This Broken Beautiful Thing

by Summers, Sophie

  “I know but you don’t understand, you were born into this lifestyle, they respect you, my mother is a cokehead who gets naked for money, this is the only life I know! As much as you are a part of this club, so are we…we have a purpose too.” She says as if trying to make sense of her own words.

  I raise my eyebrow, “I was born into this lifestyle? No Rachelle actually I wasn’t, I stayed with my mother who funny enough is also a stripper. I was born into that lifestyle but I didn’t let it become who I was. I didn’t choose to be part of this club! I don’t want my child growing up thinking it’s okay to treat woman the way these men treat you. Do you like it when they treat you like a whore? Is that what you want? I don’t understand why it means so much that you become part of the club?” I shake my head wiping my hands on a paper towel. “You know what Rachelle? Our mothers at least got paid to take their clothes off, is what you doing any better? Do the guys that you “serve your purpose with” at least pay you? You really need to take a good hard look at what you’re doing. You are a beautiful young woman, don’t let them walk all over you.” I make my way to the door.

  “Your mom’s a stripper to?” She smiles as tears fall down her face smudging her makeup.

  I can’t believe after the whole speech I just gave, that was all she got from it but I smile, “Yeah she is.”

  As I leave the door I hear her shout out, “You are going to be a great mom!” smiling to myself I make my way to the bar.

  Only Jesse and Hunter are left sitting at the bar.

  “I think I’m going to head upstairs. I’ve got a long day tomorrow. Goodnight boys.” I say attempting to walk away but Hunter catches my hand. He turns his body on the stool and pulls me so I’m between his legs.

  “Give me a hug.” He pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around me protectively and immediately I feel safe right there. “That’s a good Teddy.” He whispers against my neck. I giggle and push him away.

  “Nah-uh. I’m your friend too remember.” He taps his cheek and I lean in to kiss it.

  “Goodnight Princess.” He smiles.

  “Night Hunter.” I say walking back towards the doors that lead up to the apartment but an arm grabs me and I shriek with surprise.

  Jesse chuckles and I punch his arm as I catch my breath. “Not funny.”

  “I’m sorry sweetie….Damn you’re cute.” He says pulling me into a hug.

  I pull away from him but he doesn’t release me, he cups my jaw and inspects my face his eyes clouding over as he tenses his jaw.

  “Did he do this?” Jesse says in a rough voice I’ve never heard him use before.

  “He didn’t mean to, I got in the way. It was a mistake.” I say softly.

  “Come.” He says pulling me up the stairs into the apartment.

  “Which ones yours babe?” he asks and I lead him to my room.

  He shuts the door and I watch him as he slips his shoes off then goes to sit on my bed leaning against the headboard.

  “What are you doing?” I ask him confused.

  “Go get changed then come here.” He says and I do just that.

  Returning into the room Jesse is still in the same position. He motions for me to sit by him and he places a pillow on his lap. I rest my head down and he pulls out my braid that was in my hair. He brushes my hair with his fingers softly that I’m so close to falling asleep. It reminds me of a time when my mom would have her moments and would actually want me around. She would climb in bed with me and do the same until I’d fall asleep.

  Those days are long gone though.

  “Tell me what happened.” He says quietly.

  I huff, “I don’t even know where to start.”

  “Start from what happened after I dropped you off yesterday morning.” He says as he gently brushes his soft fingers on my hurt nose, up and down the bridge.

  “Okay, well Jace and I were arguing and then things got out of hand because he found out I slept in your bed next to you. He didn’t like that and he said some ugly things to me. Then-“ Jesse’s hand pauses in my hair and he says flatly, “What did he say?”

  “Something about if I carried on acting that way, he was going to treat me how whores should be treated.” I say hearing Jesse’s deep intake of breath obviously trying to control his anger.

  I continued to tell him about how I fell asleep after my furniture was delivered and only woke up later. “I woke up sometime yesterday afternoon to the bass from the music. This place was packed and I wasn’t feeling well. I went to the kitchen and I found Hunter there, I took a couple headache tablets and headed back to my room. On the way there I caught Jace…um…he…err…was…”

  “Spit it out Harley.” Jesse says impatiently.

  “Rachelle was sucking his…” he interrupts again putting up his hand.

