by Kim Lawrence
‘I think you know we have.’ His grey eyes moved slowly over her face with almost clinical precision as though he was searching for something specific. ‘Is it true?’ he asked abruptly.
Flora froze. Her mind raced frantically—he couldn’t know, she told herself soothingly. How could he when she hardly knew herself? The secret was uppermost in her mind, which accounted for the fact her powers of deduction were a bit distorted just now. If I don’t volunteer anything, he can’t know anything. She dabbed her tongue to her upper lip to blot up the tiny beads of moisture there.
‘Is what true?’ Her eyes widened to their fullest, most guileless extent.
Josh’s own eyes narrowed as his glance moved from her innocent expression to the heaving outline of her chest. ‘You want to play it like that…?’ She watched nervously as his heavy lids drooped further over his worryingly alert gaze. ‘Fine,’ he approved casually.
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Please God he didn’t either!
‘I want to talk about us.’
She relaxed slightly, but not much—us couldn’t be classed as a safe subject either.
She carefully wiped her face of all emotion and stared at him stonily. It would be the final humiliation if he guessed how often she had dreamt of there being an us…if he guessed that how, even after all he’d done to her, if she’d seen him at a pre-redhead moment she might have been tempted to try against all odds to work towards there being an us.
‘There is no us, and never has been.’ That should do the trick! She had put her heart and soul into sounding as though she meant it—only a completely insensitive idiot could have failed to get the message in her icy put-down.
It frustrated her beyond belief to discover his silent, vaguely amused response was loaded with teeth-clenching scepticism. How could she have forgotten that Josh was a completely insensitive idiot?
Ignoring her little snort of annoyance, Josh contemplated thoughtfully the set angle of her firm chin, before strolling further into the room and looking around with interest.
‘Nice place you have here.’ He ran the square tip of one tapering finger down the spines of a row of books in her crammed bookcase.
Her own spine reacted as though it had received the caress. Just looking at his shapely hands made her feel shivery and feverish. Anxious to dismiss these distracting sensations, she said the first thing that came into her head—unfortunately her thoughts emerged uncensored.
‘Can your new girlfriend actually read, or does her bosom get in the way?’ They couldn’t have been real, Flora decided spitefully, thinking nasty, unsisterly thoughts about the curvaceous redhead.
His cough had started off sounding something suspiciously like a laugh. And no wonder he looked smug and self-satisfied, she thought bitterly as her tortured blue gaze slid self-consciously away from the sparkle in his amused eyes. So much for icy indifference, I might just as well have put out an advert in a national newspaper in case anyone hadn’t realised I’m a jealous cat!
‘Being a man…’
‘I’d hardly noticed,’ she said wistfully, tearing her lingering lustful gaze from his long, muscular legs.
‘I would never dare make a connection between a lady’s cup size and her IQ,’ he explained virtuously. The saintly air was rather spoilt by a lecherous grin that suddenly split his rather hard features. ‘I’m more a leg man myself,’ he admitted, dropping casually into an old leather armchair.
Flora wished she’d opted for trousers—not that there was anything remotely revealing about her severely tailored skirt unless you had a thing for ankles or calves. She remembered that Josh had had a thing about just about every part of her no matter how mundane. Desire made her skin prickle as sexual heat rushed through her.
‘It’s my brother, Jake, who’s the—’
Shamed at her weak response to him, Flora knew that she’d be a gibbering basket case if he turned his attention anywhere more intimate than her legs! Besides, she didn’t want to invite any unkind comparisons with his bosomy date!
Shrilly she cut him off. ‘Don’t make yourself comfortable, you’re not staying!’ she snarled. ‘If you don’t stop ogling my legs,’ she informed him, conveniently ignoring the fact she’d been doing the same thing herself only moments before, ‘I’ll…I’ll…’ he quirked an enquiring dark brow in her direction ‘…I’ll call the police!’ That injunction was looking more attractive by the second.
