All I Want for Christmas is a Vampire las-5

by Kerrelyn Sparks

  He laughed. "Now, don't worry about the video. It's recording at my place. You just catch those naughty Vamps doing something vampy, okay?"

  "Okay." So he hadn't seen Ian kissing her. "Carlos, when I quit working for them, they're going to erase my memory. I won't remember squat!"

  There was a pause. "Bastards," Carlos muttered. "Don't worry. If they erase anything, I'll tell you what happened. You just get the proof we need as quickly as possible. That way, you'll only lose a few days."

  She would lose more than a few days. She would lose all memory of Ian. And the kiss. For some weird reason that made her heart squeeze in her chest.

  "Are you all right, love?" Carlos asked.

  "This really sucks." Toni snapped her phone shut, then strode back into the club.

  CHAPTER 9

  Ian ordered a Bleer and a Diet Coke from the bartender.

  "Is Vanda here?" He handed Cora Lee a ten-dollar bill.

  "Over there. Sounds like she's all riled up again."

  Ian glanced toward the stage. The music had stopped, and the crowd of lady Vamps had gathered around to hear Vanda rail at a dancer.

  "This isn't a whorehouse!" she yelled. "You're fired!"

  "There goes another dancer." Cora Lee waved her arms in the air. "Woohoo, Vanda! Ian's here!"

  The crowd turned in unison to stare at him.

  "Is that Ian MacPhie?" one of the ladies asked.

  "Sure is," Cora Lee shouted. "Come and git 'im!"

  The crowd moved forward. Ian gulped.

  Cora Lee giggled, then whispered, "Looks like your wish will come true now. You're sure to get laid tonight."

  "Ian!" Pamela called. "I have two ladies who want to meet you." She motioned to the women accompanying her.

  "We saw him first!" a lady in the crowd yelled, and they rushed forward.

  "Bloody hell." Ian pressed back against the bar.

  "Back off!" Vanda unwrapped the whip from her waist and flicked it at the crowd. "You heard me! Line up and wait your turn!"

  The ladies scrambled to form a queue. Ian winced at the amount of pushing and cursing. They acted more like wrestlers than ladies. And there were more than fifty of them.

  Vanda grinned at Ian. "Isn't this great? That profile I wrote was incredible! Everyone wants to date you."

  "I canna date fifty women in one night."

  "Sure you can." She wound the whip back around her waist. "It's called speed dating."

  "But I already told three women I'd meet them here."

  Vanda waved that aside. "We'll let them go first." She turned to Cora Lee. "Don't you have a kitchen timer?"

  "Yep." Cora Lee handed over a white plastic timer.

  Vanda set it on a table. "We'll give them each five minutes."

  "It'll take hours." Ian brought the drinks to the table.

  "You got anything better to do?" Vanda eyed the Diet Coke. "What's with the mortal drink?"

  "I brought Toni with me. She's the new day guard at the townhouse."

  Vanda's eyes widened. "She? Connor hired a woman?"

  Two nights ago, Ian had felt equally as shocked, but now he wanted to defend her. "She's an excellent fighter."

  Vanda gave him a dubious look. "I'm picturing a moose woman with a unibrow, who's popping steroids."

  Ian stiffened. "Nay! She's—"

  "Hey, Ian!" a lady shouted from across the club. "What the hell happened to our date? We talked on the phone last night. Don't you remember?"

  "Aye." He tried to recall the sound of her voice. "Ye're Stormy?"

  "Tempest." Her eyes flashed with annoyance. "And this is Moonbeam and Cindy." She motioned to the women beside her. "We talked to you last night. We have seniority!"

  "You may come to the front of the line," Vanda ordered. "Ian will begin shortly."

  He groaned. What would he say to all these women? "Why are there so many of them?"

  "You're the number one profile on Single in the City." Vanda beamed proudly. "Everyone's heard of you."

  Ian winced. "I wanted to talk to you about that. Connor's upset that ye listed the location and phone number of Roman's townhouse."

  "Connor's an old grouch. The women need a way to contact you."

  "I understand that, but for security reasons, it's dangerous to have our location known to so many. We doona want some overzealous admirers trying to break in to see me, especially during the day. It's too risky."

  "Okay, okay." Vanda fluffed up her spiky purple hair. "I'll take the address off the website."