  “Okay I get it, did they sleep together?” he asks.

  “Probably, I didn’t stay to watch the end of the show, I was so disgusted I rushed to the bathroom to throw up. Hunter found me there and helped me. It was the worse morning sickness or well… evening sickness, I’ve ever had. Hunter was kind though. After I went to my room I kinda climbed out of the window before Jace could confront me. I went to a Diner where I met an old friend of mine, we went to the park and caught up there. That’s probably when Hunter called you, anyway Hunter brought me home and when we got back here and Jace saw me with Hunter he lost it. Jace elbowed me by mistake and they gave him some drug to calm him down. I was so scared Jesse. I didn’t want them to hurt him. I was so worried about him.” I say wiping away tears trying to hold myself together.

  “Yeah I can imagine. It must have been very scary but Jace is a big boy babe, he wouldn’t let them hurt him. I can’t believe he did that though, I can’t fucking believe him. If he doesn’t treat you better I’m going to say something. This is pathetic.” Jesse says shaking his head still running his hand up and down my nose.

  “No Jesse, stay away from him! I don’t want any more people getting hurt because of me.” I beg sitting up to face him.

  “What happened this morning when you saw him?” he says completely ignoring my plea.

  “He climbed in bed with me and said that it was a mistake. I told him that it didn’t matter and that he could do whatever he wanted. He’s not my boyfriend and we aren’t together.” I say desolately looking everywhere but him.

  “That’s bullshit and you know it. He acts as if you are his old lady and that you are off limits, the same should have applied to him. Now you basically gave him the go ahead to screw every one of those whores and still come back to cuddle you at night. Is that what you want Harley?” he says sounding angry.

  I place my head back on the pillow. “No but I need to keep my distance from him Jesse. He doesn’t want me like that, he’s just possessive and protective because I nearly lost my baby because of the accident he caused. Stay away from him Jesse; I don’t want you to get hurt. Please.” I beg him as I rub his upper thigh. He tenses and I feel him move underneath me as if uncomfortable.

  “Um… babe… I don’t think you should…uh…do that.” he says placing his hand between his legs.

  “Shit…I didn’t realize I was moving around so much.” I say worriedly looking down at his hands as I notice the rise is his jeans. I cover my mouth to hide my laugh.

  “I think I better…ah…go.” He says getting up uncomfortably putting his shoes on. “Uh yeah…” I say quickly trying to keep a straight face.

  He reaches the door and opens it as he stands behind it obviously trying to hide his erection. “Next time he does something like that, don’t go running away. Give me a call and I’ll fetch you. Okay?” I nod. “Goodnight Hun.” And he slips away shutting the door behind him.

  I lie back on my bed with my hands covering my face as I burst out in giggles. “So embarrassing…” I mumble.

  I’ve never had a gay friend before so I’m not sure how to act. He’s too manly for me to treat him like I would one of my girlfriends. I’m comfor
table around him knowing I can be myself when he’s near. I can open up to him about everything and he always has good advice. I guess I can only learn going forward and resting my head on his lap is a definite no-no from here on out. Maybe he is bi after all….

  I open my window and sit on the windowsill looking at the various buildings and enjoying the cool breeze. Looking at my phone I notice I have a message.

  BRENT at 08:32pm: Jus texting to make sure you’re safe and sound. Want to meet up tomorrow?

  HARLEY at 12:16am: Sorry I’m replying so late, Hope I don’t wake you. I have to fetch my books today & then I’m going to the library. What about tomorrow afternoon? Let me know.

  I place my phone on the bedside table then rest my head on my pillow on top of the covers.

  CHAPTER 15

  I wake up as I’m being lifted up then placed under the covers.

  “Shhh baby, go back to sleep…I’m here.” I hear Jace’s rough voice.

  I pull the blanket up to my chin and cuddle it as I fall back asleep. I feel him climb under the covers and cuddle up to me close.

  I get out of bed the next morning before Jace wakes up. I know I’ve been avoiding him but it’s the only way I know how to deal with the situation. After showering and dressing I pick up the laundry noticing Jace’s clothes lying on my floor. He obviously used my bathroom last night. So much for having my own space…

  I pick up his clothes and notice dark red smudges on the white floor tiles. I bend down to get a better look and realize its blood. Where the hell did that come from?

