Roman's Choice (Saddles & Second Chances Book 1)

by Rhonda Lee Carver

  Dodge had always managed to nestle his way into the recesses of her mind at all of the inopportune times—while she was taking a bath, at night while she was trying to sleep, when she was eating…when didn’t he enter her mind? He was like an incurable virus, slowly eating away at her preservation.

  She took another bite of the Rocky Road, this time a smaller one, and chewed thoughtfully on a piece of chocolate.

  How could she write about hauntings when she was dealing with a haunting of her own? A six-foot-two, two-hundred pound, brawny ghost that had an insane ability in making women swoon.

  Point was, she was spinning in her heels. Krista had a lot of love to give. And passion. Yet why did she continue to pick the wrong men? She’d known from the get-go that Willard wasn’t the man for her. He was too reserved, too quiet. Not Dodge.

  That was the real problem. No man compared to her husband.

  Her memories were stockpiled and spoiled from the days she’d spent with him—the times she was in his arms she’d been the happiest. He’d broken her heart. Where had it gone so wrong? One minute they were content, and the next they were arguing over a pair of dirty socks and talking divorce. For years after she’d left Dodge, she’d waited, almost anticipated the papers of dissolution arriving in her mailbox. They never did come. Now ten years had passed and she was still married to her first love—her first lover.

  She’d kept track of him while he was in the public eye, and had called it her secret stalking pleasure. She almost felt a little dirty when she remembered how she’d scroll through his social media page, both cursing and savoring him like a high calorie dessert that would only add more inches to her waistline. Soon after she’d left him, he was drafted to a pro football team and he became an overnight success. He was the talk of the sports world. For a time, it seemed as if all of his goals and dreams were coming together like a puzzle. The media claimed he was an up-and-coming star. Yet there was another side to her husband, the man who had a new female flavor on his arm every night according to the photos in the sports magazines. Women and his fans loved him. Standing for hours in rain or shine just to get an autograph and to shake his hand. Once a fan was arrested when she used a pair of scissors to clip a lock of his hair. Another time, a woman had wrapped herself around his body, clinging to him like white on rice until security had peeled her off and hauled her away.

  It wasn’t long until things took a tragic turn for him. He’d suffered an injury that put him out of the game. At first it appeared he would make a full recovery, but she knew Dodge. She could guarantee that he’d pushed himself too fast, and then he was injured again. This time there was no going back and his career was over. He’d disappeared off the radar and she’d assumed he’d gone back home to Montana to lick his internal wounds in private. But she’d called his mother and found that Dodge wasn’t home. In fact, they weren’t sure where he was, but he’d told them he wanted to be alone for a while.

  Days passed. Months, even years.

  A part of her had worried about him. Although she’d removed her wedding band after she’d left him, the invisible ring remained. They weren’t a couple, and yet she had the marriage license that proved differently. It was possible she meant nothing to him, but once upon a time he’d meant everything to her and she wanted to believe he’d loved her too.

  Coming to the conclusion that she needed to move on, a year ago she’d hired a private investigator to find him. He was living and working as a hand at a ranch in Wyoming, a place called Nirvana Ranch. Pro football player turned cowboy hand.

  After months of pondering and fretting, she’d finally called the spa and left a message for him to return her call. But he never did. She’d called several more times, but each time she was met with silence. Eventually, when her frustration surmounted, she’d hired an attorney and sent Dodge divorce papers. Again, they went disregarded. There was no reason why they should prolong the inevitable, so she wasn’t sure why he continued to play games. They’d been a train wreck waiting to happen from the moment they said “I do”.

  Clicking her mouse, the Nirvana Ranch website came up on the screen. She’d read the details over and over, wrapping her brain around the idea that Dodge worked at a spa/retreat. The place seemed like a secluded paradise, priding themselves on privacy, guests connecting with nature and leaving refreshed. The retreat had gained popularity over the last few years, as much for the view of the mountains as for the cowboys who catered to the needs of the guests.

  Krista’s stomach twisted. Dodge definitely could use his charm to impress the ladies.

  Sitting back in her chair, she tapped her foot in frustration. She needed closure. She had a good life, a career in something she was good at and a promising future—she was independent and strong. Yet, a part of her remained in the past. Her mother had recently accused Krista of living vicariously through her stories. Maybe when she first started writing, she had used her characters and their fantasy worlds to assuage her loneliness, but the stand-in for comfort was no longer working. There was a large void in her life and it was time she started figuring out how to fill the hole with things that mattered.

  Picking up her pen, she clicked it in restless energy. She’d been involved with several men since Dodge, but none had made her feel even a smidgeon of what she’d felt with her husband—beautiful, seductive, and amazing. He’d taken away all of her inhibitions and insecurities, replacing them with confidence and capability. In bed, she’d learned what he liked—learned what she liked too. She’d found that not all men liked being told by a woman what she wanted, especially in bed, no matter what he claimed. A few men found it too brazen. Her freedom, when it came to exploration and spontaneity, scared some men, or rather, scared Willard. What had she been thinking? Wasting a good strip tease and corset on him.

  Obviously, she couldn’t be trusted to make the right decision when it came to men because her failure rate was getting higher by the day.

  She had dreams too, not just career-based.

  At twenty-nine, it wasn’t as if her ovaries were shriveling up, but she’d always wanted a child and a husband. Even when she was younger she’d longed for the day when she could shower her own family with love and affection. Truthfully, she’d wanted a baby with Dodge. They’d discussed children when they first married, but they’d both had wanted to wait until he’d been drafted. They’d made each other a promise that once that happened, they’d buy a small house in the suburbs and start a family.

  Her eyes filled with tears and she blinked them away. She couldn’t allow her emotions to get in the way. She could still love him, but that didn’t mean he deserved it.

