Pieces of Me

by Ann Garner

  “A week ago you said you weren't interested.”

  “I know.”

  She was laying on her bed while I laid on mine. Every once in a while the sound of footsteps sounded outside our door as other students returned to the dorms. I'm holding my breath while I wait to hear what she has to say. She is the first real friend I've had in a long time, and I want nothing to ruin that for me.

  “Okay,” she finally says. “Okay, just don't screw with him, okay?”

  “Okay,” I say softly, nearly drowning in guilt as I thought of how I was already screwing with him, because I haven't been honest. There are so many things I should say, so many reasons for him to run away from me as fast as he can.

  When I step out of the dorm to head to class I find Cole leaning against the wall of the building. My heart trips at the sight of him, and I start to smile until I see Red Nail Polish Beth heading in his direction.

  He doesn't see her until she lets out that annoying squeal as she gets closer to him, and when his eyes land on her I can see the surprise there just moments before she wraps herself around him. She does it with ease and familiarity and it makes my stomach turn to see them. At the same time

  I find my hands balling into fists at my sides.

  I take a couple of steps towards them and then stop. Had he been waiting for her and not me? It doesn't seem likely but what do I know? Maybe that is why he hadn't tried to kiss me again.

  Maybe he's decided to take my advice and not waste his time with me. Maybe the fun, flirty, easy Beth is more his speed.

  I am just about to turn around when I see Cole untangle himself from her. He's talking, I can hear the low rumble of his voice, but can’t quite make out all the words. I do hear my name, see him nod in my direction, and then Beth turns to me with a hateful glare on her over made up face.

  Seconds later she is storming past me and into the dorms.

  “I don't think you're ever going to be on her Christmas card list.”

  I glance up as Cole comes to stands next to me. The now familiar heat he causes spreads throughout my body when he reaches over and laces his fingers through mine. “Ready to head to class?”

  With a quick tug of my hand he holds in his we are moving across the campus.

  “You, ah, came by just to walk me? Isn't that totally out of your way?” Because I knew this was his first class of the day and the commuter student parking was on the opposite side of campus.

  “You're never out of my way.”

  I nearly choke on a laugh. “Laying it on a little thick, aren't you?”

  “Really I wanted to get you alone for a few minutes to see if you wanted to go out Friday night.”

  “Like on a date?”

  “Exactly like that.”

  We close in on the Clarkson Building and I see Robby coming from the direction of the commuter parking lot. He spots us and turns in our direction. Cole shakes the hand that is holding mine to get my attention.

  “Well?”

  “Yes, Friday night. Okay.”

  “Your enthusiasm is overwhelming, Del.”

  I can hear Robby now as he closes in on us and I bite down on my lip to keep from yanking my hand out of Cole’s. He leans over just before Robby reaches us. “By the way, the glasses? Worse than the fucking lip licking thing. You're going to kill me.”

  Really? That's good to know.

  “Okay, so I just ran into Marcy, and she told me you were a total asshole to Beth.”

  “Well that news traveled fast.”

  We slide into our usual seats in class. “Girls,” Robby says, “always call their best friends to bitch about guys the moment after something happens. I don't get it.” He tells me. “But Marcy was yelling at me like I had something to do with Cole being an asshole.”

  “I wasn't an asshole.” Cole says, “I just told her she was wasting her time.”

  “Well, according to Marcy, and I'm pretty sure Beth, you're an asshole for leading her on, and apparently I'm supposed to agree with them or I'm an asshole.”

  “I told you she thought more about it than I did,” Cole tells me. “Girls are weird.”

  “No,” Robby says as he flips open a notebook. “Girls are fucked up. Because honestly, this is like the first time I've seen Marcy since school started, and I'm pretty sure she sought me out just to tell me about your asshole-ness.”

  Just before the professor comes in Robby says, “By the way, this?” He waves has hand at the two of us. “About fucking time.”

  ****************

  “He said casual, right? But what kind of casual? Like sweatshirt and jeans casual or something slightly dressier?”

  I'm standing in front of my closet, chewing on my thumbnail as I stare at my clothes hanging inside. Grace is standing next to me.

  I think she might be more nervous than I am.

  “Okay, you absolutely are not wearing a sweatshirt on your first date; I don't care what he told you.”

