As he climbed the stairs to his room, he thought about the past. So much had happened since that early morning almost twenty years ago when he’d stolen away before the sun came up and walked to the county road, where he found a ride headed anywhere.
If anyone had told him on that crisp fall morning that he’d return to the Rocking O someday, he would have laughed. If they’d told him the same thing three years later, as he signed the recruitment papers, he’d have laughed even harder. Yet here he was, and he was glad he’d come. But it was time to move on. He’d tell Shawn tomorrow that he wouldn’t be there for graduation and hoped his son understood. It was Tanner who had raised the boy Tucker hadn’t known about, and it was Tanner who deserved to experience this last rite of passage with the boy who was like his son.
“HEY, DAD.”
Tucker shoved the box farther inside his SUV and turned, shading his eyes against the morning sun with his hand. Shawn stood in the yard, a dark silhouette. Tucker had hoped he could get everything packed before anyone noticed. Apparently things weren’t going to go as he’d hoped.
“Are you coming in for breakfast?” Shawn asked, walking closer.
Tucker pulled the hatchback down until it clicked. “Sure.”
“What are you doing with those boxes?” Shawn asked, nodding toward the back of the SUV.
“Just some stuff.” Tucker put his arm around Shawn’s shoulders and turned toward the house, trying to avoid the inevitable, at least for a while. “Have you and Ryan decided when you’re leaving for the coast?”
“Maybe on Thursday,” Shawn answered, as they stepped up on the wide porch together and started around for the back to the kitchen. “We want to get an early start, and that probably won’t work on Wednesday. You know, with that party and all, Tuesday night after the graduation ceremony.”
Tucker felt more than saw the glance Shawn gave him. “Smart thinking. No sense taking risks that don’t need to be taken.”
Shawn opened the back door and held it for Tucker, then followed him inside the house. “That’s pretty much what Ryan and I thought. One day isn’t going to make that much difference. We aren’t in a rush, or anything, to get there.”
“There you are,” Bridey called to them. “Tucker, there’s scrambled eggs and ham. And don’t miss the doughnuts Kate dropped off early this morning.”
“I wondered who was stopping by so early,” he said, taking a seat at the table with the rest of the family. “She must be a morning person to be up and about that early.”
Jules handed him a cup of coffee. “She worked Aggie’s farm for years, and you know how it is for farmers.”
“Up at dawn, in bed at dusk,” he said.
“Well, not so much at dusk,” Jules said, laughing. “I know I’d never be able to get to sleep that early.”
Bridey handed him a plate of fresh-baked biscuits, and he breathed in the smell of them. “I sure missed your cooking all those years,” he told his aunt.
She stopped, quiet for a moment, then a smile brightened her face. “We missed you, Tucker. And you’ll never have to miss my cooking again.”
He tried to smile back at her, but instead, he ducked his head. Staring at the plate full of food in front of him, he felt a wave of shame pass over him. He’d done his family wrong in the past. There was no doubt they’d worried about him. Tanner had admitted to hiring private detectives to try to find him, and he could imagine how Bridey had reacted. He knew he’d been her favorite when he was a young boy. But she hadn’t been able to take the place of the mother who’d left him.
He’d wondered for a while if it had been his fault that Sally had left. Bridey had always been there when he’d needed comforting and had assured him it didn’t have anything to do with him, his brother or his daddy. His mama just wasn’t a person who could stay in one place. But it was years before he could accept that he wasn’t at fault, at least in some small way.
It wasn’t easy to keep up with the everyday conversation when his mind was on how he was going to explain to Shawn why he wasn’t sticking around. Nobody seemed concerned when he didn’t say much. Maybe it was because he’d been there long enough that everyone understood he wasn’t much for talking.
As soon as breakfast was over, he went up to his room to pack the last of his belongings. He hadn’t had much to begin with. He’d been living light for most of his life. When he wasn’t living in a barracks, he’d lived in a small apartment. Living alone was his choice, although he’d had a couple of roommates over the years. He liked solitude better.
