Her hand seemed so small in his, and he did make her feel safe. “Get comfortable. It’s a long story, and I should have told you from the first.”
He gave her hand a quick squeeze before he put his arm around her and pulled her close enough for her to rest her head on his shoulder. She played with one of his buttons on his shirt before she began.
“I told you about my sister turning Amis away from her bed. He’d been walking in on me dressing whenever he could get away with it. I know Hester saw him, but she never said a word. In fact she implied it was my fault. I took to dressing under the covers while still in bed.”
She swallowed over a lump of emotion then pressed on. “There was more work to do than ever. Sharecropping doesn’t mean the workers get an equal share. If we made enough to keep ourselves fed and warm through the cold season, we were the lucky ones. Amis loved his moonshine, and we’d just been told our share was to be even less that year. He was enraged, and I was his target. I’d heard him slap Hester around and he’d been quick to backhand me when I made a mistake or said something out of turn. I would have left but there wasn’t a door open to me. That night he had his way with me. I wanted to die. He hurt me so much. Then he laughed about me being a virgin. He also beat me so bad that night, and I could hardly walk but he made me work the next day. I had a black eye and there were bruises all over, but not one person said a word.”
She needed to catch her breath. She half expected Max to jump up and leave but he stroked his hand up and down her arm.
“He continued to have his way with me and I was stupid, I kept fighting him. I should have just lain there and let him but not me. Hester still never said a word and that hurt me more than all the cuts and bruises. I mean even though she was afraid of Amis she could have told me how sorry she felt for my plight. She acted as though I was the one who was wrong. I was in constant fear and Amis thought it was funny. I became pregnant.
I was raised to believe that every child was a blessing. I didn’t tell him. I wasn’t sure what he’d do, but I knew it wouldn’t be good. Hester knew, she had to have known with all my morning sickness, but she didn’t mention it. She glared at me when I brought her meals to her in bed. She decided she needed to stay in bed leaving me to do even more work. I did it, though. If I was working I wasn’t being beaten.
One day I went to the church for help, but even the minister thought I was the problem.” Tear began to fall. “How do you tell a woman who had a broken nose that it was her own fault? Months went by and it was obvious I was with child and Amis still didn’t say anything until Hester complained about it saying he had shamed her. She was near her date. Amis still didn’t say a word about my child to me. Then one night he threw me on the ground and beat me until I lost my baby. Hester had her daughter the same night.”
Veronica couldn’t sit anymore. It was all too much. She stood and began to pace. “No one was there to help Hester. Amis didn’t go for help, and I couldn’t get up off the floor. Finally, I gathered what strength I had, crawled into Hester’s room and tied off the cord and cut it. Hester was dead, and the baby was crying.
I took the girl and held her to me, and she was looking to feed. Yes, I was that far along. I held her to my breast and she fed. I mourned for my son and fed my niece at the same time. I was still bleeding so I grabbed some of the diapers Hester had made and packed them inside of me. I washed Bridey and dressed her. I wasn’t sure what Amis would do when he got back.
He finally came home. He had to get the doctor since Hester was dead, and the doctor was kind enough to take care of me. Amis kept yelling he wasn’t going to pay the doctor for tending me, but the doctor didn’t care. In fact, he told me to get myself gone as soon as I could and to take the baby.
I healed slowly because I had to work the fields and tend to Bridey, and the house and meals were mine to take care of too. I gave the first letter to the doctor, and when I got your letter with the ticket I had hope for the first time in forever, but I knew I’d lied to you. You have to agree I’m not good enough for you, Max. Now the whole town of Spring Water is talking about us, and how shameful I am to bring a child who wasn’t born in wedlock. There is something about me that makes people think I’m not worthy of love or respect.” Stopping in front of him, she dared to look at him, expecting to see disgust on his face but the tears in his eyes were her undoing. She sobbed and when he pulled her down onto his lap she sobbed some more. It was as though she’d never stop but she couldn’t help herself.
