by Ivy Smoak
Except I had never had sex with Jack. Is that why she was here? She wanted to know about her husband's sexual history? If it was a problem for her, maybe she shouldn't have started dating someone who was currently in a relationship with me.
"I can run to the pharmacy real quick if you want."
"That's not necessary. I'm definitely not pregnant." Definitely not.
"Okay." She awkwardly tapped the kitchen table with her fingertips. She always used to do that in class whenever she was called on. When she was nervous.
I exhaled slowly. I didn't want to hold on to this anger anymore. I had enough problems without this. My dad wanted me to live my life. How could I do that if I was harboring all this anger? "I forgive you."
"I'm sorry," she said at the exact same time.
We both smiled.
"Hails, I've missed you so much. You were my best friend. And I don't have an excuse except that love makes you do crazy things. I never meant to hurt you. I just...I loved him so much. But I'm so, so sorry."
"I'm sorry too. There was never a future between Jack and me. You two were clearly meant to be together. And I'm sorry that I made you feel bad about that."
She wiped tears off her cheeks. "God, I'm such a mess. Pregnancy hormones are insane."
But I was crying too. Because it really felt like I had just let something go. And I could breathe a little easier. I wrapped my arms around her.
I couldn't help but think that my dad would be proud of me. He was never able to forgive Elena. But that wasn't for his own pain. He hadn't forgiven her because of how she had hurt me. And I loved him even more for that.
Chapter 54
Hailey
Thursday
I threw up again that morning. And now I was standing in the drug store staring at all the different pregnancy test options. Even though I definitely wasn't pregnant.
The things Claire had said last night about love had really resonated with me. People did crazy things for love all the time. If I left this town, maybe I did have somewhere to go. I could live near the Marine Corps training base. I would be able to see Tyler more often. And if I was really pregnant...I immediately shook away the thought. It wasn't possible. It couldn't be.
But I still pulled one of the tests off the hook and placed it in my basket. I had driven out of town to get the test. If I had gone to the local pharmacy, everyone would be talking about it. Word would probably still get back to town, but it would take a while. Maybe I'd be in California by then. I just needed to wait for Tyler's phone call. Or his first letter back to me.
I checked out and climbed back in my car. I turned on the ignition and started driving back to town. Claire had spent all of last night helping me pack up the rest of the house. It was easier to do it with someone else. Especially someone who I hadn't realized how much I missed. It truly felt like we were friends again. She had sent Jack over to help this morning with moving boxes to the bar. Which was the first time in years that it hadn't been awkward to see him.
And Anna had sent her son Billy to help move everything too. I congratulated Billy on getting into college. And he laughed for about five minutes and asked what the hell I was talking about. Apparently he had already been taking classes at a local trade school and had known he wanted to be an electrician for years.
I had told him his mom asked for a raise just a few weeks ago because he had gotten into school. Which made him laugh some more. He said she probably just said the first thing that she could think of so that I wouldn't suspect anything. Apparently my dad and her had pretty much been in a relationship since I had gone off to school. It made me feel better that they had never explicitly told Billy either, though. Billy had just been a much better detective than me.
For the first time since my dad had died, I didn't feel so alone. There were people in this town that still cared about me. It was better to talk to people instead of shutting everyone out to grieve by myself. Because really, this whole town was grieving with me. This town was everything to me. But I was going to take a crazy chance on love. After all, my dad wanted me start opening up my heart. I could feel him rooting for Tyler and me.
I pulled into the parking lot of the bar and put my car into park. There were cars everywhere. Anna must have decided to open the bar for the night. She had mentioned it earlier, but I told her I wasn't up for it. I glanced down at my phone. That was my other new nervous habit. Checking my phone constantly, hoping Tyler would call me. He'd call me soon. I nodded to myself as I climbed out of the car.
When I walked into the bar, everyone started clapping.
For a brief second, I thought that Claire had told the whole town I was pregnant or something.
But she immediately ran over to me and hugged me. "We raised the money!" she shouted over the music.
"What?"
"To keep the bar open."
I'm pretty sure my jaw actually dropped. "What? How?"
"We all pitched in. I mean, it's just enough for a few months. But if business is good, it'll survive on its own." She was beaming.
"You guys didn't have to do that."
"We wanted to," Anna said as she gave me a hug too.
I was suddenly surrounded by everyone who had come out. And it made my heart feel so full. But at the same time, it broke it too. If my dad had told people he was sick, maybe they would have raised the money for his treatments. Maybe he'd be standing here too. That was the thing about us Shaws. We were too proud for our own good.
***
Eventually, I was able to sneak away to the bathroom. I stared down at the pregnancy test as I paced around the bathroom stall. Slowly two lines appeared. Two. I glanced at the instructions on the box one more time. Two lines. I'm pregnant.
I'm pregnant?
I glanced at the instructions on the box again. I can't be pregnant. I couldn't even tell if I was happy or sad. I was just in shock. I pulled out my phone. Nothing. Tyler, where are you?
