The Registrar's Wedding Wish

by Lucy Clark

  Throughout the morning she slowly settled her stomach and ate lunch in the cafeteria with Natasha.

  ‘You look stressed,’ her friend commented.

  ‘So much is riding on this evening.’ She looked down at the salad roll she’d ordered and had taken three bites out of. ‘I don’t think I can finish this.’ Annie pushed it away. ‘What if it all backfires, Tash? What if what I have to say means nothing and he doesn’t change his mind?’ Tears started to well in her eyes.

  ‘What have you got on this afternoon?’

  ‘Clinic.’

  ‘Well, at least you have something solid to concentrate on to get you through.’ Natasha reached over and took her friend’s hand in hers. ‘Believe in yourself. Believe in yourself, Annie, and things will turn out right.’

  Annie sighed and wiped away her tears.

  Hayden was sitting at his desk, looking down at the paperwork in front of him, not registering a thing that was written there. She’d changed shifts with Wesley. She’d asked him out this evening. She looked incredibly beautiful today and he found her even harder to resist.

  The knock at the door startled him and for a brief second he wished it was Annie, dreading it at the same time. ‘Come,’ he called, and relaxed visibly when Brenton walked into the room. ‘Problem?’

  ‘Just one of the interns wanting to switch an A and E placement with an orthopaedic placement. I needed to stretch my legs so I thought I’d bring it up instead of sticking it in the internal mail.’ He handed Hayden the form.

  Hayden scanned it. ‘Looks fine.’ He placed it in his in box. ‘Anything else?’

  ‘Yes. You may think I’m interfering, which is something I usually leave up to my wife.’

  Hayden smiled. ‘But…’

  ‘But I just wanted you to know that Annie has applied for several jobs outside this hospital.’

  Hayden nodded. ‘That’s natural. She finishes her training in a few months so it’s only right she looks for a new position. After all, she’ll be a qualified consultant.’

  ‘She’s mentioned trying to get her six-month rotation here split into two lots of three, which means she’ll be finishing at this hospital in about four weeks’ time, at the end of March.’

  Hayden absorbed the information, determined not to let his true emotions show.

  ‘Just wanted to give you a “heads up”.’

  ‘Thanks.’ He watched as Brenton headed for the door, knowing there was more to come. He was right. Brenton stopped, his hand on the door.

  ‘Due to circumstances, completely different from yours, it took Natasha and I seven years before we could get to the point where we were happy. That’s almost ten years ago now, and each day since then has proved to me it was worth the fight, worth the sacrifices and worth the pain, because now I have her love for ever.’

  ‘Your point?’

  ‘If things feel right with Annie, if you love her…’ Brenton shook his head. ‘Don’t let true happiness escape you. Your life will never be the same again.’

  Hayden nodded. ‘Noted.’

  Annie walked into the pool hall just before eight. Being a Wednesday night, it was typically quiet but Trevor welcomed her warmly.

  ‘Back to shoot your sorrows away?’

  ‘Better than drowning them.’ She forced a smile and shrugged her shoulders. ‘Table two free?’

  ‘Kept it just for you.’

  Annie glanced behind her at the door, willing Hayden to walk in. He’d paged her after clinic, saying he’d had a meeting rescheduled at the last minute and that he’d meet her at the pool hall when he was done. She wondered if it was just an excuse. Was he about to stand her up?

  She headed over to the table and set everything up.

  ‘Stop glaring at the door,’ Trevor said as he brought over her usual lemonade. ‘He’ll get here when he gets here.’

  ‘Is it that obvious?’

  ‘That you’re waiting for him, or that you’re in love?’

  Annie tried to laugh but it ended on a sigh. ‘Both.’

  ‘This is the real deal?’

  ‘The real deal,’ she repeated despondently, and slammed the tip of her cue into the white ball, scattering the rest of the balls around the table. Two found their homes in the pockets.

  ‘Nice break. Want some company?’

  ‘Thanks, but I don’t want to drag you down into my misery.’

  Trevor laughed. ‘Surely it’s not that bad.’

  Annie sighed again. ‘Ever been in love, Trev? Really in love?’

