Love, Exes, and Ohs

by Violet Duke

  “I know you would, and so would Vivian. And I know that somehow, we’d make it all work. But I don’t want to just ‘make it work,’ I want Blake to have the childhood he deserves. You can give that to him, Xo.” Darcy looked down at her arms. “The other day, after I woke up from my coma, Blake had held out a picture that he’d drawn for me and I couldn’t reach for it. His face crumbled right then and there…and I couldn’t hug him. His own mother wasn’t able to hug him and comfort him, Xo. I don’t want that kind of life for him. I don’t want him to have to worry about how to help me up if I fall one day. I don’t want him to have to help me use the bathroom and bathe if my sister can’t do it that day. I want better for him.”

  Xoey felt the same barrage of pain she’d had when she first gave up Blake, but she was feeling it this time for her friend. No mother should have to go through that if there was an alternative. “Darcy, giving up a child… That was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I don’t want you to rush into this decision. Let me at least introduce you to my friend’s gadget brother. He’s been working with my friend’s fiancé to help soldiers who suffered paralysis from injuries. I’ll call him to see if he can help—”

  “Is this you saying no, Xoey?” interrupted Darcy. “Because I’m not changing my mind.”

  Darcy always did cut to the chase.

  “Of course I’m not saying no.”

  “Then why the hesitation? Are you concerned about Blake affecting your relationship with Isaac?”

  She did a double take. “Never.”

  Darcy gazed at her. “He’s Blake’s biological father, isn’t he?”

  “Vivian told you?”

  “No. She just told me that you were able to find Blake’s biological father, but she didn’t tell me who it was.” Her eyes softened at the corners. “Blake has his smile. I put two and two together.”

  “Darcy, I was going to tell you as soon as I was done processing it. I’m not even sure how to tell Blake, how to explain to him that I didn’t know his dad’s identity until now, even after having dated him for months, and having had him as a best friend for a year.”

  She thought back to what he’d said last night. “One thing I know for sure though, if everything hadn’t played out the way that it had, and he had known I was pregnant, he would’ve moved mountains to make it work. He would’ve been a good dad to Blake.”

  “Maybe he still can be,” offered Darcy, gently. “You once gave Blake up for adoption because you knew I could provide a life for Blake that you couldn’t. Well now, the reverse holds true.”

  Darcy looked at her for a moment before asking, “Do you remember when you first decided to let me adopt Blake?”

  Like it was yesterday. “Yes.”

  “Why did you choose me? Me specifically.”

  “Because I met you and just…knew. I knew you were meant to be Blake’s mom.”

  She smiled. “And that’s why I’m doing it too. Not because of biology but because you simply are his mom, in the same way you once thought I was. I want a mom for him who can provide him a life that I no longer can. And I choose you to be that mom. So will you do it? For Blake?”

  Heart bursting from her chest, Xoey whispered, “Yes. Yes, I’ll be Blake’s mom.”

  Darcy’s eyes took on an immeasurably relieved light.

  …Before dimming slightly a minute later.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Do you…” She hesitated, but then gave Xoey a hopeful look. “Do you think we could still have the arrangement we’ve been having, but in reverse? Could we still spent the holidays together? Could I see Blake once a month?”

  Xoey shook her head. “No.”

  Darcy looked stricken, and speechless.

  “I think at least once a week, sleepovers at least once a month, every single holiday and birthday. Graduation, prom. Special events. Every rehab gain you make in your recovery. Barbeques with his cousins. And whatever else may come up. We’ll be a team, you and I. We’ll be his moms together.”

  Tears flooded Darcy’s eyes.

  For Xoey as well. Because after nine long years, she was now her son’s mother again.

  And tonight, she was going to introduce him to his father.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Two Months Later

  ISAAC WATCHED XOEY AND BLAKE walk around the dog park while Darcy and Vivian finished talking to their friend—an amazing service animal trainer who had been singlehandedly responsible for Darcy getting a service animal in two short months, as opposed to the normal waiting period of a few years that it takes most individuals who apply through placement organizations.

