All I Want for Christmas is a Vampire las-5

by Kerrelyn Sparks

  The book flew past him and knocked over the lamp. The light flickered and went out. With his superior vision, he could see her dark form running for the door.

  He zoomed after her. Just before he could grab her, she spun and landed a kick against his chest. He stumbled back. Damn, she was stronger than he'd thought. And he'd suffered too much to get his broader, more manly chest.

  She advanced with a series of punches and kicks, and he blocked them all. With a desperate move, she aimed a kick at his groin. Dammit, he'd suffered too much to get his bigger, more manly balls. He jumped back, but her toes caught the hem of his kilt. Without his sporran to weigh the kilt down, it flew up past his waist.

  Her gaze flitted south and stuck. Her mouth fell open. Aye, those twelve years of growth had been kind. He lunged forward and slammed her onto the carpet. She punched at him, so he caught her wrists and pinned her to the floor.

  She twisted, attempting to knee him. With a growl, he blocked her with his own knee. Then slowly he lowered himself on top of her to keep her still. Her body was gloriously hot, flushed with blood and throbbing with a life force that made his body tremble with desire.

  "Stop wiggling, lass." His bigger, more manly groin was reacting in an even bigger way. "Have mercy on me."

  "Mercy?" She continued to wriggle beneath him. "I'm the one who's captured."

  "Cease." He pressed more heavily on her.

  Her eyes widened. He had no doubt she was feeling it.

  Her gaze flickered down, then back to his face. "Get off. Now."

  "I'm halfway there already," he muttered.

  "Let me go!" She strained at his grip on her wrists.

  "If I release you, ye'll knee me. And I'm rather fond of my balls."

  "The feeling isn't mutual."

  He smiled slowly. "Ye took a long look. Ye must have liked what ye saw."

  "Ha! You made such a small impression on me, I can barely remember."

  He chuckled. She was as quick mentally as she was physically.

  She looked at him curiously. "You smell like beer."

  "I've had a few." He noted her dubious look. "Okay, more than a few, but I was still able to beat you."

  "If you drink beer, then that means you're not…"

  "No' what?"

  She looked at him, her eyes wide. He had a sinking feeling that she thought he was mortal. She wanted him to be mortal. And that meant she knew about Vamps.

  He studied her lovely face—the high cheekbones, delicate jawline, and beguiling green eyes. Some Vamps claimed mortals had no power whatsoever. They were wrong.

  Their eyes met, and he forgot to breathe. There was something hidden in those green depths. A loneliness. A wound that seemed too old for her tender age. For a moment, he felt like he was seeing a reflection of his own soul.

  "Ye're no' a thief, are ye?" he whispered.

  She shook her head slightly, still trapped in his gaze. Or maybe it was he who was trapped in hers.

  "Ian." Footsteps approached them. "Ian, what the hell are you doing?"

  He dragged his gaze away from her and saw Phineas standing beside them. "What?"

  Phineas gave him a confused look. "Why are you beating up on Toni?"

  He blinked and glanced at the woman he'd pinned to the floor. "Ye're…Toni?" Their new guard was a woman?

  "You're Ian?" Disappointment flickered in her eyes before she looked away. "You're one of them."

  That hurt. For centuries he'd been judged too young, and now, after all the pain he'd endured, he was still found wanting. His jaw shifted as he ground his teeth. "Ye have something against Vamps?"

  Her eyes flared with anger. "Yes. I tend to get really pissed when they attack me."

  "She's got a point, bro," Phineas muttered as he adjusted the tie around his purple satin bathrobe. "You shouldn't attack her. She's our friend."

  Ian moved his weight off her. "Friendship is earned."

  She scooted away from him and sat up. "I'm not here to be your friend. I'm your guard. That's all."

  He stared at her. Connor had hired a woman to guard men? This was unheard of in the vampire world. A mortal woman wouldn't have the strength…unless she was a shifter like Phil and Howard. "Are ye—" How could he put this when shape shifters were a secret? "Do ye change a bit at a certain time of the month?"

  She gave him an incredulous look. "Are you asking me if I get PMS? Are you serious?"

  "Nay! I dinna mean—" Ian stopped, interrupted by Phineas's laughter.

