The Hard To Love series

by T A. McKay

  I quickly see the flaw in my plan when Jared walks up behind Grey and kisses his neck. Grey’s eyes widen in surprise but he doesn’t look away from me. I can’t take my eyes off what’s happening, not even when Jared runs his hand under Grey’s t-shirt, stroking up past his ribs. My fists clench as I take it all in, but I still can’t seem to get myself to move. I want to rush over and rip Jared’s hands off Grey’s body but as Grey’s eyes close and he leans back into the embrace, I know it’s not what he would want.

  I need to get involved in this or it’s going to be over and I will still be standing by the door like a virgin who isn’t sure what to do. I move in front of Grey and start running my hands over his hip whilst making sure I don’t touch Jared. Grey looks up quickly, his eyes boring into mine as he reaches out and grabs my face in his hands. He pulls me towards him, kissing me with an intensity that he hasn’t shown before. I don’t know if having a third person here is making him act this way, but there is something different about this kiss. It’s raw and passionate like always, but there’s just … something that’s never been there before.

  Our kiss is broken when Jared pulls Grey’s t-shirt off over his head and I hate Jared a little more for coming between us. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, mentally telling myself to get a fucking grip. I was the one who wanted this, what did I expect to happen? I knew that this would involve Grey being with someone else, I just didn’t expect it to bother me so much to see it happen.

  I feel hands on my body, but the touch feels unfamiliar and I know it must be Jared. I open my eyes and see Grey staring at me. A body presses against my back as the hands move lower over my still soft cock. There’s nothing in the touch that’s turning me on and I think that tonight might be a complete disaster. Grey pulls my shirt from my trousers and runs his hand up my bare chest as he pulls the material up over my head. Thankfully there are enough buttons undone that it comes off without any problems. When he drops the material to the floor he returns his hands to my body, stroking the slight definition of my abs. I’ve never felt like I had a great body, I mean I'm slim and people seem to like what they see, but no one has shown it the same attention that Grey does. He loves to touch all of me and it’s like he is trying to memorize everything he sees, almost like he thinks every time with me might be the last.

  With Grey’s fingers on me, digging into my muscles until I groan, my cock finally wakes up and Jared tightens his hand around it before moaning into my ear. “There it is. I knew you would be packing something amazing.”

  I try to block out his words and concentrate on Grey. I have a feeling that if I don’t then my erection is going to be a short-lived thing. I close my eyes and focus on Grey touching my body. Lips touch mine and when I run my tongue along them I can taste Grey. I may have kissed a lot of people, but no one kisses like him. His lips are thick and warm, and I would know them anywhere. His tongue invades my mouth as hands work on the fly of my jeans, but it’s his mouth that is my focus.

  That is until my jeans drop around my ankles and a warm mouth wraps around my cock. I cry out, the shock of the move taking me by surprise. Grey breaks our kiss and looks down. I follow his line of sight and see Jared on his knees, taking me deeply into his throat. It looks strange having someone other than Grey on his knees for me, but going by the fact that my cock is getting harder by the second, I don’t think it cares.

  I look up at Grey who has that strange look on his face again, the one that makes me think he isn’t happy with another guy touching me, but can’t be it. I recon he's just annoyed that I’m the first to get some attention from Jared, but I'm happy that it’s happening this way. I'm hoping that I can hold most of Jared’s attention tonight and keep him away from Grey. I know that might sound selfish, but I don’t think I could cope seeing Jared touch Grey too much.

  The look quickly disappears from Grey’s face and he leans forward to kiss me again. His hands grip my hair and I moan when it starts to throb slightly. It doesn’t escape my attention that Grey’s hands in my hair are turning me on more than the guy sucking my dick.

  “Stay with me.” The words come out of Grey on barely a whisper and are so quiet that I'm not sure he actually said them. Grey’s lips never stop moving on mine so I’m doubting what I think I heard.