‘Really! That would make interesting listening,’ he reflected. ‘Could you send around an armed response unit? My boyfriend is looking at my legs…’
She gnawed at her quivering lower lip as she listened to him mock her toothless threat. ‘You’re not my boyfriend.’ Boyfriend was a much too tepid term to describe Josh; there was nothing remotely boyish about him. She hated the pushed-into-a-corner, whiny note she heard in her tremulous voice. How was he supposed to believe she meant what she said if she sounded so wishy-washy?
Josh appeared to give serious thought to her statement. ‘Yes, I prefer lover too, it has a much more grown-up and…intimate ring to it.’
His deep sexy purr made all the fine downy hairs on the back of her neck prickle. She no longer worried if she was in control of the situation; she knew she wasn’t!
‘Talking about Jake…’ he continued, crossing one long leg over the other. Flora noticed he was wearing odd socks. She found herself wondering if he’d had a tough night with Liam…or perhaps there was a much less innocent and possibly more likely explanation for his red-rimmed eyes and unshaven chin… She felt suddenly mad as hell—with him, with herself, with stupid, bloody-minded cruel fate that had made her fall in love with him!
Flora folded her arms firmly across her bosom. ‘I wasn’t, you were, but I have to tell you I’m not that interested in your family.’ She produced an artistic yawn.
‘Oh, Jake’s quite interested in you; so is his wife, Nia.’
Flora, still coping with the most atrocious pangs of jealousy, kept her expression blank as he extracted a photo from his breast pocket and held it out to her. She automatically placed her hands behind her back and mulishly shook her head. Doing exactly the opposite of what he wanted felt extremely important to her.
‘I don’t want to look at your family snaps.’
‘Look at it!’
‘Don’t you take that tone with me!’ For the first time Flora saw that beneath the air of laconic, laid-back amusement Josh was actually extremely tense.
‘I think you’ll find it quite illuminating.’
He obviously wasn’t budging until she’d done as he bid so she decided she might as well humour him. Ungraciously she snatched the glossy photo from his hand, hoping the way she carefully avoided any contact with his fingers wasn’t too obvious.
She felt the blood seep from her face as she stared incredulously at the image of a radiant woman in a stunning wedding gown flanked by two amazingly handsome men wearing morning dress. Josh was one of the men, but for the life of her she couldn’t tell which one!
‘You’re a twin!’ she croaked accusingly as the colour returned to her face with a vengeance. ‘You didn’t tell me… Oh, God!’ she groaned as she recalled the shocked expression on her victim’s face as he’d dashed red wine from his eyes.
He’d acted as if he hadn’t recognised her because he hadn’t! She’d never felt so squirmingly embarrassed in her life. ‘Why on earth didn’t you tell me?’ Fists clenched, she rounded on Josh furiously. ‘If you had I wouldn’t have made a total fool of myself…’
Josh took her spitting fury in his stride. ‘Jake thought it was my fault too.’
‘He must think I’m…a mad woman. I must be to care who you choose to canoodle in public with!’ She didn’t notice the white-hot flare of satisfaction in his eyes as she miserably visualised the sort of rampant speculation her little stunt must have created. With an anguished groan she buried her face in her hands. ‘God, she was his wife…the one…’
‘With th
e D cup.’ He nodded solemnly as she squirmed some more. ‘Yes, that’s Nia.’
‘She’s beautiful.’ Amazing how much easier it was to admit that now she knew the lady in question was married to Josh’s brother, that she wasn’t a rival…what am I talking about, rival?
A sudden rush of relief flooded through her. ‘That means you haven’t…?’
‘Looked, touched or had improper thoughts even about another woman.’ He shook his head solemnly from side to side. ‘Innocent on all counts. Does that make you feel better?’
Flora flushed rosily. ‘I could care less.’ She knew her denials were futile, she just couldn’t hide her feelings from him, but she felt obliged to make an effort. ‘Did she—your brother’s wife, think…?’ Flora began in sudden trepidation. All she needed to make this day complete was to discover she was responsible for splitting up what had looked like a blissfully happy couple.
‘Don’t fret, all is peaceful on the marital harmony front. Nia has an exaggeratedly high opinion of my brother’s integrity.’
