The Hard To Love series

by T A. McKay

  Now I just have to get myself under control so I don’t make a stupid mistake. I shouldn’t have touched him. He’s off limits while we’re here, but he just looked so fucking sexy standing there in his suit and glasses that I couldn’t resist. When he spoke his voice had been soft, the same voice he uses when I tell him to do things at the club, and when he whispers my name when he comes. That’s why I found myself standing behind him, so close that I could feel the heat of his skin against mine, his ass pushing against my erection. It’s also the reason I'm hiding out in the supply closet, trying to get myself under control.

  I can’t let him get under my skin here. It was my idea to use his stage name to separate what we do at the club from the office. It should have worked, we were both on the same page with it, but I fucking failed on the first morning. He has a way of getting under my skin, and the funny thing is he doesn’t have to do anything other than be himself. I am starting to see the whole package when it comes to Roman. I’ve witnessed the smart, driven side of him that the people at work have always seen. I’m sure if he wanted to take the bar exam he would pass with a higher score than I did, and I smashed it. But I also get to see the other side of him, the passionate and sensual side that I don’t think many people get to experience. When he gets up on that stage and lets the music take over, it’s like a thing of fucking beauty and I could watch him perform for hours. He also takes that sensuality into the bedroom with him. I’ve never had a sexual partner like him before; he's perfect in every way.

  I bang my head against the door again, trying to bring my thoughts back from where they’re heading. I can’t seem to go more than five minutes without thinking of sinking my cock into Roman’s ass.

  “Just fucking stop.” I plead with my brain to stop thinking about the hot guy in my office, but the erection in my pants is evidence that it’s easier said than done. I reach down and press my cock against my body, trying to ease some of the pressure that’s building. It’s been over twenty-four hours since I was inside Roman and I’m feeling the need to be with him again. I don’t know if I will manage to go a week in between each visit to the club.

  I jump when a knock sounds through the door right next to where I'm leaning.

  “Trey, are you in there?” It’s Roman’s voice and my cock twitches like it’s trying to get closer to him. I go to respond to him but all that comes out is a groan. I swear the universe is trying to kill me today.

  “Are you okay?”

  I want to tell him to go away but I can’t get words to form. I’m so pissed at my lack of control, it’s the one thing I pride myself on. I have never denied myself a guy before like this. If I’ve wanted someone in the past I’ve always just taken them.

  “Trey?” I see the door handle go down and instead of pushing against it to keep Roman out like I intend, I move with it, allowing him to enter. When the door closes my head is still pressed against the cool wood, but now Roman is standing next to me looking concerned.

  “Trey, is everything okay? You’ve been in here for a while now.” He looks around, a look of confusion on his face. “And why are you in here with the light off?”

  I raise my head from the door and realize he's right. Other than the thin line of light that comes from the emergency light above the door, the whole room is dark. I turn to face Roman and against the common sense that’s screaming in my head, I reach out and grab him by the back of his neck. My lips connect painfully with his, my desperation having nowhere to hide. I expect Roman to push me away, to slap me across the face and storm out of the room, but he doesn’t. He melts into my body, his hands grabbing onto the side of my shirt and holding onto me tightly. He doesn’t need to worry about me moving, there is nowhere else I want to be right now.

  I use my free hand to reach out and lock the door, blocking the rest of the office from us and making sure we won’t be caught. I push Roman, pressing him against the door that I was using to knock some sense into myself a minute ago. Grinding my body against him feels amazing, his hard cock rubbing against mine in the best possible way. I groan into Roman’s mouth and I feel his nails digging into the skin on my side. As much as I hate it to, it brings the world back into focus and I pull away from his lips. I lean my forehead against his, closing my eyes while I try to get my breathing under control.

  “Why did you stop?” Roman’s voice is breathy and I desperately want him to scream my name when he sounds like that.

  “I'm sorry, I never should have kissed you.”

  His forehead screws up and I can’t help but think how adorable he looks. Adorable … seriously? I'm internally scolding myself for sounding like a teenager when Roman’s lips connect with mine.

