Always On My Mind: A Bad Boy Rancher Love Story (The Dawson Brothers Book 1)

by Ali Parker

  "I guess you could say that. Too bad you can't choose your team."

  She laughed and worked on the drinks as Marc tried to undress her in his mind. She was athletic and yet had subtle curves. Small boobs and a tiny waist. Loads of blond hair to wrap around his fingers, but... He shuddered at the thought and turned to face the guys.

  That was it. He was ruined. Couldn't even undress a good looking girl and imagine her bending over for him. He shuddered again.

  "Fuck," he muttered at the thoughts running through his mind. The large door to the pub opened again and a gaggle of girls piled in, their voices high and increasingly annoying. He turned back and picked up two of the pitchers. "Put it on my tab?"

  "Marc Martin, right?"

  "The one and only."

  She scoffed and he laughed, turning to walk back to the table. His basketball scholarship at NYU was the only reason he was still there. The big city life offered a lot, but he was growing weary of it more and more. He looked at Drayer as he approached and motioned toward the bar.

  "The hot blond has your beer. Go get her."

  "The blond or the beer?" his friend asked as he stood.

  "Both?" Marc chuckled and set the beers down before taking his seat. Some of the guys in the fraternity were on the team, but most of them were focused on academics. He had no choice but to remain focused, but it was getting harder and harder. He had decided to forgo med school, but the bachelors and masters in biology were still on the table. Teaching would be a good first career.

  "Marc Martin... NYC's most eligible bachelor." The pretty brunette nibbled at her lip after speaking to him, her arm wrapped around another girl’s waist. They both stared as if waiting for greatness. It wasn't happening - at least not today.

  "Ladies..." he mumbled and turned to pour a few glasses of beer as the girls intermingled with his friends. There was the hope that the girls would get lost, but the chances were slim. Marc had a reputation for more than a few things he'd like to forget - fucking more than one girl at a time was at the top of the list. Something about it sat heavy on him now.

  "We were hoping to steal some of your time later tonight?" the other one spoke and Marc turned, offering the girls each a cup of beer. He stood to his full height, dwarfing the small things as he looked down at them.

  "Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?"

  The first girl looked around as if trying to ensure no one was paying attention to their conversation. Marc knew most of the guys might be pretending not to, but no fucking way they weren't hoping to catch a glimpse of something nefarious.

  "Well, um... we just wanted to..." She stopped and looked at her friend. "You tell him, Lyndsay."

  "We wanted to fuck you together." She shrugged and smiled, the words not seeming to fit well with the lovely barely-out-of-high-school girl.

  "Have you ever shared a man with another woman?" Marc leaned over a little, resting his hand on the back of his chair. No way would he share a woman with another man. Girls were forever a mystery.

  "No, but Marie here is a sophomore and from my hometown. She's been telling me about you for the last year or so. We thought as a fun welcome gift for me finally graduating high school and coming to NYU we could... you know..."

  "Share my dick for the night?" Marc asked, his voice calm and full of confidence. It was hot... no doubt. Drayer's voice caused Marc to turn a little in order to recognize his friend.

  "Yeah, Marc's in a bit of a relationship now. My dick’s as big as his. How about we share mine instead? Hmmm, ladies?"

  Marc laughed deep in his chest, unable to help himself. He picked up another cup of beer and slipped past the girls as Drayer moved up to try and convince them of his greatness. Fucking Lisa.

  He pushed the door to the pub open and walked out, the pretty bartender standing over to the side as she lit up a smoke. Marc moved toward her as he took a long sip of his beer, his hormones on vacation to Maine, apparently.

  "Long day?" he asked and leaned against the wall, turning to face the busyness of the street in front of them. It was but six in the evening, but rush-hour traffic was in full effect.

  "Always. If you're here hoping to add another girl to your ménage, don't bother. I'm not interested."

  "I'm not. No worries." He turned and winked at her before crossing his arms over his chest. "Just needed some air."

  "When does the season start back up for you guys?"

