Missing Your Smile

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Susan turned, following the blacktop. The trees were closer by the road here, but she could do trees now. One simply had to stay on the road.

  “There’s a hill coming up,” he said. “Remember the brake.”

  The car was going by itself, and she let it. This was fun! The blacktop hummed under the tires. This must be what it felt like to be a real Englisha person sitting behind the wheel of a car.

  “Slow down. Brake. Brake.”

  “This is fun!” she said.

  “There’s a turn coming up,” he warned.

  Susan turned the wheel, the tires squealing as they angled around the corner.

  “You’re going to kill us,” Robby shouted. “Stop right now! There’s someone coming again.”

  “Yah.” She stomped for the brake. They were going a little fast. She gasped as the car shot forward in a burst of speed instead of stopping.

  “You’re on the gas,” Robby screamed. “Brake! Now!”

  The car in the other lane was getting closer. Where is the brake? She stomped again. Robby’s hands went flying against the dashboard. Her seat belt bit into her neck, and the tires squealed loudly.

  “Heaven have mercy on us!” Robby said as the car settled and Susan shifted the gear into park. “This woman is going to kill me for sure.”

  Susan put her head on the steering wheel, shaking with laughter. “You were so right! This is fun!”

  “You are insane, woman! Get out of the car this instant!”

  “No, I won’t. I’m just getting the hang of this.”

  “I can’t take this anymore,” he said, looking pale.

  She pulled the lever down to “D,” took her foot off the brake, and pressed the gas. The car jerked forward.

  “She is going to kill me!” Robby muttered. “And I am my mother’s only son.”

  “What do I do next?” she asked, jerking to another stop at an intersection.

  “Get out of the car and let me drive.”

  “Come on, Robby. This was your idea!”

  He sighed. “Okay. You need to use your turn signals. They’re on the left-hand side. Pull down for left and push up for right. Practice it a few times.”

  Susan kept her foot on the brake. “Up goes right, down goes left,” she said, pushing and pulling, listening to the sound of the clicks.

  “Stop it,” he said. “I can’t bear the sound anymore. Just use them from now on when you turn.”

  “You’re a good teacher.” She turned to smile at him. He looked pale.

  “Don’t look at me,” he said. “Your eyes are measuring me for my coffin.”

  Her shoulders shook with laughter, but her hands stayed on the wheel.

  He glared at her.

  “If Thomas could see me now!” she said. “Wouldn’t that teach him a gut lesson!”

  “So now we have the ghosts of old boyfriends haunting us?”

  “Don’t worry. He doesn’t bite. He’s a pacifist ghost.”

  “Does he know how to drive?” Robby asked.

  “Of course he doesn’t. Now, where do I go?”

  “Around and around the merry old bush, I guess. How long do I have to endure this?”

  “We’ve got all afternoon!” She gave him a sweet smile, accelerating with a jerk.

  He lay his head back on the headrest, waving his arm. “Just go.”

  “No more instructions then?”

  “You can practice what I’ve told you. You need lots of practice. Just stay here in the park area. You’re not ready for city streets.”

  “Okay,” she said reluctantly.

  A minute later, they passed the picnic table. Her sandwich bag was still lying there.

  “Remind me to stop next time.” She motioned toward the table and the car weaved.

  “Someone else will take it to the trash,” he said. “Just keep me alive. I’m too weak to walk. Just keep going. Blinking. Turning. Stomping.”

  On the third pass, Susan pulled over and the car bounced off the curb.

  Robby smiled hopefully. “Does this mean you’re surrendering the wheel?”

  “The bag,” she said. “It needs to go into the trash can.”

  “Oh, the bag.” He got out and headed toward the picnic table. He picked up the bag and walked to the trash. Hesitating after he dropped it in, he came back to the car, opened the door, slid in, and buckled the seat belt.

  “Thanks,” she said. “I’m ready to go to the mall now.”

  “To the mall. Thank God! I’m going to live after all.” He undid his seat belt and opened his door.