  The mouth on my cock disappears, and if I cared, I would pull my lips away from Grey to see what Jared was doing, but I don’t. I just want to keep kissing Grey. Suddenly Grey moans which has me looking down and the instant I do I wish I hadn’t. Jared has moved his mouth to Grey, and the sight makes my stomach drop. I have to stop myself from reaching out and grabbing Jared by the hair. My breathing is labored and I'm hoping that it will look like this is turning me on, when in reality I’m trying to control my anger.

  I look at Grey just in time to see his eyes close and his head drop back. He looks as if he's in heaven and I bite the inside of my cheek to stop me from telling them to stop. I can’t do that, I need to let Grey have what he wants, and from the look of things, that’s Jared.

  Chapter 23

  It’s got to the stage where I'm not sure whose hands belong to who. We moved to the bed in a tangle of limbs after Jared stood and stripped out of his clothes. I’ll give it to him, a naked Jared is an impressive Jared. A tanned, toned body, and a cock that is long and thick even when soft, should make any man happy. Unfortunately, apart from being able to admire the work that went into it, it does nothing for me. The only person I want to look at is Grey. His body is everything I want, he’s toned and slightly pale, and all his ink adds to the overall sexy look of him. I've never been into tattoos before, but on him they just work, and they make me want to run my tongue over them until I know every line by heart.

  Now I'm lying on my back with Grey between my legs, his mouth working over my balls and cock. The warmth of his tongue is making my toes curl, and when he slips a wet finger lower to rub around my hole, I cry out at the sensation. He’s touched me there before and this time it feels just as good. The only problem is that if he keeps doing it then tonight is going to end quicker than I had planned. His fingers move and I try to angle myself so I can see what he's doing. I don’t get far before my legs are pushed towards my chest, raising my ass into the air slightly. I look at Grey and my breath stutters when I see the filthy look he's giving me. I don’t know what he's planning, but I know from that look that it’s going to be something to push my limits. God, I love it when he does that.

  Another set of hands land on the back of my legs and I look to see Jared holding them in place as Grey kisses down the back of them. I keep forgetting Jared’s here, and I almost feel sorry for the guy. Well I probably would, but all my focus is on Grey as he moves down my body. When he reaches my cock he takes a long slow lick from the tip, working down the length to my balls. He sucks each one into his mouth individually, and I have to grab a hold of the bed sheet to keep me in place, because if I let go I might float away.

  Grey looks up at me as he licks over my balls, and when he winks, I hold my breath because I suddenly know what he's about to do. He moves lower, his tongue running below my balls, taking deep sweeps over my sensitive skin as it moves to my hole. When the warm wetness connects with my tightened muscle I cry out, my head craning back until I'm looking at my headboard. Everything I experience with Grey is new and this feels so fucking amazing. I’ve watched people do this in porn, both men and women, and it isn’t something I thought I would like. I was wrong, so very, very wrong. As his tongue pokes at me, slipping into me slightly, I reach down to squeeze the base of my cock so I don’t come.

  I drop my feet to the bed, making sure I still give Grey access to the area he's working on and I notice that Jared has moved behind Grey. I try to look, but Grey picks that moment to slip the tip of his finger inside me. I grab my dick tightly to stop the orgasm that has just shot down my spine and is threatening to end my night. In an attempt to release some of the pent up energy inside me, I let out a long deep groan that turns high p
itched when Grey curls his finger. I swear he's trying to kill me. Nothing that he's doing feels the way I thought it would. Whenever I've thought of someone playing with my ass it’s done nothing but turn me off, but with his finger fully inside me and my balls struggling not to empty themselves on my stomach, I know I was very wrong.

  I moan for a different reason when Grey stops touching me with his tongue and his finger slips from my ass. I lean up onto my elbows to see why he's stopped, and when I see the reason I feel the first threads of dread rushing through me. Jared is leaning over Grey, grinding against his ass while he kisses his neck. The scene before me has bile rising in my throat and it’s then that it fully hits me. I've made a huge mistake. I can’t watch Jared with Grey. To see Jared taking him will burn itself into my mind and will slowly drive me insane, but I don’t know how to stop this.

