by Ann Garner
I knew my hands had been shaking, but I don't remember it being as bad as all that. I know I'm frowning at his assessment, but I can't seem to help myself.
“Jesus, Del, he was just talking to you. I knew he was just talking to you, and it took everything I had not to lay him out right there because you looked scared to death.” He pauses for a moment, and I wonder if I'm supposed to disagree with him. “You don't react like that when I talk to you.” He says when I stay quiet.
“I feel comfortable with you,” I whisper.
He makes a guttural noise in his throat. “Shit. I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse. Comfort isn't exactly what I want to make you feel.”
“Cole?”
He won't let me say anything else before he interrupts. “You said you didn't want to go out with me, so I dropped it, because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. But that doesn't mean I'm not still interested.”
“You went out with Red Nail Polish Beth instead.”
His brow wrinkles for a moment, “Who? Oh,” he laughs. “No I didn't. She showed up a couple of places where I was and tried to make it seem like more than what it was. Which was simply me trying to be a nice guy. There hasn’t been anyone else since the moment I met you.”
He's watching me so intently it makes me worry that he can see more than I want him to. This entire night hasn't gone like I expected it to and I'm at a loss as to what I'm supposed to say to him.
I know what one part of me wants to say, and it takes more than it really should for me to quiet that part of my heart. I take a deep breath before I force the next words out of my mouth.
“I haven't changed my mind, Cole,” I say softly. I look away, back down to the stain on the carpet. “I'm not interested in going out on a date with you, or pursuing anything more than a friendship with you. I’m sorry if you thought otherwise because of the way I acted last week.”
My eyes close for the briefest of moments. Those damn tears are threatening again. I swallow them down. “I just got caught up in the moment. It was just so much you know? I wanted to prove that I could overcome my stupid anxiety, and I was already on overload from dancing in the crowd when Mark and his friends caught me.” I make myself open my eyes and meet his gaze head on.
“I couldn't seem to function, so I appreciate you coming to my rescue, and maybe I romanticized it a little. The gallant knight coming to the damsels rescue.” I force out a laugh, and I'm pleased to hear that this time it doesn't sound quite as fake.
“I don't know really. I was so embarrassed to have reacted that way, in the frat house, practically throwing myself at you.” I shake my head. “I didn't know what to say to you, so I avoided you. It's my go to solution. So I appreciate you being a gentleman and not taking advantage of the situation, and I'm sorry it took me a week to tell you.”
Thankfully the back door creaks open and seconds later Robby sticks his head into the living room before Cole can say anything else.
“Y'all good? Because dinners ready and Holden won't let me eat until you come outside.”
I practically leap off the loveseat, grateful for his interruption.
“We’re good,” I say, hurrying past him so I don't hear Cole’s response.
Chapter Eleven
A week later I'm standing in my dorm room after finishing my history midterm, carefully selecting clothes to pack in my weekend bag. Grace invited me to go home with her for fall break. I had been hesitant to agree until I had a better grasp on where Cole and I stood.
I didn't want to make him uncomfortable in his own home. But he'd slipped right back into the easy friendship we'd had since after I had almost turned him down the first time.
So it was settled, I’m going home with them, even though I was ridiculously nervous about the weekend. My family life was anything but normal, and I wasn't sure how to act in a normal familial setting. But Grace wasn't going to let me get out of going once I'd said yes.
I am just getting ready to put the last of my toiletries in my bag when the door to our room swings open and Grant and Grace stumble into the room laughing. I watch, fascinated, while Grant manages to close the door, lean back against it and pull Grace against him all at the same time.
His hands settle on the back of her thighs, just under her ass, and he boosts her up so their mouths can fuse together. I know I should say or do something to let them know I’m standing here, but it’s like watching a train wreck.
I want to look away, but can’t.
They are totally wrapped up in each other to the point where nothing else seems to exist to them. It is beautiful, and heart breaking, all at the same time. This is something that I was never going to be able to experience.
Grant spins them away from the door, their lips never leaving each other as he carries her toward the bed. He collapses against the mattress bringing her down on top of him. She sits up and starts to lift her shirt over her head, his hands following the trail of skin she exposes.