“How much you have suffered with your sorrow, shame, and abuse. Go ahead and cry it all out. I’m so sorry you lost your son. The shame isn’t yours to bear my sweet girl. You are a good wife and mother. I can wait until you’re ready. What about Amis, though? Won’t he be wanting his daughter?”
“I didn’t lie when I said the father is dead. He lost enough blood there was no way he survived. Amis owed men money and they broke down the door. One of the men shot Amis. They pointed the gun at me, but I was holding Bridey and I thanked them for killing him. They were so surprised, they left. I packed that day and I left too.”
“Bridey is lucky to have you…as am I.”
“I thought for sure you’d turn me out. You are the good one, Max.”
“No more running away. You were attacked tonight, and even though he didn’t… You were still beaten. Let me get you tucked in.”
She searched his eyes for any sign of revulsion, but she only saw tenderness and sadness.
Max carried her to the bedroom, pulled back the covers, and set her on the bed. He covered her with the quilt. “I’m going to go get Bridey. You’ll be all right for a minute? There are men guarding both houses.”
She nodded and watched him leave. Her body hurt something awful and she was spent emotionally, but she no longer feared her secrets. She no longer feared he’d turn her out. But she didn’t believe it wasn’t her fault. Too many people had told her it was.
Chapter Seven
Max swung the ax over his head and hit the wood with a hard thwack. It split and went flying in two directions. He wanted to stay close to home for a few days. Veronica needed to heal both inside and out. This morning she was calmer than he’d ever seen her, and he didn’t think she could enjoy Bridey more than she already had, but there was a serene smile on her face when she interacted with the baby. Veronica even smiled when he held Bridey. She had numerous bruises, and he told her to take it easy, which of course she ignored. Finally, he threatened to tie her to the bed. She was sitting on the sofa sewing when he came outside.
He felt bad that he was shirking his duties on the ranch, but Parker laughed and told him he worked too hard as it was. Parker was going to into town or rather past the town to where the freedmen lived to talk to them to see about hiring some on. He also wanted to know how they felt about living on his land.
Max felt as though he should go and have Parker’s back, but Sandler and Willis went with him. Green was guarding the house as was Max. He had his gun belt on and his rifle close at hand. There would be revenge for their interference last night, he hadn’t a doubt about it.
The family refused to leave, so Parker sent rifles out to them. Max didn’t think it would be enough. They’d have their house burned with them in it and their crops trampled before it was done. That’s what soldiers on both sides had done to many farms and plantations. But he could only hope they’d be successful in protecting themselves.
There had to be a way for them to all live in peace. President Johnson wasn’t any help at all. He’d never wanted to end slavery in the first place. Then there were generations of people who were brought up to believe that being white meant being better, smarter, and more deserving. It was going to take a lot to make a change. People were often stuck in their ways.
Max chopped more wood. He didn’t have any answers. Parker was going to bring a whole lot of trouble on them, but in his opinion, Parker was doing the right thing. They’d need more guns and more ammo. They should probably build more line shacks fo
r guards to hole up in come bad weather.
Perhaps they wouldn’t want to come and work on a ranch owned by an ex-confederate soldier. Veronica was watching him out the window again. He grinned to himself. He could feel the heat of her gaze. Telling him the whole tragic story, and then the long cry that followed seemed to have cleansed her in some way. Whatever it was it seemed helpful. Veronica had slept peacefully last night in a way he’d never seen her do before.
Finally, he turned to the window and his lips twitched as she backed away. So she didn’t want to be caught watching him. It was time to go back inside. He’d exerted enough inner anger on the wood. How could people have allowed what happened to her? How could they have blamed her for that darn Harvey’s cheating? It didn’t make any type of sense but people did think it was a woman’s fault if a man strayed.
He walked into the house. “Glad to see you resting,” he teased.
“I didn’t do any work.”
“No, you just watched me chop wood.”
