This Broken Beautiful Thing

by Summers, Sophie

  “I love you baby go back to sleep.” I whisper and kiss her forehead.

  “Love you too Momma.” She whispers.

  After a few minutes of watching Willow fast asleep in my arms I feel Caleb stir behind me. He moves closer behind me, I feel him move my hair and then his warm breath is against the back of my neck. I feel him attempt to wrap his arms around me but freezes when he feels willows little legs hanging over mine. I turn my head a little and he lifts his to look down at me. He smiles when he spots Willow sleeping cuddled up to me.

  He whispers, “I’ll be right back…” he quickly sneaks out of the bed and tiptoes to his jeans that are hanging on my chair. I watch as he takes his phone out and climbs back in bed.

  “What are you doing?” I whisper confused.

  “I need a photo of this.” he says lifting his camera taking a photo of Willow, looking back to Willow I smile as she stirs but doesn’t wake instead she cuddles closer to me. I hear the sound of his camera go off a couple times then I hear him place it on the bedside table.

  Willow stirs in my arms again and Caleb rests his chin on my arm looking down at her. He leans down and places his hand over mine, the same one that holds onto Willows as she holds my finger tight.

  “She held my hand like that too.” He whispers running his thumb over my hand gently.

  “Yeah she always does that when she sleeps, ever since she was a baby.” I whisper and he smiles.

  Willows eyes start opening and she moves around, when she sees Caleb she giggles and Caleb laughs.

  “You so funny Caleb…” she says and I laugh at Caleb’s confused expression. I explain to him how Willow was tickling his face and what he would do.

  “Is that so missy?” he says, Willow sits up stretching and smiling. Caleb grabs her as she squeals and he starts tickling her. I leave them playing in the room as I quickly get dressed and make sure my mom made it home last night. After I make breakfast I walk back to find Caleb and Willow.

  Caleb leaves for the rest of the day because he had some things to do. Willow and I spend the day playing in the garden while my mother slept and then Willow spent time with her granny while I went to the shops to get groceries for dinner. Caleb made it back for dinner and made sure he was there to watch cartoons with Willow and tuck her in bed that night. He didn’t even bother setting up a bed on the couch instead he climbed in bed with me straight away. My mother hasn’t asked any questions but she has been passing smiles our way.

  The next morning I wake up alone and hear Caleb and Willow chatting in the kitchen. I quickly shower and get ready for the day ahead. Walking into the kitchen I make myself some cereal then notice the house is too quiet. They’re not in my room or in the house and I start to panic. Running outside, I hunch over and rest my hands on my knees trying to catch my breath. Willow and Caleb are playing with a ball outside.

  Willow comes running up to me when she sees me. “What’s wrong mommy?” I pick her up and squeeze her tight.

  I feel Caleb come up behind me, “You okay Harlz?” he asks concerned placing his hands under my hair on the back of my neck.

  I put Willow down and she runs off kicking a ball in the small back yard.

  “I just panicked, couldn’t find you guys, I thought…” I stutter running my hands through my hair.

  “You thought I took her from you? I’m sorry …I didn’t even think about that.” he says giving me a hug.

  “It’s okay…you’re her father I need to trust that you would watch her, I just need to calm down.” I say trying to brush it off.

  I look over to Willow and notice she’s no longer in pajamas but in a cute little yellow dress with pink flats. “You dressed her?”

  He smiles at me, “Yeah, she basically did it herself but I put her socks and shoes on. Hope you don’t mind, it was good feeling needed.”

  “Thanks Caleb, of course it’s okay.” I smile to myself.

  “So what have you got planned for today?” he asks me sitting down on the step as he keeps an eye on Willow kicking around the ball.

  “Well, this morning while mom sleeps I think I’ll take Willow to the beach. She’s never been and it’s a bright sunny day today, don’t you have to go see your mom or something?” I ask him as I plant my ass on the step next to him.

  “She’s never been to the beach?” he asks ignoring my question and I shake my head.