When he leans forward, his mouth moving along her skin I feel my grip on my hair dryer, which I’d been about to put in my bag, slip. The sound of it hitting the ground seems thunderous in the small room.
Grace jumps off Grant so fast it’s almost comical.
“Uh, sorry.” I smile. “There really didn't seem to be a good time to let you know I was here.”
Grant props himself up on his elbows, laughing. “Sorry, Del, we didn't think you'd be back from class this early. And going home for the weekend means uh, less alone time for us.”
“It's not a problem.” I look over to Grace. “It was worth the peep show to finally see Grace speechless.”
Grant winks at me. “If you could have kept quiet just a little longer the show would have been better.”
“Grant!” Grace hisses his name, and I swear I see her cheeks turn a little pink, and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who still blushes. But I can't help but tease her, just a little.
“Are you seriously embarrassed, Grace? You strip down in front of me all the time. This wouldn't have been much different.”
“Oh, God.”
“Wait.” This comes from Grant. “You seriously get naked in front of each other? That's.....awesome. Do you have slow motion pillow fights too?”
Grace glares at both of us then stomps over to Grant. She smacks him in the stomach before settling on the bed next to him, “Pervert.” She mutters. Grant just laughs, and grabbing her hand in his, he brings it up to his mouth to kiss. “You know you love me.”
“It’s debatable at the moment.” She switches her gaze to me. “I'm sorry, Del, I didn't think you'd finish your midterm that fast, and you always go to the library after class so I thought we had a little time.”
“It was history. U.S. history, which I know with my eyes closed. I finished the test in like fifteen minutes. And I needed to get packed.” I pick up my hair dryer, shoving it in my bag before zipping it closed.
“You have a two o’clock class, right?”
I glance over to where they are still sitting on the bed, curled into each other. I almost feel guilty for being in my own room.
“No. Well yes, but I just had to write a paper for that class. No actual test and I turned mine in on the way to my history class. So I'm officially free until next Wednesday.”
“Oh, that's perfect!”
“It is? You have a two o’clock, don't you?”
She’s nodding her head while digging around in the book bag she'd dumped on the floor somewhere during their grand entrance. She comes up with her cell phone and a triumphant smile.
“Dumbass here,” Grace starts.
“Hey!” Grant protests. “That's Mr. Dumbass to you.”
Grace rolls her eyes. “Whatever. He told Todd that he could ride home with us this weekend, but didn't tell me. But if you can leave now with Cole, since you don't have another class, you won't have to suffer squished between Robby and Todd in the backseat for three hours.”
I feel panic
start to build in my stomach. I can barely make it through our history class sitting next to him, and now she wants me to ride three hours in a car alone with him? With nothing to distract me?
“Can’t he just wait and take Robby or Todd home with him after their class? It's not that much later.”
“No, for one we can't stick him and Todd in a car together alone. Todd probably wouldn't make it out alive, Cole just barely tolerates him because he's Robby's cousin. And he promised my mom he would be in town early enough to help her with something. Hey Cole, you haven't left yet, have you?” She asks into the phone.
Please, please have already left, I think, although I know it will be a miserable ride stuck between Robby, who is nearly three times the size of me, and Todd, who I thankfully haven't been subjected to since that first night. It might just be worth it to not have to ride with Cole.
“Oh, that’s perfect. Can you pick up Del and take her with you? She doesn't have a midterm this afternoon, and our car is going to be over its limit with five of us in it.” Her gaze flicks up to me while Cole answers her. “Ok. I know. Ok, thanks Cole. She'll meet you downstairs in five minutes.”
She drops her phone. “Ok, it's all set, but he's ready to go, like right now. You're all packed, right? Grant can carry your bag downstairs for you.”
“I can?”
“Since it’s your fault she has to leave early, yes you can. But come back up when you're done.”
Grant reaches over and grabs my bag and heads for the door. I turn around and glare at Grace.
“You're trying to get rid of me so you can have the room to yourself.”
She grins. “No, but I'm not heartbroken that it worked out that way. Have fun with Cole.” The way she's says the last part lets me know that she understands exactly how difficult this is going to be for me.
“You are such a bitch, Grace.”
“You'll thank me one day. Now go, the quicker you get down there the quicker Grant comes back.”