I needed to talk to him. I needed to see him. I needed to tell him. I opened up the stall door, walked over to the sink, and stared at the reflection staring back at me. My cheeks looked hollow. I barely recognized myself. I hadn't been eating because I was too upset. And then I thought I had a virus or something and wouldn't be able to keep it down anyway. Now I had a reason to keep going though. A reason beyond myself, which I think I needed. I heard people laughing outside in the bar. The reflection staring back at me smiled. I'm going to keep living, Dad.
And I was done waiting. I quickly washed my hands and made my way out the back door of the bar. There was a slight breeze. It reminded me of the pier in Santa Monica. The only thing missing was Tyler.
I pulled out my phone and brought up the website for the Marine Corps Recruit Depot in San Diego. I scrolled through the phone directory. Recruiters School? That might work.
I clicked on the number and put my phone to my ear. After a few rings a very serious sounding man answered the phone.
"Hi, yes, I was trying to contact one of your recent recruits. He just started training last week."
"Please hold and I'll transfer you."
"Okay..." but there was already light music playing.
A minute later someone with an even deeper voice answered the phone. "How can I help you?"
"I'm trying to get a hold of one of your recent recruits. He just reported for training last week. It's important."
"Name?"
"Hailey Shaw."
There was silence on the other end. "The name of the recruit, ma'am."
"Oh, right, of course. Tyler Stevens."
"One second, ma'am."
I closed my eyes as I waited. I wouldn't tell him over the phone. I'd come see him. He needed to hear it in person. But I needed to hear his voice. If I knew he was okay, it would give me the strength to be okay too.
The man on the other end cleared his throat. "Sorry, there are no records of a Tyler Stevens in our recent trainees."
What? "He just reported last Friday."
"Yes, I'm looking at that list, ma'am. Would you like me to pull up older records?"
"No, he just got there."
"Then maybe he reported to the Parris Island recruit depot in South Carolina then. Would you like me to transfer you?"
I shook my head even though I knew he couldn't see me. "Could you look again? I know he went to the San Diego recruit depot."
He was silent for moment. "There is no one by that name. I'm sorry. I hope you have a good night, ma'am."
The line went dead.
I pulled my phone away from my ear and stared down at it. If Tyler wasn't in training, where the hell was he? For a second it felt like the last few weeks had been a strange dream. Maybe I had made him up. I shook away the thought. My high was quickly turning back into a low.
He lied to me. He lied about joining the marines. I shook my head. That didn't make any sense. There was no reason for him to lie to me about that. There must have just been a problem with their records. That must be it. Tyler had no reason to lie to me. Unless he never wanted to see me again.
Chapter 55
Hailey
Friday
The makeshift cot in my father's office was not the best place to sleep. Or maybe it was this desperate feeling in my chest that wouldn't go away. I stared up at the ceiling. I should have been happy. The bar could keep functioning for at least two more months now. I had a purpose again. I could keep my father's memory alive right here.
But it wasn't the same without him. I closed my eyes. This office still smelled like him. Like his aftershave. I slowly breathed in and out.
If I stayed here, it felt like time would stop. I so badly wanted to stop time in California, but I didn't want to stop it here. I didn't want to freeze this sad state I was in. That was the exact opposite of what my father wanted.
I had convinced myself last night that I did have a future outside of this town. I put all my eggs in one basket. A lying basket. I bit my lip. This whole thing had to be a misunderstanding. Tyler was definitely in San Diego. I put my hand on my stomach and opened my eyes again.
This was definitely a misunderstanding. The more times I tried to convince myself, the more real it seemed. I'd call the recruiters office back today and ask them to look in the older records. Maybe Tyler's name had been filed in the wrong place or something. That had to be it. I slowly sat up and put my hand over my mouth. Claire was right. Morning sickness was the absolute worst.
***
"Hi, Dad." I sat down in the wet grass near his headstone. There were small blades of grass already coming up in the dirt where he had been buried. Time was definitely not standing still.
I placed my hand on the cold tombstone. I had called the recruiters office again, only to receive the same response. Even the recruit depot in South Carolina didn't have Tyler's records. It wasn't a misunderstanding. Tyler wasn't there.
I wasn't sure why I felt so abandoned. We had only shared one week together. To me it had been magical. But who knew what it really was to him.
If my dad was standing in front of me right now, I'd have a hard time telling him. But here in the grass, I wasn't worried about his reaction. I felt like no matter what, he'd be proud of me. Even though I had made a terrible mistake. No, not terrible. I placed my hand on my stomach. This baby wasn't terrible. It was exactly what I needed. My dad had me. He was alone most of his life except for me. And somehow the world knew that I needed that too. I needed this baby. The sun would rise and set with his smile. His. I smiled to myself. I'd be happy with a boy or a girl. But it felt like it was going to be a boy.
For a brief moment I frowned. What if it looked like Tyler? What if every time I saw him, I'd be reminded of the boy who disappeared? It would be just like how my father saw my mother when he looked at me. I didn't know if I could handle that.