  "And the phone number, too. They can leave a message for me at Single in the City."

  "All right." Vanda frowned. "But you're playing too hard to get."

  "Hey, whassup?" A male Vamp, dressed in an expensive suit, sauntered toward them and winked at the line of waiting women. "Hello, ladies."

  "Hi, Gregori," a chorus responded.

  Ian was impressed. Gregori knew all these women?

  "What's going on?" Gregori kissed Vanda on the cheek. "Are we lining up to do the bunny hop?"

  "Ian's doing some speed dating tonight." Vanda lowered her voice to a whisper. "He's looking for his true love."

  "Ah." Gregori's eyes twinkled as he regarded Ian. "Shall I warm them up for you?"

  Ian scowled. "It's hard enough to be charming once, but fifty times in a row?"

  "You can do it, bro. Just be yourself."

  Ian's scowl deepened.

  Gregori winced. "You might try smiling. You know the ladies love a guy with a sense of humor."

  "I'm doomed."

  "Chill out, dude. I'll—" Gregori froze. "Good Lord, look at her. She's an angel."

  Ian glanced in the direction of Gregori's stunned gaze. Toni. "She's mine," he blurted out, then caught himself. "I mean, she's my guard."

  "She's the guard Connor hired?" Vanda asked.

  Gregori snorted. "Yeah, I can see why he hired her."

  "Her beauty had nothing to do with it," Ian snapped. "She's an excellent fighter and verra brave and clever."

  "Oh." Gregori eyed Ian curiously. "I see."

  Ian felt his face heat up. Perhaps he'd come on a wee bit strong. "Actually, I'd appreciate it if ye could keep an eye on her while I'm busy."

  "Sure. No problem, bro."

  Toni gazed at the long line of girls as she approached. "I thought you only had three dates."

  "I have a few more now," Ian grumbled as he moved to her side. "I'd like ye to meet some friends of mine. This is Vanda. She manages the Horny Devils."

  "And writes fascinating profiles," Toni added with a smile. She held out a hand.

  "Nice to meet you." Vanda shook her hand. "I'm working on another project to make Ian even more famous."

  Ian swallowed hard. "That's no' really necessary."

  "Of course it is. We've got to find your true love." Vanda patted Ian on the cheek. "I'll check on you later." She strode toward her office.

  "And this is Gregori." Ian gestured toward him. "He's the vice president of marketing at Romatech."

  "I'm delighted to meet you." Gregori took her hand and kissed it. "I've heard about you. My mother, Radinka, told me that she and Shanna will be seeing you tomorrow."

  "Oh, that's right." Toni smiled. "They're coming with Howard to help him babysit while I take a final."

  Ian frowned at the word babysit.

  "Well, bro, shouldn't you get to work?" Gregori nodded his head toward the long line of women.

  Ian gulped. Work was the right word for it. Flirting with Toni had been fun, but the thought of charming all these women seemed like a bloody chore. "I need a drink first." He sat and swallowed down some Bleer.

  Gregori pulled out a chair at the table so Toni could sit. "Where do you go to college?"

  "NYU." She sat.

  Gregori sat beside her. "That's where I got my MBA."

  "I got my bachelor's in business there."

  Feeling forgotten and a bit undereducated, Ian gulped down more Bleer. Damn, he should have pulled
out the chair for her.

  Gregori leaned toward her. "Hey, is old Professor Hudgins still there? Short, bald, wears a bow tie. Looks and talks like Elmer Fudd. 'Today we're wearning about high intewest wates on cwedit cards. "

  Toni laughed, and it sounded like music from heaven. But Ian was aware of an undercurrent of grumbles and curses. The fifty Vamp women were pissed. No doubt they disliked having to wait while he talked to a mortal.

  Toni finally stopped laughing and looked at Ian. "Gregori does a great impersonation. He's really funny."

  "I bought you a drink." Now that was smooth, he chided himself.

  "Thanks." Toni took a sip.

  "What the hell are we waiting for?" Tempest yelled from the front of the line.

  Ian groaned inwardly.

  "The natives are getting restless," Toni observed. She glanced toward the bar and suddenly jumped to her feet when two women teleported in.

  "Are ye all right?" Ian asked.

  She sat back down. "I guess I'm a little…nervous about being here."