  For months, the trainer had been privately training a rescue dog for her cousin, who had similarly been in a terrible car accident. However, after four months, her cousin had ended up regaining enough motor function through surgery and rehab to no longer need the service animal the way Darcy did so she had graciously, amazingly offered to have Darcy adopt her dog Toby. And as the two women shared similar injuries, adjusting the training for Darcy’s needs had been a relatively seamless process, with today marking the official end of the training program.

  Slamming the truck door closed, Isaac headed over to join them—his family—for the happy event, all the while, suppressing the twinge of pain he got in his chest now whenever he entered the dog park, and bracing himself for the even bigger wave of pain that always rammed into him when he saw Xoey.

  He missed the hell out of her.

  For the past two months, Xoey had gone out of her way to ensure that Blake could spend a balanced amount of time with all three of his parents. For him, that meant their spending time together every other afternoon during the week, along with a few dinners. The weekends varied, but would always consist of some combination of two parents, sometimes all three when Xoey would gather them together for a barbeque or other family function.

  All in all, it was pretty great. And he and Blake were getting along famously.

  As he and Xoey had quickly found, their son was incredibly bright, and extremely athletic. Since moving to Cactus Creek, Blake had joined quite a few extracurriculars and made a whole host of friends at his new school.

  This meant that Isaac and Xoey did a lot of coordinating and-tag team parenting as a result, to keep up with his activities, and games, and friends’ sleepovers. Essentially, he was seeing and talking to Xoey almost as much as he had before.

  And yet, he’d never felt further from her.

  Sure, they still had their Saturday morning dog park breakfasts, and thanks to Blake’s presence, it was always fun, never awkward. But it wasn’t the same.

  “Hey, you.” Xoey came over and handed him a ham and cheese turnover. “You’re late. Everything okay?”

  He watched her smile softly when he placed the pumpkin iced coffee in her hands.

  In a thousand ways, everything was better than okay.

  But horribly not okay in one heartbreaking way.

  He was back to being Xoey’s ex.

  * * * * *

  THEIR SON was happy.

  Xoey couldn’t get over how much that one sentence affected her, filled her with irrepressible joy.

  After all the universe had done to his three parents, here was their son, glowing, thriving.

  And happy.

  He’d made the declaration not ten minutes ago, after he’d finished meeting Toby, Darcy’s new service animal. Even though the two had met for the past few months, Toby had mostly been in training so the two had never had a chance to just relax, really.

  After following the trainer’s instructions on signaling to Toby that ‘work time’ was over, Blake squatted down to scratch Toby’s ears.

  And like two magnets finding their mate, Toby instantly rested his chin on Blake’s shoulder for what could only be described as a canine hug. Blake immediately reached his little arms around Toby and gave him a big ole hug back.

  Then he sprawled out next to Toby and simply started chatting
like he’d just been reunited with his long lost pal.

  Even the trainer looked startled.

  Barely a minute later, Toby was so content that he looked to be asleep, with his head on Blake’s lap as Blake continued to pet him and tell him all about his two moms, his dad, his aunt and uncle, and his cousins. He explained to his new furry friend all the playground politics of being a second grader. And then he told him how special this park was for his family, and that since Toby was part of his family now, it would be special for him too.

  Meanwhile, they’d all just stood there in utter silence watching the magical bond forming between Blake and Toby.

  …And that’s when it happened.

  In the middle of another hug for his new bestie, Blake smiled up at them and then said those simple little words: “I’m happy. Really, really happy, you guys.”

  Immediately following, Isaac caught her gaze and held it in the only kind of embrace they gave each other anymore. So they could share, celebrate the fact that their child was happy.

  God, she missed him so much.