  "I know what you're thinking, man, but she's normal."

  "Normal?" She glared at Phineas. "I nailed your ass earlier this evening."

  Phineas held up his hands in surrender. "Don't hurt me, sweetness. You're a strong, beautiful hunk of woman."

  She inclined her head. "Thank you."

  "Connor told me on the phone that he'd hired a Tony," Ian muttered. "I thought ye would be a man."

  Her eyes narrowed. "I thought you would be somewhat intelligent."

  "Snap!" Phineas grinned. "She got you good, bro."

  Ian scowled. "It was perfectly logical to assume Tony was a man's name."

  She lifted her chin. "Is it logical to attack people without talking to them first?"

  "In this case, aye, it was. The window was open—"

  "I opened it," she interrupted. "It was as stuffy as a tomb in here, and I was hot."

  "Sweetness, you're so hot, you're sizzling." Phineas made some hissing sounds.

  Ian shot him an annoyed look, then resumed his explanation. "The window sensor triggered the alarm, and when I investigated the matter, I found you looking at verra expensive books, dressed like a cat burglar."

  "Yeah, you do look like a hot and sexy Catwoman." Phineas clawed at the air. "Meow! Hiss!"

  Now she gave Phineas an annoyed look. "These are my workout clothes." She switched her green-eyed glare to Ian. "And I never heard an alarm."

  "Only Vamps and dogs can hear it."

  "Oh. Which one are you?"

  "Snap!" Phineas slapped his leg. "She's killing you, man."

  "Phineas," Ian growled. "I'm trying to have a conversation here." He turned to Toni. "I'm sorry, lass, but this will never work. Ye canna guard a houseful of men. Ye see how Phineas reacts to you."

  "He's a lot nicer than you are!" Her eyes glinted with anger. "And it's not my problem if you're a bunch of sexist pigs. I can do this job, with or without PMS. I beat Phineas earlier, and I would have pinned you down, too, given more time."

  "Lass, ye would never pin me." He leaned toward her. "I like to be on top."

  Her eyes flashed with green fire.

  "Good one!" Phineas shook a fist in the air. "You're making your comeback, bro. You da man!"

  "He's a pig," Toni grumbled.

  "Oink, oink," Phineas squeaked.

  "Enough, Phineas!" Ian glowered at him. "I can see why ye were murdered young."

  A laugh escaped from Toni, but she quickly squelched it and frowned at him.

  She had a sense of humor? It wasn't all that important in the grand scheme of things, but Ian was suddenly taken with the challenge to make her laugh again, or at least make her smile. Unfortunately he couldn't think of anything amusing to say.

  He rose to his feet and executed a gallant bow. "I apologize for attacking you. I hope I dinna hurt you."

  Her frown relaxed slightly. "I'm okay."

  He offered a hand to help her up.

  She regarded him suspiciously. "You're not going to tell Connor to fire me, are you? I really can do this job."

  An uneasy feeling settled in his gut. Why on earth would a lovely mortal woman want a job guarding vampires? "I'll let ye stay if ye answer a few questions honestly."

  A guarded look flitted over her face, then she smiled brightly and took his hand. "Sure. What do you want to know?" She rose gracefully to her feet.

  His hand tightened around hers. The uncertainty in his gut twinged. He knew she wasn't going to be entirely honest. Her smile was to
o forced, and her heartbeat had just speeded up.

  "Why do ye want this job?" he asked quietly.

  She pulled her hand from his grasp. "It pays extremely well. And I get free room and board, which is worth a fortune in Manhattan."

  "And ye get stuck in a house all day with some dead carcasses."

  "No job is perfect." She folded her arms across her chest. "None of you wake up crying or needing a diaper change, so it's easier than the usual babysitting job."

  Babysitting? Now that was bloody annoying.

  Meanwhile Phineas was snickering. "Yeah, take care of me, hot mama. I need a sponge bath. And some of that baby oil rubbed all over me. I'm feeling a bit chafed, if you know what I mean."

  Her mouth twitched.

  Did she find Phineas amusing? That irritated him even more. Ian stepped closer to her, gritting his teeth. "We're no' babies. We're seasoned warriors."

  She affected a big shudder. "Ooh, I'm scared."

