Cut (The Devil's Due)

by Tracey Ward

  Josh surprises me when he laughs. He stands up straight, smiling down into my eyes. “Baby, I’ve been sure about you since the second grade.”

  “I’m not the same girl I was in second grade.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re a lot nicer now.”

  “Stop playing around and be real with me,” I demand. “This is serious. This is your life, Josh.”

  He sobers, nodding slowly to show me he’s listening. “I know that.”

  “I could ruin it.”

  “You’re not gonna ruin my life.”

  “I might. I do a pretty good job fucking up my own.”

  “You’re doing fine.”

  “Really?” I insist skeptically. “I seem ‘fine’ to you? Josh, I’m insane.”

  He reaches up to run his thumb along my cheek lovingly. “I like that you’re insane. It’s hot.”

  “Be. Serious.”

  He drops his hand, nodding reluctantly. “Fine. I’m taking this seriously.”

  “Then act like it. Think about this. Really think about it.”

  “I have.”

  “And?”

  He takes my hips in his hands, pulling me close to him. Lighting me up inside with the brush of his body against mine. “You keep saying I’m too good for you, but you’re wrong. You’re so fucking wrong, Harlow. I’m not a good man. I like dealing. I like fighting. I like making men nervous when they cross me. I like being in control, especially with you, like when you go all soft inside and you need me like your next breath.” He smiles, crooked and devious. “I like being a man, baby. And I love being a bad one. You can’t ruin that shit if you tried.”

  His words aren’t what change things for me. Not really. It’s his voice. It’s a little rough around the edges in a way I never noticed before. Not until last night when he whispered softly in my ear as he drove forcefully inside of me. It makes the hair on my arms stand up straight, shivers running down my spine. My core coiling like a snake in the desert sun.

  I wrap my fingers in the front of his shirt, pulling him to me roughly. Forcing his body against mine until he has me pinned up against the wall the way he did last night. It’s suffocating, possessive, and so hot I’m out of my mind with wanting him.

  “Josh,” I whisper against his lips, carefully keeping my mouth just out of reach, “I need you to fuck me. Now.”

  His face is a hard, gorgeous mask of determination, his hands on my body tightening so hard I whimper from the pressure; blissful and desperate.

  “Let’s go to my house,” he grinds out.

  I shake my head, gripping his shirt harder. “I said now.”

  His eyes flash with excitement. “You really want to do it here?”

  “I want to fuck you everywhere,” I breathe before crushing my lips to his.

  Josh holds me up, holds me to him. My legs are limp, not cooperating like they should, and what I really want is for him to lift me up so I can wrap my body around him like a python settling in for a feast. But that’s a great way to get caught and banned from seeing Pops again, so we’ll have to be as subtle as we can be.

  While making out furiously in the hallway of a nursing home.

  “You wanna be bad?” he asks me roughly, his hand sliding inside the back of my jeans to grab my ass. “You wanna act insane?”

  I smile puckishly, my blood picking up pace. “Yes.”

  “You wanna be fucked everywhere? Anytime?”

  “Only by you.”

  Josh growls against my lips, pulling me with him. He rushes me up the hall, away from the rooms and toward the front desk. I worry he’s losing his nerve and taking me to his house, but suddenly he jerks us into a sunken doorway with a big red sign screaming, ‘PERSONEL ONLY’. The door is locked, but Josh releases me just long enough to pull a small tool from his pocket. He plays with the lock furtively, using my body to block his movements. Finally, he turns the knob without resistance. I follow him into the dark room, listening as he closes us in, relocking the door.

  “Where are we?” I whisper.

  Josh’s hands touch my shoulders, making me jump eagerly. “The pharmacy.” He pulls on the straps of my tank top and bra, sliding them off my shoulders slowly. “I’ve thought about breaking in a thousand times.” My shirt lowers to my breasts, barely covering them. “I’ve watched the routine.” Josh releases my top to trace his finger along my breastplate, dipping it low inside my cleavage. “But something always stopped me.”

  “What stopped you?” I ask breathlessly, my heart hammering under his touch.