  * * * * *

  IT HAD TAKEN absolutely every last bit of restraint he possessed not to grab Xoey and drag her into his arms in that moment.

  Christ, he missed her.

  “So how has your time with him been lately?” she asked with a friendly smile when Blake went off to run around the park with Toby and the trainer.

  “Good. His first sleepover at my place last weekend was a huge success.”

  Her eyes crinkled at the corners. “I heard. B.W. and his friends were talking nonstop about all the fun they had when I picked them up.”

  “Also…” Isaac paused, still feeling his throat clog with emotions over the memory. “He called me his dad the other day. In an actual conversation. Not to me, but to a worker at the grocery store. He said that ‘he and his dad were looking for the charcoal.’”

  Which of course had caused Isaac to crash the grocery cart into a display of boxed stuffing mix because he’d been too overcome to do anything but stare at his son.

  Happiness flooded Xoey’s expression. “That’s so awesome. I love it.”

  Hearing the one word that echoed in his head like his own heartbeat every time he saw her brought his emotions dangerously close to the surface. But he kept them banked. Kept himself from reaching for her.

  Instead, he made conversation to keep her nearby for just a little while longer. “Hey, I always meant to ask, why B.W.?”

  She shrugged. “You’ve seen his birth certificate.”

  Yes, he had seen Blake’s birth certificate, and he’d stared at it for what seemed like forever when his name was finally added to it as Blake’s father. “No, I mean why B.W. and why did you choose Wesley as his middle name? Darcy mentioned the other week that after she’d asked you to choose Blake’s middle name, you’d been adamant on a ‘W’ name. Why?”

  She hesitated for a beat before answering, “I picked a ‘W’ name because at first, I was going to give him the middle name ‘Mack.’ But then I realized that would make his initials ‘BM.’”

  Isaac chuckled. “I’m sure Blake will appreciate that a lot in the years to come.”

  Chewing on her lip, she gazed at him softly. “The reason why I went with a ‘W’ name is because for some reason, I thought about this photo I saw in your closet, well, in ‘Mack’s’ closet. It fell off the shelf when I reached for the Bears jersey.”

  Instantly, he knew which photo she was talking about.

  “It was a Halloween photo and the older boy was dressed as Batman while the younger one was dressed as—”

  “Robin.” He nodded. “That was a photo of me and Cody.”

  “While I was trying to think of a name, that photo kept flashing in my head. So I named him Wesley, so he could be B.W. for short, in tribute to the photo.”

  He puzzled over that. “So B.W. stands for…Bruce Wayne?”

  “No. ‘Boy Wonder.’ I named him after your little brother because you’d been looking at him with such love in the photo… I wanted that for our son. And for you.”

  Two steps was all it took to have her in his arms.

  Pulling her tight against his chest, his arms banded around her like steel straps. “I miss you so damn much, Xoey.”

  Her arms wrapped around his waist, with nearly as much force. “I miss you too, Isaac. Every day.”

  “Momma!” The sharp peal of laughter from across the park broke up the moment.

  The both looked over at Blake, who was waving at Xoey from across the field, showing her how he could make Toby roll over.

  “Momma?” he asked. That was new.

  She smiled softly. “It was what I used to call my own mother. And since Blake already had a ‘mom.’ I picked ‘momma’ for him to call me. And he’s been calling me that ever since.”

  Isaac cupped her face, and ran his thumb over her cheek. Wanting so damn much to kiss her now-smiling lips.

  “Momma, momma, look!”

  “I should go,” she said softly.

  Xoey took a step back and he let her go.

  “Bye, Isaac.”

  “Goodbye, Xo.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  XOEY FROWNED WHEN she walked into a fully-packed Ocotillos…and found it almost completely silent.

  “What’s up, guys?” She glanced over at her bartenders. “Everything okay?”

  Abruptly, the room quieted even more and she wondered if they were under hostage attack. Or just being taken over by pod people.