  Did she doubt their prowess? Ian moved closer. "Lass, ye have no idea how fierce we can be."

  Her smile withered, and a pained look crossed her face. "I know that too well. There's no need to remind me."

  "Were ye attacked?" Ian looked at her neck, but couldn't see any sign of bite marks above the high neck of her black outfit. "Is that how ye found out about us?"

  The stubborn lift of her chin indicated her refusal to divulge more information. But she'd mentioned before that she tended to get pissed whenever vampires attacked her. The sun would be rising soon, and Ian and the other Vamps would fall into their death-sleep. All day long they would lie defenseless and vulnerable. And their guard appeared to hold a grudge against them.

  "Lass, why should I trust you to watch over us?"

  Her brows lifted. "Are you worried about what I might do when you're totally helpless and at my mercy?"

  He grabbed her by the shoulders. "Are ye threatening us? I could erase yer memory, and shove you out the door right now."

  "No!" Now she looked panicked. "Please. I–I really need this job. I promised Connor that I would never harm any of you. Ask him. He believes me."

  Ian released her and stepped back. "I will ask him."

  She glanced at him nervously. "I need to change into my uniform before my shift starts."

  Phineas yawned. "Yeah. I'm getting sleepy. Good night, sweetness." He extended a closed fist toward Toni.

  She responded with a smile and a knuckle pound. "See ya tomorrow, Dr. Phang."

  Phineas grinned, then sauntered toward the stairs. "Yeah, that's me. Dr. Phang. Long in the tooth, and long in the wang." He descended the stairs to the basement, his voice still drifting toward them. "The doctor is in the house. Oh, baby, I've got the cure."

  Ian could feel the pull of death-sleep, too, but as an older Vamp, he was able to resist it better than Phineas.

  "Perhaps we should start over." He extended a hand. "I'm Ian MacPhie."

  She gave him a wary look. "Toni Davis." She gripped his hand, quickly let go, then headed for the stairs.

  He followed her. "I really did think ye were a thief. I doona normally attack women."

  "Unless you're hungry." She started up the stairs.

  "I doona attack for food. We have evolved past that."

  "Yeah, right." She continued up the stairs without looking back.

  He climbed the steps after her. "Ye doona believe me?"

  She shrugged. "I've seen your kind drink from bottles."

  "Then ye know we're different from the Malcontents."

  Her knuckles whitened as she suddenly gripped the banister hard. Then she released it and ascended more stairs. "I gather your noble nature is somewhat new. Before the invention of synthetic blood, you must have attacked people for food."

  He gritted his teeth. "I never used violence."

  She reached the landing and whirled around to glare at him. "Did you use mind control?"

  He flinched. "Ye doona understand."

  "Oh, I think I do. Mind control made it easy for you to manipulate people." Her eyes narrowed. "But they were still victims, and you were still violating them."

  "We were never like the Malcontents. Those bastards are murderers. We never killed for food."

  "Okay. You weren't killers. You were just parasites." She turned to continue up the stairs.

  He grabbed her arm to stop her. "If ye hate us, why have ye taken a job to protect us?"

  She pulled away and started ascending the stairs. "I don't hate you. And I have my reasons."

  "What reasons?" He stumbled on a step with his new size thirteen feet.

  She glanced back. "Why are you following me? Don't you need to go to the basement and…die?"

  "I'm no' sleeping there."

  "But I've seen your coffin down there." She gave him a wry look. "It looks so cozy."

  "Then ye sleep in it."

  "Over my dead body. Oh, wait a minute. It's your dead body. In about five minutes. So I'd better hurry." She jogged up the rest of the stairs.

  Smart ass. His gaze slid down to her round, firm rump, so deliciously defined in black spandex. It was enough to turn him back into a biter. He followed her, watching her hips sway as she strode down the hall. She stopped at a door on the right.

  He paused beside her. "I outgrew it."

  "What? Your ego?"

  "Lass, ye doona need to carry a weapon. Yer tongue can slash a man to shreds."

  She smiled. "I'll take that as a compliment."

  "I outgrew my coffin. I'm five inches taller than when I was last here."

  Her eyes widened. "Connor mentioned that you'd grown, but I didn't quite believe it. I thought vampires were always stuck at the age when they died."