  “Morals? My conscience? Fear?” He tugs roughly on my bra, forcing my breasts free. But he doesn’t touch me. He leaves me vulnerable and waiting, gasping in the dark. “What’s in this room isn’t mine. I’m not supposed to have it so I didn’t take it, no matter how much I wanted it. No matter how much I needed it to survive. A good man doesn’t take what doesn’t belong to him.”

  I lick my lips, imagining his on my breasts. “But you’re not a good man anymore, are you?”

  “I don’t think I ever was. I was what everyone wanted me to be. I did what everyone expected me to do. But do you know what I want to do, Harlow?”

  “Tell me,” I plead.

  He reaches down to slide his hand over my trembling stomach, breaching the barrier of my jeans, and thrusting his finger inside my wet and waiting slit.

  I grip his shoulders desperately, my body bucking under his touch. “Josh,” I pant.

  He kisses the corner of my mouth. His finger flutters inside of me. “What I want is to fuck another man’s woman and rob this pharmacy blind. This is me. This is the kind of guy I am on the inside. So I’m gonna ask you the same thing you asked me.” He licks my lower lip before biting it gently. “Are you sure about me, Harlow?”

  I can hardly think with his hands on me. Inside me. I can barely breathe, I can’t see, but my other senses are heightened. I hear him clearly. I hear the man that he is, not the boy he used to be. In the dark, I see him better than I have in years.

  And I want him more than I ever have before.

  “I’m not another man’s woman,” I tell him, taking hold of his face with both of my hands. I bring his forehead to mine, feeling myself go calm inside even as he brings me higher and higher, his finger never stilling. Never stopping. “I’m yours. I’ve always been yours, and I’ll die before I let another man touch me again.”

  My promise sets something off inside of Josh. Something wild. He rips my clothes from my body. I feel them stretch and strain, hear them tear at the seams as he pulls them from my me until I’m bare. Until he can lift my naked ass onto the cold counter and thrust himself inside me in one quick, clean movement.

  I hold on for dear life as he fucks me recklessly, his breath breaking over his lips with each drive. Small grunts escape him, animalistic sounds that make me proud of him. Of me. Of us and the undeniable, unavoidable nature of everything. We’re not magnets pushing away from each other anymore. We’ve flipped, our poles switching, and there’s no keeping us apart now.

  “Always,” he grunts against my shoulder, driving the words into me again and again, desperate for me to hear him. To remember.

  “Always,” I echo. I kiss his sweating forehead gently. “Always, baby. Always.”

  When we finish, we’ll rob this place. I’ll walk out of here with piles of pills inside my purse and his hand held in mine. I’ll go back to the club and end things with Devo. I’ll cut ties wherever I have to in order to have him, and I’ll be the happiest I’ve ever been in my life because of this moment. This second right here as he makes love to me with a passion only he can bring, rushing it over me wave upon wave.

  This is my baptism. I’m born anew in the dark in the arms of a criminal, and it’s the single greatest, freest moment of my life, because despite the cloud of confusion I’ve lived under for most of my existence, I’ve always known one thing to be true beyond a shadow of a doubt.

  I am not a good girl.

  Chapter
Twenty-Four

  Josh

  Harlow is leaving Devo tonight. She swore it as she put her clothes on in the pharmacy, her body blue and beautiful under the light of my cell phone. We had trouble finding her bra. I couldn’t remember where I threw it, but eventually she spotted it hanging on a shelf full of sleeping pills. She grabbed it and as many boxes of the script as she could wrap her hands around, shoving it all into her purse.

  We were quick as we shopped the rest of the shelves. She whispered names to me questioningly, stumbling over them, mangling them with her perfect lips. I taught her as we stole. I told her what each pill was, what they do. What their value is on the street. She was quick to learn, eager to ask questions. She thinks she’s stupid, that she can’t learn worth a damn just because she has a hard time reading and she’s shit at managing her emotions, but she’s sharp. I’ve always known that about her. She’s fast on her feet with reflexes like most people only dream of.