‘You mean he would cheat on her?’ she demanded, her glare one of shocked disapproval.
‘I mean I’ve been insulting Jake since I first mastered the knack of stringing a few words together, the habit’s become ingrained. Jake would die before he’d hurt Nia, the man’s besotted.’
‘Well, he looked it,’ Flora recalled wistfully as she recalled with horrible clarity what his besotted behaviour had done to her when she’d thought that he were Josh. ‘I still can’t believe there are two of you,’ she murmured in a stunned voice.
‘There aren’t!’ Josh bit back swiftly.
‘Have I hit a nerve?’ She didn’t need any convincing; there couldn’t be anybody else quite like Josh.
Josh didn’t deny it. ‘It’s a common misconception.’ His tone of voice suggested it was an irritation too. ‘But we’re just two people who happen to look very much alike…though I must admit I’m pretty insulted that you couldn’t tell the difference. Nia could right off…but then Nia’s a bit of a mystic on the side—must be the Celtic blood,’ he mused. ‘Talking of which, she said something about you…’
‘Nothing flattering, I’m sure,’ Flora reflected, blushing to recall what sort of first impression she must have made. ‘But it can’t be any worse than the things I’ve been saying about her,’ she admitted guiltily.
‘Jealousy will do that.’
Flora gritted her teeth. ‘I can’t decide if you’re just plain stubborn or you really believe you’re irresistible!’
‘You’re in denial, at least about this,’ Josh qualified cryptically.
His relentless confidence made her want to scream, especially as she knew it was justified. ‘Don’t you ever give up?’
‘Never,’ he confirmed. ‘Are you in denial about the other too?’
Flora’s expression was distracted and confused but not suspicious. ‘What other?’ she enquired innocently.
‘The being pregnant other.’
‘Oh, God!’ she gasped. She took a stumbling couple of shaky steps towards the nearest chair but the buzzing in her ears and the black dancing dots before her eyes got so bad she just folded up, cross-legged, onto the floor before Josh, who had dived in her direction as soon as the colour had dramatically fled her face, could reach her. ‘How…how?’
‘It’s true, then.’ Josh didn’t know whether to join her in a collapsed state on the floor or bang his head against the wall. If he’d been using said precious head this mess wouldn’t be happening! He’d done several things over the years he wasn’t proud of but he’d never despised himself more than at this moment!
Flora pulled herself into a kneeling position and rested her bottom on her heels. She’d never seen anyone look so wretched and distraught as Josh did; he’d aged visibly in the last thirty seconds.
Somehow she’d never pictured the father of her first child reacting like this to the news he was about to be a father. Some romantic dreams it seemed persisted even in the face of adult cynicism, but then she always had been a hopeless romantic at heart.
‘How did you know? I hardly…’ Even Josh’s persuasive powers were not enough to open confidential medical files.
‘What can I say?’ he asked hoarsely. ‘My brother married a witchy woman. You may laugh…’ Flora didn’t feel like laughing at all ‘…I did myself the first time, but she definitely has a spooky ability for this sort of thing. Maybe she is just extra smart at reading body language, who knows…?’ He sounded as though he didn’t much care about the method he’d learnt the truth, but the truth itself was bothering him more than slightly.
Flora ran her fingers through her feathery crop and pulled herself to her feet; her expression was sober. ‘I don’t care what you say,’ she warned him, her small chin lifted to an obstinately determined angle.
‘So tell me something I don’t know!’ Josh grated harshly. ‘You’re not going to faint or anything, are you?’ he added with gruff suspicion.
‘No.’ Decision glowed in her blue eyes as she bit her lip. ‘I know how you feel, Josh, about having any more children—’ she swallowed the constriction in her throat ‘…but I won’t have an abortion,’ she announced grimly. ‘No, don’t say anything!’ she pleaded, placing her hands firmly over her ears. ‘I can’t and I won’t!’ she insisted loudly. ‘This is my baby and you don’t need to have anything to do with it.’
The mention of abortion had made what little remaining colour he had seep steadily away. His eyes burnt with anger in his otherwise immobile features as he met her defiant glare head on.