With an oversize and overstuffed duffel bag in each hand, he surveyed the room for anything he might have missed. Tanner had given him photos of Shawn over the years, but those were carefully tucked away in a solid box with a few other bits of memorabilia.
He was ready.
No one was around when he reached the bottom of the stairs and turned for the front door. Even on a Saturday, there were chores to keep everyone busy, at least for part of the morning.
At his SUV, he stowed the duffels in the back. His intention was to find Shawn and let him know he was moving on, but he didn’t need to look for him. As soon as he shut the rear door and turned around, Shawn was walking toward him from the barn.
“You’re leaving,” Shawn said, stopping in front of Tucker.
“It’s time I move on.”
Shawn’s mouth turned down in a frown, and he planted his hands on his hips. “Why? Did I do something wrong?”
“Of course not,” Tucker replied.
“I thought you were staying for my graduation.”
Tucker nodded and tried to keep any hint of the emotions that were rolling inside of him from showing. “I’d planned to, but I think that’s something that you and your uncle should share, without me around.”
“That’s crazy.” For a moment Shawn said nothing else, then his eyes narrowed. “Did he tell you to leave? Is that it? Is it about that party?”
“This is my decision, and Tanner doesn’t know. Don’t blame him, Shawn. He did a good job raising you. He loves you.”
“And I love him, too,” Shawn said, his eyes shimmering with tears. “But you’re my dad, even though I never knew you until a few weeks ago. You don’t know what it’s been like.”
“I have an idea,” Tucker said, before Shawn could say more. “It’s plain that you’re a better person than I am. I didn’t stay, and then I was irresponsible enough to father a child and not even know. You’ve been much better off having Tanner around.”
Shawn shook his head, whipping it from side to side. “You don’t understand! Getting to know you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Tucker’s throat closed on the emotions welling inside, but he remained determined to do what he believed was right. “You’re grown up now, Shawn. You don’t need me. You’re an adult, getting ready to strike out on your own.”
Shawn looked around the yard, as if he was looking for something. “I’ll be back in a couple of months,” he said, a note of panic in his voice. “I might be going to college, but I’ll be coming home on weekends and holidays. I’d thought you’d be here then. I’d expected you to be here.”
“I know.” Tucker didn’t want to be a disappointment, but he knew what was best. Maybe Shawn didn’t realize that the ties would soon be broken, no matter what, but Tucker understood how quickly life changed when a young man struck out on his own. “We’ll keep in touch, I promise. What with all the fancy technology, we can talk anytime.”
Shawn shook his head slowly. “It isn’t the same.” Looking up, he looked steadily at Tucker. “If you won’t do it for me, maybe you’ll do it for her.”
“Her?” Tucker said, without thinking. But then he knew who Shawn meant, and he didn’t have an answer.
Obviously resigned by the slump of his shoulders, Shawn sighed. “Where are you headed?”
Knowing he needed to leave now, before he couldn’t, Tucker moved around to the driver’s side of the vehic
le. “I haven’t decided.”
“You have my cell phone number?” Shawn asked.
Tucker nodded.
“Then let me know when you do decide.”
“I will.” Standing at the door, he reached out and pulled his son into his arms, giving him a hug. “Have Tanner send me pictures of graduation, okay?”
“Okay.” But Shawn’s voice was muffled and shaky.
“And have a safe trip to the coast.”
Shawn nodded, his chin bumping against Tucker’s chest. “We will.”
Tucker finally released him and opened the door to climb in.
“I’m glad I finally met you,” Shawn said. “I just wish you’d stay.”
“I’m glad I finally met you, too,” Tucker replied.
He could still see Shawn standing in the drive before he turned onto the dirt road that would lead him away from the Rocking O, yet again. But there was one more stop he needed to make before he hit the road.