Grant graciously offers to wait with me until Cole arrives. Normally I would have told him not to bother, but I find I'm petty enough to make Grace wait as long as possible for him to come back.
Cole pulls up in front of Howard Hall in a blue pickup truck and Grant places my bag in the bed of the truck next to Cole’s and then opens the door for me.
“You ready?” Cole asks as I buckle my seat belt. I want to say no, but I nod my head instead. He has the radio on, but it's so low I can barely hear it. Does that mean he wants to have a conversation? Because the scent of him is every damn where in this truck and I can't concentrate.
He doesn't say anything for the first twenty minutes of the trip, but the moment we hit the main highway he says, “You finished your test pretty fast this morning.”
“It was pretty easy.”
He glances my way for a second then looks back to the road. “You didn't even study did you?”
“Not really.”
“I was up half the night trying to remember some of those dates that he says are so important. I don't know when in life I'm going to need to know what day Grant surrendered to Lee...”
“Other way.”
He cuts another quick look to me, “What?”
“Lee surrendered to Grant on April 9, 1865 at the Appomattox Courthouse.”
“Well shit, I guess I got that one wrong.”
I can't help but laugh and I feel some of my apprehension about being in the car with him start to fade away. He's laughing too when he says, “Regardless of who gave up to who, why do I need to know that? I've never understood people who like history, or why they like history so much, I guess I should say.”
“Don't you think it's important to know how we got here? That’s all history is. The story of how we got to where we are today.” I shrug my shoulders. “So I like to study it and try to figure out why things happened the way they did.”
“What are you planning to do after graduation?”
“I don't know yet, but I still have plenty of time to figure it out. What about you? It's business, right?”
He's tapping a thumb on the steering wheel in time to the soft music playing in the background.
“I'm thinking about law school.”
“Like your father.”
He nods his head. “Yeah, but don't tell him that, it'll go straight to his head. He's already hard enough to put up with.”
There was easy affection in his voice when he spoke about his dad. It was the same tone I heard Grace use when she spoke about her parents, and with the stories I had heard it wasn't hard to understand why. Tom and Claire Marsh had been very involved in their children's lives.
“Grace said you were helping your mom with something this afternoon?”
“She wants to plant some flowers and Dad’s been swamped at work lately, so I told her I'd come home early and help her.”
He was going to help his mother plant flowers. I studied his profile for a few minutes. The strong jaw, the ink black curls falling over his forehead and dusting along the collar of his shirt. Even through the loose white t-shirt he's wearing you can see the strength in his shoulders and arms, but he's heading home to plant flowers for his mother.I didn't have any trouble merging the two images together.
“You're a really nice guy, Cole.”
His head turns toward me again, with a smile. “You're just now realizing that?”
No, I’m not just now realizing that, but I don’t tell him that. Every second I spend with him pushes me farther and farther to the edge of a cliff I’m not sure I’m ready to jump off of.
The Marsh house is set on a couple of acres outside of a little town named Dover. Cole tells me that his father works in a larger neighboring city, but that they had wanted to raise their children in a small town.
“Did you enjoy it? Growing up in a small town?”
He turns the truck down a road made up more of rock and dirt than pavement. The truck bounces a little over ruts in the road and I bounce along with it.
“It had its moments. You couldn't get away with anything, that's for sure. Everybody knows everybody and everything about everybody. But overall it was great. Here we are.”
He pulls up in front of a sprawling two story white ranch styled house with a large wrap around porch. He parks the truck in front and I see five rocking chairs sitting on the porch. There are potted plants and flowers spread all over the porch and stairs and there is a large chocolate lab sleeping at the top of the steps.
Even from here it looks warms and inviting and like nothing I've ever seen in real life.
As Cole puts the truck into park I see the dog lift his head to almost study the truck. His tail starts to wag a little, but he makes no other movement until the front door opens and a woman steps out. The dog stands, following her down the steps.
This was obviously Claire Marsh, as she was every bit an older version of Grace. She had longer hair, but I know that this was what Grace was going to look like in twenty years.
“Delaney?” I blink, bringing myself back to the moment. Cole has gotten out of the truck, and is watching me closely. “You alright?”
Why does it seem like he's always asking me that?