  Devo took care of her by getting her out, by keeping her safe, but he’s done nothing to repair the damage her dad did. It doesn’t make him a bad guy, it just makes him the wrong guy for her. She needs someone to remind her how amazing she is every day. To tell her how smart she is. How valuable. She needs to know that she’s even more beautiful on the inside than she is on the outside.

  She needs me.

  “Hold the fuck up,” Raw demands, slapping his hands down on the rim of the pool table. “You knew you could get to those pills all this time, but you never took them before? Even when you had to pay me to get your old shit back?”

  I roll my pool cue in my hand, shrugging. “I bought everything I had before. It didn’t feel right to steal it.”

  “How’s it feel now?”

  I grin at him under the green billiards light hanging between us. “It feels pretty fucking good. It feels flush.”

  “No shit, we’re flush!” he laughs.

  “We won’t have to shop from Ritchie for a while.”

  “Can you do it again? Is this our new supplier?”

  “Probably not. Security on that room is lax because they’ve never had a problem before. They got complicit. Once they find out they’ve been robbed, they’ll probably crack down with coded locks instead of keys. They’ll put in cameras if they’re smart.”

  “Damn,” he laments, pushing himself away from the table. “That would have been a sweet deal always getting it for free.”

  “Sorry, man.”

  He laughs. “Don’t be sorry, brother. You got us a bag full of pure profit. I’m happy. Bear will be too.”

  “Harlow deserves a cut. She did half the work. She carried the shit out in her purse. I couldn’t have scored as much as I did without her.”

  “Nah, you’re right.” He leans back on his heels, crossing his arms over his big chest. “What are you thinking? Seven percent, same as you give your boy?”

  My stomach flips thinking about Harrison, but I keep my face clear. “Sounds good. Sounds fair.”

  Raw is watching me closely. His normally benign expression darkening the way it does when he talks about things that irritate him, like the Black Hawks and Dirks Bentley. Raw fucking hates Dirks Bentley.

  “You dealt with that shit yet?” he asks me pointedly.

  “Dealt with what?”

  “Come on, Strat. Don’t play with me.”

  I sigh, looking down. “I talked to him. I cut him out. He’s done.”

  “He sold us out?”

  “They busted into his apartment and trashed the place looking for drugs. He told them he didn’t have any and they pulled a knife on him.” I look up at Raw, shrugging my shoulders. “He thought he was gonna die. He panicked.”

  “He sold us out,” he repeats heavily.

  “And now he’s out. It’s finished.”

  “It isn’t finished.”

  My hand grips the pool cue tightly. “I’m not giving him up.”

  Raw runs his hand under his chin pensively. “See, now I don’t know how to feel ‘bout that. You’re loyal, which I like. You’re standing by your boy the way he should have stood by you. But you’re hiding someone from me. Someone that fucked me over. I don’t like that.”

  “I’m not asking you to like it. I’m asking you to respect it.”

  He nods slowly, lowering his arms. I watch them closely. I keep an eye on his footing, his stance, waiting for it to shift toward me. I don’t want to fight Raw. Dude’s crazy in a brawl. Odds are, he’ll beat my ass. But I’m not about to make it easy for him.

  Finally, he takes a step back, his body relaxing. “Alright, man, but you gotta swear to me that he’s gone. I won’t work with a weak link like that.”

  “He’s gone. I swear.”

  “Good to hear.”

  I hesitate, worried about pushing my luck but unable to drop it. “There’s something else.”

  “What?”

  “They got his phone. It has all of our contacts on it.”

  “Goddamn it,” he growls angrily.

  “I told my guy to cancel the number but they’ll still have everyone’s info. I don’t know what they’re gonna do with that.”

  “We gotta tell Bear about this. Probably ‘bout your boy, too.”

  “I’ll tell Bear the truth,” I promise. “About everything. It’s my mess. I’ll take care of it.”

  “And when he demands to know the relay’s name, what are you gonna do then?”

  “I’ll tell him no.”

  “He’s not gonna like that. He’ll want to punish someone for selling us out.”

  “I’m not giving him the name,” I reply adamantly.