  "That is true, normally. But I aged twelve years over the summer."

  "Oh." Her mouth quirked. "Welcome to puberty."

  He planted a hand on the wall beside her and leaned forward. "Ye saw under my kilt. Ye know I'm a grown man."

  She lifted her chin in a defiant gesture, but her cheeks turned a pale pink. "I'm trying very hard to wipe that unfortunate incident from my memory."

  He smiled slowly. "Let me know if ye succeed."

  Her blush deepened. "Mr. MacPhie, I should remind—"

  "Call me Ian. Is Toni yer full name?"

  "No. Look, I'm trying to talk to you since I estimate in about three minutes, you'll keel over dead."

  "If I do, will ye put me to bed?"

  "This sort of talk is not appropriate—"

  "Is yer name Antonia?"

  Her eyes darkened. "No."

  "Tonatella? Tonisha?"

  "No."

  "Toni Baloney?"

  Her mouth twitched. "I'm trying to be serious."

  "Me, too." He let his gaze wander over her. "I'm dead serious."

  She snorted. "Mr. MacPhie, I signed a contract two nights ago, and it clearly stated that I am not to become involved with anyone I'm guarding."

  His heart stuttered, and it wasn't caused by the rising sun. "I dinna realize we were involved."

  "We're not!" She huffed. "But you are flirting with me, and it has to stop."

  He blinked. He was flirting? He'd been more tempted to wring her neck than seduce her. "Ye think I was flirting?"

  "Well, yes."

  He leaned closer. "Did ye like it?"

  "You're still doing it."

  He smiled lazily. "Sweetheart, I can do it all night long."

  "The night is over." She turned and grabbed the doorknob. "Good night, Mr. MacPhie."

  He stepped back. He wouldn't let her rejection bother him. Why should it bother him? "I wasna being serious. Ye need no' worry about me pestering you. I am looking for true love, but only with a lady Vamp."

  She released the doorknob and turned toward him. "Then you believe dead women are better than live ones?"

  "I dinna say that. But I am better suited for a Vamp."

  "Really? Are the live ones too hot for you to handle?"

  Was she challenging him
? "I havena met a woman yet that I couldna handle."

  "Right." She eyed him warily. "You probably used vampire mind control on them."

  Damn, but she knew exactly where to plunge in the knife. "Aye, I used mind control. And they loved it. It made their orgasms stronger." He arched a brow. "Would ye like a demonstration?"

  Her eyes seethed with anger. "I'd like you to go away. And die." She opened her bedroom door.

  He stepped closer. "Why do ye guard us when ye doona like us? Why would ye spend yer days trapped in a house with the Undead?"

  "Good night, Mr. MacPhie." She shut the door in his face.

  "I'll find out about you, Toni," he yelled, then stalked back to the stairs.

  The sun was touching the horizon now. He could feel the death-sleep pulling him into oblivion. He gazed up the stairwell to the fifth floor and concentrated hard. In an instant he was there.

  He stumbled into Roman's office and shut the door behind him. With the aluminum shutters covering the windows, the room was dark, but no problem for his superior vision. He crossed the office to the bedroom and collapsed on the king-sized bed. By all the saints, this was so much better than a narrow coffin. He stretched out, enjoying the comfort. His breathing slowed as death-sleep stole over him.

  Wait. He shook his head. He still needed to find out about Toni. He rolled toward the bedside table and grabbed the cordless phone. His vision blurred as he punched in Connor's cell phone number. Just a few more minutes, that was all he needed.

  "Hello?" Connor sounded sleepy.

  Ian stretched on his back, holding the phone to his ear. "Tell me about Toni."

  "Is that you, Ian?" Connor yawned. "Call me later."

  "Tell me about Toni. How did ye find her?"

  "I came across her in Central Park." Connor yawned again. "Monday night."

  And this was only Wednesday morning. Ian opened his mouth, but no words came out. His eyes flickered shut.

  "Three Malcontents," Connor's voice slowed, "attacked her…verra vicious…"

  No wonder she hated vampires. Ian lost his grip on the phone. Was she planning to stake them all in their sleep?

  As death-sleep dragged him under, he wondered if he would ever wake again.

  CHAPTER 3