We've Only Just Begun

by Kathleen Ball

  “I could use a bit of a rest.”

  “We’ll stop soon.” He tipped his hat and rode on down the line of wagons. He’d been so kind and understanding. He held her when she cried, and he treated her with the utmost kindness. It shamed her that she took so much but gave nothing in return. He cared about her, but nothing had changed. He was a wanderer who wasn’t ready to settle down.

  He’d only grow to resent her, and she didn’t want that. No, they’d part as soon as the trip was over. But her future no longer scared her. She was still alive, and she was very capable. She’d get it all figured out. There was no sense borrowing trouble. The wagons came to a stop, and she had things to do. She longed to be away from the whole wagon party but solitude and privacy weren’t to be found easily. She started to climb off the wagon when she felt strong warm hands around her waist. Her heart leapt. It was Mike. She knew his touch without having to turn around.

  He lifted her down and circled his arms around her middle, drawing her back against him. Somehow, he always knew when she needed his strength.

  Closing her eyes, she enjoyed the closeness with him. It was easier to block out the ugliness of the world with him by her side. If only it could last forever. She turned in his arms and laid her ear over his heart. Stolen moments like these were rare. She tried not to be alone with him; he was too much of a temptation. The man she would eventually spend her life with was the man who deserved her virginity. No matter how much she yearned for him, she had to fight her feelings of desire for Mike.

  But what if she never met another man she wanted? She lingered in Mike’s arms another few moments and then stepped back. “Thank you for helping me down.”

  Mike put his finger under her chin and tilted her head until their gazes met. All the desire she felt was reflected back at her in Mike’s eyes. Unshed tears pricked her eyes.

  She quickly turned and walked outside the circle of wagons. Her need for solitude outweighed her good sense of safety. As soon as she was far enough away that she thought no one could hear she fell to her knees, her body wracked with sobs. Grief bubbled over, and it would not be stemmed. She wept so hard it was nearly impossible to draw a breath.

  Mike’s hands on her shoulders didn’t surprise her. He dropped to his knees, and she fell into his embrace, wrapping her arms around his neck, and he became the port in her emotional storm. The world was so unforgiving with sickness, death, the Indians, and Natalie’s killer. Poor Lily was still out there, and she didn’t even know her mother was gone. Life wasn’t fair, it never had been. Mike rocked her back and forth until she calmed. Cried out, she slumped against his broad chest.

  He sat on the ground and pulled her onto his lap. Gently, he brushed her hair out of her eyes. Using the pad of his thumb, he wiped away her remaining tears. His eyes were filled with compassion as he murmured to her. “Honey everything will be fine. I’m here for you.”

  She stiffened her heart thumped against her chest as she wished she could believe him but life lessons had taught her that his words were untruths. It was nice of him to try though. Eventually she found it easy to breathe again. She began to push away but Mike held her tight.

  “Wait, just sit here for a bit, and try to relax. You’ve been through a lot and I’m worried about you.”

  “There’s no need to worry. Besides you have a whole wagon train full of people you should be worrying about.”

  He kissed the side of her neck, and she shivered. “You’re the one I care about. You come first. I’ve come to care deeply for you, Susan, and there are times when I think you feel the same.”

  “What do you plan to do once we get to Oregon?” She held her breath waiting for an answer.

  “Spend the winter on the ranch and then head back to Independence to lead the next train of people. I can’t let my brothers down.” He nuzzled her ear making it hard for her to think.

  “I understand. I’m hungry, and we should be getting back.”

  “Let’s just stay where we are a bit. I like being alone with you.” His husky voice brought an ache to her heart.

  She turned in the circle of his arms and gazed up at him. “I know, and that’s the problem.” Pulling away, she allowed her gaze to linger on his lips for just a moment before she walked alone back to camp. It wasn’t his fault. He’d only married her to keep her safe, and he certainly had no other obligation to her. Why couldn’t she just be in it for the adventure? Why did she allow her heart to become so entrenched in him?