Chapter Eleven
Paige nudged the front door open with her shoulder and prayed she wouldn’t drop the armload of files she was carrying. She’d already decided she wouldn’t bother to open them until tomorrow. She and Garrett were going to the O’Briens’ tonight for a pregraduation barbecue, and she was ready to kick back and relax. Or at least try to.
“You’re home early,” Garrett greeted her when she stepped inside.
She shut the door and smiled at him. “We even stayed an extra half hour after the last scheduled patient, but nobody else came in. I’m free for the rest of the day.”
“Obviously not too free,” Garrett said, nodding at the files still in her arms.
“I’ll deal with them tomorrow,” she said with a shrug. “Right now, I’m going to change, and then I’m going to relax on the deck for a few minutes and enjoy this lovely spring afternoon. Then I’ll check on those flowers I planted. I’m sure they need some water, if not a little weeding.”
In her bedroom, she dropped the files and her purse on the bureau, and then changed into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt from her college days. After slipping on a pair of canvas shoes, she grabbed her sunglasses and walked through the house and out onto the deck.
With a sigh of contentment, she lowered herself into the cushioned lounger and closed her eyes. Spring was definitely in the air. Thanks to a light breeze, the scent of newly opened flowers drifted her way. It was times like this that reminded her of how right her move to Desperation had been. She’d been resistant to Garrett’s suggestion to move from the beginning, but when the group of doctors she shared her practice with in Cincinnati decided on a new set of rules…she was more than ready for a move. Since the very first day she arrived in Desperation, she’d never regretted the change, and she often thanked Garrett for continuing to insist. And for allowing her to live in his house. One day, soon, she’d find a place of her own, but neither of them was in a hurry to make changes. With both of them working late hours, they rarely saw each other. Meals were whatever they could get, except on Sundays, when she tried to make a nice dinner for the two of them. But too often, Garrett was out of town, and their family time, as they called it, didn’t happen.
She wouldn’t have believed it if someone had told her that she’d love small-town living, but now she wouldn’t trade it for anything.
“Somebody’s here to see you, Paige.”
She turned around at the sound of her brother’s voice and saw Tucker stepping out onto the deck. “I hope this isn’t a bad time,” he said. “I stopped at the clinic, but everyone was gone.”
Her heart raced and she hoped he didn’t notice how nervous she was. Why was he here? They’d agreed his therapy was over. “We finished the day early,” she explained, trying to appear calm and unaffected, then waved at a nearby chair. “Sit down, won’t you?”
“Thanks.” Sitting, he looked around. “It’s nice out here.”
“The flowers need watering and weeding, and Garrett’s not into digging in the dirt.” She shrugged. “I came out to take care of it and decided to enjoy what’s left of the afternoon.”
He nodded and didn’t look directly at her. “Do you like to garden?”
She laughed, thinking of how limited her time was. “When I can. Which isn’t often, but I try.”
When he nodded again, but was silent, she began to feel a little uneasy. Looking at him more closely, she wondered if something was bothering him. He looked a little nervous.
“Was there something specific you wanted to talk about?” she asked, needing to know what was going on and if something was wrong.
“There is,” he answered, but he didn’t seem to be any more at ease than she was feeling.
“Is your knee bothering you?” she asked, suddenly more concerned. “Or your leg?”
“No, no,” he said quickly. “Everything is good with that, which is why I’m here, I guess.”
A feeling of dread snaked up her back. “Oh?” And he still didn’t look directly at her.
This time, he nodded. “Yeah. I wanted to thank you for everything you did for me.”
“You already did that,” she reminded him.
“Yes and no. I told you that if it hadn’t been for you, I never would have done the physical therapy.” He shifted in the chair and finally looked at her, their gazes locking. “You saved me, Paige. You’re my miracle worker.”
A hard knot formed in the pit of her stomach. Something was going on. She could sense it, but she didn’t know what it was. “I only made you do what you needed to do. You did the work, not me. And you were the one who came to me, ready to do it.”