  I look through Jace’s clothes in my arms and realize there’s dry blood on his dark green shirt. I look at his leather club waist coat that he left hanging behind the door, inspecting it closer I notice blood spatter on the leather.

  I looked at Jace this morning before getting out of bed I didn’t see any marks or cuts on him, he looked beautifully untouched. This isn’t his blood.

  I walk into my room and notice him sitting up in bed with no shirt on watching me. I stomp up to him and throw his clothes at him.

  “What is this?” I watch as it dawns on him what I just threw at him. He’s quiet for a few moments then speaks.

  “You need to forget you saw this. Keep your nose outta my business and keep your mouth shut. You hear me.” he says raising his voice in that tone I hate so much.

  “Then don’t use my bathroom? Don’t put your shit with my stuff then. And please…wash the fucking blood off you before you climb in bed with me.” I say noticing dry blood on his neck where he missed a spot cleaning last night.

  I watch as Raven makes his appearance and I back away, “Who do you think you’re talking to? I can do whatever the fuck I want. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can tell me what to do. Do I make myself clear?” he says in a menacing voice and I shudder.

  “I asked you a question!” he shouts and my door flies open. Hunter comes through looking worried. He stands in front of Jace moving him toward my bathroom and they shut the door, I hear talking but can’t even make out what they’re saying because my heart is beating so hard in my chest that I’m trying to focus on breathing. It looked like he was about to hit me, what if Hunter didn’t come in when he did? What would Jace have done?

  I take the opportunity to put sandals on not caring if it matches my denim shorts and shirt. I don’t have time to brush my hair or put makeup on. I grab my handbag and cellphone and rush out. It’s already half past ten. I avoid all of the people hanging around the apartment and make my way down the stairs to the street.

  The College is only a few blocks away so I start my walk. My heart is beating fast and all I’m focused on is the concrete beneath my feet with each step I’m taking. I reach the college and the lady that issues my books to me has a constant frown as she looks my face over. I just need to get my books and get to the library where I can hide in a corner and hopefully no one can bother me.

  Walking up the steps to the library I hear my phone going off indicating someone’s calling. I quickly put it on vibrate and ignore Jace’s call. I don’t plan on bumping into anyone I know near the library, I know for a fact that neither Ashley nor Caleb would ever be near a library. The lady at the counter tells me to sign the relevant registration forms and she makes a copy of my student card. The old lady won’t stop eyeing me making me feel self-conscious. I won’t be able to sit and study with her eyes on me the whole time. As I’m walking down the stairs leaving the library, thinking about going to the park to study I notice a couple people sitting around on the grass just outside. I find a quiet spot and sit leaning against one of the trees, it’s a hot day today but luckily it’s cool under the shade. I take out my books looking them over.

  My phone starts vibrating again and I see Hunters name appear. I click the end call button and send him a text.

  HARLEY at 11:26am: Hunter I’m fine. At the small park near the library, please don’t come. I need some space from everything. Please keep Jace from coming to get me. I’ll call you if I have to. Thanks.

  HUNTER at 11:27am: Okay Princess I’ll keep the beast at bay but when u get home we are going to have a chat about you running away every time the shit hits the fan.

  HARLEY at 11:28am: Thanks Hunt, sorry. Xo

  I’m busy organizing a timetable in my diary when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I jump at the contact and whip my head around to see who it was. I let out a deep breath when I spot Brent. His laughing stops as he stares at me oddly I notice him looking at my nose.

  Shit! That’s probably why people have been looking at me funny. In my rush to get out the house this morning, I haven’t brushed my hair and I’ve forgotten to put on makeup to cover my nose.

  “Who did this?” he says gripping my shoulders getting a closer look. I push him softly.

  “Stop that, I’m fine.” I say looking back at my books on my lap.

  “That’s not fine, looks like someone punched you.” He says lying on his side on the grass in front of me clutching one of my text books and paging through it casually.

  “Elbowed actually.” I say smoothly as I pack away my books. He stops paging through the book and looks up at me. I notice him clenching his fist.

  “What? Who hurt you like that? Was it that guy that picked you up at the park?” Brent says seriously.

