by Ann Garner
“Yes, of course.”
I slide out of the truck and wipe my damp palms on my jeans. I come around the front of the truck just as Cole wraps his mother in a hug.
“I’m so excited to have all three of you coming home this weekend. It's been a long time since we were all together.” She says as she pulls back a little from Cole. Then she turns so she can smile at me. “And this must be Delaney.”
“Yes, ma’am. It's very nice to meet you. Thank you for having me.”
She has Cole’s eyes, the startling navy blue that look right into you so you know they see more than you want them to. She studies me now with them, a smile on her face.
“Call me Claire. According to Grace I should thank you for her passing her classes. She says watching you study all the time makes her feel guilty.”
She looks up to Cole again. “Bring your stuff inside; I have fresh cookies and lemonade for you before I put you to work.”
Chapter Twelve
I can't sleep in Saturday morning. I've never been one to sleep late anyway, but when I wake up in the pretty pale blue guest room Claire had shown me to yesterday afternoon, I am too energized to lie there quietly and stare at the ceiling.
I take a quick shower and get dressed and then make my way down the stairs towards the kitchen. They told me to make myself at home, but I still can't quite relax. I feel like I've fallen into a Norman Rockwell painting, watching the way they interact with each other.
Cole had planted his mother’s flowers under her very watchful eye. Then Grace had arrived and we had sat on the front porch while Cole and Grace filled their mother in on what they were doing at school and she brought them up to speed on the town gossip.
When Tom had come home it was like watching another piece of the puzzle click into place. Holden would be arriving this morning and I was interested to them all together as a whole unit.
I shuffle quietly towards the kitchen, where I can see there is a light on and I catch the unmistakable scent of coffee. I'm not quite to the doorway when I hear Coles voice, soft and deep and I stop when I hear his mother same my name.
“So tell me about Delaney.”
There is the distinct sound of dishes clicking against each other, and the gentle lap of water. She must be washing dishes. I don't think I've ever seen my mother wash a dish in her life. We had a daily maid that took care of things like that.
“Never could get anything by you.”
His mother laughs softly. “Oh honey, you don't have to know you to see how you feel about that girl. It's written all over your face every time you look at her.”
“Not to her.”
“Grace said she doesn't talk about her parents or home much.”
I hear something creak and I look over my shoulder but no one is there. I shouldn't stand here and listen. But I don't move away.
“Yeah, Grace mentioned that to me as well. Apparently they aren't much in the parent department. Grace said it was the most awkward fifteen minutes in her life when they dropped Del off. Said they just left, with hardly a goodbye at all. I don't know much about them, she doesn't talk about them at all.”
“That's awful.”
“I don't know what it is, Mom, but I can't seem to shake how I feel about her.”
“She’s a sweet girl, Cole. I don't think she knows what to do about you though.”
I hear him make a sound in his throat, and then there's the sound of a chair scrapping against the floor. I tense as I wait, but no one comes out of the kitchen.
“She doesn't want a thing to do with me romantically. She's made that much clear.”
Claire chuckles. “Then she's lying to you and to herself. She watches you. She relaxes more when you’re in the room. You just have to give her some room, Cole, she'll come around. No one can resist you for long.”
“I think you're a little biased. But I appreciate the vote of confidence.”
Quietly I turn and head back up the stairs. Looks like I will spend a little time staring at the ceiling this morning after all.
**************
“Okay, so the point of the game,”
Grace drops a bowl of Chex mix next to my elbow. “Seriously, Dad, there is no point to this game.”
“That is simply not true,” Tom Marsh says while shuffling the deck of cards. “The point is to win, baby girl. Always.”
Cole, sitting to my right, snorts. “Watch out for him, Del, he cheats.”
“Don’t listen to them, darling.” Tom pats my arm; he sits to my left, stretched out in a pair of obviously old jeans that sport a couple of holes, and a dark green t-shirt. He doesn't look a thing like any lawyer I have ever seen.
“They're just jealous ’cause I always beat them.”
“Yeah, because you cheat.” Holden says as he settles down at the table. Tom just smiles at his children and says, “Prove it.”
He deftly starts passing out cards. “Now, the game is called Phase 10, because there are 10 phases that you have to get through in order to win, which are listed out for you on the card I gave you earlier.”
