This Broken Beautiful Thing

by Summers, Sophie

  “You okay?” Hunter says softly as he leans over me and gently puts the seat belt over me.

  “No Hunter I’m not. My feet are killing me, I’m grumpy, I don’t feel comfortable, my fucking stomach gets in the way of ev-ery-thing and Jace was supposed to take me to this damn appointment and I can’t find him, so… no I’m not okay.” I say folding my arms like an immature child. Hunter just nods and starts driving. I let out a deep breath feeling guilty for shouting at him when he’s only trying to help.

  “I’m sorry Hunt. I don’t mean to take it out on you it just hasn’t been a good day and I hate going to these things alone.” I say softly rubbing my stomach.

  “It’s okay babe, I told you to call if you ever needed anything besides… I’m glad I’ll be there to see this.” he says smiling down at my larger than life baby bump.

  Hunter comes into the room with me and I introduce Hunter to the Doctor.

  “I’m Harrison, her best friend and the baby’s godfather.” He announces before I even get a chance to open my mouth. He winks at me, I chuckle and shake my head.

  So Harrison is his real name…

  The doctor leaves the room and Hunter helps me onto the bed, I place the blanket over my waist and pull my shirt up and wait for the doctor. I rub my tummy and I can’t help the giggles erupting.

  “What’s wrong?” Hunter says looking confused.

  “She’s kicking again, she’s been so active these past few weeks. Here…Feel.” I say grabbing his hand and placing it over the spot she usually kicks.

  A smile forms on his face and I let go of his large hand and he moves it over my stomach smiling.

  “That’s amazing…she’s kicking so well.” he mumbles.

  “Tell me about it.” I laugh.

  The Doctor comes in and does her usual checkup telling me how healthy the baby is and that I should be prepared for the coming week since she could come at any time. This makes me nervous so I’m glad Hunter was there with me and I wasn’t alone.

  “Thanks for coming with me today.” I say to Hunter as we stop outside the apartment.

  “Between me and you? I’m glad you couldn’t get hold of Jace, I’m so happy I got to be there and see that. It’s pretty amazing Harley.” Hunter says with a look of awe covering his face.

  “If you ever have a problem reaching Jace, just give me a call babe and I’ll be there.” He says as he helps me out the Jeep.

  “Thanks Hunt…thanks for everything.” I hug his waist tight and feel him wrap his arms around me too.

  He walks with me into the bar to see how Jesse and the two other guys dad hired to work in the bar are doing. I spot Jesse instantly, he smiles as he pours me a glass of orange juice and sits next to me at the bar. I show him the new ultrasound photo and he gives me a big hug.

  “If you were at the appointment then why wasn’t Rave with you? He’s been sitting with that crowd all afternoon drinking it up and making a big noise.” Jesse says nodding his head to the back corner of the Club, I spot Jace sitting there with a few guys and the usual girls, Rachelle included. He has his arm over the back of her chair, she looks me in the eye and gives me a sad look.

  I knew it was too good to be true. I never wanted to change Jace, I wanted him to change for me…well I wanted him to at least try to change for me but maybe someone like him is unable to think of anyone else but themselves. His boys are his main priority and who was I kidding thinking that we could be that perfect little family. Fact is, this isn’t his child and we are not his responsibility.

  “Shit…he forgot, didn’t he? Fucking tool. I’m sorry sweetie.” Jesse says rubbing my back resting his head on my shoulder.

  “It’s okay Jesse, it’s not like this is his baby in any case. I should have stuck to my gut from the beginning.” I take one last sip of my orange juice and try give Jesse a reassuring smile but I just can’t do it.

  “I stuck with him even though I knew it would eventually boil down to him doing this, I hate the thought of being alone but maybe I need to get my shit together and stop thinking I can rely on him. I don’t need him… I want him sure...” I turn and take another look at Jace who hasn’t seemed to notice me yet, even though the bar is basically empty. “…but maybe this is something I need to do without him, I’m not really alone, I have all of you guys support and I don’t ever want my daughter to think when she grows up that her mother was weak and had to rely on others all the time but this is my responsibility and I guess it’s time I grow up and face that fact.” I give him a sad smile and I know he senses that it’s fake but he doesn’t say anything and I quickly leave before he can.