What the fuck am I doing? I wasn't my dad. And Tyler wasn't my mom. I needed to go find him. I needed to go to San Diego and hunt him down. I wouldn't let my baby grow up feeling unwanted. That had put me through hell. Tyler at least needed to be given the chance to decide. And he was a good guy. This whole thing was definitely a misunderstanding. He loved me. And I loved him.
I had been spending too much time alone in my own thoughts. I had damned myself to a life of isolation for no reason.
I placed my hand on the dirt. "Thanks for reminding me, Dad. I'm not going to let you down." I stood up. I was going back to California.
Chapter 56
Tyler
Friday
"Stevens?"
I lifted my head. A police officer was walking toward me. Maybe I was finally allowed to have my phone call. I had asked enough times.
I stood up.
"All your charges have been dropped."
"Really?"
"Don't sound so surprised, son. Makes you sound guilty," he said with a laugh as he unlocked my cell. "You're free to go."
Free to go? Just like that? I had been thrown into a cell in California, driven across the country in handcuffs, and then sat in this cell for God knows how long without anyone telling me anything. "What happened? Did they find who did it?"
"Oh, yeah. A while ago. It was Isabella Hunter. But the detective working on the case was crooked. Paperwork was a nightmare. Sorry about the confusion."
Confusion? That's what they were calling it? "What about the marines?"
"You can re-enlist if you want, I guess. There won't be anything on your record about this incident now. You're all clear."
Re-enlist? The first thing that popped into my head was Hailey. Right now she needed me. If I still wanted, I could do this in the future. But not right now. I needed to see her. I needed to know if she read my letter. I needed to know what she was thinking.
I signed some papers, grabbed my things, and stepped out into the sunshine. The light was blinding. I blinked several times before I could see anything. I was standing in the middle of NYC, my least favorite place in the world. My car was still in California. And I didn't even have Hailey's phone number to call her. Shit.
I opened up my wallet. I had given Hailey everything. All the money in my bank account. My credit cards so that she could max them out for the money she needed. All I had was $37 in cash. It was at least enough for me to get back to my old apartment. After a shower and a change of clothes, I'd figure something out.
I hailed down a taxi and climbed in the back seat. I had some money hidden in a drawer in my apartment. It might be enough to rent a car. My plan started to form in my head as the taxi slowly drove through the city. I'd pack up some essentials and drive to Hails' Bar where we had met. If I drove non-stop I could make it there by tomorrow morning.
Luckily the taxi only cost $20. I paid the driver and entered my apartment building. I made a silent prayer that Melissa wouldn't be there. Hopefully she had moved out by now. I didn't want to see anyone, because I knew I couldn't explain my thoughts. Maybe I was out of my mind. But I just needed to see Hailey. It's the only thing I could focus on. It's like I knew she needed me. I knew I needed her. Please need me back.
I put the key into my door and opened it.
Penny was sitting on the living room floor, taping up a box.
"Oh, finally, I'm starving," she said without looking back at me.
She looked different somehow. Maybe it was the fact that she was married. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't have feelings for her anymore. But she did look different. Everything was different.
"Hi, Penny."
She immediately looked over her shoulder. "Tyler?" She looked surprised to see me. "Tyler!" She ran over to me and threw her arms around my neck.
And I felt nothing. No spark. No rush. Nothing. Usually a moment like this would have killed me a bit inside. But not anymore. I was glad to know she was okay, though. She had a smile on her face as she stepped back from me.
"What are you doing here?"
"I live here. What are you doing here?"
She laughed. "I'm helping Melissa pac
k. What I meant was why didn't you call me to say you were back?"
"I'm not really back. I just need to grab a few things. I have to go somewhere." I couldn't explain myself to her. I didn't want to. I walked past her into my bedroom and opened up my sock drawer. I pulled out the small stack of money. There was only $112. Shit was that enough to rent a car? I sat down on the edge of my bed and typed in car rentals in my phone.
"Tyler, are you okay?" She hesitated by the door of my room.
"I'm fine." I recounted the money. It wasn't enough. Did car rental places negotiate? I stared at the information on my phone. Shit. They required a credit card just in case there were any damages.
"Tyler?"
"What?!" I didn't mean to snap at her. I instantly felt terrible when I saw her face.
She pressed her lips together. "Melissa and James will be back any minute with some pizza if you want to eat with us. Or, just in case you want to leave before they get back. I'll leave you alone." She walked away from my bedroom.
Damn it. I quickly changed and then stuffed the money into my pocket. I grabbed a few changes of clothes and shoved them into an old backpack. When I walked out of my room, Penny was sitting on the floor again, taping up another box.
"I'm sorry, Penny. I'm just in a hurry."
"It's okay," she said without looking at me. "I'm actually just going to get going. I'll tell them I'd rather do this another day." She stood up and grabbed her purse off the couch.
"You don't have to go."
"Actually I do. I'm so tired of always being in your way. For the last few years it's seemed like I was holding you back. And I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what you want me to do." She wiped the tears away from underneath of her yes. "So I'm just going to stop bothering you."
I walked over to her and hugged her hard. "You were never in my way."
She wrapped her arms around my back. "I never meant to hurt you. I just want you to be happy. That's all I ever wanted, Tyler."