  I look at Grey’s face to try and gauge how he's feeling but it’s blank. I can’t read him and I hate it. I want, no I need, to fucking know what he's thinking.

  I hear the click of a bottle lid and my attention is pulled back to Jared who is dripping lube over Grey’s ass. I watch as it drops from the bottle and disappears between their bodies. Even though I hate what’s happening I can’t help but imagine what his hole looks like right now. I close my eyes to get some control over my racing thoughts. I’m so fucking mixed up that I don’t know what’s happening anymore.

  A gasp of breath has me opening my eyes and all I can focus on is Grey’s face. His eyes are wide and color blushes over his cheeks. I can see Jared’s hand moving behind Grey, and I just know what’s happening. I look back at Grey, expecting to see a look of pleasure, but I'm met with a look of pain. It’s not like pain you would expect when someone is pressing into your body, this pain looks more like his heart is breaking. The tears building in his eyes add to tightness in my chest. He doesn’t look like he's enjoying this, and I'm suddenly really worried about him.

  I get up onto my knees and raise Grey up onto his while cupping his face. He looks pleadingly at me and I don’t know what he wants. Does he want Jared to hurry up? Does he want to be doing the touching or does he want the whole thing to stop?

  “God, your ass is so tight, Grey. I can’t wait to get in there.” Jared kisses Grey’s back, his tongue leaving wet marks on his spine as he moves downwards. Jared grabs a condom from beside his leg and I watch as he rolls it over his length.

  My heart is racing and I take a deep breath to try and calm it down before I have a heart attack. Although that would be a great way to stop what’s about to happen. My grip on Grey’s face tightens as Jared rubs lube onto his covered dick, and I turn all my attention to Grey to stop me from seeing what’s next. I want to run, I want to get off the bed, get dressed, and leave the room … actually the whole apartment. The only thing stopping me is the look on Grey’s face. I’m so fucking confused about what’s going through his head right now, but I do know that he doesn’t look comfortable with Jared touching him.

  Jared moves behind him, and Grey whimpers when he pushes his erection against him. Grey’s fingers grab onto my shoulders, his nails digging so deep that I'm sure he’ll be leaving marks that will be seen for weeks. My breathing is coming so fast that I'm sure I'm going to hyperventilate, and all I can do is look into Grey’s eyes as the first of his tears fall.

  “Nathan, please.”

  “Stop!” My voice comes out stronger than I expected, but it doesn’t stop Jared. I kiss Grey gently on the nose and pull him against me, away from Jared’s touch. “I said stop.”

  Jared looks at me in confusion and I can’t say I really blame him. I was the one who organized tonight but there’s just no way that I can let it happen. Especially since it looks like Grey doesn’t want it to happen either.

  “You need to leave, Jared. I'm sorry, but this isn’t going to happen.”

  “You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Anger explodes from him and I glare at him. He has a right to be furious at me, but I don’t want Grey to see any of it. I want him to leave before Jared has a chance to say anything. It’s not Grey’s fault that I stopped it, and I'm willing to take all of the anger Jared has. I turn and place my hand on Grey’s cheek, brushing my lips against his before I speak. “Go to your room and get dressed. I’ll be in soon.”

  He looks like he's not going to listen but after one look at Jared he makes a hasty retreat, leaving just the two of us.

  “I'm sorry. I thought this is what I wanted but I just can’t do it.” I get up off the bed and grab my pants from the floor, not bothering with my underwear. I can hear Jared behind me getting dressed, and I keep my back to him so I don’t have to deal with the death stares that I can feel burning into my back. He must feel like he's being treated badly, but I can’t put Grey through something he doesn’t want. If I felt that he was fully on board and that Jared’s touch wasn’t causing him discomfort, then I would have sucked it up and dealt with my own feelings. There was no way he was enjoying it though. It makes me wonder why he agreed to it in the first place.