  “No it wasn’t Hunter who did it, it was Jace and it was a mistake.” I snatch the book from him and place it on top of the other books.

  “Who did what to you Harlz?” I hear a familiar deep voice on my left.

  I look at Brent wide eyed, “You didn’t!”

  “I’m sorry Harley but you guys need to talk.” Brent says trying to stop me from packing my things. I need to get the hell away from here.

  “Please babe, just stop a sec and listen to me… please.” Caleb says but I can’t bear to look at him even though I can hear the pain in his voice.

  “I thought I could trust you Brent?” I say getting up, I can already feel my eyes tearing up.

  “You can Harley, I’m sorry, Trevor told him we met up with you last night and-.” Brent says reaching for me but I push him away.

  “I needed to see you. I miss you baby please just let me explain myself. Please…I’m so sorry…I need you back.” Caleb says coming up to me and he pushes Brent away.

  He stops in front of me pulls away the books from my hands and gives it to Brent then places his big familiar hands on my jaw making sure I have nowhere else to look but his beautiful eyes. I try look straightforward directly at his chest. I forgot how tall Caleb is and how it use to feel when I was with him, with his hands on me.

  “Jesus Harley! Who hurt you like that?” Caleb says cupping my cheeks, I can’t help but look at his beautiful green eyes. He is so gorgeous, I hope our baby has his genes because he really is such a beautiful boy. I shake my thoughts away.

  “It doesn’t matter Caleb, this-” I say pointing to my nose, “Is nothing compared to what you did to me. Stay away from me.” I pull away from Ca
leb’s arms and snatch my books from Brent. “Both of you.” I rush away before they can catch up. I hear Brent telling Caleb to give me time and luckily neither of them follow me.

  I make my way to the jam-packed club house. I greet the guys I pass and make my way to my room and place the heavy books on my desk.

  After making something in the kitchen to eat I head back to my room. I hear a banging sound coming from the room next door then I hear moaning, when I hear a girl screaming out for “Raven” to slow down. I put the sandwich down, my appetite lost. I plug earphones in my ears and climb out the window to sit on the metal floor of the fire escape. I play the music loud so that I’m void of all noise. The metal flooring beneath me is uncomfortable but I need to get away and I need fresh air. I sit on the top of the staircase, cover my face with my hands and cry. I cry so hard that I battle to find my breath and my whole body shakes. I don’t know how much heart I have left to break. All the stress and sadness within me surely can’t be good for the baby. I have to sort my shit out…

  I feel someone’s presence behind me and then I feel them reach over to touch my stomach. I know its Jace but I can’t stand to have his hands on me after he was screwing someone a few minutes before. I pull out my earphones.

  “No! Get away from me! Don’t touch me!” I scream at him and push him away.

  “Please Harley let me hold you. It didn’t mean anything…It never does, not like when I’m with you, none of them do Harley. I thought this was okay? You said you didn’t care?” He says backing away from me.

  “No I said that because I needed space from you, I knew you would do this! Make me have feelings for you them throw me away like trash, just like he did! I only said that to stop you from hurting me more than you have already.” I wipe away the tears as he stands there in shock. “I don’t want you to touch me anymore. You don’t have a heart, do you Raven?” I say his name with such distaste, I now see Hunter making his way to my window.

  “I didn’t think you would actually go and fuck someone in the room next to me. Really Raven? Do you only think of yourself? You act as if you own me! You act as if you care for me? You told me I didn’t deserve the way he treated me and what he did? Is this what I deserve? You’re doing the same thing he did to me on repeat! Every day is a new way to hurt me? Right Raven? I don’t have any heart left for you to break.” I push at his chest but he doesn’t budge or make a move to stop me and the sad look on his face only makes me angrier. I shove him again. “You speak to me like I’m a piece of shit and you terrify me. You don’t realize how fucking scared I am of you! Then you expect me to be fine with you fucking other people and climbing into my bed so I can be your fucking Teddy?” I scream the last word not caring who sees me and how terrible I look all snot nosed and tear faced. I sniffle then say in a softer voice. “You know what happened today Raven?” I notice he flinches every time I call him by his road name but I continue, “I ran into Caleb and all I could think about was how safe I was with him and how much I missed the feeling when he held me. How fucked up is that?” I laugh bitterly wiping away all the tears.