Shared by the Firefighters

by Eddie Cleveland

  Red stares at the stones like she’s trying to see inside them. Like she somehow buried her secrets in one of them and she’s finally come back to collect. “We used to come here for walks, my nana and me. Not all the time. Maybe a few times a year. It was a special outing for us, just her and me. And when I’d see this house front, I used to pretend I’d been swept away to an alternate universe. One where my mother was back from her space adventure or her spy training, because of course it could only be something that important that would drag her away from me, and she was just waiting on the other side here for me. I would race up those stairs so fast, my heart practically beating out of my chest and…” Her voice cracks and tears line her eyes.

  I pull her into my chest and run my hand over her hair.

  “And, of course she was never there. But I’d tell myself I just missed her. That the next time we came, she’d be waiting for me. That there’s no way she could just disappear from my life without a trace and never see me, or even care if I was alive. There was no way.” Her voice trembles as the fat tears slide over her cheeks.

  In my mind, I can see the little girl with the blazing hair. I can see her face so full of hope, crumple as she came to realize the truth. That her mother would never be waiting for her. That she never cared.

  “Shhh.” I hold Red tight and her sobbing slowly turns to sniffles. She wipes her eyes on the back of her hands and pulls away from me. I can hear her pull deep breaths into her lungs, trying to get herself under control.

  “Yeah, so then I grew up. When I became a teenager, I found out the real story about my mom. I learned about her addictions and how she gave me to my nana so she could keep chasing her highs. I mean, really, she did me a favor. But, at the time, I had a hard time seeing it that way. I always told myself when I grew up I’d go to school, get a degree, and try to help women like her. Help them before they got to the point they were tossing their kids away like trash. Help them fight those demons and those drugs so no more kids would have to know how hard it is growing up wondering what made you so fucking unlovable.” Her voice breaks and I walk up behind her, pulling her into my arms.

  “You’re not unlovable.” I try to soothe her. I want to take away these scars, but I know all I can do is listen. Listen and show her how much I care.

  “Easy for you to say.” She chokes on her laugh.

  “No, I’m not just saying that, Red. I know you’re not unlovable. Listen to me.” I twist her around to face me. I look deep into her eyes and refuse to blink. “You know how I know that?”

  “How?” she whispers.

  “Because I love you.”

  23 | Red

  “How can you say that?” Anger flashes through me and I break free from Ryan’s grasp. “How can you?” I storm down the path, my emotions scrambling up inside me.

  I try to walk away from him, but he’s on my heels. I just go faster, even though the sun is beginning to set and the path is a blur through my tears.

  “Hey, stop,” Ryan calls out.

  I keep going, walking over old tree roots and a rickety boardwalk without tripping. I still remember every step of this path, even these many years later.

  “I said stop.” He grabs my arm and holds me still.

  “What?” I try to glare at him. I try to meet his solemn stare, but I have to look away. Intensity radiates from his blue eyes. It’s too much for me to face.

  “Don’t run away from me, Red. We don’t have to run away from this,” he pleads. I can see he’s genuine. He wears the truth on his sleeve. Still, something inside me can’t fully believe it. Something broke me in my childhood and made me believe I was never worthy of true love.

  “Why are you just saying this now? What if I never even brought you here? Were you going to drive out of my life and never tell me how you feel?”

  “Yes.”

  The simplicity of his answer shocks me.

  “Why?”

  “Because I never expected to feel this way about anyone. Love wasn’t something that’s happened for me. Not ever. When I realized I was falling for you, I told myself it couldn’t be real. It was too fast. Too unexpected. But I know now I was wrong. I do love you, Red. I know that might not be what you want to hear, and if you still want me to drop you at your grandmother’s house and never look back, then that’s what I’ll do. But damn it, I love you, and I couldn’t leave forever without letting you know.”

  I push my mane back, running my fingers through my hair. “I don’t want you to leave.” I finally make my own confession. “I’ve been trying to figure out how I could get you to stay and give us a chance all day.”