  “Your sorry doesn’t really mean much to me right now. I could also mention that your timing sucks. Maybe you and your little boyfriend should get your shit sorted out and stop including others in your fucked up relationship. I always thought Grey was a fucking cock tease, but I didn’t think you would help him with it.”

  I'm in front of Jared, grabbing the front of the tank top he’s just put on, before I register moving. He can be as angry as he wants at me but there is no fucking way he’s dragging Grey into it. “I would watch what you fucking say about Grey. This … all this was my idea. I was the one who asked him to do it and I'm the one who invited you over. I'm sorry you didn’t get your cock wet but I swear, you talk shit about Grey at any point and I will make you hurt.” I push him away, hoping that he leaves quickly before I do something I might regret later.

  “Fuck you, Nathan.” He shakes his head as he grabs his jacket off the floor, hurrying out of my bedroom and down the hall. A few moments later the front door slams, leaving me in a silence that is almost deafening. I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Today has been such a clusterfuck and I wish I could go back in time and change it all.

  Walking through to my bathroom, I turn the tap on and splash cold water on my face. I need to try and work out what’s going on in my head and why I just stopped what was happening in there. I'm no stranger to threesomes, fuck, it’s how I discovered this whole new side of myself, but today felt … different. Watching Grey get upset at Jared’s touch created a lot of confusing emotions for me, and I just wanted to hide him away from anything that could harm him. Shit, I have no idea what these feelings are but I do know that I don’t want to be feeling them. I was willing to see where this thing with Grey might go but now I realize I can’t. I don’t want to feel this way; it makes life too fucking hard. Why do people think that falling for someone is a great thing? All it’s done is messed with your head. I need to get myself sorted out, to decide what I really want, and I think the only way to get any sort of clarity is to put some distance between me and Grey.

  I flinch when a hand rubs up my back. I look in the mirror and see Grey standing close to me, looking happier than he did a few moments ago.

  “I'm sorry.”

  I don’t know what he's sorry for, but I can’t do this right now. I can’t make him feel better about the situation when I don’t know how to make myself feel better. I’m so fucking screwed up and I need some time away.

  “Can you find somewhere else to stay tonight?”

  Grey’s hand drops instantly from my back, and even though I feel the loss deep in my heart, I let him back away from me. I want to be able to explain this to him properly, but I'm scared that he will be too understanding and I won’t be able to walk away. Grey has that kind of hold on me. One look or touch and all my well-intentioned plans go out the window. I can’t let that happen this time, I need to be strong or I will never sort my head out.

  “Um, I can a
sk Roman if I can stay with them. Is everything okay?” His voice is soft and I can hear the sadness start to creep into it. I need to stay resolute in my decision, and get either him or me out of here. If I stay too long I know I’ll touch him and then I won’t ever let him leave. I need to make him want to leave and that means letting the old Nathan come out. I take a deep breath, knowing that what I'm about to do will hurt him but what he won’t know is it’s going to hurt me more.

  “Everything is fine. I just want you gone.” I can see his confusion and I know that it’s all my fault, but I just can’t stop the words that I speak next. “This shouldn’t have happened. I'm sorry Grey, but I want you to leave now.”

  “But, all this, it was your idea.”

  “I know, and it makes me a dick, but this shouldn’t have happened. We shouldn’t have happened.” I know I've made a mistake the moment I speak and it breaks my heart to see the pain on Grey’s face. I want to take the words back but it’s too late and he backs away from me, his pain turning into anger as the distance between us grows.

  “Fuck you, Nathan. You have finally managed to make me hate you.”

  The door slamming behind Grey echoes through my mind as I drive faster than I should down the highway. The silence that he’d left drove me from my home and made me climb into my Impala. I didn’t know where Grey had gone, but I needed to distract myself before I went searching for him.