  "We're doing some camps for the high school this summer and I'm headed to a training in New Hampshire for some drill work with a coach up there, but the season isn't until later this fall. We'll start team training in September most likely."

  "I played in high school, but just can't seem to balance my grades and playing anymore." She shrugged and flicked the cigarette out into the road. "Don't stay out here all night."

  "Might be safer." He chuckled and shrugged as the girl moved in front of him. He let his eyes move across her, the feeling of nothingness scaring the shit out of him.

  "You know that people change right?" The girl stopped and glanced at him over her shoulder.

  "Yeah, but what if you don't want to change?"

  "Sometimes you have no choice."

  Marc nodded and let her go, the pretty blond hitting the nail perfectly on the head. He could let himself continue to fall deeper and deeper in love with the saucy red-head of his wettest dreams or he could force himself to forget her.

  Anger pulsed in his stomach at the realization that he had been swept under the rising tide of love, his desire for Lisa so much more than casual lust. It burned deep in his chest and spread out to his stomach while rising into his throat. He reached down and adjusted himself, the mere thought of her causing his body to harden painfully.

  "Marie and Lyndsay want a threesome. I should just do it... get my mind off this shit. Lisa wants nothing to do with me and I need to man up and get over it." He tugged at his erection, knowing how obvious it was and not giving two shits as he walked back into the bar and stopped behind one of the girls, pulling her back a little as she gasped at his contact.

  "I'm down. Let's get out of here and start the welcoming party."

  Chapter 11

  Marc sat in his truck on the side of his mom's small house, the world not making much sense all of a sudden. He didn't want to go back to campus, too many people to answer to. Staying at his mom's was the only other choice. He hadn't left the bar more than five minutes before he realized he couldn't sleep with the girls. No way. The image of Lisa sitting on his lap, his hands all over her, the smell of her... the fucking smell was so good, it drove him mad.

  He growled loudly and hit his hands on the steering wheel. He had to text Drayer to get him with some emergency bullshit to get him out of the situation. It was a code blueberry. The word was fucking stupid and it caused his lip to lift even as anger rolled over him in waves. Since junior high if one of them needed pulling out of a sinking ship of any kind all they had to do was give the 'code blueberry' to the other and the shit was on.

  He hadn't wanted to do it, and Drayer would give him loads of crap over it, but Marc had no choice. He wasn't going to fuck two random chicks just for release. He didn't need a release. He wanted it to hurt, to burn, to drive him toward her. Until desire for her blistered his insides he wasn't moving another step. She had been the one to construct boundaries and shut him down. He was more than aware that her feelings were a mirror of his own.

  A tap at his window had him jumping, a soft yelp leaving him. He huffed at the girly sound and rolled down the window. His mother was standing in her robe with her hands on her hips, concern on her pretty face.

  "Are you going to sit out here all night or are you coming in?"

  He glanced at the clock and turned the truck off. Almost eleven. Where had the night gone? How long had he been sitting out there? He had dropped the girls off after faking the emergency and driven to the city, parking in a lot and just watching people live for a little while.

  More like a
long while.

  "I'm coming in." He left the window down and got out of the truck, moving to put an arm around his mother. "What in the world are you doing up so late? Don't you have to work tomorrow?"

  "Yes, but Kari texted me earlier worried sick about you, so now I am too. I didn't want to bother you, so I checked in with Dray and he said you shot him a code blueberry."

  "Oh man... he told you that shit?" Marc sighed loudly and moved to open the door as his mother popped his butt.

  "Watch your mouth, mister."

  "Sorry, mom." He walked in behind her and turned to lock up the front door. She had prepared two cups of something steaming, the table set up like she was expecting him any minute. He moved to one of the seats and slumped down in it, reaching for the cup as his mother stopped him.

  "That's my tea. I made you hot chocolate." She switched the cups and he couldn't help but smile at her.

  "Thanks mom."

  "Of course. Tell me what's wrong."

  "Uh, no."

