I’d established for myself a few years ago and the new ones that the agency had imposed on me. We were forbidden to use our Variations against each other. But the thought of getting close to Alec, of being in his arms and kissing him just once, was too enticing.

  What could possibly go wrong?

  CHAPTER 4

  * * *

  The door burst open, followed by a gust of wind, before it quickly closed again. To a “normal” human it might have appeared as though no one had entered. A giggle revealed Holly’s presence. She’d managed to silently sneak up on me once again.

  Slowly the edges of her form grew blurry. Her body began to take shape, color bleeding into the fuzzy outline of it until, after a few seconds, Holly stood in front of me, clutching clothes against her chest, her cheeks rosy with excitement. Holly had learned to make the objects she held invisible, and Summers thought she had the potential to hide living things too. So far, though, the training with earthworms hadn’t gone well; some of them had disappeared for good.

  “It worked and I didn’t lose concentration!” She held up the clothes she’d stolen from Kate’s room and set them over her chair. “I saw her leave for the pool. She usually spends an hour there.” When I didn’t get up from my bed, she thrust her arms up. “Hurry!”

  “I’m not sure if this is such a good idea.”

  “Come on, don’t be lame. This is your big chance.”

  There was a knock at the door. Holly shoved Kate’s clothes under my pillow as I opened it. Mrs. Finnigan stood in the corridor holding a letter, the corners of her lips drooping in a perpetual frown. I took the envelope as she turned and left without a word.

  ADDRESS UNKNOWN glared at me in fat, red letters.

  “The letter you sent your mom?” Holly asked.

  “Yeah,” I whispered. “She moved. She didn’t even bother telling me.”

  “Maybe she just hasn’t had the time yet? I’m sure she’ll send you a letter soon.”

  It was doubtful.

  One thing I admired about Holly was the way she always tried to see the positive in everyone. But she hadn’t met my mom or the many questionable men she’d dated. And Holly couldn’t possibly understand. She had caring parents and four younger siblings who loved her despite her Variation, who took her home for Christmas each year and sent her letters and small gifts, though they didn’t have much money. She hadn’t been abandoned by her father, hadn’t been brushed off by her mother like a bothersome pet. Her parents didn’t hate her for what she was.

  I remembered the first time I shape-shifted; I was five. Mom and I were living in a small, dank one-room apartment in New York with a guy who spent most of his nights screaming and his days passed out on the sofa. There was a playground across from the apartment building, and on that day Mom was nursing a headache like she so often did, so I ventured outside alone. Nobody paid me any attention. Instead of playing with the other kids, I watched the mothers interacting with their children, studying the way they’d hug them and hold their hands. Without realizing what I was doing, I changed into the shape of a girl I’d bumped and went over to her mother, who stood talking to a few other women. I asked her if we could go home and, after a moment of hesitation, she left with me—without noticing that her real daughter was still playing on the other side of the playground.

  Holding her hand while we walked home felt wonderful. Un-fortunately, I soon shifted back to my own body and the woman immediately realized her mistake. She probably thought she’d gone mental. Maybe that was what kept the woman from asking question
s. After she was reunited with her real daughter on the playground, we encountered my mother, who had gone in search of me and witnessed the entire event. I remembered Mom’s anger and panic afterward, the way she’d shouted at me for leaving the house and demanded an explanation for what I’d done. Mom hastily packed a suitcase, and we left our apartment two hours later without telling her boyfriend. We never returned. It wasn’t our last move. Every time I shifted, Mom feared someone might have seen, and we fled our home once again. I’d lost count of the times it had happened.

  “She’s probably run off with a new guy.” I crumpled the letter before chucking it into the trash can. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter.”

  I turned away from Holly’s sympathetic face and concentrated on shifting. The rippling sensation washed over me, making me shudder. Holly kept her eyes on me through the shift, her expression alight with fascination. She’d seen me shift so often, I was amazed she wasn’t used to it by now.

  “I wish I had your talent. It’s so cool.”

  “Says the invisibility girl.”