  “Because I’m a damn fool, that’s why,” she muttered under her breath.

  “Susan, come and sit with us for a bit,” Savanna called.

  “Thanks, Savanna but I have a million things to get done. This evening, I promise.”

  “I’m going to hold you to that promise.” Savanna smiled at her.

  Savanna was a woman to admire. Susan hurried to her wagon and fixed bacon and biscuit sandwiches for her and Mike to eat. They’d gotten into a nice routine and he ate most of his meals with her. Smitty often invited them to his fire, and it was a nice treat to spend time with Smitty, Eli, and Jed. Jed missed Lily something fierce. He was the type of man who wore his heart on his sleeve. She often wished she had some words of wisdom for him, but there weren’t any.

  She ate, occasionally glancing around for Mike, but he didn’t come by for his food. She sighed. It was just as well. He knew the outcome same as she did.

  As they started to travel the upgrade to the mountains, Mike helped many families decide what to leave behind. They still had a ways to go, and they had come to the hardest part of the journey. The oxen were more important than ever. Usually there were a few tears spent when a family heirloom table, chest of drawers, or chair was left behind. The numerous graves they continued to pass made it all too real to the folks.

  The only one who refused to give was Big Bart. He had his two wagons now and still all of the oxen he now owned looked to have seen better days. Mike had a sinking suspicion that whiskey wasn’t the only thing he had in the wagons. He also had little doubt that Bart was Natalie’s murderer, but he lacked the proof necessary to hang him. So he kept a close watch on the man.

  Tomorrow they would reach a point where they would have to lower the wagons down a steep mountainside with ropes. He’d find out soon enough how heavy Bart’s wagons were. He wasn’t about to risk lives for that scoundrel.

  Mike worked extra hard each day in the hope he’d tire himself out to the point where he could sleep without tossing and turning, wishing he could lay with his wife. She was the sweetest thing this side of the Missouri, and he couldn’t get enough of her. He treasured her smiles the most, since she didn’t give them out as readily as before Lily was taken. He doubted they’d ever see Lily again. It weighed on him that Lily’s abduction and Natalie’s death happened while he was in charge. He didn’t take anyone’s well-being lightly.

  Connie and Ranger had pulled off to the side of the trail and were busy arguing when Mike rode up. They both became awfully quiet all of a sudden.

  “Is there a problem?”

  Connie flashed her father a look that seemed to be a warning.

  “No problem, Mike,” Ranger said. “The wagon is a bit heavy and we’re trying to peacefully decide what needs to go.”

  “If you need me let me know,” Mike said before he rode off. They were hiding something, too, but he didn’t have the time to figure it out. They had to keep going to the next place to camp. It was the only place big enough for them to circle and camp before making their way down the other side of the mountain.

  It was hard going for everyone, the drivers and the walkers. There would be more mountains to climb before the trip was through. It was going to be colder in the evenings too. He needed to spread the word for everyone to keep warm tonight. More than once, he watched Jed and Eli dismount and help encourage the oxen to keep going.

  Bart’s wagons were both stopped in the middle of the trail making it impossible for the others to pass him. The surly man
stood wielding a whip, attempting to drive his teams but succeeding only in tormenting the exhausted animals with each crack across their bony backs. That was it; time had come to confront the contrary man. Mike snatched the whip out of Bart’s hands and broke it in half. He got down off his horse and led the oxen, pulling the front wagon off to the side. Luckily, the oxen pulling the second wagon followed.

  Mike waved the others on by before he confronted the red faced man.

  “What in tarnation are you doing? You’re whipping the hide right off these poor beasts! You’ll not treat animals like this while I’m in charge.”

  “That’s the problem isn’t it? You being in charge. I think we need to take a vote and see if we want to continue with you leading us. I bet I could make a good case against you.” Bart gave him a smug smile.

  “Lighten your wagon before you go any further. I’ve told you repeatedly to get it done. You’re going to kill the livestock, and then you’ll be stuck. You and your things will be left behind.”