  “Why?” Flames flicker behind his eyes as he makes me realize the answer.

  “Because… I love you too.” My eyebrows reach skyward as I face him. Even now, there’s still a small part of me expecting this to fall through. Will I ever feel worthy of his love? Will he stick around long enough for me to find out?

  “Come here.” Ryan pulls me into him with a jerk and loses his balance.

  The slippery fallen leaves and brown pine needles catch us off guard, sending us tumbling down the gentle slope at the side of the path and I land on top of Ryan. He’s completely splayed out, like he’s about to make a snow angel in the wrong season. I laugh. He laughs too and for a moment the only sound in the entire park is our happiness. It echoes off the trees and floats up into the dimming sky.

  “I love you,” I say the words again, more confidently this time.

  Ryan wraps his arms over my back, pulling me flat on him. “I love you too,” he murmurs. His lips softly blanket mine like the first drifting snowflakes of winter that coat your eyelashes as you stare up at the sky.

  Our tongues find each other, slowly dancing like we did last night on the ballroom floor. Swaying to a secret tune. Ryan slides his hand up my shirt, not with the desperate, reckless need he showed me last night. No. This time he’s deliberate and delicate. His hand cups my breast and I slide my legs open so I’ve got him straddled. His cock presses into me, making me moan into his mouth.

  “Here?” I break our kiss and self-consciously look around.

  “There’s no one around. We have the whole place to ourselves.” He sits up until I’m sitting on his lap, my legs spread out over him and my breasts heaving in his face.

  Ryan lifts my shirt and kisses wet warmth through the lace of my bra, leaving my nipples taut and a steady desire building up inside me.

  “I need you, Ryan.” I reach down between us and pluck open his jeans button, fumbling with his zipper.

  He manages to pull his pants and underwear down enough to put on a condom while I tug my jeans and panties off one leg. They dangle off my other leg and my pussy is completely exposed to his face.

  Ryan leans into me, digging his fingers into my ass, and licks my pussy as I stand before him. His tongue delves in past my lips and slides a long lick from my center to my clit. It’s like he’s savoring me, enjoying my taste on his lips. I kneel back over his legs, hovering my slick mound over his ready cock, and slowly lower myself onto him. We both grunt quietly as his cock fills me entirely and I slowly begin to ride him like the slowest cowgirl being bucked by an underwater bronco. Each time I slide back down his thick shaft I breathe in sharply at how completely he stretches me out.

  I slide my hands over his shoulders and pick up speed as I bounce on his lap. Every time I come down, he bottoms out inside me, and shivers of bliss travel through my entire body.

  My pussy clenches down around him and my orgasm unexpectedly ripples through my core, traveling outward and building up like a wave rolling into the shore.

  Ryan’s large hands circle my waist and he holds me under his control as he lifts me up and brings me down harder on his cock. His breathing grows jagged and he thrusts into me deep, freezing as his cock is buried as far as possible inside. I watch his face contort and his eyes squeeze to slivers as his cum fills the barrier between us. When the last spurts fill the condom, I stand up a
nd begin to put my clothes back on properly while he gets himself sorted out. I glance around the darkening forest, checking to see if anyone managed to spy on us, but it’s still just us out here.

  “What do you say? Time to go see Grandma?” Ryan slides up behind me and kisses my neck.

  “Will you stay with me? Will you stay in Portland and give this a shot?” I finally directly ask the question that’s been at the tip of my tongue all day.

  “Yes, Red. I absolutely will.”

  24 | Ryan

  It took stopping a couple times and staring at my GPS before I got it completely straight, but I’ve finally managed to navigate down the winding roads of suburbia to her grandmother’s place. I pull up into the subdivision and slowly drive by the houses, searching for number sixty-three.