  ‘Gee. I think I need to wipe the bar down again.’ He moved in that direction and Annie smiled. ‘At least I got you smiling.’ He winked and turned away.

  Annie bent over the table and concentrated on her shots. She potted another one. Geometry had always been one of her better subjects. She was beginning to think she’d completely flunked out in the ‘affairs of the heart’ class. Pity they hadn’t offered that at university.

  She slowly sank each ball in turn, playing mind games with herself. She wouldn’t look over to the door until she’d potted another three balls.

  Three balls down—she checked.

  No Hayden.

  She racked them up again and began the slow torture once more. She leaned over the table, determined that her eyes wouldn’t fill with tears while she was trying to concentrate. Where was he? She’d been here almost an hour and deep down inside she was wondering just how long she was going to hang around. She knew the answer—until Trevor closed the place.

  The door had opened a few times and each time she’d looked over, her breath catching in her throat, only to hiss out slowly and dejectedly when it hadn’t been Hayden. Angelo had stopped by to say hello and had asked after her friend. She hadn’t been game enough to tell him she was supposed to meet Hayden—just in case he didn’t show up.

  ‘Focus,’ she whispered to herself. She’d initially suggested the pool hall because the atmosphere relaxed her. Now, though, she realised it wouldn’t have mattered where she’d suggested, she’d still be as nervous as she was now. She had a lot she wanted to say to him, but him showing up would be a huge step in the right direction.

  Trevor brought her over another drink and the pitying look was almost too much to bear. Annie could feel anger starting to build. Who was Hayden’s meeting with anyway, and at this time of night? Had it just been an excuse? No. She dismissed that thought. Hayden was man enough to tell her straight out if he wanted to cancel, and she couldn’t really see him being the type to stand her up. He had principles, ethics and morals, and she loved him for that.

  Still…She glanced over at the door, her jaw dropping open as she saw him walk in. Was she dreaming? Hallucinating? She didn’t dare take her gaze off him in case he vanished into thin air. He didn’t smile as he walked in her direction but instead he continued to a chair, dumped his briefcase on the ground and picked out a cue.

  ‘I didn’t think that meeting would ever end.’ His voice was gruff and impatient as he chalked his cue. He looked at her and felt a blow to the solar plexus as he realised her eyes had filled with tears. ‘Sorry I’m so late. I would have paged you but it was impossible and in the end I thought it better just to get the meeting over and done with and get here as soon as I could.’

  Annie smiled…really smiled for the first time that day. ‘That’s OK.’ She forgave him for being late. She forgave him for making her cry—in fact, she forgave him everything simply because he was there. She pulled a tissue from her pocket and dabbed at her eyes and sniffed. ‘I’m just glad you came.’

  He stayed on the other side of the table, needing distance in case he gave in to the urge to crush her to him. ‘I didn’t mean to…worry you.’

  ‘You’re here.’ She busied herself with collecting the balls and settling the triangle around them. ‘You break.’

  ‘Sure.’

  He broke and for the next few minutes Annie was happy simply to concentrate on the game. Hayden was here. He hadn’t stood her
up, and just being in his presence made her happy. What she wanted to say could wait until they’d both unwound.

  Neither of them spoke much during the next two games, each winning one. As Hayden racked the balls up for another round, he looked at Annie.

  ‘You wanted to talk?’

  Annie’s palms started to perspire. ‘Yes.’

  He nodded and, after removing the triangle, leaned over to break. The sounds of the balls clacking into each other was the only sound. Now what was she supposed to say? I think you’ve made a mistake? I think we should not only date but get married? I love you so much that if you don’t my heart is going to break, and I don’t think it will ever mend?

  While she gathered her thoughts Hayden continued to pot the balls, not looking at her. ‘Brenton mentioned you’re thinking about doing two three-monthly stints to finish off your training.’

  Annie closed her eyes. Typical of Monty. He probably thought he was helping, telling Hayden that piece of news. ‘Yes. I was waiting to hear back from another hospital, you know, to see if it was actually possible before I told you.’

  He bent over, targeting another ball, still not looking at her. ‘Where?’

  ‘Uh…Melbourne.’