  Her mother was always asking Krista when would she settle down, have a few kids. Didn’t her mother see that it wasn’t that easy? Of course, her parents had no clue that she was still married to Dodge. If they did, they would have been on her case daily. They forgot at times that she was an adult.

  Being an adult meant acting like one, and that included no longer allowing Dodge to control her future. She wished that she no longer loved him, or dreamed about him, craved his touch, remembered their lovemaking that lingered so many years later. She wasn’t sure why she tormented herself with his memory.

  Why did she scare stable men like Willard away?

  Looking at the bigger picture, she should be happy that they hadn’t consummated their relationship. She’d caught a glance of him naked once and she hadn’t felt the thrill a woman should when thinking of having sex. She’d told herself over and over again that ‘size’ didn’t matter, but in truth she’d often speculated if that were true. Again, she’d compared another man to Dodge. Not all men could be built like a stallion. She remembered how broad his shoulders were. The lean tapering of his waist. His endurance in and out of bed.

  Sweat beaded between her breasts and her inner thighs fluttered. She picked up a newspaper and fanned herself as her thoughts went to the vibrator she kept in the drawer of her desk. The pink toy was getting too ma
ny miles here lately, and she seriously needed to think of trading it in for a newer model—maybe upgrade to the real thing. She wanted a man’s arms wrapped around her, hear him whisper sweet words into her ear, and show her that she was all woman.

  Dodge was a poison that must be eradicated.

  If he wouldn’t return her calls or acknowledge that she wanted a divorce, then she had no other choice than to go to him. If she was a guest at Nirvana, he couldn’t ignore her.

  Back on the Nirvana website, she found the reservation button and clicked on it. A form popped up asking for all of her information and a calendar of the dates available. The first date was six months away. Six months?! What the hell is this place?

  She needed to look at her planner.

  Opening the drawer to her right, she fumbled through a stack of documents, then saw the framed picture. Her breath stilled. Dodge’s smiling face stared back at her, and his eyes were dazzling. She’d taken the picture two days before they split up. He’d just woken up, his thick black hair was tousled and a layer of scratchy beard covered his prominent jaw line. She’d wanted to capture that moment forever. If only she’d known that this would be one of their last, precious moments together, she would have clung to it like a lifeline.

  Emotion filled her chest as she smoothed her finger over his face, over his shoulder, remembering how they’d made passionate love that morning—how he’d held her in his arms. Dodge was the perfect dictionary definition for masculinity, but he’d always opened up, showing her a tender side that she doubted many, if any, had seen. He was romantic, bringing her flowers, leaving her sweet notes on her pillow case. Even signing endearments in the condensation on the bathroom mirror after he showered. When she was sick, he’d make her chicken noodle soup and hot tea because he knew her mom used to do that. When she was sad and missed her parents, he’d get them on the phone and invite them to visit. They did once because even they couldn’t resist her husband’s charm. When she got the job at the newspaper, he’d made a big deal out of it, making her feel special, although the job wasn’t much. He’d taken her to dinner and surprised her with a diamond pendant. She was fully aware that he’d taken some of their savings to get it, but she couldn’t have argued with him because all he ever wanted to do was love her.

  He'd been her best friend. Her lover. Her everything.

  Tears fell to her cheeks and she swiped them away.

  Staring at the blurred words on the form, the first question asked for her name. Well, giving her real name would be counterproductive. She typed in her pen name, Kris Fox. In fact, most days she felt more like Kris than Krista. The next few questions were easy, Address and Gender. Then came a hard one, “What do you consider your most heartbreaking experience?” Really? She didn’t have to answer honestly. After all, would they know? She came up with a clever answer, but in the end, she found herself typing the truth. Having my heartbroken by a womanizer. She was honest to a fault.

  After finishing the questionnaire, she hovered her mouse over the ‘submit’ button. Did she have any other choice but to hunt him down?

  Click.

  Now there was no backing out. She had put down a deposit. Besides, she could use a vacation anyway.

  Her phone rang.

  “Hello?”

  “My darling, I just finished Wicked Pretenses and I think this is your best yet,” her agent’s shrill voice vibrated the line.

  “I was hoping you’d say that.” Krista smiled, digging into her now melted ice cream.

  “The publishing house is going to eat this up. Can we expect the last book in the series on time?”

  “I plan to have it on your desk in six months.”

  “That’s early. Is that definitive?” Stella asked.

  “I’m going on vacation and I will have it to you before I leave.” Krista jotted down the date in her planner, then set herself a reminder on her computer.

  “Oh, finally going on that Alaskan cruise you’ve been talking about for a few years?”

  Krista debated on how much she should divulge. Although she and Stella were friends, even the other woman didn’t know about Dodge. “Not this time. I’m going to Nirvana Ranch, a retreat in Wyoming.”

  “I didn’t know you had an interest in horses and cowboys?”

  Biting her bottom lip, Krista tapped her short fingernail against the top of her desk. “Let’s just say that I have one cowboy in particular in mind.”

  “Well, just be sure I get that book, you hear? I wouldn’t want you to get lost in a cowboy’s arms in Wyoming and forget all about responsibility.”

  “Of course, Stella. When have I ever let you down?”

  “Never. That’s why I love you, darling.”

  After hanging up, Krista pulled up the blank word document and typed in “Wicked Dreams”. No words came. The blinking cursor reminded her of a ticking time bomb.

  Blowing out a long breath, she instead reserved a plane ticket to Wyoming and felt excitement, which was quite odd. She was going to Nirvana to ask for a divorce, and yet all she could think of was finding out if her husband was as wild and incredible as a cowboy as he was a football player.