  “No, no!” she said. “I’m driving. I need the practice.”

  “You are not,” he said, not moving. “It’s four lanes on the way to the mall.”

  “Well, I guess that would be a bit much,” she agreed. “But up till then.”

  “Oh, no!” he moaned, snapping his seat belt back on. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

  As they pulled out of the park, Susan turned onto the main road, the back wheel bouncing over the curb.

  Robby moaned again as Susan accelerated and clutched the wheel. The cars seemed to be going much faster than they usually were. One driver honked his horn at her.

  “They’re going so fast,” she said, looking sideways at Robby. He was looking straight ahead, not moving.

  “They’re not moving any faster. It’s you,” he said moments later. “But you can stop anytime.”

  “Tell me what to do,” she hollered as another car horn blasted.

  “The light ahead,” he whispered. “It’s yellow. Slow down gently, but don’t hit the guy in front of you. Easy on the brake now.”

  They came to a stop, and Susan let go of the steering wheel, wiping the sweat off her palms.

  “You’d better do this,” she said. “Can we change drivers now?”

  He shook his head. “Not here. It’s not safe. But keep going once the light turns green.”

  “It is green,” she said, pushing the gas pedal only a touch. The car still jerked forward.

  Robby groaned. “Keep going,” he said. “And turn on your right turn signal to get in the slower lane.”

  She flinched at the clicking sound and looked back to see the traffic behind her.

  “You can get over now,” Robby said. “There’s no one there.”

  Susan turned the wheel and the car eased over into the curbside lane.

  “Now what?” she asked.

  “In there,” he said. “Turn into this car lot.”

  She turned and they bounced to a stop. Robby had his hands braced on the dashboard.

  “Thank You, Lord,” he said, not moving for a long time. “We’re safe! The woman’s actually got me praying.”

  “That’s gut!” She tried to laugh.

  “Just let me behind the wheel,” Robby said, getting out. “I declare I will never teach an Amish woman to drive again. Never in all my life.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Cars in the four lanes drifted past as Robby drove silently back toward Asbury Park.

  “Is something wrong?” Susan asked.

  “No.” He didn’t look up. “Nothing at all. But my whole life keeps floating in front of my eyes.”

  “Was it that bad?” she asked between giggles.

  “You have a really nasty side, you know that?” he said.

  “Hey, you just passed the exit for the mall,” she said, not answering his comment. He could think of her however he wanted. It had been his idea to teach her to drive.

  “So?” he said, not looking at her.

  “I wanted to stop in, remember?”

  “I remember, but we’re not stopping in.”

  “So you’re that mad?” she asked. “You know that’s a little childish.”

  “I’m not mad,” he said. “I’m just frazzled to the bone, my nerves are shot, and my blood is still frozen from fright. And you did it on purpose.” He glared at her. “You took all your frustrations out on me.”

  “
Maybe I did,” she said, “but it was fun.”

  “Is that like ‘Amish fun’?”

  “I guess it is,” she said. “I hadn’t thought about that. Still, that’s no reason not to take me to the mall.”

  “I’ve had my adventure for the day.”

  “So you expect your mom to take me?”

  “I’m sure she will,” he said.

  “I can’t ask her,” Susan said. “She’s already done so much for me.”

  “Then I’ll ask her,” he said.

  Susan considered. Maybe he was right. This late in the day, Laura wouldn’t mind if Robby watched the bakery.

  Finally Robby relaxed. “See? This is how you drive.” He had sped up and was now moving deftly in and out of the lanes.

  “Are you trying to get even?” she asked, hanging on to the shoulder harness of the seat belt.

  He grinned, showing all his teeth.

  She turned in her seat. “I guess I should tell you there’s a police car with flashing lights behind you.”

  Robby mashed on the brakes and swerved into the slow lane, eyeing the rearview mirror.

  “I don’t see anything,” he said quickly looking into the rearview mirror, his voice shaking.

  “I was stretching the truth,” Susan said with a grin. “But it did get you to slow down.”