  “No. No, don’t say that. Stop thinking and start kissing again.” His lips pepper mine with little kisses and it makes me smile. Then his tongue flicks out and licks over my jaw, making me groan deep in my chest. He isn’t making walking away easy for me.

  “Roman, we’re at work, we agreed that this wouldn’t happen.” I let my head fall back as he gently bites along my jaw line, making my heart race in my chest. I don’t even notice his hands move until they are working on the belt I'm wearing. I move my hands with the intention of stopping him, I really do, but instead I brace myself on the door as he unzips my pants.

  “If it helps, you can call me Romeo.” I can feel the smile on his lips as he whispers in my ear. I try to say that we need to stop, that we are going against our arrangement but all thoughts leave my head when he wraps his hand around my aching cock.

  “Roman.” His name comes out like a prayer on my lips. His skin is warm and his grip tight as he strokes along my length, making me almost swallow my tongue. I've never let Roman take control, but as I stand here in a dark room I'm willing to do just that.

  His hand disappears from my cock and I'm about to protest until I see him raise it to his mouth. He spits into his palm before he returns to rubbing me. The spit reduces the friction, making his hand slip over my skin easier. Something else touches me, and I look down between our bodies to see that Roman has released his own erection, and it’s now pressed against mine. Roman’s hand has wrapped around both cocks now, easing them through his tight fist. I can’t tear my eyes away from the scene in front of me, watching as his pre-cum mixes with mine. When Roman swipes his thumb over my tip, I need to close my eyes. It’s all too much for me, and I need to try and slow down what’s about to happen. The last time I had this lack of control over myself I was fifteen and I got my first blowjob from Terry Brown behind the science lab. It was my first sexual contact with a guy, and it was the turning point in my life. After that, sex was the only thing I thought about, how to make it better, make myself last longer.

  Now I'm on the verge of coming in his hand after a dozen strokes. I feel his fingers work their way into the back of my hair before tugging roughly until my head tilts up and my eyes open. His eyes are on fire and the passion deep in them threatens to burn straight through me. When he kisses me there is a possessiveness that I haven’t felt from Roman before, and it has my grip on reality fading fast. No one has ever wanted me enough to act like this. I'm the one that does the chasing, the one that won’t let anyone come between us. Never has anyone been possessive, like they wanted nothing but me.

  “I'm going to come, Trey. You feel too good, but I want you to come first. I want to feel you come on me.” The dirty words whispered against my lips are what push me over the edge, and I come in Roman’s hand with a shudder. It only takes a few more strokes and Roman follows me over the edge, and I kiss him passionately to silence his shout.

  I'm sitting at my desk, pretending to work on some paperwork when a cup of coffee is placed in front of me. I place my pen down on the desk and grab the cup while I look up into Roman’s eyes. They’re glistening with humor, and I can’t help the little smile that I give around the edge of the cup. We haven’t spoken since our time together in the supply closet, but we both left smiling so I'm taking that as a good sign.


  “So, do you want to talk about it now?”

  I swallow the mouthful of coffee I’d been drinking and watch as Roman sits in the chair across the desk from me. I don’t really want to talk about what happened, but I suppose we should clear the air and make sure that it isn’t going to cause problems between us.

  “Oh, yeah. Look, that never should have happened here. I'm so sorry that I put you in that situation, it was a slip and it won’t happen again. It’s just, well, I can’t stop thinking about you. I want to stop but I just can’t. That being said, I will keep myself under control until I see you, I mean Romeo, at the weekends.” I haven’t managed to meet his eyes since I started to speak because I feel like the creepy boss who’s taking advantage of his secretary. I just hope that Roman will forgive me and we can go back to the way things were.

  I can’t believe it when laughter meets my ears and my head rises quickly to see Roman sitting there with a huge smile on his face.

  “Wow, that was some speech. Trust me when I say that I'm really glad that happened. Okay, it maybe wasn’t the best place, but now I can concentrate a bit better. But I actually meant do you want to talk about the case? You said you wanted to go over it.”