‘I won’t even dignify the notion I could wish any child of mine harm, let alone actively seek it with…’ Flora could hardly bear it when his deep, emotion-packed voice broke.
‘I thought…’ she began. Seeing her outstretched hand reaching out towards him, she snatched it self-consciously back.
‘I know what you thought.’ The reproach in his eyes made her cheeks burn afresh with shame. ‘I’m interested in how you figure that I won’t need to have anything to do with my own child?’
She looked at him with undisguised scepticism. ‘Are you trying to tell me that you want to be involved?’
That dream was quite stubbornly persistent, but there came a point, she told herself, when optimism was ever so slightly silly and as she listened to his response she knew that this was the time. The prospect of fatherhood would do what all else, against the odds, seemed unable to: it was going to make it impossible for them to be together. There weren’t any workable compromises.
‘Want isn’t the right word precisely,’ he began cautiously.
Flora tried hard not to flinch. ‘I didn’t think it was, somehow.’
‘It’s about responsibility. I’ve told you before that I turned my back on Liam briefly once, and I’ve never forgiven myself. I’m not about to make the same mistake twice.’ The memory seemed to release a torrent of self-condemnation in him. ‘If it hadn’t been for Jake…’
‘Not that again!’ she yelled suddenly, drawing his startled gaze. ‘I’m sure your brother is great, but he was only doing what brothers are meant to do in that situation. You’d do the same for him, wouldn’t you?’ she challenged.
‘Sure,’ Josh conceded. ‘But you don’t know it all. I drank…’
‘Drank!’ Rolling her eyes in exaggerated horror, she pressed her hands to her cheeks. ‘Big deal! We all get hurt, we all mess up and most of us crawl back. Only I forgot Josh Prentice doesn’t lose control, he doesn’t mess up and he never crawls. For God’s sake, man,’ she told him in exasperation, ‘you’re a fantastic father to Liam!’ She fixed him with a blisteringly sincere stare.
‘Are you defending me?’ he asked in a voice of wonderment.
‘Only against your worse critic—you!’ she announced, gruffly defiant. She tried not to think distracting thoughts about how much she’d liked it when Josh had lost control in some situations. The fact she lusted after him…loved him to bits…just made doing
what she knew she had to harder—much harder! ‘What I’m saying is no reflection on what sort of father I think you’d make.’
‘It’s hard to forgive yourself for…’
‘Being human!’ she responded with heavy sarcasm. ‘The point is, I don’t know how hard it will be having this baby, but I do know it would be a hell of a lot harder with you watching every move I make waiting for something bad to happen. I’m sorry if this sounds brutal, but I want to enjoy this pregnancy. It’s something very special.’
She saw his strong throat muscles work before he finally responded. ‘Are you trying to tell me that having me around would make you…?’
‘Me jumpy, nervous, unhappy? Probably all three.’ But not nearly as unhappy as it would make you, she thought sadly. ‘I know that was your original intention.’
He flinched; his hurt eyes silently reproached her. ‘I told you, Flora, that that was before I fell in love with you.’
‘If you really love me, Josh, leave me alone. Let me have the baby. I want him, you don’t.’ He could have denied it, but she knew he wouldn’t.
The conflict on his face was only a weak shadow of his internal struggle.
‘Do you really think I could abandon you and our baby?’ He looked at her as though she had lost all sense of reality.
‘I know you don’t want him,’ she wailed miserably.
‘I want you, Flora. Marry me.’
CHAPTER NINE
FLORA gave a faint, wispy gasp. Her knees quivered wildly. ‘You can’t be serious!’
‘I’ve never been more serious in my entire life,’ he revealed grittily.
Despairingly she tore her gaze from the compelling conviction in his eyes. She shook her head slowly in denial.
‘Are you mad?’ she croaked, showing what she considered an amazing amount of restraint under the circumstances. ‘I know you don’t like feeling helpless, Josh.’
‘True, but it’s a theme I’m getting tiresomely familiar with of late,’ he chimed in grimly.