  That raised a smile, but then she shook her head. “It’s too hard to be nice to you when you look like that.”

  Kate’s face was staring back at me in the mirror. My own turquoise eyes, auburn hair, and annoyingly freckled nose were gone. Instead I had straight blond hair, strange coppery eyes, and long legs. My T-shirt strained over her bigger chest, and my jeans were too short for her body. That was a reminder of her superior looks that I really didn’t need. She had breasts to show off. And she, like Holly, had a family who loved her—Variants who were off somewhere in the world working for the FEA. It was frustrating how lucky she was—having parents who were like her, who understood what it meant to be different. Variation usually skipped a generation but, of course, even that rule didn’t apply to Kate.

  “Hey, stop it with the sad-face. Kate never looks like that.”

  I tried to imitate the slightly bored expression she usually wore.

  “Better?” I asked with the perfect imitation of Kate’s trademark smirk.

  Holly shuddered. “Much better. I want to punch you.”

  I gave a small bow, but my insides started to do flips. Holly handed me Kate’s clothes and I slipped into them. Skinny jeans, half boots, and a silky cream-colored blouse.

  “Now go. I’ll take a swim to keep an eye on Kate. Don’t want her to burst in while you’re attached to Alec’s lips, right?” She ushered me out of our room, closing the door in my face.

  I stared at the wood for a moment before I hurried toward Alec’s room at the far end of the corridor. The closer I got to Alec, the stronger the pull seemed to get, and the more uneasy I felt about what I was about to do. I knew there were reasons for the rules of the FEA, meant to strengthen trust and peace among the agents. That kind of unwavering trust was necessary among a group of people who were able to breach the privacy of the mind, change into whoever they liked, and turn invisible. And I was about to risk it all.

  I stopped in front of Alec’s door. Soft music played behind it.

  I raised my hand to knock, the white of the door blurring before my eyes. Did the real Kate knock or would she just barge in? I’d never paid much attention to the way she acted around Alec because the sight of them together made me feel sick.

  It wasn’t fair; she didn’t even like him the way he was. She didn’t like the same movies, didn’t like the way he dressed, didn’t understand how it was to grow up without loving parents the way Alec and I did.

  The door swung open and Alec stood in the open space, surprise spreading across his face. I took a step back, almost falling over my too-long legs. “I thought I heard someone out here.” I stared at him, unable to move, though every fiber in my body screamed at me to run. “Isn’t it time for your swim?”

  “Swim?”

  Alec’s brows furrowed. “Are you all right?”

  I nodded. “Yes, sorry. I’m just a bit out of it today.”

  His eyes made me nervous. Could he see right through me?

  But he took a step back so I could enter.

  My legs shook as I walked past him into his room. I’d never been in here before. Because he was older and had been with the agency longer, he didn’t have a roommate. There was nobody to interrupt us. The bed came into my view and heat flooded my body.

  “Kate?” Alec’s hand on my shoulder made me jump. He turned me around to face him and my eyes were immediately drawn to his lips, and the way his hair was mussed like he’d run his hand through it.

  “I . . . I . . .” I trailed off, not sure what to say. I needed to get out of here. This didn’t feel right. If I died without ever being kissed, then so be it.

  “Are you still angry with me?”

  Angry? Did they have a fight?

  I hesitated for a beat longer than I should have. His expression turned puzzled.

  I was giving myself away. If I acted this confused as Madison, I’d ruin the mission. If I couldn’t even pretend to be Kate—whom I knew—how was I supposed to impersonate a girl I’d never actually met?

  “Are you sure you’re all right? You seem kinda funny.”

  I took a step back, the urge to flee stronger than ever, and a shudder went through me. Panicked, I tried to suppress the sensation, but the rippling only grew stronger.

  Alec froze, his eyes growing wide. “Tess?” His shock morphed into anger. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  My hand rose to my hair and I snatched up a strand to inspect it. Auburn. I was so dead. Major would strangle me—if Alec didn’t do it first. He drew back as if my closeness burned him. I’d never seen him so furious.