  I feel a blush work its way over my cheeks and I pull my tie away from my neck to try and cool off. How is it possible that our roles seem to have been reversed in the last few hours? I came into the office this morning determined that I wouldn’t let what happened on Saturday affect anything, and now I'm sitting here blushing like … well like Roman.

  I lean back in my chair and while looking at the ceiling, run my hands through my hair. I take a deep breath before I look at Roman, and I want to reach over the desk to pull him towards me. He has a sexy little smirk on his face and I want to kiss it from his lips. Shit, I need to get myself under control. This guy isn’t good for me, he makes me act in a way I never have before, but for the life of me I can’t get enough of him.

  “You're trouble, you do know that?”

  He just nods as he sits there, looking as sexy as sin. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly before leaning forward and grabbing the file I was pretending to read.

  “Fine, lets get on with this. Tell me the outline of the case, without looking at the file.”

  For the next few hours we sit in my office and go over everything that we might possibly need for the case in the morning. I watch in fascination as Roman leans back on his chair and removes his glasses, throwing them onto the table in front of him. He rubs his eyes before running his hands through his hair, messing the always perfect style he has. This is the first time I have fully connected the two men that I know, the first time that the Roman I know in the office has fully looked like Romeo. I know I keep thinking it, but I don’t know how I didn’t realize it was him to begin with, even without his glasses he has to be the sexiest guy I've ever seen. I wonder what I was thinking the morning I met Roman in the copy room, why I didn’t see how gorgeous he was from the very start. If I saw him out in a bar I would be tripping over my own feet trying to get his attention, but here in the office he went right under my radar. The only reason I can think of is because I was seeing Bryce I wasn’t looking at anyone else.

  I prepare myself for the thought of Bryce to hurt. I haven’t been able to think about him since he left, not without the hole he left in my chest aching like hell. I sit and wait, but it never comes, surprising the hell out of me. I don’t know why it’s not hurting, why the thought of being cheated on isn’t making me want to punch out at something, then I hear Roman’s voice and it hits me like a shock wave. He's the reason. I haven’t thought about what Bryce did to me since I got to know Roman properly. To begin with he was nothing more than a hot distraction, but it didn’t take long for him to become something more. I'm not sure what that more thing is, but I know that he is becoming someone that I can’t stop thinking about, and that scares me. I’ve never given myself fully to anyone. I have always held back a part of me, not willing to let them break me completely when they leave. Trust. That’s what I have never fully given to anyone, not since Dustin broke my heart, leaving me crumbling to pieces when he cheated on me. From that day forward I swore I wouldn’t let anyone hurt me like that again. I nearly fell into the trap again with Bryce; I thought he was different but he did exactly the same. Now I feel myself feeling more for Roman. I want to give him everything but I don’t know if I know how to anymore. Trust isn’t easy to give, or at least it isn’t for me.

  “Where have you gone?”

  Blinking a few times I bring my vision back into focus, and I wonder how long I've been staring into space while Roman was speaking to me. “Shit, sorry. I was a million miles away.” I scrub my hands over my face and push my chair back. I need to get out of here if I have any hope of being fresh for tomorrow’s battle.

  “Right, it’s time to get our asses out of here. Go home and get a good night’s sleep. I need you to meet me outside the court at nine tomorrow. Don’t be late.” I watch as Roman slips his arms into his suit jacket and picks up his briefcase.

  “Yes, Sir. Anything you say.” The fucker winks before he leaves my office and I instantly get hard when he calls me Sir. Looks like I might need to take a long cold shower before I get any sleep tonight. Funny thing is, I'm smiling as I grab my briefcase and the large cardboard box of files from my desk.

  Chapter 14

  “To Mr. Trey Colby, the best damn lawyer anyone has ever known.”