  “No one is leaving me behind. No one tells me what to do. You keep putting your nose in where it doesn’t belong!”

  Mike shook his head. “I’m moving on. I hope you make it to the top but know one thing. If your wagon is too heavy, we’re not lowering it down tomorrow. I refuse to risk anyone’s life so you can have your whiskey to sell.” Mike glanced back at the second driver who shrugged.

  “I’ll take my whip back,” Bart insisted.

  “It’ll be at the top waiting for you.” Mike rode off. There was no use wasting any more time or energy arguing with a man as stubborn as Bart. He’d learn soon enough that there would be no backing down on the rules.

  It took all day, but eventually they were up on the top, everyone but Bart. A few members of the party grumbled about it but no one was willing to go back and get him. After most folks had unyoked their livestock, Ranger and his daughter Connie approached him.

  “I’m going back to help Bart. Mike, I need you to look after Connie if something happens to me.” Ranger shifted his weight from one foot to the other looking decidedly uncomfortable.

  “Is there something you want to tell me? Is Bart giving you a hard time?”

  Connie started to speak but Ranger told her to hush up.

  “No, nothing like that. Just one man helping another. I should be back before dark.”

  Mike nodded. “I’ll look after Connie. You take care of yourself.”

  Ranger gave him a quick nod and headed off. Mike cocked his brow and gazed at Connie. She didn’t say anything. He watched as she made her way back to her wagon. What was really going on?

  Mike made the rounds explaining how the wagons would be lowered by ropes. Most looked anxious and it was going to be a very difficult day for all of them. At least no one threatened to turn around and go home. He’d had that happen before, but he’d always managed to get those folks calmed enough to go with the group. It was getting dark and still Big Bart had yet to show. He’d best show soon all men would be needed in the morning to help lower the wagons in the morning.

  It was time to spend some time with his wife. He’d miss her when he had to leave again. She might not even stay with him that long. He tried not to think about their parting, but it was inevitable. He halted as he approached their wagon and caught sight of her. Dang, she was a mighty fine woman.

  Seated on a crate, bathed in the firelight, she wore a look of serenity he hadn’t seen in awhile. It suited her, and he wondered what she was thinking about. It was almost a shame to disrupt her. She turned her head in his direction and smiled. His heart flipped in his chest, and he grinned at her, surprised but pleased when her smile didn’t fade.

  “I was wondering where you’d gotten to,” she said as she poured a cup of coffee for him. She waited until he sat on a crate before handing it to him.

  “Thank you.” He took a sip. “I was explaining how we’re going to lower each wagon down tomorrow.”

  “Yes, I was discussing it with Clarke and Savanna. Clarke is ready to get it done. I’ll have to admit I’m a bit nervous about the whole thing. How will I get down there?”

  “People will walk down. There’s a footpath not too far away that leads down to the bottom. It zigs then zags so it’s not steep. I’m not saying it will be easy but it’s not a steep walk. The livestock will have to go down that way too.”

  “What about the men lowering the wagons? Will they be safe?”

  “There’s always risk with everything we do on this trip. Having the wagons as light as possible is the key. I’m waiting to see if Bart makes it up the mountain. He was beating the oxen trying to get them to move, and he refused to get rid of anything in those darn wagons of his. Ranger went down to help him.” Mike shrugged. “I really don’t care if he doesn’t join us.”

  Susan nodded. “He’s a horrible man. I know what he did to Natalie. I might not have proof but I know in my gut he did it. But why are both wagon’s heavy? Didn’t he put some of the whiskey in Natalie’s wagon? Just how much whiskey does he have?” She sighed. “Maybe the oxen are too tired out from his lack of care to pull the wagons.”

  “I agree the oxen are in need of care. And I do agree with you about the whiskey. Either he has a ton of it or there is something else in his wagon. If he makes it up here I’m checking his wagon before we lower it.”

  “That would probably be for the best. Please be careful. Bart can be mean when he wants to be.”

  “It’s getting late. You’d better head on in and get some rest,” he said.