  Normally when you pull up onto streets like these, you’re faced with sprawling, boxy houses that stretch from one corner of the lawn to the next, leaving barely a sliver to put a walkway down on. However, these ones must have been built a long time before the whole “more is more” trend took over. Even though it’s still the neatly mapped out land, carefully plotted to give each space a cookie cutter spot, the houses are all quite different. They’re smaller, like how houses used to look after the Second World War. Back when it was more about the family living inside and less about the vastness of your space.

  I spot the house I’ve been searching for and Red excitedly confirms that it’s the right one by tapping my shoulder three times. She’s been using this signal all day, but I can tell this time she’s really eager to get off the back of this bike and go see her nana.

  I wonder how long it’s been since she’s been in Portland. She told me she left when she was eighteen. Did she ever look back? I think about how long it’s been since I’ve bothered stepping foot back in Seattle. With the long, lonely nights I used to spend there, staring at my empty walls and watching visions of the horrors of war color my walls brighter than a painting ever could, I’m not sure what it would take to make me want to return.

  Pulling up the driveway, I park behind a small Toyota. I’m still struck by the fact this pavement isn’t teetering on the edge of the neighbors’ house. There are ample front lawns separating the houses, many decorated with beautiful old oak trees and flower beds.

  I haven’t even killed the engine and Red jumps off the back of the seat, abandoning the helmet I bought her, and runs toward the front door. It’s easy to see she’s excited. It makes me happy to see her spirits so high. Everything is clicking into place for us. Like this was somehow meant to be.

  I turn off my Harley and pull my saddle bags off, making my way to where Red stands impatiently on the front step. Hell, I’m surprised she didn’t just abandon me out here, leaving me to fend for myself. I smile at the thought and join her, but my smile slides away as I see the worry etched into her brow.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “She’s not answering the door,” she seems concerned.

  I shrug. “It’s still early. Maybe Nana got herself a boyfriend while you were gone. Maybe she loves herself a Thursday night bingo now.” I smirk.

  Red doesn’t brighten, though. Instead, she spins around and frowns out at the neighborhood. “No,” she answers slowly, “her car is here.” Suddenly her body tenses up tighter than a guitar string as her eyes stop searching the street.

  “What is it?”

  “Ryan, that’s his, fuck!” Her breathing becomes frantic little pants as she weakly points to the black car slinking in the shadows, parked on the side of the road.

  “That’s what? Red, what’s going on?”

  “That’s Wolfe’s car,” she hisses.

  I follow her shaky finger and squint. I don’t see anyone parked inside.

  “Fuck.”

  Without thinking, I zip open my bags and pull my sig sauer out. From another bag, I pull my loaded magazine and give it a quick check before loading it in with a snap.

  “You need to get out of here, Red. Go to a neighbor’s house and fucking call the police,” I order her, but she rifles under the potted plants lining the side of the stoop.

  Before I have a chance to register what she’s doing, she plucks a spare key from under a terracotta planter and shoves it in the lock, swinging the door open.

  “Red! Don’t go in there!”

  She’s gone. Without so much as a look over her shoulder or a second thought she barrels inside, stupidly running toward what could be her death.

  I snap back the slide and take a deep breath, trying to enter the house under control. I know it’s been a few years since I left the military, but I don’t feel rusty at all as I rely on my old training to keep me calm and help me search the rooms cautiously before entering them.

  That is, until I hear her scream.

  Red’s shriek is like a driving nail through my heart. All of my training and rational thoughts immediately drain from me as I race toward the sound. Twisting around the corner with my gun drawn up, I come face to face with the man I should have killed when I had the chance.

  Wolfe.

  “Let me go.” Red tries to twist out of his stronghold, but she’s no match for his strength or his gun.

  Across the room, Red’s grandmother is gagged and tied to a dining room chair. Anger boils my blood when I spot the red stain that’s been smacked into her cheek. This fucker attacked her? I raise my gun, aiming directly at Wolfe’s forehead.

  “Let her go.”

  “Fuck you,” he sneers.

  “How did you find me?” Red’s frantic eyes settle on her grandmother and tears spill onto her cheeks. “Nana!”