  After eating, taking a shower and going over some class notes I sit in the lounge in front of the TV and listen to the loud music coming from the apartment next door. I know Jace must know that I’m back by now because Hunter would have told him but it’s been two hours and he still hasn’t arrived. Maybe the novelty of the pregnancy has worm off for him.

  Looking down at my phone I scroll through my contacts stopping at one in particular. It’s only five o’clock and hopefully she doesn’t have the night shift. I press dial and listen to the dial tone until I hear her soft voice on the other end.

  “Hi Momma.” I say.

  “My baby! I’ve been so worried about you! Are you okay?” she says sounding worried. I hear the television is the background.

  “I’m fine, haven’t spoken to you for a while.” I mumble.

  “I know sweetie, I’ve missed you so much.” She sounds as if she’s crying and it breaks my heart to hear her this way.

  “Why didn’t you call me?” I say softly.

  “I wanted to Harley…your…your daddy threatened me, told me to stay away from you or he will make sure I regret it. I almost drove up there just to see how you’re doing but your daddy scares me baby.” She says and I hear her sobbing into the speaker.

  That’s something my father would do and I guess I can’t blame her but if this situation was reversed I wouldn’t let anyone in the way of my daughter and I… but then again I will never treat my daughter the way I was treated as a child.

  “I miss you too Momma.” I whisper wiping away a stray tear. “I have to tell you something…”

  “What’s wrong baby?” she asks sniffing.

  “I’m pregnant Momma.” I say softly and listen for her response but she doesn’t say anything for a few seconds and I hear her turn the volume of the television in the background down.

  “Oh Harley…You’re going to be a great mother. I know I was a pretty crappy example and I was a terrible mother to you but I know you baby, you are going to be an amazing mother. I wish I could see you all big and pregnant sweetie.” She says surprising me. I was at least expecting her to yell and tell me I would turn out like her but instead she kind of apologized for not being the mother I needed and told me I would be nothing like her.

  “Thanks …that means so much to me. I know I never told you this enough but I love you Momma.” I tell her and I hear her cry on the other end of the call.

  “I love you too and even though I’ve been a shitty mother, I swear I’ll be the best fucking grandma you’ve ever seen.” She chuckles.

  “I want to see you. I miss you so much.” I blurt out as the tears fall.

  “You can come whenever you want to Harley, this will always be your home and I’ll always be here for you sweetie.” She says.

  “Can I come now?” I say and I’m met my silence again.

  “You want to come see me? Now? I want to see you too baby but is it safe for you to drive here? It’s a few hours away and it’s going to get dark soon.” She asks concerned.

  “It’s okay mom, if I leave here now I’ll get there by nine and I’ll stay the night then leave in the morning. Can I come?” I say already making my way to my room to pack an overnight bag eager to get away from the music next door and as far as possible for a little bit.

  “Of course baby, I’ll wait up for you. I can’t wait to see yo
u!” she says excitedly.

  I know I’m running away again but I just need to see my mother and get some space from the noise coming from the club. Maybe driving a few hours away is a bit extreme but as far as I’m concerned the further away from this place the better the chances of my mind not thinking about what Jace is probably doing at this point and with whom.

  I find my car keys in the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter and quickly make my way out the apartment toward my car.

  I finally make it to my mothers and my entire body is aching and sore but I’m so happy I’ve finally arrived. I haven’t received any calls so Jace most probably hasn’t made his way to my apartment yet. That’s if he’s even going to go back there tonight at all.

  I hear the door open and see my mother come out. She still looks as beautiful as ever as she runs up to me. I’ve never seen her so happy to see me before and it brings a smile to my face.