  “Did he tell you where he was taking me? Because maybe that would help calm my stomach, if I could prepare myself a little.”

  Grace shakes her head. “Sworn to secrecy.” She looks to me. “But, I promise, it's not over the top.”

  “Well, that doesn't help me. What am I supposed to wear?”

  Grace reaches in and grabs a pair of blue jeans, and a white t-shirt. She hands them to me and waves me to the bathroom.

  “Isn't this just as casual as a sweatshirt?” I ask.

  “Just change. I've got more, but if we don't make a decision soon you're still going to be half naked when he gets here. Not that I think he'd mind.”

  I step out of the bathroom in the clothes she’d handed me and find that she has pulled out her brown leather jacket, a brown belt, and brown boots. “Here, let’s see how it fits.”

  I pull everything else on and then head to the full-length mirror. I study my reflection with a critical eye. My hair is down, sliding around my shoulders in loose waves, and I had opted for the glasses again, since he seemed to have liked them so much.

  Grace comes up behind me. “I think it's perfect for a first date.”

  I meet her eyes in the mirror, and mine are wide with nerves.

  “What do I say to him?”

  Grace blinks, reaching up to run a hand through her pixie short hair.

  “I can't tell you what to say, Del, just be yourself. Just like every other time you've been together. He obviously likes you since he asked you out.”

  “Yes, but I didn't think I would ever actually go out with him. And honestly, your brother is the first guy I've ever talked to without nearly passing out.”

  She doesn't need to know that he is also the first guy I've voluntarily let touch me in the last four years. I think what she's seen is enough, any more and she’d probably try to have me committed.

  “We seriously need to get you on some medicine for this phobia thing. It's screwing with your life, Del.”

  “No, no medicine. It makes me feel fuzzy. I'm getting better on my own. Slowly.” I adjust the jacket just a little, it's almost too short in the arms, but it will do for tonight. “So, pretend it’s like every other day, only it's just the two of us, which it hardly ever is, and I'm pretty sure he's expecting at least a kiss at the end of the night.”

  “He’s probably hoping to strip you naked and have his way with you, but he'll settle for a kiss on the first date. Delaney? Delaney, what happened?”

  Strip, girl. On your stomach this time. Don't fight me. I don't want to have to hurt you again. The words dance like ghosts through my mind. Take your shirt off, it's in the way. Hurry up.

  “Delaney.”

  I shake my head, and find Grace watching me with a concerned look on her face. “I'm fine.”

  “Bullshit. You went ghost white.”

  Get it together, I think. It was a long time ago, and you're far enough away that nothing from that time in your life is going to hurt you.

  “I haven't eaten today.” I hear myself
say. “Too nervous. Guess it got to me.”

  “Are you sure that's all it is?” Grace eyes me suspiciously. “Because Cole would totally understand if you didn't want to go tonight.”

  I give a strangled laugh. “No he wouldn't. I'm pretty sure it's three strikes and I'm out.” I run my shaking hands through my hair, drawing in a deep breath as I shove the lingering edges of the memory away. I won't let him, or what he’d done to me, ruin tonight.

  My cell phone chimes and even though I know it's from Cole, I still look at the text before sliding the phone into my purse. Grace is watching me carefully and I don't think she totally believes me. I wouldn't either, but then again, I know I'm lying to her.

  “Okay. Wish me luck.”

  “You won't need it. Have a good time, don't come home to early.” The worry fades away as she shoots me a wicked smile. “Grant is coming over.” She wiggles her eyebrows up and down suggestively and I'm still laughing as I make my way to the front of the dorm.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Cole pulled his truck up in front of the dorm, and he's standing next to the passenger side door when I come outside. He looks...gorgeous. Blue jeans with a navy V-neck sweater that makes his eyes look even darker. I think he tried to tame the curls, but they lay every which way around his handsome face.

  He's smiling when I reach him, the dimples on full display.

  “You wore the glasses.”

  “You seemed to like them so much.”

  He opens the door and I slide into the cab of the truck. Seconds later and he's sliding in next to me. “Ready?” he asks.

  “Sure.”

  Laughing he says, “You don't sound sure. It’ll be fine, Del, I promise.”

  “Where are we going? Grace wouldn't say.”

  “That's because I wouldn't tell her.”