  His mother chuckled softly and sat down, tucking her robe around her and tightening the belt. She was such a good woman. Why had his dad been such a dick? She didn't deserve someone sleeping around on her, and why wasn't she with a new guy? She was pretty enough for sure and had the heart of a saint.

  "Yes. I know it's about Lisa. Just spill. You need someone to talk to and believe me you, I'm used to you and your wicked ways. Just drink your drink and tell me what's going on."

  She was used to his shit for sure. How many times had she caught him boning some poor girl in his bedroom down the hall in high school? Hell, he was lucky when it was just one girl and not several. He blushed at the thought. His mother swatted at him again and he let out a pinched laugh.

  "Shit. Fine. It's Lisa."

  "I know its Lisa. Tell me what's going on with her. Have you spoken since she left on Sunday?"

  "No. It's killing me."

  "Call her you big oaf."

  "Mom, calling me fat is not going to help my mood." Marc smiled as his mother's face softened a little.

  "Baby, I'm serious. You are both wickedly horrid. You're meant to be. Kari and I have decided."

  "Fat and wicked. Why is it that those two things just don't seem to mesh?" Marc slid his fingers together as if trying to work out a complex puzzle.

  "Okay. Let's try this a different way. Boys are so damn complicated."

  "Fat, wicked and complicated. Is this supposed to be making me feel better?"

  "Why haven't you called her?" His mother picked up her cup, seeming to ignore his silly bantering.

  Humor was the weapon of choice for him - it always was. Anything that made him uncomfortable or feel out of place and he would reach for humor every time. He leaned over to blow at the top of his drink, the steam lifting the smell of chocolate into the air. He breathed in deeply, knowing that his mother was going to keep after him until he completely spilled.

  "She doesn't want me to."

  "I know that, but you need to."

  "How do you know that?" Marc sat back, this new information something that was of great interest to him.

  "I'm the one that held her while she cried for an hour after you left." His mother shrugged as if it were no big deal.

  "I thought you didn't like Lisa."

  "I do now. She loves you, so I like her."

  "She doesn't love me." Marc held up his hand as his mother started to protest. The love conversation was not happening. Too much inside of him needed it and it hurt like hell to think that the first girl he actually fell in love with doesn't feel the same. "I'm not going there, Mom."

  "Fine. Then just consider the fact that you pushed too hard and she left because she is scared."

  "Of me? I didn't do anything to her. I would never hurt her."

  "Why not?"

  "Because I'm a good guy, Mom. That's why."

  His mother huffed and rolled her eyes. She was pushing, but he wasn't falling for her breadcrumbs. He knew he was falling in love with Lisa. To admit it out loud would make it real and that would crush him. When the fuck did he turn into a needy love-sick fool?

  "I agree that you're a great guy, Marc. Your sex drive needs to be dampened tremendously, but this isn't about you. It's about the pretty girl that you care for."

  "What did Kari say, mom?" He sat back, hoping to go about this a different way.

  "Glad you asked. She said for you to call her."

  "It's eleven o'clock. I'm not calling this late."

  "She doesn't care what time it is. Call your sister while I go flip the clothes. I'll be back and we're finishing this."

  "Yeah, finishing this delicious hot chocolate." He laughed as his mom smacked the back of his head lightly. He didn't want to talk to Kari. His older sister made too much sense, had her shit in one sock and forced him to face reality instead of living in his fantasies. That didn't sound like a joyride at present.

  He picked up his phone as his mother called out to him to call Kari again.

  "Fine. I'm calling." He dialed his sister's number, Kari picking up a few rings later.

  "I thought you might not call." Her voice was soft like he had woken her.

  "I can talk to you tomorrow, sis. I'm sorry I woke you."

  "No. It's good. I told momma to tell you to call. I just wasn't sure if you would."

  "Well, she's got a GUN to my head." Marc yelled parts of his response, his mother grumbling from the other room as he laughed.

  "How are you?"

  "I'm great. Fucked two girls at once tonight, both pretty and totally into me."

  "Liar."