  “Oh Harley look at you! You’re so beautiful. It’s true what they say about pregnant woman, you’re glowing baby!” she says wiping away tears. After she takes my bag and puts it into my old room, she pulls me to the couch and that’s where all the questions start. She asks about Caleb and how he’s doing and I have to tell her all about that night and what happened then I tell her about Jace and everything that has lead up to tonight.

  “I’m so sorry my baby. Your daddy was one of the good ones honey. Not many men are willing to take the responsibility of looking after a baby while they’re so young.” She says as she pulls me to her chest and runs her hands through my hair.

  “Yeah I know Momma.” I say sadly.

  “You have so many people that are there for you. You don’t need someone to take the place of the father. You are such a strong smart woman, you can do this sweetie.” She says softly as she continues to stroke my hair. We spent most of the night chatting and catching up, she apologizes for the way she treated me and tells me how much she regrets not spending more time with me when I was younger, she tells me that when she found out I was in the hospital she went crazy and wanted to come immediately but my father threatened her. She cried hard when she told me about how much she missed me around the house and how alone she felt.

  When I wake up the next day, I find a note from her telling me she had to be at work and didn’t want to wake me. Wonder how many guys would be at a strip club at eleven o’clock in the morning?

  Looking at my phone I notice I don’t have any missed calls or messages and my heart drops a little at the thought of Jace not even making it home last night.

  I write Momma a note thanking her for the talk and I tell her I will see her soon.

  As I drive away from my old house and closer to my new one, the nerves within me build up. I take a slow drive home and stop for food along the way. I only reach the Club House after three. Dropping my clothes on the bed I notice the bed is still neatly made, he didn’t stay here last night.

  I make my way next door to finally find him and it’s like déjà vu all over again. Everyone lying all over the place and the entire apartment is trashed. Dad is going to freak out when he sees this…

  I make my way toward Jace’s room just as Rachelle is stepping out zipping up the side of her dress. She freezes when she spots me and her eyes start to water but I don’t pity her this time.

  “I’m so sorry Harley.” She says walking up to me.

  “Bullshit, how long has it been going on?” I say moving passed her to see a bare chested Jace lying on his bed on his stomach, out cold.

  “It never stopped.” She says softly.

  I feel the pain in my chest and I back away until my back hits the wall. I rest my head against it as I feel the tears fall. She tries to console me but I shove her off and she bursts out crying.

  “Don’t cry. You can have him. I give up. You win.” I whisper trying to stop myself from sobbing keeping my eyes closed.

  “What’s going on?” I hear Hunter next to me. I open my eyes to see him looking back and forth between Rachelle and I.

  “Fuck sakes Rachelle, you were supposed to be gone already.” He yells at her confirming what I thought all this time.

  My mouth drops open and I’m out of breathe. “You knew? You knew this whole time?” I ask in disbelief. I see the regret written all over his face.

  I watch as Jace’s door opens. “What’s all the shouting for?” he says wiping his face, the lines from his pillow still imprinted on his face. He sees me and looks at Rachelle.

  “Fuck.” He whispers.

  I step around Rachelle and walk away but he grabs my arm. “Wait baby please…” he begs but I turn around and push him away from me as the tears pour down my face.

  “What Jace? What? Wait, let me guess, it didn’t mean anything? You telling me I’m your girl while you’re fucking a tramp on the side these past few months, means nothing right? Fuck you Jace! It means… I’m not your girl…not anymore. What happened to not letting any girl in your bed? I was the only one right?” I look at Rachelle then back at him. “Right… You look like you slept just fine…you don’t need me anymore.” My voice dies down to a husky whisper as the tears fall. He attempts to touch me but I feel disgusted and want to get as far away from him as possible so I step away.

  “I’m so sorry Harley. I do need you, I took a sedative before we… and I’ve been stressed out and…” he stutters.

  “And what? The only way to deal with the stress was to fuck someone else? Fucking hell…” I shake my head. “I’m such an idiot! To think you would actually care about someone other than yourself?” I say shaking my head and running my hands through my hair.