  She glanced away, and he couldn’t see her expression. “Good night.” She got up and climbed into the back of the wagon.

  Had he said something wrong? He didn’t seem to know the right thing to say or do lately. Maybe he had never known what to say in the first place. He’d had no business marrying Susan. It was going to be beyond hurtful when they parted.

  He sat and watched his brothers remind the men of their guard duty schedule. It was strange but they weren’t underfoot anymore. They didn’t defer to him before making decisions. They seemed to know what needed to be done, and they did it. Pride filled him as he continued to watch them, but soon that pride was tinged with a bit of sadness that he wasn’t as needed as he’d once been. He stood and shook his head. He was acting like an old woman.

  He was walking over to Smitty’s wagon when Ranger rode up the trail in a cloud of dust as though the very devil was after him. He stopped his horse abruptly at Smitty’s wagon and jumped down. “Bart is dead,” he announced breathlessly.

  He took a few deep breathes. “He had firearms hidden in the wagon—rifles and muskets. He and his driver, Max, had a big fight and Max shot him.”

  “Where’s Max now?” Mike asked.

  “They were putting the guns in one wagon and the whiskey in another. They took all of Natalie’s things out. I knew when I saw the guns I was in trouble. I didn’t say a word, just offered to help. Bart decided to bury the guns. He said you’d just destroy them. Max argued that they could sell them to the Indians, and he thought that was the plan all along. Bart called him stupid. Bart planned to take the guns, the whiskey, and Susan all to California to make money. But because of Mike, he’d just take the whiskey and Susan. He had his eye on the Walton girl and then let it slip in front of me he had plans for my Connie too.” Ranger’s hands began to shake so he jammed them into his pockets. “I took a step toward Bart, and he pulled his gun. I thought I was dead for sure, but Max shot him clean through the heart. He nodded to me then turned the wagon with the guns in it around and drove off.”

  Connie came running and threw herself into her father’s arms. “Oh, Daddy, you could have been killed.”

  “I’m fine, sweetheart.” He hugged her and then set her away from him. “The oxen are still down there along with the whiskey and wagon. I’m not sure what you want to do.”

  Mike ran his fingers through his hair.

  Eli stepped forward. “I’ll take a few of the men and go on down. I
t’s probably best to leave the wagon and take the oxen. We’ll bury Bart while we’re there. As far as Max goes, let him try to survive with his guns. I doubt he’ll get far, and we just don’t have the time or manpower to go after him.”

  Mike nodded, feeling at loose ends. He usually made the decisions. “Sounds like a good plan. Need me to go?”

  Eli nodded to something over Mike’s shoulder. “I think you’re where you need to be.”

  Mike turned and there stood Susan in her nightgown with a wrap around her shoulders. The moonlight caught the highlights in her dark hair, and she’d never looked lovelier. But she also looked frightened and so very vulnerable. He turned back to Eli. “Sounds like you have everything under control. Let me know if you need me.”

  Eli nodded. “Will do.”

  Mike turned once again and strode toward the beauty before him. He gathered her close to him and held on tight, grateful that Bart’s plan never came about. A part of him would have died if anything had happened to Susan. The enormity of his feeling for her crashed over him. He wasn’t willing to let her go.

  “Let’s get into the wagon. I need to know you’re safe.”

  Susan nodded. “You’ll stay with me won’t you?” Her voice wobbled.

  “Of course I will.” He took her hand and walked with her to their wagon.

  Susan couldn’t get warm. It was much colder in the mountains. A heat source lay right next to her and she wanted to be in his arms and not only because of the body heat that he provided. Turning onto her side she snuggled against him and smiled when he put his arm around her and pulled her close. Somehow, it always felt wonderful being with him. If she had to pick a man to be with for all of her days, she’d pick Mike.

  “The plan Bart had for you scared me. I knew he threatened a few times. I thought...even if he tried, I’d be able to stop him.”

  “Don’t forget Nellie Walton and Connie.”

  “I don’t love Nellie or Connie.”