  Raw shakes his head, grimacing. “The timing is such shit.”

  “Why? What’s happening?”

  “Devo and Kill are on their way back. They’ll be home in a few hours because Bear has called a meeting with the Black Hawks President tomorrow. We’re all riding up to Culver.”

  “Okay,” I reply slowly, not sure what he’s getting at.

  Raw looks at me solemnly. “You’re riding with us, Strat.”

  “What?” I chuckle in surprise. “Why? Because I was there when two of the Hawks died?”

  “No. Because tonight he’s going to offer you a cut.”

  I sober immediately. “What are you talking about?”

  “When Devo and Kill get back, we’re sitting down, all of us, including you. Bear is gonna offer you a chance to be a Prospect. And with how much you’ve been bugging me about it lately, you better say ‘yes’.”

  I lean forward to brace my hands against the table. “Holy shit.”

  I shouldn’t be surprised. I’ve been close with the club for months now; working with them, partying with them. I’ve been as close to a member as a man can be without being sworn in, but the news is still a shock. I’ve told Raw that I want to join and he’s been supportive, but I never actually thought it would happen. Devo doesn’t like me, I’m pretty sure Kill hates me, and Bear has been neutral at best. And now I have to tell him I won’t give up a rat.

  “Fuck,” I mutter, lowering my head between my arms. I feel the way I did the day he threatened me in this very room; sick as hell. “He’s not gonna let me in, is he?”

  “He might.”

  “He might,” I echo weakly.

  “He likes honesty. If you’re honest with him, he might still consider it. And depending on how much support you have from the other members, you could get pushed through.”

  I stand up straight, shaking my head. “You and Skeeze might speak up for me. I doubt anyone else will care.”

  “Hyde could. He likes you. And so does Kill.”

  I laugh in shock. “Are you serious?”

  “Dead. He’s been talking you up since you went in with us. He likes that you’re bringing new business. He’s been pushing for us to expand into something other than weed for years. He drives Bear crazy.”

  “He’s the VP,” I consider aloud. “If he votes for me, I might make it in.”

  Ra
w grins. “By the skin of your pretty, white teeth. You happy?”

  “Fuck yeah, I’m happy. I’m… I’m…”

  I don’t know what I am. I’m stunned. I’m excited. I’m scared, and that’s probably a good thing because it means I get what’s happening. I haven’t been rushing a fucking frat here. I’ve been proving myself to One Percenters. Outlaws by name and practice, and if I want in on this, I need to be ready to go all the way in. I need to ask myself some tough questions, ones I’ve avoided up until now.

  Am I ready to back them, no matter what? Can I fight, cheat, and steal my way through the rest of my natural life? Can I accept that that life will most likely be shortened by my association with the Devil’s Due?

  And the hardest question of all – can I kill if I have to?

  I immediately imagine Harlow. I picture the Black Hawks breaking into my house with her there. Guns in the room. Knives at the ready. What am I willing to do for her? What if it’s not Harlow, but Raw? Or Skeeze? Hyde? Devo? Would I kill to save them? If you put that gun back in my hand instead of Raw’s, could I fire two rounds to end a situation that threatened the club and every man in it?

  Turns out, it’s not a hard question at all. It’s the easiest of my life.

  These men will be my family, and I’m willing to do whatever it fucking takes to protect what’s mine.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Harlow

  The thin windows in the trailer rattle excitedly with the arrival of the bikes pulling into the yard.

  Just as the sun is going down, Devo and Kill are coming home.

  I’m nervous. I can’t even pretend that I’m not. I’ve been pacing the trailer all evening waiting for him to get back. I’ve been praying it’ll happen soon so I can get it over with, but now that I know he’s here, I wish time would slow down. I wish I had more time to think through what I’m going to say. What I’m going to do. Where am I going to go? I can’t stay here. Josh wouldn’t like it and Devo would be bumped into the club with Skeeze and Kill. He’d hate that. He can’t share a bathroom with Skeeze. Devo is a surprisingly neat person and Skeeze is… well, Skeeze is skeezy. He’s gross. No one should live like he does.