Her face became fiery red. “You’re very strong. I’ve chopped more than my share of wood, but mine never went flying so far after it split.”
He smiled widely. “Complimenting me? I like it.”
“Take off your shirt.” She walked toward him.
This time, it was his face that heated with embarrassment. “What?”
“I want to measure you for a new shirt. The one you’re wearing pulls too tight when you swing the ax. That’s why I was studying you for so long.” She carried string to measure him.
He laughed. “And I thought you were amazed at my muscles.” He unbuttoned his shirt and glanced away as he took it off. He didn’t want her to think he had anything other than a shirt on his mind, but it was hard.
Her gasp brought his gaze to hers. Her eyes were wide and filled with fascination. She took a step forward with the string but then she took a step back and her expression became one of confusion.
“Maybe I could just use one of your shirts to measure and make it a bit bigger.” Her words came out slowly.
He put his shirt back on and buttoned it. “It doesn’t have to be done today, honey. Like I said last night, I’ll wait. One step at a time. Right now, just seeing you smile at me is such a gift. Come, I want to press a wet cloth against your eyes.”
She dipped her head. “I must look a fright.”
“You’ll always be the prettiest gal in the world to me.”
“You hit your head, didn’t you?”
She sounded so serious he frowned. “Now, why would you think that?”
“You think of me as pretty. I’m many things, but pretty isn’t one of them.” She quickly put her string back into her sewing basket. Bridey started to fuss and then cry until Veronica lifted her out of the drawer.
“I was working on something in the barn. I’ll go grab it and finish it up in here.” He didn’t wait for a reply. He hurried to the barn and got everything he needed to finish the cradle. He’d wanted to surprise Veronica with it finished, but he suspected she’d be just as happy to watch him finish it. He hustled back and realized he felt happy to spend time with his wife and daughter. He didn’t care that Amis and Hester were Bridey’s parents because they weren’t really. Not in any way that counted. Veronica was the only mother the little one had known and he was proud to know he was the only father she’d known or would ever know. She was his daughter.
“Oh, Max, you didn’t need to go to the trouble.” Veronica’s eyes teared when she saw the cradle.
“No crying, now.”
“They are joyful tears. Oh my, I don’t think I’ve ever had tears of joy before.” She bit her lip and then smiled, lighting up his whole heart.
“It’s no trouble, she’s my daughter after all. And I plan to make you cry joyful tears whenever I can.” He set all he carried on the kitchen table, leaned down, and gave her a light kiss on her lips, and then gave Bridey one on her cheek. It hadn’t occurred how close he’d be to her uncovered chest. He quickly stood and concentrated on relaxing his suddenly tightened jaw then went to work on the cradle.
He’d meant what he said about waiting, but it was going to be a bit harder than he imagined.
* * *
It gleamed and it felt so smooth to the touch. Her mouth opened in awe as she inspected every inch of it. “It’s the loveliest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“I hope our daughter has many a good sleep in it,” Max replied, his voice filled with pride.
She swallowed hard, afraid to hope. “You said our daughter. Do you mean that Max?”
“Of course I do, and I feel it even stronger now that I know the whole story. She’s ours and I don’t care what anyone says. Talk will die down soon enough. We’ll raise her and give her brothers and sisters.”
“God willing. The doctor wasn’t sure if what Amis did to kill my baby caused any damage, but he didn’t see anything obvious. I’d like to have your child someday. But in order to have a child we’d need to…” She wasn’t sure where to look. She didn’t want to see the expression on his face. She wanted to try, but she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to bring herself to allow a man to touch her, even Max.
He snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her into a hug. “Let’s not think about it or mention it for a while. I don’t want it between us. I feel so close to you, let’s not ruin it with regrets and unfulfilled wishes.” He kissed her forehead. “Now let’s put a wet cloth on that eye. I bet you hurt all over.”