  ‘Got some friends there who can pull a few strings?’

  ‘Yes.’

  He didn’t say anything else until he’d cleared the table. Then he stood, resting his cue on the floor. ‘Why?’

  ‘Why? How can you ask that?’ Annie was astounded. ‘Hayden, I love you and the fact that you don’t return that love interferes with my professional life. I know it shouldn’t and I’ve been working hard to separate the two, but the fact remains that we work together. You’re my boss and you can’t keep me working the evening on-call for ever.’

  ‘So you’re just going to leave.’ He tossed his cue onto the table and stared at her.

  ‘I think it’s for the best.’

  ‘You’re a good doctor, Annie. The hospital needs you.’

  ‘You’ll be getting an equally competent replacement when I go.’

  ‘And when will that be?’

  ‘Well, if I can get everything organised, in about four weeks’ time.’

  ‘That’s not long.’

  ‘It’s long enough.’

  ‘What about your apartment?’

  ‘I’ll need something closer to the hospital.’

  ‘And your friends? Are you going to uproot the Worthington family and take them to Melbourne, too?’

  She frowned at him, slightly puzzled by his attitude. ‘Anyone would think you care, Hayden.’

  ‘I do care!’ He slammed his hand down onto the table. Thankfully, the noise in the place had increased so no one noticed.

  Annie’s heart was beating wildly at his reaction. He cared…but how much? She closed her eyes momentarily, sending up a silent prayer. Hoping against hope. She opened them slowly, to watch him down his drink and rake a hand through his hair.

  ‘Fill in the paperwork and give it to my secretary when you’re done.’ He stalked over to the chair and picked up his briefcase. He walked towards her and Annie felt as though she were slap-bang in the middle of her worst nightmare. He stopped and looked at her. ‘If this is what you want.’

  ‘It isn’t.’ Her tone was imploring, wanting him to know she was only doing this to keep herself from shrivelling up inside. ‘I don’t see I have much of a choice, Hayden. Working alongside you, living next door to you. You’re driving me insane and the fact that you don’t seem to want me—’

  ‘I do.’ His tone was as fierce as her own. He gripped her arm with his free hand. ‘I do, Annie.’

  Her heart lurched with renewed hope. It was there in his eyes. Yes, he wanted her but did he love her?

  ‘I love you, Annie.’ The words were said softly and his hand relaxed, rubbing up and down her arm. Her eyes glazed over with tears. There was her answer but the next question was—how much? ‘Stay.’ It was a whispered command and one she felt herself crumbling towards.

  ‘And what?’ she whispered back. ‘Just hang around together? Move in together?’ She shook her head. ‘That’s not my style, Hayden. I’m a traditional girl at heart and I want…I need the real deal. Marriage and children.’

  He dropped his hand as though burnt, his eyes turning emotionless once more. ‘Self-preservation. We each do what’s necessary.’ With that, he walked past her and headed towards the door.

  Annie couldn’t look. Couldn’t watch him walk away.

  Out of her life…for ever.

  One week later, Annie had renegotiated her lease to expire at the end of March, even though it meant paying extra. She’d even stayed quite a few nights with the Worthingtons, unable to be so close to Hayden yet so far. Thankfully, neither Brenton nor Natasha had tried to change her mind. Katrina had even offered to speak to her stubborn brother on Annie’s behalf, but Annie had made her new friend promise to keep her mouth shut.

  Everything hurt, painfully so, but she kept telling herself it was for the best—self-preservation.

  The paperwork to transfer the last three months of her training to Melbourne General was complete—except for Hayden’s signature. Her replacement was all organised and she couldn’t believe it had actually come to this. She dropped the forms off with his secretary at the end of her shift and fled before she burst into tears.

  The hospital grapevine had noticed a huge difference in their new orthopaedic professor and his female registrar. Even Wesley was being nice to her in his own way. Amazingly enough, Annie didn’t give a hoot about the gossip. She had better things to worry about, such as how to stop her heart from feeling like a dry piece of rock, heavy and burdensome.