  “Tessa, answer me!”

  “I . . . I can explain.”

  Could I?

  He folded his arms. “I can’t wait to hear it.”

  Cringing under the vehemence of his gaze, I opened my mouth, hoping the right words would find their way out. Explanation—I needed an explanation.

  Just tell him the truth.

  “It—” I scanned the room, taking in the white walls with the Alien movie posters, the ones we’d ordered on eBay after an Alien movie marathon, the desk with the figurine of Freddy Krueger I’d given him last Christmas because we loved to watch Nightmare on Elm Street together. Tell him you’re in love with him. I could feel the words rise into my mouth, but then my eyes landed on the framed photo of him and Kate on the nightstand. “It—it was for practice,” I blurted.

  “Practice?” Major would have roared, but Alec’s voice had become very quiet. If it wasn’t for the look in his eyes, I might have thought he was calm. But they were full of emotions I was too scared to understand.

  I gripped the edge of the desk. It felt solid, unwavering—everything I was not. “Yes. I thought it would be a good test run to pretend to be someone else before I impersonate Madison.”

  Doubt flickered across his face. His stance loosened. “That’s all?”

  I nodded and glanced at the Alien poster on his wall.

  “But why Kate?”

  “I . . . I don’t know.” My eyes burned. I couldn’t stand the disappointment on his face. “I already know her, so it seemed like a good place to start.”

  His fury gave way to something softer, but just as quickly it was gone, and he turned his back to me. “Why are you making this so difficult?” he murmured. I wasn’t sure if the words were meant for me since I barely heard them.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” He shook his head. A few heartbeats of silence passed between us until I couldn’t bear it anymore.

  “Alec, I’m so sorry.” I took a few steps toward him, hand outstretched. I wasn’t sure why I felt the need to bridge the distance between us, why I ached to touch him. But where Alec was concerned, I just wanted—wanted to make things better, wanted to take care of him, wanted to be close to him.

  He walked to the other side of the room, and I let my arm drop to my side. “Using your Variation to lie to me, even if it’s for
practice, is inexcusable. It violates our basic premise of trust. Promise me you won’t do this ever again.”

  “I promise,” I said in a small voice. “So you won’t tell Major?”

  He shook his head. “No, I won’t tell him. But I think you should go now. I need some time to think.”

  I left without a word, feeling like I’d been dismissed. I’d betrayed Alec’s trust. All because of a stupid kiss.

  CHAPTER 5

  * * *

  “Maybe it’s not as bad as you think,” Holly said. She sat beside me on my bed, worrying her lower lip.

  “I lost control of my Variation. That’s the worst thing that could have happened. I’m worried that it’s a bad sign. That I’m not good enough for this mission.”

  “Don’t say that. Your Variation is as close to perfection as it can get, and it always has been. I’ve never told you this, but you know, sometimes I really envy you.”

  I let out a shaky laugh. “I’m the last person anyone should envy. My Variation was the only thing in my life that was consistent, and now? It’s like I have nothing that’s solid.” I shook my head. “Gosh, listen to me. Now I’m being all dramatic, though it’s all my fault. I should’ve never turned into Kate. If Alec tells Major, he’ll ban me from the mission.” I said it like it was a bad thing, but a small part of me secretly wanted him to. At least then I wouldn’t have to face a crazy-ass killer.

  “Alec likes you too much to let this get in the way of things. I’m sure he’ll forget it ever happened.”

  “He won’t.”

  I’d broken Alec’s trust. I knew this wasn’t something he would forget. And if it had been anyone but me, he’d probably tell Major.

  “You didn’t see Alec’s face when he realized it was me.” My voice broke. I tried to cover it up with a cough but it was no use. Holly’s eyes softened and she wrapped her arms around me. “Everything will be fine. Alec will forgive you and you’ll rock the mission.”

  She nudged me. “Come on. Let’s have dinner and pretend nothing ever happened. We’ll erase the last two hours from your mind.”