He goes on to explain the rules of the game, and I listen intently. As I do, Claire comes in and sets a glass of lemonade next to me. I murmur a thank you and she smiles at me before sliding into a chair between Cole and Holden.
I've spent the majority of the day thinking about what I had overheard her say this morning. I knew I was comfortable around Cole, I had told him as much last week, but did I really become noticeably more comfortable when he came in the room?
“So, are you ready to get your ass kicked?”
The good natured ribbing had started during dinner when it was decided that we would stay in and play cards tonight.
“Bring it on, old man.”
I pick up the small pile of cards in front of me, watching as everyone else does the same and starts deftly rearranging the cards they hold. I fan the cards I hold in front of me, trying to remember all the rules I'd just heard.
Sliding his chair a little closer to me, Cole says. “Want some help?”
“Is that allowed?”
He's smiling at me, and I want nothing more than to sit there all night and watch him.
“Sure it is. Until you get the hang of it.”
He reaches out for the cards in my hands, his fingers gliding over mine, and I feel the heat of his touch slide through me. He's explaining the best way to situate my cards in my hands, talking about the first phase and what my options are.
Honestly, all I can do is stare at his mouth and think about what I overhead that morning.
He can't shake what he feels for me.
I'm desperate to know how he feels, though I think I have a pretty good idea. And there is a very large part of me, and it only seems to be growing larger, that wants to explore those feelings.
Even though it makes me nauseous to think about.
“Think you've got it?”
He's watching me so intently, with that easy smile on his face that just barely brings out the dimples.
“Seriously, Del, let’s get the show on the road.” Grace’s words brings me out of my fog and I know I'm now blushing three different shades of pink as I take my cards back from Cole, careful not to touch him. I had forgotten that we were sitting at the table with the rest of his family.
“Grace that is no way to treat your guest.” Claire scolds her daughter. I look at her when she speaks, and she's watching me with Cole’s eyes and a knowing smile on her face.
“Please,” Grace huffs. “You should hear how she treats me back at school. She looks all sweet and innocent but it's all an act, I promise. Now, let’s play cards.”
We settle into the game, but Cole stays close to me and leans over to help me out during my first few turns. He smells like peppermint again, I've determined it's from the toothpaste he uses and I would like to buy stock in the company that makes it.
“Now, I know you're from Oregon, but I'm not sure how you made it to North Carolina. Th
at's quite a distance.” Claire asks the question casually, and I feel my stomach clench with unease. “Did you get a scholarship to CMU?”
“Yes ma'am.” I swallow. “But I would have come anyway. I wanted to go somewhere different so I looked at the map and picked a place and then applied.”
“That's very daring at your age. I don't think I would have been able to do that when I was eighteen.”
“Oh, um, it was easier than you might think. I didn't have anything holding me there.”
The game has kept going, and thankfully Cole comes to my rescue by putting down the first phase.
“Damn it, Cole, you better not go out any time soon, I have shit for cards.” Holden grumbles.
“Sucks for you, doesn't it?”
The game continues for over an hour and my stomach has started to hurt from laughing so hard. There is no mercy between them and their language gets increasingly worse as the game progresses. I'm having more fun watching them than playing the game, but I'm still managing to hold my own against them. Just as we start to roll into the second hour Tom’s cell phone rings.
“Break time, this is about a case.” He says after looking at the screen. “Sorry guys.”
Holden, Grace, and their mother desert the room moments after Tom steps out, muttering various reasons such as calling significant others or grabbing more drinks and snacks for everyone.
“Looks like it’s just you and me.” Cole is gathering up the cards, stacking them all neatly in front of him. I make some sort of noncommittal sound in my throat. I'm not sure my vocal chords will work.
I have been hyper aware of him all evening, even with his family surrounding us. Now that it is just the two of us I can’t focus on anything but him. The way his arms move as he gathers the cards, the way his hair slides down over his forehead, perhaps just a little too long.
“I’m going to go grab some air, wanna come? Dad could be a while.”
I nod my head and follow slowly behind him as we move through the house out to the front porch. The sun has long ago set and the temperature has cooled significantly. I hug my sweater tighter against my body to keep warm. Instead of the rocking chairs I settle next to the chocolate lab I learned is named Gus, who is once again sleeping on the porch.
“I've never had a pet.”