  “Well that’s what we’re going to do then! We can go over to my mom’s place this afternoon.” He says looking at Willow as she kicks the plastic ball around and giggles.

  “We?” I ask.

  “Yeah we, she bit my head off after I told her what I did to you. She misses you Harley, you were like a daughter to her you know.” he says looking at me sadly.

  “I miss your mama too.” I admit.

  CHAPTER 25

  We pack a small lunch and spent most of the day at the beach. When Caleb took off his shirt I nearly fainted on the spot. Not because his body has changed so much over the years and he so much more irresistible now but because of the ink that is displayed on his chest, over his heart. There resting over his hear is a tattoo of a Harley, looking beautiful and shiny. Perfect.

  Caleb didn’t even have to explain but I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out to graze my hand over the ink on his one peck. Willow watched the exchange quietly, not saying a word. He brought his hand up to his mouth and kissed my hand softly. Willow pats my leg and I look down at her and smile. She smiles at me then places a hand by her mouth as if she has a secret to tell. I bend down to her level and she puts her hand by my ear and whispers all too loudly, “I think Caleb likes you Momma.” I start laughing, unsure how a four year old can tell this about a person.

  Caleb taps her shoulder, bends down to her level and moves his hands as if he’s about to tell her a secret, Willow obliges and moves closer smiles wildly at him. He whispers, “I think you’re right.” Willow claps her hands and beams.

  Willow was so fascinated with the sand and sea, at first she didn’t like the feeling of the sand between her toes and kept saying it was “icky” but she got used to it.

  Caleb played so well with her and when she wanted to go into the ocean, he held onto her tightly and walked a little until it touched her feet. He built sandcastles with her and I took a ton of photos of them together because the moment was so special. Willow is getting along so well with him, it even made me a little jealous when she would always reach out to him instead of me like she usually does. In the back of my mind I kept wondering if she somehow knows he’s her father and I knew the time was coming for me to tell her who he is.

  She sat between Caleb and I as we chatted about how beautiful the sea looked today, I looked down to see why Willow stopped talking. She sits quietly watching another little girl calling her daddy, her father comes up to her and picks her up then swings her around in the air, the little girl giggles. I look to Caleb who is also studying Willow. My little girl looks so sad, she must’ve sensed we were both looking at her because she looks up to me and climbs onto my lap, placing her hands onto my shoulders looking into my eyes.

  “I want one…” she says softly.

  “What do you want sweetie?” I asked her but she returns to her seat in the middle of us in the sand and continues to watch the little girl play with her father.

  “I want a daddy. Why don’t I have one mommy?” she looks up to me with sad eyes and my heart hurts. I look at Caleb and see the question in his eyes so I smile and he nods.

  I push the few stray pieces of hair that’s fallen from her pigtails behind her ear.

  “You already have a daddy baby girl.” Caleb says next to me and Willow snaps her head around and smiles at me.

  “Momma! I have one? Really?” She smiles and claps her hands together in excitement.

  “Yeah baby you most certainly do! Ask Caleb who he is?” I wink at Caleb and he mouths a thank you. She turns around so she’s facing us as she waits in anticipation for Caleb to speak. Caleb m
oves closer to me and latches his hands with mine.

  “I’m your daddy Willow…” he tries to say more but Willow jumps up and almost tackles him. He starts chuckling and holds her tight, she kisses him on the cheek and looks into his eyes as she says, “I love you daddy.” Then she hugs him again tightly.

  I wiped away the tears as Caleb grabs my hand again and lifts it to his mouth before kissing it kiss, only then do I realize he has tears in his eyes too.

  “I love you more than you know Willow.” He says smiling at Willow who has the biggest smile on her face.

  “Can we go swim again daddy?” she asks as she stands up bouncing excitedly. Caleb smiles and nods then he turns to me and says, “I will never get over that. I love being called daddy. Love it.”

  He smiles at his daughter then picks up Willow and throws her in the air and catches her as she giggles. I watch him walk into the water with her in his arms. I smile at how happy she looks and I feel my heart slowly starting to heal.