  "Dance with me," Gregori suggested. "I'll tell the DJ to get back to work." He headed toward the dance floor.

  Toni watched him go. "Is Gregori a Vamp?"

  "Aye, a verra young one. He was changed after the invention of synthetic blood, so he's completely bottle-fed."

  Toni grimaced as loud, pulsating music started. "Oh God, no. Disco?"

  "Gregori loves it. Will ye stay with him till ye're ready to go home?"

  "I can take care of myself."

  "Toni." Ian leaned forward. "There are fifty Vamp women behind you, all glaring daggers at you. Please stay with Gregori."

  She glanced over her shoulder. "Okay, I see your point. I'll go…boogie down." She stood and smoothed down her tiny skirt. "Good luck with your dates. Although I have to say you're wasting your time."

  With her head held high, she strode past the glaring women, like an angel unafraid of the dark forces around her. But why did she think his dating was a waste of time? Did she think it was impossible for him to find love?

  "Hey!" Tempest yelled. "Can we start already?"

  "Aye, let's begin." Ian set the timer.

  Tempest rushed forward, flung her arms around his neck, and kissed his cheek.

  Ian unhooked her arms. "Will ye have a seat, please?"

  "Sure." She climbed onto his lap.

  "What are ye doing, lass?"

  "Sitting." She raked her black-painted fingernails down his chest. "You know why they call me Tempest? I'm as wild as a hurricane."

  "I thought we might talk a wee bit first. Ye know, the calm before a storm?"

  She ripped the leather strip from his hair and raked her fingers across his scalp. "Why don't you send those other girls home?" She gripped his hair. "I want to get wet and wild with you."

  "I doona know you yet." He pried her fingers loose.

  "What's to know?" She nibbled on his neck.

  "Well, uh, what do ye do for a living?"

  She chuckled, low and throaty. "I'm not living, silly, I'm Undead."

  "Aye, but we all have bills to pay."

  "If I need something, I just take it." She nipped at his ear. "Right now, I need you."

  "What do ye mean, ye take it?"

  "I take stuff from mortals. Money, clothes, whatever."

  "Ye steal from them?"

  She sat back with an impatient huff. "It's not stealing when they never realize it happened. It's so easy to fuck with their minds. Like, I have a great condo for free 'cause the manager actually thinks I'm paying rent."

  Why had he assumed all Vamps were like him? "I'm afraid we're no' well suited."

  "What does that mean?"

  He picked her up and set her on her feet as he stood. "It was nice meeting you."

  "Are you ditching me?" she shrieked. "Nobody ditches me!" She flung the rest of Toni's Diet Coke in his face, then stalked away, cursing under her breath.

  Ian wiped his face with a cocktail napkin. One down, forty-nine to go. Maybe Toni was right, and he was wasting his time. He glanced at the dance floor. Gregori was wiggling his hips and pointing a finger up and down. With a laugh, Toni mimicked his move.

  Ian sighed and motioned to his second date.

  A pretty blonde glided toward him. "Hi, remember me? I'm Moonbeam."

  "How do ye do?" He sat and reset the timer.

  Moonbeam settled across from him. "Well, I guess I should tell you about myself. I'm an Aquarius."

  "That's nice."

  "I was born in 1950. My name was Mary. Boring, I know. My parents were like so square. I ran away when I was sixteen, so I could protest the war. I really hate war."

  This might be a bad time to mention he was a warrior. Ian noticed Gregori was spinning Toni in circles.

  "I went to San Francisco, of course." Moonbeam fiddled with the beads around her neck. "That's where it was happening, you know."

  "What was happening?" Ian asked.

  "Everything, man. Flower power. Make love, not war. I'm like totally opposed to violence of any kind."

  "Then ye would never manipulate or cheat a mortal for yer own gain?"

  "God, no. That's like so damaging to your karma."

  Ian nodded. This one might have potential. At least she appeared to have good morals.

  "So there I was, tripping on acid and enjoying a perfectly good orgy, when this guy comes out of nowhere and bites me on the neck! I mean, I was like totally bummed out when I woke up dead."

  Ian blinked. "I see." His gaze wandered back to Toni. Every now and then, when someone teleported in, she would jump to face them. Perhaps teleportation frightened her? If that was the case, he should drive her home. The thought of escaping the club sounded excellent.