“No?” Cole settles next to me on the top step.
“No. They’re dirty according to my mother. She liked things to be neat and tidy and pets are neither of those things. And she says she's allergic to them, which I'm pretty sure is a lie.”
I stroke my hand down the soft fur of his back, and Gus rolls into me, exposing his pink belly.
“Gus has no shame whatsoever.”
“I can see that,” I say, laughing. I continue petting him for a few moments, his fur is soft under my hands, and petting him is rhythmic and soothing.
“You don't talk about them much, your parents. Or about anything before you came here.”
“It was nothing like this,” I say softly, still petting the dog. “No cookies and lemonade, no nights staying in as a family to play cards.”
“Delaney--”
“No.” I look at him now, my hand still resting on Gus’ fur. “I don't tell you that to make you feel sorry for me. It's where I come from, Cole, it's what I know. This?” I look around.
We are surrounded by the scent of the flowers he had planted earlier and sit in the darkness, lit only by the stars and the soft glow of lights behind us from the house.
“This is so far out of the ordinary for me. Its, well I can't explain it. Not really.” I pause and then meet his eyes directly. “I don't know how to be what you're looking for, what you're used to.”
My hair dances in the wind between us. Cole reaches up slowly and tucks some behind my ear. His fingers slide down the length, then along my jaw. I don't tense or freeze, don't feel the icy taste of fear in my mouth. All I feel is the heat of his fingers along my skin, and the heat from his eyes as he watches me.
“What if I said I wasn't looking for the same thing I was before? What if I said I wanted more, and I wanted it with you because you're exactly what I'm looking for?”
With a weak smile I say, “You need higher expectations, Cole.”
“I think my expectations are just fine.”
His hand drops from my face and I feel the loss of warmth against my skin, but the heat that I feel from just being next to him is settling like a fire in my stomach, flames licking out into various parts of my body.
I sway towards him, much as I had done in the frat house a couple of weeks ago. I can't seem to move away, it's like my body is drawn to his and I have no say in the matter. Our faces are mere inches apart, and I can feel his breath against my mouth. His voice is low and soft as he says,
“You have to tell me, Del. You have to say the words, so there’s no confusion this time.”
I close my eyes, because I don't know that I can say what he wants to hear, even though I want to. I find I want to say them almost as much as I want to feel the slide of his lips against mine.
Because if I say the words then maybe there is hope for me. Maybe I wasn't broken beyond repair.
I don't even realize I have started to cry until I feel the brush of his thumb under one eye. The wetness spreads across my cheek, and when I go to lean away, he stops me. “Please don't. Don't pull away from me again, Delaney.”
“I'm not normal, Cole, I’m so beyond screwed up its ridiculous. You don't want me.”
“I’m pretty sure that's my call to make.”
Then he doesn't wait for me to speak again, he leans in, slowly enough that I can stop him if I want, and his eyes never leave mine as his lips brush softly against the corner of my mouth. He pulls back, eyes searching for some sort of response. I lick my lips and watch his eyes drop down at the movement.
“Can I just say, it drives me crazy when you do that? Because, seriously, it drives me fucking nuts.”
I automatically wet my lips again, a reflex at his words. The groan that escapes his lips surprises me and my eyes widen slightly.
“Hey! We going to finish this game some time tonight?” Grace demands from the doorway. “Or sit outside and stare at each other all night.”
Cole raises one hand, flicking her off, which only makes her laugh.
Chapter Thirteen
I dress with care Wednesday morning before my history class. A pair of jeans with a dark blue hooded sweatshirt that hugs against my body. I add extra curl to my hair, something I have only ever done twice in my life before now, but I hate the results so I yank it up into a messy bun on the top of my head. I opt to leave my contacts out and slip on my black framed classes instead.
I don't want to look like I put any effort into my appearance, while still managing to look presentable.
Though that moment on the porch seemed to have changed things for Cole and me, he hadn't made any further attempt to kiss me the rest of the time we spent at his parents’ house. If it had not been for the occasional brush of his hand against mine, I would have thought I had imagined the entire thing.
I had ridden back with Grace and Grant, grateful that Todd had found another ride, and Robby had just assumed he would ride with Cole. Grace had waited until we were settled back in our room, just the two of us, before she said anything at all about what she had seen on the porch that night.