  The beach is packed with locals, I don’t know most of them but I recognize a few whom were a few years younger than I and went to the same high school. I sit under the umbrella watching my little girl and her daddy play in the water, Caleb keeps her tight against his chest. The beautiful moment is shattered when a football flies through the air into the sand right in front of me spraying sand all over my lap. I move my legs just in time but the fright I just got has my heart beating rapidly.

  “Harlz is that you?” I look up when I hear the familiar voice. I turn to look as a boy runs up to me then freezes when he catches my eyes.

  There’s another voice behind me, “Joey…you totally threw that ball at the babe on purpose.”

  I look up to see Josh.

  “Holy shit it is you!” Joey says and pulls me up from the ground for a hug.

  “How are you guys? I haven’t seen you in ages, you both look so old and….mature.” I say giving Josh a hug then look them over; they’ve both grown into gorgeous young men.

  “We’re great, haven’t seen you in what? Over four years? My brother is a fucking asshole, can’t believe the shit he did to you babe. Don’t worry, we sure gave him shit about it, so did our parents. You were way too good for him.” Joey says and I can’t help but notice his voice break at the mention of his parents.

  “I swear if I wasn’t stuck in high school I would’ve come after you, you know I had the biggest crush on you.” Josh admits making me laugh when Joey playfully pushes him.

  “Stop flirting with her dude, I’m right here and if I remember correctly you weren’t the only one with a crush.” Joey blushes.

  “What are you guys doing here?” I say trying to change the topic.

  “We’re just visiting mom for the weekend, you should come for dinner. You don’t know how much she missed you after you did that disappearing act. “ Josh says.

  “Where were you by the way? We all tried to call you, even Connor had his stuck up nose pulled out of joint worrying about where you were. Caleb wasn’t himself babe, we thought maybe bringing you home might sort him out but yeah…” Joey says interrupting his brother.

  “I’m sorry you guys were so worried about me. Thing was, I didn’t have a phone for a few days and when I got my number transferred I didn’t really wanna answer my phone. I was humiliated and going through so much. As for the dinner, Caleb already asked me to go with him to your mother’s house.” I smile at their confused expressions when I mention Caleb.

  “Caleb?” Joey asks with raised eyebrows.

  “What do you mean Caleb? You guys back together?” Josh asks with an angry edge to his voice.

  “We’re not together no, but he did come down with me.” I look past them into the water where Caleb is and smile.

  Their eyes follow mine and I watch them both frown.

  “He’s really here? Haven’t seen that tool in a couple months...” Joey mumbles to my left.

  “Whose kid is that?” Josh asks looking at me, I watch as his eyes widen then he turns back to look at the water and realization hits.

  “Wait…she looks just like…” Josh says looking back and forth between Willow and I.

  “You have a daughter? She’s Caleb’s right?” Joey asks in disbelief.

  I bend as Josh smacks Joey over the head, “Can’t you see the resemblance dumbass? She looks just like Caleb, us too since the Carter features are so damn prominent.” Josh says and he’s right. The Carter boy’s features are very similar, they all have their mother’s looks. Connor, who’s the oldest brother has more of his father’s face, however all of the boys have their father’s height. These boys are a tall bunch.

  The two are still arguing over my head not realizing Willow and Caleb are already out the water and on their way toward us. Caleb looks at his twin younger brothers and shakes his head smiling.

  “You two never stop bickering, like two old women I swear!” Caleb says laughing and hands Willow over to me as she opens her arms.

  The twins immediately pause and their eyes travel over Willow as she shyly hides her head in my neck.

  “Who are they?” she asks into my neck.

  She looks at me then looks between the twins and Caleb. “Since when are you shy sweetie?” I giggle. “These are your uncle’s.” The smile is back on her face then she looks at Caleb happily.

  “Wow Momma, I have so many uncle’s.” she giggles.

  “Are you my uncle too?” She looks at Josh, he immediately picks her up and holds her.

  “Can you name them for me?” he says in a softer voice, one completely opposite to his rowdy one.