“No one ever cared how hurt I was before.” Tears welled, stinging her already painful eye, and she blinked them back. “I was always expected to go on about my work. Everyone would take a good look at my battered face, and then they’d pretend not to notice anything. I guess no one wanted to go against Amis. The poorer farmers…we all mostly ended up as sharecroppers and we mostly kept to ourselves. The sheriff knew what was going on, but by his way of thinking, it was a family squabble. I was property, owned by my father and then by Amis. Harvey would have owned me if he hadn’t gotten himself killed.” She couldn’t help the sigh that escaped her.
“I don’t own you, honey. We are partners in our life as husband and wife and as parents.” He wet a cloth and led her to the sofa then sat her down and took a seat next to her. Fresh pain seared her eye when the cloth hurt went on, and she hissed.
“I know it hurts. Try to set your head back against the sofa for a bit. I wanted to discuss something with you. Are you happy here, or would you like to head west and get a piece of land all our own?”
“If owning your own land is something you want, I’ll go with you of course, but I’m just as happy here.” She squirmed, trying to look up at him, but the angle was too awkward. “I can’t see you. Are you happy with my answer, or are you scowling?”
He chuckled. “I’m happy here, but if you wanted to start new where no one knows about Bridey, then I’d go and carve out a new life for us.”
“You have to stop being so nice to me today. I’m not used to it, and I’ll end up crying joyful tears all day.” A few tears leaked out under the wet cloth. “Georgie and Sondra are the first real friends I’ve ever had, and I’d like to stay.”
“Then stay we will. Rest for a bit, and I’ll get us something to eat. After that I’m fixing you a nice warm bath to soak some of the soreness out of you.” He moved away from her, and she felt the loss of his body touching hers.
She puzzled over it while she measured the cradle, grabbed the material she needed, and then quickly sat back down. She measured and cut the muslin for cradle ticking. “I don’t know what else you need to do to finish the crib. It’s so beautiful.”
“I want to rub it with beeswax to making shinier. You’ll see when I’m done that it was worth it. Haven’t you ever…?”
“No, except for the one the Eastman’s have. We always used drawers or sometimes baskets. Theirs isn’t as glossy.”
“That cradle has been used by the Eastman family for generations. Usually between children you
sand it down and wax it again to make it look new,” Max answered as he made griddlecakes.
Nodding, she threaded her needle and started on the ticking. There was a large bin of chaffed straw in the barn to stuff the ticking with, but she probably wouldn’t be allowed to leave the house to get it. It was just as well, she’d probably never make it that far. She was hurt worse than she had admitted, but she didn’t want Max to worry. He’d already been too good to her.
“Here you are, my sweet. I’m betting you like syrup on your griddle cakes.”
He put a plate on the sofa table and then poured syrup over them.
“Don’t put too much on, syrup is a luxury,” she said. He was using it recklessly.
“We always have more than enough syrup. We barter our beef for goods not just money. I’ll show you where those items are kept.”
She popped a piece of the syrup-covered griddlecake into her mouth and sighed. “This is heaven. What else do they have?
“There’s coffee, tea, canned fruit, and mostly things that couldn’t be had during the war. The shipments have been coming in, since people now need beef. The traders know what value we expect for the cattle, and they bring it. Sometimes it’s a lot of syrup. It’s better than sending the cattle up north and getting paid what they decide is the right price. We do send some that way too just so we can keep our little system in place. I think next we’re going to ask for material and school books. Georgie is determined that a school be built in these parts soon.”
“See what can be accomplished when people work together?” she whispered, awestruck. “It’s amazing.”
“Yes, it is. Finish up while I make sure we have enough water heating. I’m going to have Georgie come and help you.”
She raised her brows. “Why?”
“I thought you’d feel more comfortable plus I’d be out for blood looking at your bruises again and I can’t leave the ranch at the moment.” He gave her a wry grin.
Shattered Trust: Mail Order Brides of Spring Water Book Two Page 7