  “Please, God,” Robby muttered. “Help me get through this day with this woman.”

  “God’s probably teaching you patience—and using me to do it,” she said.

  “I didn’t know I needed any,” he said. “I just need patience with you.”

  “You sure do!” she agreed.

  “Let’s see,” he said. “Didn’t I promise to take you out on the ocean sometime?”

  “You did and I’m holding you to it.”

  “Then no more nasty tricks for at least ten minutes,” he said.

  “Okay,” she agreed. “No more tricks. Hear that brain? Go to sleep.”

  He took the next exit and came to a stop at the first light.

  “You were a very bad example today,” he said.

  “I’m very sorry,” she said, not looking very sorry at all.

  “That’s what I thought,” he retorted, turning left toward the bakery. Moments later he declared, “Here we are! I’ll have Mom out in a jiffy.”

  “I’m coming in.”

  They both got out.

  As they walked into the bakery, Laura looked up from the rack she was filling. “Back already? I don’t see any shopping bags.”

  “She almost killed me, Mom!” Robby exclaimed. “I’m not taking her shopping!”

  Laura’s smile got bigger. “Then I should have been there to help her.”

  “Nothing like women sticking together,” Robby grumbled. “Anyway, let me take care of the shop and you can take her shopping. She’s got her driver’s permit, some driving lessons from me, and her information for the GED. That’s enough for one day.”

  “He’s just kidding,” Laura said in Susan’s direction.

  “I know. And he has been wonderful today. You should have seen what all he did for me!”

  “Let’s see now,” Laura said. “You’re talking about my son, Robby, right? Or was someone else with you today?”

  The front door opened, interrupting them. Two customers walked in.

  “Get going,” Robby whispered. “I’ll take care of things.”

  “Let me get my purse.” Laura disappeared into the office.

  “Thanks for everything today,” Susan told Robby. “It was very nice of you.”

  “Welcome,” he grunted, a smile playing on his face.

  Laura appeared again and Susan followed her out to her car, glancing at Robby’s vehicle as they passed. It wasn’t quite a horse and buggy, but she was going to have pleasant memories of the first car she’d ever driven for a long time. Yes, it was a horrible thing for an Amish girl to enjoy, but shivers of delight were going up and down her spine. She had driven an automobile! A worldly Englisha automobile.

  “Did Robby behave himself?” Laura asked as they got into the car.

  Susan had to laugh. “I think I’m the one who misbehaved. I gave him a rough time when he took it upon himself to teach me how to drive.”

  “I’m sure he deserved it. You do him a lot of good.”

  “You really think so? If anything, I’d like to help him get past this bitterness he seems to have toward God.”

  “The good Lord will have to take care of that, dear,” Laura said. “Robby was a little spoiled growing up, I’m afraid. His big sisters doted on him all the time.”

  “It does happen,” Susan agreed. “We never had a younger brother to spoil. Maybe that’s why they spoiled me.”

  “It’s not quite like a younger brother,” Laura said. “And I doubt you were spoiled.”

  “Thanks, but I’m sure I’m a little spoiled. I know Thomas thought so.”

  “We’ll leave Thomas in his own world,” Laura said. “So what about Duane? Is he still taking you out tomorrow night?”

  “Yah,” Susan said, looking out the car window.

  “Do you think you can fit into our world?” Laura asked.

  “I’m trying,” Susan replied. “That’s what my shopping trip is about. I need new clothes. Will you help me? I have no idea what to buy. I’ve never even worn a dress that is printed. We’re only allowed to wear solid colors. But they still need to be modest.”

  “I guess it’s a good idea Robby brought you back.”

  “I didn’t want to bother you, but yah, this is much better.”

  Laura looked her over for a long moment, “We’ll have to see what we can do for you.”

  “Do I look that terrible?” Susan glanced down at her dress. “I imagine I do, but I guess I’m used to it.”

  “You look fine, but let’s see if we can dazzle Duane tomorrow night.”

  “I’ve never dazzled anybody in my life!” Susan exclaimed.