  “Uncle Hunt Hunt, Uncle Bent, Uncle Jessie and Uncle Jacey but I thought Jacey was my dad-” she rambles, Caleb’s deep voice interrupts her.

  “No Willow, Jace is not your dad, I am.” Caleb says possessively.

  “I didn’t know you had brothers?” Joey asks looking confused.

  “I don’t, the boys are my friends and they’ve been in my life since before she was born. They’re her uncles even if they aren’t blood. You know?” I say looking at Willow as she touches Josh’s face, he smiles and tries to catch her fingers in his mouth and she squeals.

  “She’s too darn cute Harlz.” Josh mutters as he continues to act as if he’s going to bite Willows fingers.

  “You may have many uncles sweetie pie but Uncle Joey and I are your blood. We are family and if you ever need something we will be there. Always.” Josh says sweetly before handing her over to Joey.

  Joey smiles at her but Willow looks confused as she whips her head around to look at Josh.

  “You look like him and my daddy.” She says to Joey reaching for his black messy hair making him laugh.

  “Uncle Josh is my twin cutie and your daddy is our brother. You look a lot like us too you know. Your mommy is gonna have a hard time when you grow older. The boys are going to drive your daddy mad.” Joey chuckles to himself.

  “It’s getting late, how about we head over to moms house?” Caleb asks his brothers and I. I smile and nod. The boys ask to ride with us and Caleb agrees.

  I jump into the backseat with Willow and let Joey sit in the front with Caleb. Josh sits next to me and wraps his arm around me. I watch Caleb glaring at his brother in the rearview mirror making both of us laugh.

  Willow falls asleep as soon as she gets comfortable in her car seat.

  Josh whispers in my ear. “Willow is amazing Harlz.” He smiles at me and winks. I laugh knowing exactly what game he’s trying to play.

  I whisper in his ear, avoiding the sound of Caleb clearing his throat. “I know you’re trying to piss Caleb off.” I pull away and we both laugh.

  “Little brother, better get your hands off Harley.” Caleb says in a flat voice soft enough not to wake Willow.

  “I think I like where my hands are, I’m quite comfortable actually. You knew I always had a crush on her but back then you two were together so I couldn’t do much, but …now that you two aren’t together I don’t think I’m goin
g to keep my mouth shut anymore.” He says casually causing Caleb to almost growl. I can’t see Joeys face but his body is shaking as he silently laughs. Caleb punches his arm.

  “Wait till we get out of this car.” Caleb threatens his brothers, Josh looks down and winks at me.

  Twenty minutes later we arrive at their house, it’s the same house Caleb grew up in. As we make our way up the long driveway many memories resurface, I used to spend more time here than at my own house.

  Caleb carries Willow as we make our way through the house in search for his mom.

  “I’m here…” We hear her call out.

  Walking toward the backyard patio we find her sitting on one of the garden chairs reading a magazine and drinking wine. She is still as beautiful as ever. Her blond hair is long and falls over her one shoulder in a neat braid. She looks older than the last time I saw her but it only adds to her beauty. She’s dressed in a floral dress with wedges on. She smiles at the twins and stands up to give the twins a hug, she hasn’t spotted me yet. I’m so nervous as I stand there thinking about what her reaction may be to seeing me and when she finds out she has a grandchild that I’ve kept from her for four years.

  She spots me over Joey’s shoulder and freezes. Her eyes are fixed on me, she doesn’t even see Caleb holding Willow. Joey steps away from her and she stands frozen with her hands clasped to her chest then she whispers my name. Next thing I know I’m being pulled into her arms as she holds me tight. I wrap my arms around her waist soaking in the comfort I always felt whenever we would spend time together. She still wears the same perfume and it eases my nervousness.

  “Oh Sweetie, I’ve missed you so much!” She sounds as if she’s crying and I can’t help but hold her tighter as I try to take her pain away.

  “Missed you too.” I watch over Holly’s shoulder as Josh takes Willow from Caleb.

  Holly steps away from me and looks me over smiling. She pushes the hair out of my face and turns me around as if she’s inspecting me.