“But if you hadn’t kept at me—”
Paige was on her feet. “I’m not a miracle worker. I’m a doctor. It’s my job to help people.” She spun around and pointed at him. “Especially people like you, too stubborn to do what’s good for them. I don’t know what this is about, but—” Suddenly, seeing his eyes watching her, she knew. “You’re leaving.” When he didn’t answer, she continued. “When? Now?”
He nodded, and she couldn’t believe this was happening. Her heart ached. Tears threatened, but she wouldn’t let him see. “But Shawn’s graduation is Tuesday. Aren’t you going to at least wait for that? I know you were planning to be there. It’s the reason you stayed and—”
“My plans changed,” he said simply.
She opened her mouth to reply, but there was nothing she could say. She knew that. What she felt didn’t matter. She’d been denying that she’d fallen in love with him, but she had. She’d risked her career in the weight room, and she hadn’t cared. For some strange reason, she thought something might come of it, even though she kept telling herself it couldn’t.
“Does Shawn know?” she finally managed to ask.
“I told him before I came here,” he said, getting up from the chair and taking a step toward her. “I didn’t want to leave without seeing you first.”
She moved away from him. “Are you saying he’s all right with this?”
“He understands.”
She shook her head and turned away. “I—I can’t believe this.”
He took her arm. “Paige, I—”
She turned back to look at him, but all she saw in his eyes was pain. And she didn’t understand. He was the one who’d decided to leave, for whatever crazy reason.
“I’m damaged goods, Paige. You don’t have any idea. My life— Well, it hasn’t been what most people would call normal. I’ve never been able to settle down, not even in the marines. I’m a loner, and I’ll always be a loner. You’d only— I don’t want to hurt you.”
She didn’t believe him, except that he didn’t want to share his life with anyone, and especially with her. Shame swept through her that she had actually allowed a thought, here and there, of the two of them having some kind of future. But she still wasn’t ready to give up. “Maybe I’m willing to take that chance.”
Looking away, he shook his head. “You don’t understand.”
“Th
en explain it to me,” she begged, not caring how it might appear. “Help me understand.”
He started to speak, but instead, he released her. “There’s no way I can thank you—”
“Then don’t.” Speaking was difficult as she fought the tears that clogged her throat. “I don’t need your thanks.”
“Paige—”
“What I need…” she began and then realized this wasn’t about her. “No, what you need is to forgive yourself for all those things you think you did wrong, all those bad choices. When you can let go of all that misplaced guilt that’s weighing down your heart, then you can move forward, instead of being mired in a past that you can’t seem to realize is over and done with. Only then will you be a whole person.”
He shook his head. “You don’t—”
“Understand?” she finished, knowing that was what he was going to say. “Yes, I do, so don’t waste your time telling me, because it won’t make a difference. Not to me, and definitely not to you. Goodbye, Tucker. Have a happy life.”
He stood watching her for a few moments, then turned and walked into the house.
When she heard the sound of his vehicle starting, and then driving away, she gave up holding back the tears. Reaching for a trowel, she ordered herself not to think about what had just happened. It was for the best. She didn’t need him, and he certainly didn’t need her. Not anymore.
PAIGE STEPPED INTO the house and closed the sliding glass patio door behind her. Glancing at her watch, she realized she’d stayed outside longer than she’d realized. At least the garden was weeded and her flowers were watered. Other than that, she didn’t care to think.
“There you are,” Garrett said when she walked into the living room. “Jules O’Brien called and asked if we could come a little early. I told her I didn’t think it would be a problem.”
Stopping, Paige took a deep breath. She wanted to tell her brother to call Jules back and tell her they wouldn’t be coming. Or at least she wouldn’t be. Garrett could go if he wanted to. But she knew if she did that it would raise questions she couldn’t answer. Not now. Maybe not ever.
The Maverick's Reward Page 15