  “Shut up.” Wolfe punches her with the hand wrapped around his pistol, jabbing her in the side.

  Fury rages through me as Red chokes for breath.

  “You thought you were smarter than me? This is what I fucking do, bitch. I find people who owe me, and you owe me big. You should’ve killed me when you could, or at least been smart enough to go through your apartment.” Wolfe keeps her pinned to him like a human shield, his gun at her temple. “Isn’t it just so sweet that your little grandmother sends you Christmas cards every year with her address on them?” His voice goes mockingly high.

  “I’ll fucking shoot you.” I ignore the grandmother’s muffled protest in the corner.

  “Go ahead and try.” Wolfe unblinkingly meets my eyes. “I’ll fucking blow her brains out.” He cocks his gun and digs it harder into the side of Red’s head, making her wince. Her eyes plead with me as I search my brain for my next move.

  “I’ll tell you what.” I try to negotiate, or at least buy time until I come up with something better. “Let Red and her grandmother go. Take me instead. That’s a good trade, isn’t it?”

  Wolfe shakes his head, laughing. “Are you fucking kidding me? Do you think you’re some kind of hero in a movie right now? I don’t give a shit about you. I came here for one thing, and I’ve got it.” He grinds into Red and my stomach lurches.

  “Fuck you, man. You might try to get out of here, but I’ll empty this clip in you.” I shake my gun in my hands.

  Red’s nana gets louder in the corner, but I can’t understand her. “Ryan, behind you!” Red cries.

  I wheel around in time to see a thin man dressed in black just as he brings the butt of his gun down hard on my temple. My hands drop and my gun skitters under the couch as I fall to my knees and then the floor comes up to greet me. The world is a blur of noises and colors. I’m aware of the commotion around me but can’t move. My vision creeps smaller, the blackness around the edges pushing in further with every blink.

  And then, it’s dark.

  25 | Red

  It’s hot in the trunk. Even though it’s cool outside, my panic is making me sweat. I squirm sideways, trying to figure out where I’m supposed to kick to knock out the tail light. I know that’s a thing. At least I think I do. It’s hard to maneuver in here with my hands zap strapped behind me. I kick the back of the trunk, but my foot just thuds a
gainst the metal with a clunk.

  I fucking missed.

  The duct tape over my mouth makes it impossible to scream. It’s hard enough to breathe in here as it is. I need to focus. I need to knock out that light and stick my foot through. Then someone will see me and call the cops.

  Like I should have.

  Why didn’t I listen to Ryan? None of this would’ve happened if I just calmed down and dialed 911. I kick the trunk again, but it does nothing but hurt my foot.

  My phone!

  Do I still have it? I roll onto my side and the familiar shape pushes into me from inside my jacket. Is there any way I can slide my hands down under my feet? If I can get them in front of me I can rip this tape off my mouth and call.

  I wriggle and try to use the limited space to contort myself like a pretzel as the strap digs into my wrist painfully. It pinches my flesh, scratching my skin as I writhe desperately, moving any way possible in an attempt to free myself.

  The driving slows and Wolfe pulls off the main road. I can hear gravel crunching under the tires and cold fear sits like a block of ice in my belly. Wherever he’s trying to take me, we’re here. This is where he’s going to kill me.

  Eventually.

  I know he’ll make me beg for death long before he ever ends it. Terror makes my movements jerky and wild. I thrash like a fish on a line, desperately trying to fall back from my captor’s hands and swim free. My body is coated with sweat and snot is running down from my nose as tears streak my vision. I twist and try to kick as Wolfe lifts me out of the back, tossing me over his shoulder casually and walking me into a dingy motel block that’s seen its fair share of death.

  Whether from murder, suicide, or junkies growing stiff while needles stand tall in their arms, the motel staff here have probably seen it all. They won’t even flinch when they find me.

  No. I won’t let myself think like this! I’m not dead. Not yet anyway. I can’t give up.