  “This isn’t a stick-up, honey,” came a deep, amused voice from behind her.

  Blushing, Xoey realized she’d been raising both hands in the air slowly. Spinning around, she looked from Isaac to the small group of people behind him who she didn’t recognize at all. “What exactly is going on here?”

  Oh lord, this wasn’t an intervention was it?

  Isaac chuckled affectionately.

  Oops. There she went again, wearing her sarcasm on her face.

  He took another step forward and suddenly all the humor vanished from the situation. “Isaac—ˮ

  “Just give me ten minutes.”

  Somehow feeling that her world would be spinning on its axis in that time, she hesitated. But the quietly intense, utterly patient look on his face soon prompted her nod in agreement.

  “Sweetheart, I know you think that too much has happened in the last nearly ten years for us to be able to come back from that, but I want to show you a little of what this past decade has been like for me.”

  She gave him another slight nod, eyes widening as he stepped back to point at the people behind him.

  “The woman standing there with her husband is the first woman I dated after you and I had our one night. It was nearly six months later. She will be available for you to chat with after, wherein, she will inform you that I did practically nothing but talk about you the entire date. How I’d messed up. How I wished I could find you.”

  Dumbfounded, Xoey turned to the gorgeous smiling and nodding woman.

  Christ, this was worse than an intervention. It was an invasion.

  And her heart was the target.

  Next he pointed at Luke, who was standing there with Dani.

  “Of course you already know Luke. Before you became my best friend, he filled that role for over a decade, and he can tell you probably a hundred stories over the years of instances where he caught me thinking about you.” Eyes glued to hers, Isaac confessed softly, “He’ll tell you that I went back to that club where we first met. Every single night for weeks, I sat in that club just hoping to see you again. And when I didn’t, he can tell you I was basically a miserable son of a bitch to be around for the next few weeks following.”

  Luke’s muttered, ‘Amen,’ had everyone laughing. But Xoey was reeling too far to be able to do anything but listen.

  “The next spring, I’d remembered that you said you were graduating from ASU soon and so I went to the commencement ceremony. I sat in the st
ands of the arena and stared out at the sea of graduates, the thousands of strangers in caps and gowns, on the crazy chance that I’d see your face. I stayed the entire ceremony knowing I wouldn’t actually be able to find you, but wanting to be there with you when you graduated anyway.”

  He lifted a shoulder sadly. “I didn’t know you’d deferred a semester for the pregnancy, obviously. But back then, I had thought that I’d shared that life moment with you.”

  Tears were running down her face and she didn’t even move to stop it.

  “And finally, Luke can tell you how many times I’ve stopped and stared at a woman, not because she was beautiful, but because there’s something about her that reminded me of you. Even though I’ve only had shadows and bits and pieces in my memories, a part of me was always looking for you, Xo. Always”

  She didn’t have to see Luke’s nodding face to see the truth in that.

  He walked over and put his arm around his mom. “This special lady, you already know. My mom can tell you how I called her after you’d found out I was ‘Mack,’ and how I’d looked up every video and every book on pregnancy, drilling her with question after question because I’d missed it. Your pregnancy with our child. It killed me that I hadn’t been there for you, with you for those nine months. But at least now, I know a little more of what you went through.”

  Oh God. It was happening. The protective shell she’d managed to build around her heart over the past two months was cracking. Shattering, really.

  “Now you see these guys over there? The walking GQ catalogue? Those are the guys you met at the house that day you tried to find me. After my ten minutes are up, they’re all going to line up and get on their friggin’ knees to beg for your forgiveness for hurting you that day, and for making you feel for one second that I didn’t want you. They’ve already apologized to me for making me lose out on nearly a decade with my son and the love of my life, but I’m leaving the decision to you. If you don’t feel like they’ve apologized to your satisfaction, if even their perfectly quaffed hair with their overuse of hair products offends you, say the word, and I will take them out back and beat the living daylights out of them.”