  "Yeah, well that was the plan." He felt his mood souring. It never took more than a few minutes with his sister for the real him to come bouncing out. She was his closest companion, his very best friend. They had been through too much shit not to give her every bit of who he was, painful or not.

  "And?"

  "And I didn't have a condom." He smiled at the sound of his mom's gasp. He covered the mouthpiece and turned, yelling down the hall. "Mom. If you would stop listening you wouldn't have to hear this shit."

  Kari laughed into the phone and Marc smiled, wishing he were there with her. Life was better when she was around. Things hadn't been the same since she moved to Maine with Sicily and Lisa.

  Lisa. He groaned and slumped in his chair, his heart contracting painfully.

  "You're a mess, aren't you?" Kari asked.

  "A big sloppy one. I was supposed to take those girls back to my place and I couldn't. For the first time in my long whorish existence, I couldn't do it. All I can think about is your fucking friend. She's driving me nuts and ruining my record of girls tapped."

  "I don't want to hear about that..."

  "Lisa or the hot ass that I al..." His mother yelled from down the hall and he laughed again. This wasn't half as bad as he thought it would be.

  "Leave mom alone for fuck’s sake," Kari barked into the phone. "Lisa is miserable. I told you this shit was going to happen. She stayed in bed all day today, Marc. She's been crying so much that Sicily and I are seriously thinking about getting her drunk so she can sleep."

  Marc leaned over, slipping his head into his hand and putting pressure on his temple. He didn't need this shit. He was suffering on his own. To know that she was hurting too didn't help, it made it all worse. A lot worse.

  "Maybe it's not over me. Her mom was a royal bitch while she was here. Maybe she's upset about that."

  "Maybe, but I highly doubt it."

  "What do you want me to do, Kari? I tried to talk to her about love and not just lust. I tried to open myself up to her and she shut me down. She's not interested in anything other than my cock."

  "Marc Martin!"

  Marc turned and shrugged toward his mother, sighing loudly. "Mom... I need to get this shit off my chest, right?"

  "Yes, just watch your mouth for Christ sakes."

  Marc stood and walked to the door as his sister chuckled in his ear. "I'm going outside, mom
ma. Stop cursing at the baby Jesus. You'll get us all sentenced to hell."

  He slipped out as something hit the door, a soft laugh leaving him. "I miss you, Kari."

  "I miss you too, bro." She paused and he let the silence fall between them, his heart hurting in his chest, his knees feeling weak over how badly he wanted to rescue Lisa from her pain.

  "I can't help with this, sis. She has to want to love me back. I can only put myself out there as the guy who wants to be her man for a really, really long time."

  "I know. She's been through a lot of relationships, Marc. She's never been one to settle down."

  "I understand. I'm the exact same way, but the way I feel when I think about her..." He reached out and touched the side of the house, needing something to offer him stability. "She consumes my fucking thoughts and makes me hurt with need for her."

  "Ehhhh, that's good enough. Thanks."

  "I'm serious. I'm losing my fucking mind over here."

  "Then come here and tell her, Marc."

  "I can't. I have mid-terms next week and who has the money for a flight?"

  "I do. Book the flight and get here."

  "No. I just tried this shit yesterday with her, Kari. She's not interested in love."

  "Are you?"

  "No. I don't want the burden of this. I just want to be left alone. I want my life to go back to normal. I'm going to beat Frank's ass for messing up my world. It was perfect before Lisa. Seeing her beautiful face in your apartment that first day. I knew I was lost." He sighed and turned, pressing his back to the house and looking up into the night sky. He wanted to run fast and far from the overwhelming sensation that nothing would ever be the same thanks to this girl, or woman, really.

  "Do you love her?"

  "Don't do that to me."

  "I'm your older sister and I love you more than anyone else. Answer me. Do you love her?"

  Marc bent over as the air suddenly seemed so hard to breathe. His lungs constricted as dizziness washed over him. He was getting too worked up from all this emotional shit. He hadn't had a reaction like this since he caught his father cheating on his mother.

  "Marc... tell me."