  “I do care about you and that baby-” he says coming closer but Hunter stops him. We have an audience now.

  “Really? Really Jace? You missed the appointment yesterday and Hunter had to stand in for you, you didn’t even fucking realize I wasn’t home last night? You care about me? Really Jace?” I rhetorically ask wiping away the tears. He looks at Hunter then back at me.

  “Where were you? Why the fuck where you with her?” he asks Hunter and I ,ignoring the rest of what I just said.

  “Where were you when I needed you Jace?” I ask him. He looks at Rachelle but says nothing. The guilty look he’s giving me says it all.

  “Yeah while you were with her I was hours away trying to get the thought of you out my head.” I say backing away. Jace shouts out for me and starts shoving Hunter as he tries to get to me.

  “Stay away from me! All of you… just stay away from me.” I say as I back away from them.

  “Wait Harley, don’t fucking walk away from me. Please let me explain…please.” Jace begs as he comes running and kneels to the floor holding his head against my stomach. I try removing his arms but he’s too strong.

  “No Jace I’m done, you can be with Rachelle freely now, you don’t have to get everyone to lie to me for you.” I look up at Hunter purposefully as I say this and he gives me a pained look and steps closer but I shake my head making him stand frozen and look down at Jace.

  “You knew what Caleb did and how it broke my heart and that was once! You’ve done it how many times now? You’re worse than him! I can’t be around you right now Jace, I feel like such an idiot for believing everything you said, all those promises you made. I can’t…I can’t even look at you right now.” He reluctantly lets go as I say this and I watch his eyes gloss and watch his jaw work as he swallows the tears.

  “Please don’t leave me baby…. I was thinking about you when I was with her.” He says softly.

  “No Jace, don’t even say that. I can’t do this anymore. You don’t get it, you don’t see how much I cared for you, how much I love you….” I hear his quick intake of breath as he hears that and I cover my mouth. I just told him I loved him. We have told each other how much we care for each other but never used that four letter word… ever.

  He smiles at me and stands up, “Baby I lo-”

  “No Jace…don’t you dare say that to me! Not after all this
shit.” I say backing away from him as I feel the tears falling again.

  “It’s true though… I want you to hear it. I lo-” He yells coming closer to me but Hunter grabs him again. Hunter turns Jace to face him with his hands on both of Jace’s shoulders looking him in the eyes.

  “You need to calm down bro. Have you taken your pills today?” Jace ignores him and Hunters words have left me completely confused.

  What pills? Are these the same ones I saw Jace take that first morning? I hear something fall and the glass shattering breaks my thoughts, I look to see Hunter and Jace struggling, Jace has him up against the wall with his hands around Hunters neck.

  “Jace stop! Stop!” I shout and he quickly drops Hunter and looks at me full of panic.

  “Is this a fucking game to you? Do you enjoy breaking my heart? Well, you win Jace…it’s broken and there’s nothing left for you to destroy. Are you happy? Does that make you happy?” He looks down at his hands then back up at me but doesn’t say a word.

  “I think it’s best if I stay away for a little while.” I say and turn toward the door, I mumble a goodbye as I shut the door after me. I run as fast as I can down the stairs and out the door towards my apartment. I hear Jace’s shouts from the street. Making my way into my apartment out of breath, I’m leaning against the door trying to control my breathing when I feel warm liquid running down my legs.

  “God no…” I cry out as I see the liquid pooling at my bare feet.

  It’s not blood though…thank God.

  I run trying to find my phone, I don’t know who to call, my dad and Anna are hours away and so is my mother. I can’t call Jace or Hunter. I lean against the counter, clutching my stomach. I try Jesse’s number but his phones off. I burst into tears feeling really truly alone for the first time.

  I look down at my phone as I find his number.

  “Hello? Harley?” I hear his deep voice on the other end.

  “Brent? I need your help.” I say sniffing trying to control my breathing.