  On Saturday night, two days after she’d left the paperwork with his secretary, she ordered herself a pizza and sat in front of the television to devour it and a block of chocolate. Comfort food. At the moment it was her only consolation. Unfortunately, the movie was a love story and she wished she’d stopped by the video store to rent a comedy.

  A knock at the door startled her, and as she sniffed and wiped tears from her eyes she walked over to open it.

  ‘Hayden!’ She stared, open-mouthed, unable to believe he was knocking on her door. The air seemed to rush from her lungs and her head started to feel light. When she started to sway, he leaned forward to support her.

  ‘You all right?’

  She took a wobbly step back from him, his touch scalding her. ‘Fine.’ She forced her instantly mushy heart to harden. ‘What do you want? Cup of sugar?’

  He smiled and that did it. She was lost. Her heart pounded its rhythm of love and her eyes glazed over with desire. Disgusted with herself and her body’s traitorous reaction, she turned and shuffled her way back to the sofa.

  ‘You look…comfortable.’

  She glanced down at her old tracksuit, comfortable T-shirt and fluffy red slippers. She shrugged and turned the television off. ‘Pizza?’

  ‘No.’ He closed her door behind him and walked over.

  ‘What do you want?’

  ‘To apologise.’

  ‘For?’

  He raked a hand through his hair. ‘For being…an idiot.’

  ‘No argument.’

  He paced up and down her living room, looking so agitated that she couldn’t help but take pity on him. ‘Do you still love me?’ She couldn’t believe her voice cracked and quickly cleared her throat.

  He stopped and crouched down near the sofa. ‘Yes.’

  Annie closed her eyes and sighed thankfully. Her eyes opened again when he lifted her legs and sat on the sofa beside her, placing her legs over his. ‘I love you,’ he said sincerely, and cupped her face in his hands. ‘The past week and a half has been the most miserable of my life.’

  ‘I know. I’ve lived it, too.’

  He brushed his thumb over her mouth and looked pleadingly into her eyes. ‘I need to kiss you, Annie. It’s eating me alive. I can’t think, I can’t work, I can’t sleep. I need to kiss yo
u,’ he whispered, and before she could say anything, his mouth was on hers.

  Where she thought it might be hard and furious, she was wrong. He was tender, gentle and, above all, passionate. It was a kiss of promise. A kiss of hope. And her own emotions started soaring out of control.

  Her heart filled with love and she returned his kiss, emotion for emotion, showing him how completely wonderful it was to have his mouth against hers once more.

  He pulled back, gasping for air. ‘The thought of never being able to kiss you again ate away at my heart. Regardless of what I’ve said in the past, regardless of what I’ve done to hurt you, the thought of never being able to hold you, to kiss you, to be with you…makes me feel like an empty shell.’ His hands caressed her face again, his thumb rubbing sensually over her swollen lips as he spoke.

  Impatiently, he turned her around and dragged her onto his lap, his arms holding her firmly to him as though he was never going to let her go. ‘I love you, Annie.’

  ‘So you’ve said.’ She needed to let him know that there had to be more. He’d told her he loved her before and had still broken her heart.

  ‘You were right when you accused me of merely existing instead of living. I am…was. That’s what I’m here to change.’

  ‘Hayden, I—’

  ‘No. You were right, Annie. After Liana’s death, I locked everything up. My heart, my emotions, my passion. Lonnie had destroyed her fair share but Liana’s death…it tipped me over the edge.’

  Annie watched him closely, seeing and feeling his pain as he spoke. She gently pushed his hair back from his face, loving the feel of it beneath her fingers.

  ‘I can’t do this any more.’ Hayden’s voice broke and she gathered him closer, burying her head in his neck. She kissed him, breathed him in and felt herself getting stronger.

  ‘You don’t have to,’ she said a moment later, pulling back to look down into his eyes. ‘Whatever you need to face, whatever you need to sort out, let’s do it together. Don’t shut me out any more, Hayden.’

  ‘I won’t. I can’t. I need you, Annie.’ He pressed his lips to hers. ‘I don’t deserve you.’

  ‘Oh, yes, you do,’ she answered quickly. ‘You’re a good man, Hayden, and you deserve the best, if I do say so myself.’