  “What?! She told me she knew but had been sworn to secrecy, that bitch.”

  We are off campus now and heading through the sleepy little town right outside of our school. When we reach a red light Cole looks over to me.

  “All I've heard about for the last two days is how Grace is going to kick my ass if I screw this up. I wasn't about to tell her where I was taking you, she'd probably show up to make sure you're having a good time.”

  The light turns green and we start moving again. But almost as quick as we get started, he's turning into a gravel parking lot in front of a pizza place I'd overhead some of the other students talk about.

  “Now, here's the question.” Cole turns to look at me. “Dine in or carry out?”

  “What?”

  “It's Friday night, so it's going to be crowded, and the last crowd we were in, didn't work out so well for us. So, we can order a pizza, head back to my place, and watch a movie. Holden is staying with Ally tonight. Or we can stay here and eat. I'm good either way.”

  He's totally serious. I feel my nerves start to settle as I study him in the fading sunlight.

  “I'd like to order a pizza and go back to watch a movie,” I say softly. “I think I'd rather have it just the two of us for tonight.”

  “Okay. What do you want on your pizza? I'll run in and place the order.”

  “I'll go in with you.”

  He was right about it being crowded inside. He pulls me in closer against his side as we make our way through to the counter to place our order.

  “Anything but anchovies,” I say wrinkling my nose. “Or black olives. Or ham.”

  “Anything else you don't want?”

  “No, I'm good with the rest.” He leans over to place the order.

  “Oh wait. No onions.”

  Laughing Cole turns to me. “Would you like to order?”

  “No, I'm good. You go ahead.”

  “You sure?"

  I nod my head and listen as he orders a pepperoni pizza and a couple sodas. I shake my head at the drinks. “Can I get bottled water instead?”

  He turns back, adjusting the order with a smile. The girl behind the counter is flirting with him, but he doesn't seem to notice. Just like I don't think he noticed that half the girls in the place were staring at him. When done ordering he turns all his attention back to me.

  “Twenty minutes. There's a table over in the corner.”

  He moves until I am in front of him, his hand on my hip as we make our way through the crowded dining area. We settle into the table and I feel all the nerves that had left earlier settle back in my stomach.

  My entire mind has gone blank. I can't think of a single thing to say to him. I'm not sure I even remember how to talk, or if I'd be able to with how dry my mouth has suddenly become.

  Luckily someone he knows comes over to say hi, and I have a few minutes to try to pull myself together. Cole introduces me to someone named David that apparently he went to high school with. I hope I offer all the right answers, because now there is a roaring in my ears.

  What was I thinking?

  Obviously I hadn't been, or I wouldn't be sitting in a crowded pizza parlor struggling to get air into my lungs.

  I’m going to pass out, I think, as the room starts to spin around me. I'm going to totally embarrass myself, and Cole, and fall flat ass out on the floor.

  I feel the warmth of his hand as it lands on my knee. Just as at the frat party, I begin to feel the edges of the panic attack start to recede the moment he touches me. I draw in a couple of deep breaths, and my lungs hurt at the sudden invasion of air.

  When I finally open my eyes it's to find Cole staring at me. I flush in embarrassment. “I'm so sorry,” I whisper. “I thought,” I just shake my head, “I’m sorry.”

  “Are you okay now?”

  I nod my head.

  “They just called my name, so let me go get the pizza and we can go. I'll be right back.”

  I shake my head. “I'll come with you. I'm okay.” I see the concerned, but skeptical look on his face and add. “I promise.”

  He stands up, waiting for me. I let my hand slide into his, because for whatever reason Cole Marsh doesn't scare the hell out of me. In fact, he seems to have quite the opposite effect on me.

  He makes polite conversation with the girl ringing us up, and does he not realize all these girls are flirting with him?

  The moment we step outside I draw in another deep breath of air. We slide into the truck and are immediately surrounded by the smell of pizza, which Cole has placed on the bench in between us.

  “I told you we didn't do well in crowds.”

  I give a slight laugh, grateful that he isn't going to bring more attention to it than that.

  Ten minutes later and we've pulled up in front of his townhouse. As promised, Holden is nowhere to be seen when we step inside. Cole gets plates and napkins and settles us on the couch.

  “Alright, I only have action movies and comedies, so I hope you weren't expecting a chick flick or anything.”