  I lean forward and clink my glass against Nathan’s. He’s been beaming since I arrived for Thanksgiving dinner over an hour ago. This is the third toast he's made celebrating my win for his friend, and my client, Simon. It took five days but I finally got the result I was after. Simon’s been awarded a substantial amount of money after the judge ruled that he had been unfairly dismissed due to his sexuality. He now has enough money to keep himself living a great lifestyle for a few years, but that isn’t Simon. As soon as the judge ended the case he was straight onto a call to arrange an interview for the job I had lined up for him. I like guys like Simon, people that work hard and don’t expect anyone to do the hard work for them. I may have got him in the front door at the daycare center, but it’s now up to him to fight for the job.

  “Thank you, for the fourth time. You can stop it now, we aren’t here for me. It’s Thanksgiving and we should be celebrating that.”

  The smile on his face never leaves and I relax back into the sofa. I don’t normally do the family get together thing, but every year I seem to end up at Nathan’s family home for the holiday. I tried to miss it one year to work on a case, but after his mom called me and made me feel so damn guilty, I knew it wasn’t worth staying away. Even that year I ended up here.

  “Fine, I’ll try and keep my feelings to myself.” He puts a pout on his lips and I can’t help but laugh. Nathan has this way about him, he always makes me feel relaxed, at ease, and I'm thankful that he is my best friend. I can’t imagine my life without him. He’s helped me through a lot of things in my life, including my parents’ deaths. I look down to the glass in my hand as thoughts of them break through the walls I usually have carefully constructed. I try not to think about them. The pain of losing them both at the same time nearly crushed me, and it hurts just as much today as it did back then. Having to identify their bodies is a moment in my life I will never forget, no matter how hard I try.

  “So, how are things going?”

  I look at Nathan, thinking maybe I've missed part of the conversation while I was stuck in my head. “Things?” I screw up my forehead, wondering what the hell he's talking about.

  “Yeah, things. How’s work? Your sex life? How’s Dalton?” The hollow ache returns to my chest with the mention of my brother. I haven’t seen him in over a year, and as the only living member of my family I miss him like fuck. I don’t talk about him much, because if I do it just makes miss him more.

  “I haven’t heard from Dalton in a while, but I'm sure he's fine.” That�
��s the most I can give him. Dalton’s in the military and he's posted somewhere in Afghanistan, I just don’t know his exact location or exactly what he does. He went deeper into the military after a few years on front line action, but he isn’t able to tell me exactly what he does. It scares me not knowing, the worry of something happening to him always in the back of my mind.

  “And as for work, that’s good. It should be a little quieter for a while. I'm trying not to take on any big cases before Christmas. I think I need some down time, and I want to give Roman time to go over everything that happened. I think it’s a great training opportunity, and he could use this time to study. I’m going to try to push him to take the bar exam. I think he’d make a fantastic lawyer.”

  Nathan stops with his glass of wine half way to his mouth. His eyebrows raise and the edge of his lips curl up into a smirk. I hate him when he gets that look, it usually means he's going to give me a hard time about something.

  “What? Why do you have that look on your face?”

  He takes a mouthful of wine before he speaks, and I know he's drawing this out longer for his own fucking enjoyment. “I didn’t say a word. I think it’s really nice of you to take a break, for Roman.” He wiggles his eyebrows as he says Roman’s name, and I know that I have given him way too much ammunition in just a simple sentence.

  “Shut up, fuck face.” Not the most eloquent answer but I think it says everything I want to. He holds up his now empty hands, trying to pretend he is submitting to me, but I know that there is no way in hell he is going to let me off that easily. If the roles were reversed I know I wouldn’t.

  “Now, now. I was simply stating that it’s a nice thing. Actually I think it’s the first time I've ever seen you do anything nice for the, what did you call them, the ‘overpaid coffee makers’.” He's right. I've never really taken much time to get to know the paralegals who work in the office, and I barely tolerated Quincy most of the time. Working with Roman was different though. It was like working with someone on my level, not someone below me. I would pretend that it was because he was great to look at, but I know it was more than that. It’s everything about him; his sense of humor, the way his mind works to deal with the most complex of problems, and yes, how hot his ass looks in a suit.