  The timer rang, and he realized Moonbeam was still talking. He stood. "I'm afraid our time is up."

  "Okay. Peace." She hugged him and glided away.

  Ian motioned for Cindy to come forward. She launched into a long account of her past two hundred and thirteen boyfriends, while Ian's attention slid back to the dance floor. The music slowed, and Gregori took Toni into his arms. Dammit, he'd told Gregori to watch her, not maul her.

  After two more interviews, Vanda sauntered toward him, grinning. "I did it! It's all set up."

  His stomach knotted with apprehension as he rose to his feet. "What did ye do?"

  "Don't look so worried. It'll be great. Tomorrow night at midnight, Corky Courrant is coming here!"

  "The barracuda?" Everyone knew the reporter from Live with the Undead was vicious. "Why is she coming here?"

  "To interview you!" Vanda announced.

  Ian stepped back. "Vanda, no. Hell, no."

  "It'll be fun! Trust me."

  He shook his head. "No good can come from this. The woman is a monster."

  "Don't be such a wuss!" Vanda poked him in the chest. "Corky's show is broadcast all over the world. Every Vamp on earth will see you. And see my club. This is brilliant!"

  "What's brilliant?" Gregori walked toward them with Toni.

  "Ian's going to be on Live with the Undead," Vanda boasted. "They're coming tomorrow to do the interview."

  "You're going to be on television?" Toni asked.

  "On DVN," Vanda said.

  "Digital Vampire Network," Ian explained. "We get it at the townhouse. But I'm no' doing the show."

  "Of course you are," Vanda hissed. "I've been working on this for hours. It's all set."

  "Be careful with Corky Courrant," Gregori warned.

  "Who is she?" Toni asked.

  "The star of the show." Gregori splayed his hands in front of his chest. "She has the most humongous" — Ian elbowed him—"commercials," Gregori finished.

  "Were ye ready to go home?" Ian asked Toni. "I could drive you."

  Vanda grabbed his arm. "You're not going anywhere. All these women are waiting for their chance to date you."

  "I can teleport Toni," Gregori offered.

  "But she might no' want to telepo
rt," Ian protested.

  "I'll be fine." Toni gave him a reassuring smile. "I can't wait to see you on TV."

  Ian sighed. Maybe he should go through with it. He didn't want to disappoint Vanda or Toni. And how bad could it be? "Gregori, can I have a word with you in private?"

  "Sure." Gregori walked away with him. "What's up?"

  "I—uh—thought ye might give me some advice."

  "Are your dates not going well?" Gregori whispered.

  "I feel like I'm conducting job interviews. I'm no' connecting with them." Not like he did with Toni.

  Gregori rested a hand on Ian's shoulder. "Dude, you can do this. You must have charmed ladies out of a pint of blood every night for several centuries."

  Ian sighed. "I was never verra sophisticated about it. No one expected me to be. I looked so young, even though I felt old inside. And now I look old on the outside, but inside I feel like a green lad. I doona know what to say."

  "You just need to work on your communication skills. First off, practice being a good listener. Women like to talk about their feelings. Even if you think it's totally boring, nod your head and keep listening."

  "Okay."

  "You should respond with lines like 'How interesting. Tell me more. "

  "How interesting," Ian repeated. "Tell me more."

  "That's it. And here's another good one. 'You're absolutely right. How clever of you. Women like to be complimented on their intelligence."

  "Okay." Ian repeated the lines. "Thank you." He walked back to the table with Gregori. Vanda had already rushed off to her office.

  "Good night, Ian." Toni smiled shyly.

  "Good night, Toni." God, he wanted to touch her. He wanted to kiss her again.

  Gregori slapped him on the back. "Later, dude. Let's go, Toni." He led her toward the dance floor.

  With a resigned sigh, Ian motioned for the next date to come forward.

  "Hi, I'm Amy."

  "Please have a seat." Ian looked over at Gregori. He was holding Toni close. That was necessary when teleporting with a mortal, but it didn't make it easier to watch.

  "Gosh, when I saw your picture on the Internet, I thought you looked so sexy," Amy began. "But, I swear, you look even better in person!"

  "How interesting," Ian murmured. "Tell me more." Damn, Toni was putting her arms around Gregori's neck.

  "You want me to talk about how handsome you are?" Amy asked. "Isn't that kinda vain?"