  What would that be like? she wondered. Even Thomas had never been dazzled. Unless by Eunice…but that’s a thought best not dwelled upon.

  Laura took the Monmouth Mall exit off the four lane, and Susan felt herself tense at the task ahead of her. When would she be an Englisha girl with all her Amish ways behind her? And did she want to leave all of them behind? Her situation was so very confusing.

  After Laura parked, Susan followed her across the lot to the mall entrance.

  “It’s busy today,” Laura commented.

  “I hope the shoppers haven’t purchased all the good dresses,” Susan said.

  “This is a mall, dear. Don’t worry—they have lots of dresses. Now, let’s see.” Laura paused. “Shall I take you to Lord & Taylor or J.C. Penney?”

  “J.C. Penney,” Susan said. “I think that’s more my style.”

  “Normally, yes. But you’re going out with Duane.” Laura scrutinized Susan’s dress again.

  “But I’m just an Amish girl. I can’t move too fast or I’ll get dizzier than I already am.”

  “Hmmm…well…Let’s try our faithful J.C. Penney then.”

  “Besides,” Susan said, “Lord & Taylor looks expensive.”

  “We’ll see what Penney’s has to offer.”

  They entered the store, and Susan glanced up and down the aisles. She rubbed both hands over her face. “You’re going to have to help me, Laura. I have no idea where to start.”

  “What colors do you like? Let’s start with that.”

  “Dark, black, solids.”

  When Laura stayed silent, Susan went on. “Those are Amish colors.”

  “Let’s just forget about that for tonight, okay?”

  “I’ll try,” Susan said, stopping at a rack. “Hey, this looks safe.” Susan took a beige dress off the rack. “It’s a little Amish with a little Englisha added in with these ruffles.”

  “Is it your size?”

  “Yes, I think so.”

  “Okay, go try the dress on. The dressing rooms are over there.”r />
  “Change? Over there? In the store?”

  “Don’t worry, it’s private,” Laura assured her.

  “Okay. I’m also taking this with me.” Susan held up a light-gray dress with white polka dots trimmed in white lace.

  “Okay,” Laura said.

  Moments later Susan came out of the dressing room wearing the beige dress.

  “It’s beautiful!” Laura said. “Do you like it?”

  “Yes,” Susan said. “And to think I’m really buying an Englisha dress.”

  “Turn around,” Laura said.

  Susan did a slow turn.

  “Looks even better,” Laura said. “Do you want to try on the gray dress?”

  “Yes. I’ll be right back.”

  Susan had the beige dress with her when she reappeared wearing the gray.

  Laura laughed. “Susan, dear, in that dress you still look too much like a fresh-off-the-farm girl. You certainly can’t wear that one tomorrow night.”

  “But I love it,” Susan said. “I can wear it in the bakery, can’t I?”

  “Yes, the bakery would be fine. Now let’s pick out something else. I’m not quite satisfied about tomorrow night.”

  “The beige dress is okay.”

  “If you think so,” Laura said. “I don’t want to push you into anything.”

  Susan’s face brightened. “I want to see what you would pick. My guess is it would be really beautiful.”

  Laura laughed. “I’m afraid you have too much faith me, but let’s see if you agree with my taste.”

  Laura moved to another rack and then another before pulling out a dark purple blouse with a black leaf pattern. “How about this? It would look great with black slacks.”

  “Pants?” Susan’s hand flew to her mouth. “You want me to wear pants?”

  “What’s wrong with pants?”

  “Nothing, I guess!” Susan gasped. “It’s just that…I think it’s too soon. Maybe later…but the top is really nice. Can a skirt go with it instead? A skirt I can do.”

  “A skirt it will be then.” Laura continued looking through the racks, finding what she wanted. She held the two items side by side. “No sense in pushing things. Try these on.”

  Susan returned a few minutes later wearing the skirt and blouse.

  “Now that is what I call splendid!” Laura said. “Do you like it?”

  “I do,” Susan said. “But I feel guilty.”